Outside friends and family

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jemulla1
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Outside friends and family

Postby jemulla1 » Tue Sep 28, 2010 9:44 pm

I have a friend requesting for me to be in her wedding next year in the middle of October. It will be my 2L year and I already told her I would be unable to be in the wedding. It would involve a substantial commitment of money and time. She does not understand why I cannot be away from school and has tried to offer alternatives which I find unreasonable. What advice does anyone have for a firmer response? If I could be in it, I would but I just do not want to take time away from school if it is not an emergency. Does anyone know of any good articles or information for friends and family to read about the law school experience that I can pass along to clarify my point?

Thank you

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kalvano
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Re: Outside friends and family

Postby kalvano » Tue Sep 28, 2010 9:57 pm

How close a friend?

jemulla1
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Re: Outside friends and family

Postby jemulla1 » Tue Sep 28, 2010 10:06 pm

Originally I was supposed to be the only person standing up on her side. She does not have many close female friends. Another friend and myself set the couple up to date so I have a substantial connection to the relationship. We are not as close as we used to be but that has been a product of distance and other factors. I was in a wedding a year ago and the planning/time commitment was unbearable and I was only working at the time.

She has since added 3 other people mostly because he wanted more than one person. I do not have the energy or focus to throw a bachelorette party, bridal shower or corral 3 other bridesmaids into participating in these activities. I don't want to lose the friendship but she is in wedding bliss mode which means rational thinking has been tossed in the trunk.

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kalvano
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Re: Outside friends and family

Postby kalvano » Tue Sep 28, 2010 10:08 pm

Then tell her that. You don't want to lose her friendship, and you'd be more than happy to attend then wedding (just do it), but anything else - parties, bridal showers, extra responsibilities, will have to be handled by someone else.

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IAFG
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Re: Outside friends and family

Postby IAFG » Tue Sep 28, 2010 10:10 pm

2L isn't that important so you probably can't prove it is

being a bridesmaid sucks donkey balls though, good luck squirming out of it

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dresden doll
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Re: Outside friends and family

Postby dresden doll » Tue Sep 28, 2010 11:05 pm

IAFG wrote:2L isn't that important so you probably can't prove it is

being a bridesmaid sucks donkey balls though, good luck squirming out of it


If this person's getting married in October of OP's 2L year, OP is likely to have to deal with lots of bridal shit months in advance. This means she'll be on the hook for at least part of her 1L year.

I hate how brides sometimes think they have monopoly on everyone's goodwill. The sheer fact they're getting married doesn't mean the world belongs to them for the occasion. Good God.

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IAFG
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Re: Outside friends and family

Postby IAFG » Tue Sep 28, 2010 11:05 pm

betasteve wrote:
IAFG wrote:2L isn't that important so you probably can't prove it is

being a bridesmaid sucks donkey balls though, good luck squirming out of it

2L is pretty important if you want to clerk. hth.

*prays enrollment stays under 30 for all her 2L classes*

09042014
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Re: Outside friends and family

Postby 09042014 » Tue Sep 28, 2010 11:10 pm

How much times does it take to be a brides maid? I was a best man and it was minimal.

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IAFG
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Re: Outside friends and family

Postby IAFG » Tue Sep 28, 2010 11:11 pm

betasteve wrote:You need to pray for your 1L grades first.

Matthew 6:7-8 wrote:And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

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dresden doll
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Re: Outside friends and family

Postby dresden doll » Tue Sep 28, 2010 11:11 pm

Lack of curve needn't be a blessing. While the curve forces half the class below median, it also forces half the class above it. Absent curve, harsh professors can dole out low grades just as they please (and some, like my Prop professor, do just that).

09042014
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Re: Outside friends and family

Postby 09042014 » Tue Sep 28, 2010 11:15 pm

dresden doll wrote:Lack of curve needn't be a blessing. While the curve forces half the class below median, it also forces half the class above it. Absent curve, harsh professors can dole out low grades just as they please (and some, like my Prop professor, do just that).


U lack rigor?

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dresden doll
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Re: Outside friends and family

Postby dresden doll » Tue Sep 28, 2010 11:16 pm

Desert Fox wrote:
dresden doll wrote:Lack of curve needn't be a blessing. While the curve forces half the class below median, it also forces half the class above it. Absent curve, harsh professors can dole out low grades just as they please (and some, like my Prop professor, do just that).


U lack rigor?


Not me. My 2L classes were damn popular enrollment wise.

jemulla1
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Re: Outside friends and family

Postby jemulla1 » Wed Sep 29, 2010 7:59 am

Being a bridesmaid isn't as bad as maid of honor which this will be my fourth trip down that not so fun road. The best man has it EASY!! All you have to plan is a bachelor party and the other groomsmen are more than willing to get hammered and pitch in money to have a blast. As moh you have to plan a bridal shower, bachelorette party and go through everything else the bride goes through (other showers, dress fittings, anything the groom doesn't want to do...) PLUS you have to deal with bitchy bridesmaids who don't want to do anything because they have kids or no money (regardless of how cheap you try to make things) or just no appetite to party. Being the only single person in the wedding party sucks... Guess I'm still bitter from the last wedding!

Ok I have decided not to go or participate. I would have to fly halfway across the country and it is just not going to work. Now my question is what would you say to soften the blow but stand your ground?

Baylan
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Re: Outside friends and family

Postby Baylan » Wed Sep 29, 2010 8:28 pm

jemulla1 wrote:Being a bridesmaid isn't as bad as maid of honor which this will be my fourth trip down that not so fun road. The best man has it EASY!! All you have to plan is a bachelor party and the other groomsmen are more than willing to get hammered and pitch in money to have a blast. As moh you have to plan a bridal shower, bachelorette party and go through everything else the bride goes through (other showers, dress fittings, anything the groom doesn't want to do...) PLUS you have to deal with bitchy bridesmaids who don't want to do anything because they have kids or no money (regardless of how cheap you try to make things) or just no appetite to party. Being the only single person in the wedding party sucks... Guess I'm still bitter from the last wedding!

Ok I have decided not to go or participate. I would have to fly halfway across the country and it is just not going to work. Now my question is what would you say to soften the blow but stand your ground?


I'm sorry to be critical, and I can understand not wanting to be the maid of honor given the significant time that you would have to spend prior to the actual wedding, but not going to one the wedding of one of your good friends (I mean, the girl is asking you to be the Maid of Honor!!!) is pretty crappy. It is one weekend. Go to the wedding. Find the money somewhere, split a hotel room, do something. There ARE things more important than school, particularly once you're past 1L.

I'm still battling whether or not to go on a roadtrip in a few weeks (during my 1L year) to see one of my good friends and see my alma mater play at another school. I'm having difficulty justifying the cost, or the time, but I may still end up going.

This is a wedding. It IS a big deal. Just get over it, suck it up, be honored, and go - without being an active participant in all the other festivities.

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KMaine
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Re: Outside friends and family

Postby KMaine » Wed Sep 29, 2010 8:38 pm

Baylan wrote:
jemulla1 wrote:I'm sorry to be critical, and I can understand not wanting to be the maid of honor given the significant time that you would have to spend prior to the actual wedding, but not going to one the wedding of one of your good friends (I mean, the girl is asking you to be the Maid of Honor!!!) is pretty crappy. It is one weekend. Go to the wedding. Find the money somewhere, split a hotel room, do something. There ARE things more important than school, particularly once you're past 1L.

This is a wedding. It IS a big deal. Just get over it, suck it up, be honored, and go - without being an active participant in all the other festivities.


You should at the VERY LEAST go to the wedding. If you can't juggle this and 2L you are going to make a pretty bad lawyer. Law school is ABSOLUTELY NOT the most important thing in life. I am amazed at the self-centerdness of LS students sometimes. You ARE NOT special, and other people's lives are just as busy if not more busy than yours.

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IAFG
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Re: Outside friends and family

Postby IAFG » Wed Sep 29, 2010 9:09 pm

KMaine wrote:Law school is ABSOLUTELY NOT the most important thing in life.

wait... actually it sorta is. a lot turns on these grades.

also, what is it about wedding etiquette that makes people so crazy?

jemulla1
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Re: Outside friends and family

Postby jemulla1 » Wed Sep 29, 2010 9:15 pm

why does her important life event outweigh mine? I view this as stress management rather than being able to juggle things.

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kalvano
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Re: Outside friends and family

Postby kalvano » Wed Sep 29, 2010 11:34 pm

Why does your life events outweigh hers?

It's her fucking wedding...go, or you'll regret it, and so will she.

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OrdinarilySkilled
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Re: Outside friends and family

Postby OrdinarilySkilled » Wed Sep 29, 2010 11:39 pm

Just tell her to f off. Youll have much better (richer) friends in a few years. Just tell her that. Its not like being somebodys friend entails any responsibility or anything.

Baylan
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Re: Outside friends and family

Postby Baylan » Wed Sep 29, 2010 11:47 pm

jemulla1 wrote:why does her important life event outweigh mine? I view this as stress management rather than being able to juggle things.


No one said be the brides maid or maid of honor. As a dude, I don't understand, but can see how it might entail a much larger commitment.

Everyone is saying, if this is a friend of yours, you should go to the bleeping wedding. If the friend cared enough to ask you to be the stinking MAID OF HONOR then you can man (or woman, in your case) up and find the money and the time to take ONE WEEKEND out of your "ungodly stressful law skewlz life" to be there.

Hell, you might even have some fun while you're at it.

I'm sorry, yes, grades are important, but if one weekend is going to kill your ability to be successful in your classes, you need to reevaluate things in your life, because they aren't THAT important.

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worldtraveler
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Re: Outside friends and family

Postby worldtraveler » Thu Sep 30, 2010 2:36 pm

One of my good friends got married the fall of her 2L year. If she can plan her wedding then, you can surely suck it up and just go to the wedding. If you can't manage that, get better at time management. People take a weekend off all the time, and missing 2 days of studying is not going to kill you.

I actually think your friend is being pretty reasonable. She's not being a bridezilla about flowers or stupid stuff, she's caring about the PEOPLE she wants at her wedding. Be happy someone actually wants you around them.

saucie
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Re: Outside friends and family

Postby saucie » Thu Sep 30, 2010 2:52 pm

I hate to be another person ragging on you to go, but really, you should at least attend. Or, at the very least, don't burn this bridge so far in advance. You might very well find that your 2L year is not as demanding as you thought it would be, that you do have time and want to attend the wedding, but because of things you said over a year ago (as in, now), you aren't welcome to attend and you've lost a friend.

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MrKappus
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Re: Outside friends and family

Postby MrKappus » Thu Sep 30, 2010 2:58 pm

jemulla1 wrote:Ok I have decided not to go or participate. I would have to fly halfway across the country and it is just not going to work. Now my question is what would you say to soften the blow but stand your ground?


I'd say you're a selfish douche, and that one weekend will have no effect on your grades (which odds are won't be that great anyway). God some people on TLS are awful.

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mr_toad
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Re: Outside friends and family

Postby mr_toad » Thu Sep 30, 2010 2:59 pm

I vote compromise as well for the sake of the friendship. Figure out exactly what you think you can handle (which is surely more than you think you can during your busiest moments) and lay that on the table. Put it on them whether they find it acceptable or not. I did this two years ago when asked to be best man, said I could only do it if I didn't have any organizing responsibilities (couldn't handle them financially or time-wise due to life situation at the time). Groom was just happy I could be in it and had his brother take care of the rest, which worked out very well. So is your presence more important to her than the organization you would be doing? If so, that's the kind of friend you want to keep.

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reasonable_man
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Re: Outside friends and family

Postby reasonable_man » Thu Sep 30, 2010 3:16 pm

kalvano wrote:Why does your life events outweigh hers?

It's her fucking wedding...go, or you'll regret it, and so will she.



I kinda think op is a dick. This is why people hate lawyers. Are you really such a dick head that you would completely not attend, because you don't want to disturb your 2L study schedule; after she asked you to be the maid of honor?

You're just a bad person... like right down to your core. Yea.. I said that... And I'm the fucking reasonable man... Imagine what a subjective person might think/say.




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