Babies.

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dominkay
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Babies.

Postby dominkay » Wed Jun 16, 2010 5:17 pm

When are lady lawyers supposed to have babies? The advice I've gotten from the legal eagles I know is: not before law school (too early), not during law school (too hard), and not for the first few years after law school (would preclude making partner). That accounts for most of my childbearing years.

So, give it to me straight, TLS: are successful legal careers and motherhood mutually exclusive?

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IAFG
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Re: Babies.

Postby IAFG » Wed Jun 16, 2010 5:18 pm

yup, we're fucked

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SilverE2
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Re: Babies.

Postby SilverE2 » Wed Jun 16, 2010 5:20 pm

Just embrace your career. People with children are unhappier anyway.

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danidancer
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Re: Babies.

Postby danidancer » Wed Jun 16, 2010 5:21 pm

Pretty much. Esp. if you've taken time off before law school. Case in point, I'll be graduating at 29...

kevin261186
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Re: Babies.

Postby kevin261186 » Wed Jun 16, 2010 5:22 pm

the partner i work under had her one and only child and was in trial 3 weeks afterwards. Needless to say she got divorced, and she has been trying to buy the child's love to compensate for her absence ever since.

acrossthelake
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Re: Babies.

Postby acrossthelake » Wed Jun 16, 2010 5:23 pm

dominkay wrote:When are lady lawyers supposed to have babies? The advice I've gotten from the legal eagles I know is: not before law school (too early), not during law school (too hard), and not for the first few years after law school (would preclude making partner). That accounts for most of my childbearing years.

So, give it to me straight, TLS: are successful legal careers and motherhood mutually exclusive?


It looks like it's going to be tough to have a successful career and children. :(

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IAFG
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Re: Babies.

Postby IAFG » Wed Jun 16, 2010 5:24 pm

acrossthelake wrote:It looks like it's going to be tough to have a successful career and children. :(

pretty sure it's actually a myth.

acrossthelake
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Re: Babies.

Postby acrossthelake » Wed Jun 16, 2010 5:26 pm

IAFG wrote:
acrossthelake wrote:It looks like it's going to be tough to have a successful career and children. :(

pretty sure it's actually a myth.


The possibility of both? Yeah. Eh I figure I got 6 years between graduating law school and turning 30. Kids can wait till early 30s...

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IAFG
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Re: Babies.

Postby IAFG » Wed Jun 16, 2010 5:27 pm

acrossthelake wrote:
IAFG wrote:
acrossthelake wrote:It looks like it's going to be tough to have a successful career and children. :(

pretty sure it's actually a myth.

The possibility of both? Yeah. Eh I figure I got 6 years between graduating law school and turning 30. Kids can wait till early 30s...

i am hoping to stumble into a family-friendly lateral option after i pay my dues/off my debt. if not, i'll be a great aunt.

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sophistry
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Re: Babies.

Postby sophistry » Wed Jun 16, 2010 5:27 pm

dominkay wrote:When are lady lawyers supposed to have babies? The advice I've gotten from the legal eagles I know is: not before law school (too early), not during law school (too hard), and not for the first few years after law school (would preclude making partner). That accounts for most of my childbearing years.

So, give it to me straight, TLS: are successful legal careers and motherhood mutually exclusive?


Every female partner at the firm I currently work at had babies only after becoming partner. Funny enough, the majority of them got pregnant immediately after becoming partner. I'm guessing they would agree with the sentiments above.

Adopt?

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chicagolaw2013
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Re: Babies.

Postby chicagolaw2013 » Wed Jun 16, 2010 5:33 pm

I'm hoping after I get my feet wet (for, let's say, 3 or 4 years), I will aim for #1.

Hoping to have at least 2, if not 3 or 4, kids, so with graduating at 28, 3-4 years puts me at 31-32. That gives me 8ish years to 40, when I better close up the baby shop.

Long story short: The man and I better start humping like rabbits on a damn timeline HAHA.

EDIT: I just realized how absolutely insane having 3-4 kids sounds now...my life for the next 15 or so years is going to be quite interesting.

Jadcia
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Re: Babies.

Postby Jadcia » Wed Jun 16, 2010 5:37 pm

The best time to have a baby is during law school, NOT during 1L. Being pregnant during 1L is fine as long as you're not doing the first trimester in the first semester of 1L. You have the most schedule flexibility and spare time. It also only really works if you have a support system and people who will be able to help you out or a great daycare to watch your child a few hours every day. There are many girls who have done this in my school, one in the first few months of 1L. I don't know how she did it, but she did.

katjust
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Re: Babies.

Postby katjust » Wed Jun 16, 2010 5:40 pm

The best time to have babies is when you can take care of them and be there for them. Take this from someone who has kids and is in law school.


Wait until you can work only part time or not at all, or until you have a husband/wife who can do that.

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dominkay
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Re: Babies.

Postby dominkay » Wed Jun 16, 2010 5:43 pm

katjust wrote:The best time to have babies is when you can take care of them and be there for them. Take this from someone who has kids and is in law school.


Wait until you can work only part time or not at all, or until you have a husband/wife who can do that.


You're a man. It's not really the same thing.

xyzzzzzzzz
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Re: Babies.

Postby xyzzzzzzzz » Wed Jun 16, 2010 5:43 pm

just realized this is like the one time I'm lucky to be gay. My partner is going to carry our kids.

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dominkay
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Re: Babies.

Postby dominkay » Wed Jun 16, 2010 5:44 pm

sophistry wrote:
dominkay wrote:When are lady lawyers supposed to have babies? The advice I've gotten from the legal eagles I know is: not before law school (too early), not during law school (too hard), and not for the first few years after law school (would preclude making partner). That accounts for most of my childbearing years.

So, give it to me straight, TLS: are successful legal careers and motherhood mutually exclusive?


Every female partner at the firm I currently work at had babies only after becoming partner. Funny enough, the majority of them got pregnant immediately after becoming partner. I'm guessing they would agree with the sentiments above.

Adopt?


How old were they when they made partner? Do they have just the one kid?

dudders
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Re: Babies.

Postby dudders » Wed Jun 16, 2010 5:49 pm

I'll be 28 when I graduate law school. I'm 25 now and know I want a couple kids down the line. I'm certainly not ready today, but it sometimes creeps me out/panics me a little to think that I'll probably be pushing 35 by the time i COULD have kids. ... I optimistically hope for the work my ass off for a few years/pay off debt, then start a family life-plan, but it is weird to be already worried that I'll end up being one of those people at retirement age whose kids are still in college.

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dominkay
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Re: Babies.

Postby dominkay » Wed Jun 16, 2010 5:55 pm

chicagolaw2013 wrote:I'm hoping after I get my feet wet (for, let's say, 3 or 4 years), I will aim for #1.

Hoping to have at least 2, if not 3 or 4, kids, so with graduating at 28, 3-4 years puts me at 31-32. That gives me 8ish years to 40, when I better close up the baby shop.

Long story short: The man and I better start humping like rabbits on a damn timeline HAHA.

EDIT: I just realized how absolutely insane having 3-4 kids sounds now...my life for the next 15 or so years is going to be quite interesting.


My understanding is that female fertility begins to decline in your late 20's, and plummets at 32. Good luck?

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dominkay
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Re: Babies.

Postby dominkay » Wed Jun 16, 2010 5:57 pm

dudders wrote:I'll be 28 when I graduate law school. I'm 25 now and know I want a couple kids down the line. I'm certainly not ready today, but it sometimes creeps me out/panics me a little to think that I'll probably be pushing 35 by the time i COULD have kids. ... I optimistically hope for the work my ass off for a few years/pay off debt, then start a family life-plan, but it is weird to be already worried that I'll end up being one of those people at retirement age whose kids are still in college.


I'm 21 and it panics me a little to think that I won't have kids by the time I'm 25. And, of course, I totally can't afford them now.

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IAFG
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Re: Babies.

Postby IAFG » Wed Jun 16, 2010 5:58 pm

this article on mommy tracking was linked in ATL today:

http://thecareerist.typepad.com/thecare ... lity-.html

i dunno. life's full of tough choices.

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yinz
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Re: Babies.

Postby yinz » Wed Jun 16, 2010 6:00 pm

Don't have children until you can pay someone to take care of them.

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smartblonde87
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Re: Babies.

Postby smartblonde87 » Wed Jun 16, 2010 6:02 pm

I have been wondering this same thing all year. My husband is worried to death. I'm thinking 2L summer would be a great time to have a baby :)

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dominkay
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Re: Babies.

Postby dominkay » Wed Jun 16, 2010 6:11 pm

smartblonde87 wrote:I have been wondering this same thing all year. My husband is worried to death. I'm thinking 2L summer would be a great time to have a baby :)


I guess. If you can't find a job...

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Rock Chalk
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Re: Babies.

Postby Rock Chalk » Wed Jun 16, 2010 6:18 pm

http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/story?sectio ... id=6155366

A new study from Washington & Lee University shows professional women are walking away from motherhood and marriage -- more than the general population.

She says, while four-fifths of senior male lawyers have children, only two-thirds of senior women do, and there is a similar break from marriage.

"There aren't careers where you can't have children. There are careers where women can't have children. So the question is, are we going to design careers so that only men can have them if they want a conventional family life? Or are we going to design careers so that either men or women can have them if they want a conventional family life?"


Not a myth at all.

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IAFG
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Re: Babies.

Postby IAFG » Wed Jun 16, 2010 6:20 pm

i don't think "we" design careers. markets do. markets demand there be elite-but-demanding jobs. if you want kids, you could certainly find a stay-at-home dad or a man with a less demanding job (schoolteacher anyone?) but successful women tend not to want that.




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