GF in law school?

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macattaq
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Re: GF in law school?

Postby macattaq » Wed Feb 24, 2010 12:08 am

JordynAsh wrote:
bees wrote:
tulip baroo wrote:two things

1. if you are worried that you will not be capable of maintaining a relationship while attending law school, you have more problems ahead

2. if you are considering ending your relationship because of law school, your relationship sucks


Inorite? Sounds like OP is looking for validation to break up with her.

On the interwebs. :(


Idk about these statements. I think that given OP is heading off into the great unknown that is law school, it is entirely reasonable, if not to be expected, that s/he would think about these things.

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TTTennis
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Re: GF in law school?

Postby TTTennis » Wed Feb 24, 2010 12:11 am

Did you really just ask us if you should keep your GF of THREE years because you are going to law school? I think you did. I think you are in the wrong relationship if you have to ask that question. Good luck.

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TTTennis
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Re: GF in law school?

Postby TTTennis » Wed Feb 24, 2010 12:13 am

tadams86 wrote:Thanks for the responses....

4. She will be moving with me, is this the best idea...who knows? She is a journalism major, good luck on her finding a job, thats what worries me. I dont need relationship drama + extra financial stress.


LOL, it's good to know you have so much faith in her and show so much support. haha

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PigNipple
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Re: GF in law school?

Postby PigNipple » Wed Feb 24, 2010 12:19 am

TTTennis wrote:Did you really just ask us if you should keep your GF of THREE years because you are going to law school? I think you did. I think you are in the wrong relationship if you have to ask that question. Good luck.


Agreed. So what do you do? "Well, you gotta march right up to this woman, right? You look her right in the eye, you lean forward, right? Just a little - almost all the way. then you let her, like, lean forward, just a little bit until you're just a lips' distance away from each other. And then you just tell her...how much you hate her."

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tadams86
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Re: GF in law school?

Postby tadams86 » Wed Feb 24, 2010 3:53 am

I guess maybe my wording in this situation was a bit off. I think I was looking more for what experiences can someone share that would be beneficial...not that I'm a jerk looking for an excuse to end my relationship.

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D. H2Oman
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Re: GF in law school?

Postby D. H2Oman » Wed Feb 24, 2010 3:57 am

Dude, people have their husband or wife go off to Iraq for 16 months and are able to mantain their relationship.

gregw8705
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Re: GF in law school?

Postby gregw8705 » Wed Feb 24, 2010 12:26 pm

My girlfriend of about 3 years (with break or two over the years) started freaking out two months before law school started because she thought I'd be busy all the time and wouldn't have time for her. She painted a scenario in her head of me studying 24 hours a day during the week, making school friends while she knew no one, and me partying like a student without her every weekend. Before this, we were planning to live together, and she was going to get a job or go to grad school for her MAT. Long story short, she didn't move in with me because of her fear of loneliness, but we left open the possibility of her moving in 2nd semester or 2L year if I wasn't occupied too much to meet her needs. How did this work out?

Me: Only slightly less free time than undergrad (she was actually the busy one back then). Since she wasn't around, I got involved in IM sports and go out quite a bit, and she used the fact that I occasionally left my apartment to justify her fears. Even doing those things, I still find plenty of time to lay around the house and watch TV or play PS3.

Her: Decided things weren't meant to be because I didn't wait around my apartment for her to move in and four hours was too far for a long-distance relationship with an unavailable law student. She's now dating some other dude in her home town whose time she can control.

On the one hand, sucks to lose what was once a great relationship. On the other, during finals or when writing assignments are due, I thank my lucky stars I don't have someone living with me who's making selfish demands to the detriment of my goals and aspirations.

Good luck, OP. If you stay together, law school will seriously test both of you and your commitment to the relationship.

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macattaq
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Re: GF in law school?

Postby macattaq » Wed Feb 24, 2010 12:38 pm

gregw8705 wrote:My girlfriend of about 3 years (with break or two over the years) started freaking out two months before law school started because she thought I'd be busy all the time and wouldn't have time for her. She painted a scenario in her head of me studying 24 hours a day during the week, making school friends while she knew no one, and me partying like a student without her every weekend. Before this, we were planning to live together, and she was going to get a job or go to grad school for her MAT. Long story short, she didn't move in with me because of her fear of loneliness, but we left open the possibility of her moving in 2nd semester or 2L year if I wasn't occupied too much to meet her needs. How did this work out?

Me: Only slightly less free time than undergrad (she was actually the busy one back then). Since she wasn't around, I got involved in IM sports and go out quite a bit, and she used the fact that I occasionally left my apartment to justify her fears. Even doing those things, I still find plenty of time to lay around the house and watch TV or play PS3.

Her: Decided things weren't meant to be because I didn't wait around my apartment for her to move in and four hours was too far for a long-distance relationship with an unavailable law student. She's now dating some other dude in her home town whose time she can control.

On the one hand, sucks to lose what was once a great relationship. On the other, during finals or when writing assignments are due, I thank my lucky stars I don't have someone living with me who's making selfish demands to the detriment of my goals and aspirations.

Good luck, OP. If you stay together, law school will seriously test both of you and your commitment to the relationship.


This sounds exactly like the woman I dumped after I moved.

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SwollenMonkey
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Re: GF in law school?

Postby SwollenMonkey » Wed Feb 24, 2010 1:15 pm

macattaq wrote:
gregw8705 wrote:My girlfriend of about 3 years (with break or two over the years) started freaking out two months before law school started because she thought I'd be busy all the time and wouldn't have time for her. She painted a scenario in her head of me studying 24 hours a day during the week, making school friends while she knew no one, and me partying like a student without her every weekend. Before this, we were planning to live together, and she was going to get a job or go to grad school for her MAT. Long story short, she didn't move in with me because of her fear of loneliness, but we left open the possibility of her moving in 2nd semester or 2L year if I wasn't occupied too much to meet her needs. How did this work out?

Me: Only slightly less free time than undergrad (she was actually the busy one back then). Since she wasn't around, I got involved in IM sports and go out quite a bit, and she used the fact that I occasionally left my apartment to justify her fears. Even doing those things, I still find plenty of time to lay around the house and watch TV or play PS3.

Her: Decided things weren't meant to be because I didn't wait around my apartment for her to move in and four hours was too far for a long-distance relationship with an unavailable law student. She's now dating some other dude in her home town whose time she can control.

On the one hand, sucks to lose what was once a great relationship. On the other, during finals or when writing assignments are due, I thank my lucky stars I don't have someone living with me who's making selfish demands to the detriment of my goals and aspirations.

Good luck, OP. If you stay together, law school will seriously test both of you and your commitment to the relationship.


This sounds exactly like the woman I dumped after I moved.

Same here. However, mine was going to nag me nonstop about marriage. As if law school pressure is not enough. I'm too young for marriage, so I dumped her. She is now dating online and has met a 40 yr old guy while she is 29. And I start law school in the fall.

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tadams86
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Re: GF in law school?

Postby tadams86 » Wed Feb 24, 2010 3:17 pm

gregw8705 wrote:My girlfriend of about 3 years (with break or two over the years) started freaking out two months before law school started because she thought I'd be busy all the time and wouldn't have time for her. She painted a scenario in her head of me studying 24 hours a day during the week, making school friends while she knew no one, and me partying like a student without her every weekend. Before this, we were planning to live together, and she was going to get a job or go to grad school for her MAT. Long story short, she didn't move in with me because of her fear of loneliness, but we left open the possibility of her moving in 2nd semester or 2L year if I wasn't occupied too much to meet her needs. How did this work out?

Me: Only slightly less free time than undergrad (she was actually the busy one back then). Since she wasn't around, I got involved in IM sports and go out quite a bit, and she used the fact that I occasionally left my apartment to justify her fears. Even doing those things, I still find plenty of time to lay around the house and watch TV or play PS3.

Her: Decided things weren't meant to be because I didn't wait around my apartment for her to move in and four hours was too far for a long-distance relationship with an unavailable law student. She's now dating some other dude in her home town whose time she can control.

On the one hand, sucks to lose what was once a great relationship. On the other, during finals or when writing assignments are due, I thank my lucky stars I don't have someone living with me who's making selfish demands to the detriment of my goals and aspirations.

Good luck, OP. If you stay together, law school will seriously test both of you and your commitment to the relationship.


Thanks for the story, really helpful.

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mikeytwoshoes
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Re: GF in law school?

Postby mikeytwoshoes » Wed Feb 24, 2010 8:02 pm

[slightly sarcastic response] Kick that bitch to the curb.

[real response] Depends on numerous factors but, in case of doubt see above.

ongsar
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Re: GF in law school?

Postby ongsar » Wed Feb 24, 2010 8:29 pm

Background: I am married, and moved to a new city with my husband while he attended med school (granted, not exactly the same as LS, but similar in study intensity, etc.). I knew I wanted to go to LS, but we decided that I would work a few years first and support him through the transition, and then he would have his routine down enough that he could support me through the transition to LS. I have a full-time job that I will maintain until I go to LS in the fall.

While I am not super needy or anything, I suppose you could call me "demanding" in the sense that I expect my husband to balance school and our marriage to the best of his abilities. I still want to spend time with him, and go out on dates on the weekends, and things like that. However, I am aware that his schedule is packed, and that he is doing this not only for himself, but for our future, so when school really bears down on him, I let him be, and try to help all I can (making flash cards for him, doing late-night caffeine runs, etc. - basically, around hectic periods, I make sure all he has to worry about is school).

A few things to consider:

1)It's really important that she feels like she can let you know if she's feeling abandoned (note, not bitching and nagging, but just being informative). Knowing about her feelings early and taking an interest in addressing them will keep her from blowing them out of proportion in her head. You'd be surprised how even a mid-day text like "thinking about you" can go a long way towards making her feel "in the loop".

2) Speaking of being "in the loop" I would say that is the single biggest obstacle we faced in our transition to grad school. Although I was worried about being lonely and stuff, more of what I was worried about was feeling like our worlds were suddenly separate. Before, we were both college students, so we kept the same hours, lifestyle, etc. But when he went to Med school, all of the sudden he was still in "student mode," and I had a 9-5, so I felt oddly grown-up. He wasn't going through that, and we had to figure out a way to reconcile it.

3) I know LS is likely to be somewhat overwhelming, but keep in mind that the economy sucks right now, and finding a job is really stressful (and overwhelming)...LS is hard, but at least you KNOW you have a place to go every day. Odds are it may take her awhile to make the transition to the workforce, and she may feel like she's "riding your coattails" for awhile.

Sorry to write a short novel, but I thought my situation might give you some insight :) Ultimately, it boils down to this: do you love each other enough to make it work? If that answer is yes, then rest easy...although all you hear about is the couples that break up, rest assured that it's not always the case :)!

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JordynAsh
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Re: GF in law school?

Postby JordynAsh » Wed Feb 24, 2010 8:34 pm

macattaq wrote:
JordynAsh wrote:
bees wrote:
tulip baroo wrote:two things

1. if you are worried that you will not be capable of maintaining a relationship while attending law school, you have more problems ahead

2. if you are considering ending your relationship because of law school, your relationship sucks


Inorite? Sounds like OP is looking for validation to break up with her.

On the interwebs. :(


Idk about these statements. I think that given OP is heading off into the great unknown that is law school, it is entirely reasonable, if not to be expected, that s/he would think about these things.


Thinking about these things =/= asking strangers with no knowledge of the nature of the relationship what he should do. However, it is now more clear that OP isn't looking for relationship advice but anecdotal data anyway.

gregw8705
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Re: GF in law school?

Postby gregw8705 » Thu Feb 25, 2010 12:44 am

ongsar wrote:2) Speaking of being "in the loop" I would say that is the single biggest obstacle we faced in our transition to grad school. Although I was worried about being lonely and stuff, more of what I was worried about was feeling like our worlds were suddenly separate. Before, we were both college students, so we kept the same hours, lifestyle, etc. But when he went to Med school, all of the sudden he was still in "student mode," and I had a 9-5, so I felt oddly grown-up. He wasn't going through that, and we had to figure out a way to reconcile it.


This seemed to be one of my ex's main concerns too. My ex's concerns about me being at the library or busy studying at home when she came home from work and had nothing to do for the evening, my making many law school friends where her social circle would, at least at first, be limited to a smaller work environment, and my still partying like a college student all boil down to this concern about living in different worlds. I think the fear is pretty unnecessary because it's not that difficult to structure one's study time into roughly an 8 hour period during the day. Lots of single law students take this approach to keep consistent study schedules.

As for one person's maintaining a student lifestyle, mentality, or "mode", that really depends on the person. I'm sure if two people care about each other and live together, their schedules and lifestyles will naturally gravitate toward some kind of equilibrium that can accommodate both. If couples can survive deployments in Iraq or years of one person working nights and the other working days, I'm sure a dedicated couple can survive schedules that might be 1-3 hours offset at most. The good thing about student mode is that work can be shuffled around to different times of the day i.e if the working partner wants to go out to dinner tonight, the student can wake up early and do some extra work in the morning or something along those lines.

Bottom line: The worlds of a law student and 9-5 professional aren't that different, and I don't think there's any reason to believe that one person is more or less grown up than the other purely by virtue of whether they're working or pursuing a rigorous professional education.

ongsar
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Re: GF in law school?

Postby ongsar » Thu Feb 25, 2010 4:50 pm

gregw8705 wrote:
ongsar wrote:2) Speaking of being "in the loop" I would say that is the single biggest obstacle we faced in our transition to grad school. Although I was worried about being lonely and stuff, more of what I was worried about was feeling like our worlds were suddenly separate. Before, we were both college students, so we kept the same hours, lifestyle, etc. But when he went to Med school, all of the sudden he was still in "student mode," and I had a 9-5, so I felt oddly grown-up. He wasn't going through that, and we had to figure out a way to reconcile it.


This seemed to be one of my ex's main concerns too. My ex's concerns about me being at the library or busy studying at home when she came home from work and had nothing to do for the evening, my making many law school friends where her social circle would, at least at first, be limited to a smaller work environment, and my still partying like a college student all boil down to this concern about living in different worlds. I think the fear is pretty unnecessary because it's not that difficult to structure one's study time into roughly an 8 hour period during the day. Lots of single law students take this approach to keep consistent study schedules.

As for one person's maintaining a student lifestyle, mentality, or "mode", that really depends on the person. I'm sure if two people care about each other and live together, their schedules and lifestyles will naturally gravitate toward some kind of equilibrium that can accommodate both. If couples can survive deployments in Iraq or years of one person working nights and the other working days, I'm sure a dedicated couple can survive schedules that might be 1-3 hours offset at most. The good thing about student mode is that work can be shuffled around to different times of the day i.e if the working partner wants to go out to dinner tonight, the student can wake up early and do some extra work in the morning or something along those lines.

Bottom line: The worlds of a law student and 9-5 professional aren't that different, and I don't think there's any reason to believe that one person is more or less grown up than the other purely by virtue of whether they're working or pursuing a rigorous professional education.


Please don't misunderstand...I agree with what you said wholeheartedly. All I meant was that at first, we had a bit of feeling of separation of worlds, which I wasn't expecting as the non-student. My husband and I quickly adjusted, and now things are really comfortably at that equilibrium you mention :)

Also, when I said student "mindset," I didn't mean, laid back, partying, etc. while I was all hard-working and grown-up -- nothing like that. All I meant was that while I had a frame of reference for his life as a student, he, having gone straight into professional school from undergrad, had no frame of reference for my transition to the workforce. I certainly don't regard myself as more mature or grown-up than my husband (in fact, quite the opposite, lol)...I just wanted to let you know it was a factor we were not expecting, and try and warn you that she MIGHT feel some of that too :)

You seem very mature, and since your relationship is strong, i am sure you will both do great with it!

gregw8705
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Re: GF in law school?

Postby gregw8705 » Thu Feb 25, 2010 11:12 pm

ongsar wrote:
gregw8705 wrote:
ongsar wrote:2) Speaking of being "in the loop" I would say that is the single biggest obstacle we faced in our transition to grad school. Although I was worried about being lonely and stuff, more of what I was worried about was feeling like our worlds were suddenly separate. Before, we were both college students, so we kept the same hours, lifestyle, etc. But when he went to Med school, all of the sudden he was still in "student mode," and I had a 9-5, so I felt oddly grown-up. He wasn't going through that, and we had to figure out a way to reconcile it.


This seemed to be one of my ex's main concerns too. My ex's concerns about me being at the library or busy studying at home when she came home from work and had nothing to do for the evening, my making many law school friends where her social circle would, at least at first, be limited to a smaller work environment, and my still partying like a college student all boil down to this concern about living in different worlds. I think the fear is pretty unnecessary because it's not that difficult to structure one's study time into roughly an 8 hour period during the day. Lots of single law students take this approach to keep consistent study schedules.

As for one person's maintaining a student lifestyle, mentality, or "mode", that really depends on the person. I'm sure if two people care about each other and live together, their schedules and lifestyles will naturally gravitate toward some kind of equilibrium that can accommodate both. If couples can survive deployments in Iraq or years of one person working nights and the other working days, I'm sure a dedicated couple can survive schedules that might be 1-3 hours offset at most. The good thing about student mode is that work can be shuffled around to different times of the day i.e if the working partner wants to go out to dinner tonight, the student can wake up early and do some extra work in the morning or something along those lines.

Bottom line: The worlds of a law student and 9-5 professional aren't that different, and I don't think there's any reason to believe that one person is more or less grown up than the other purely by virtue of whether they're working or pursuing a rigorous professional education.


Please don't misunderstand...I agree with what you said wholeheartedly. All I meant was that at first, we had a bit of feeling of separation of worlds, which I wasn't expecting as the non-student. My husband and I quickly adjusted, and now things are really comfortably at that equilibrium you mention :)

Also, when I said student "mindset," I didn't mean, laid back, partying, etc. while I was all hard-working and grown-up -- nothing like that. All I meant was that while I had a frame of reference for his life as a student, he, having gone straight into professional school from undergrad, had no frame of reference for my transition to the workforce. I certainly don't regard myself as more mature or grown-up than my husband (in fact, quite the opposite, lol)...I just wanted to let you know it was a factor we were not expecting, and try and warn you that she MIGHT feel some of that too :)

You seem very mature, and since your relationship is strong, i am sure you will both do great with it!


Sorry if I confused you, but I'm not the OP. I've just been in the same spot before.

MarkTwain
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Re: GF in law school?

Postby MarkTwain » Thu Feb 25, 2010 11:56 pm

A slight derail:

If you cant keep a girlfriend while you are in law school, how are you going to keep one when you are a lawyer?


A lot of people assume that biglaw associate hours are worse than law student hours. I think this is generally true for 2L/3L students, but I think the biglaw schedule will be a bit better than 1L (for at least the most intense 1Ls). A 70-hours/week average would be a steep drop off from my 1L schedule (~100-hours/week).

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quickquestionthanks
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Re: GF in law school?

Postby quickquestionthanks » Fri Feb 26, 2010 5:21 am

tadams86 wrote:I guess maybe my wording in this situation was a bit off. I think I was looking more for what experiences can someone share that would be beneficial...not that I'm a jerk looking for an excuse to end my relationship.


From a different perspective, I started dating a girl about two weeks before she started 1L. It's actually been okay because we haven't had a chance to rush things. I wish I got to see her more, but I'm considerate of her and she appreciates that. If your girlfriend doesn't appreciate the gravity of the undertaking you're about to begin, then it's her loss.

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SwollenMonkey
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Re: GF in law school?

Postby SwollenMonkey » Fri Feb 26, 2010 5:27 pm

quickquestionthanks wrote:
tadams86 wrote:I guess maybe my wording in this situation was a bit off. I think I was looking more for what experiences can someone share that would be beneficial...not that I'm a jerk looking for an excuse to end my relationship.


From a different perspective, I started dating a girl about two weeks before she started 1L. It's actually been okay because we haven't had a chance to rush things. I wish I got to see her more, but I'm considerate of her and she appreciates that. If your girlfriend doesn't appreciate the gravity of the undertaking you're about to begin, then it's her loss.


I agree!

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EijiMiyake
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Re: GF in law school?

Postby EijiMiyake » Fri Feb 26, 2010 5:31 pm

MarkTwain wrote:A slight derail:

If you cant keep a girlfriend while you are in law school, how are you going to keep one when you are a lawyer?


A lot of people assume that biglaw associate hours are worse than law student hours. I think this is generally true for 2L/3L students, but I think the biglaw schedule will be a bit better than 1L (for at least the most intense 1Ls). A 70-hours/week average would be a steep drop off from my 1L schedule (~100-hours/week).


!!

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oberlin08
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Re: GF in law school?

Postby oberlin08 » Fri Feb 26, 2010 5:37 pm

Thank god im single.

Also, to the poster above me, please remove gilzero from your picture, it is an embarassment to my (our) city.

td6624
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Re: GF in law school?

Postby td6624 » Fri Feb 26, 2010 6:44 pm

MarkTwain wrote: A 70-hours/week average would be a steep drop off from my 1L schedule (~100-hours/week).


jesus christ

this isn't typical, is it?

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D. H2Oman
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Re: GF in law school?

Postby D. H2Oman » Fri Feb 26, 2010 6:57 pm

The fact that some of you think you'll have time for contact with other humans during law school, let alone time for a romantic relationship, tells me you are NOT ready for law school.

td6624
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Re: GF in law school?

Postby td6624 » Fri Feb 26, 2010 7:55 pm

D. H2Oman wrote:The fact that some of you think you'll have time for contact with other humans during law school, let alone time for a romantic relationship, tells me you are NOT ready for law school.


Some of us know people not on tls who went to or are in law school, you know.

I'll be just fine, thanks.

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macattaq
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Re: GF in law school?

Postby macattaq » Fri Feb 26, 2010 8:26 pm

D. H2Oman wrote:The fact that some of you think you'll have time for contact with other humans during law school, let alone time for a romantic relationship, tells me you are NOT ready for law school.


Talk when you know what you are talking about, 0L. Its a matter of priorities. I get my work done, hang out with my girlfriend (who is also a law student), and keep up on my djing. The sacrifice? I don't watch tv, I don't do leisure reading, and I don't really have time for gaming. My social life consists of going out once a week with the girlfriend to parties with other law students. Its all a matter of what you want, and whether you're willing to prioritize certain things above others.




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