Living with S.O. in LS...

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Should seespotrun move in with gf?

Yes
21
36%
No
10
17%
Dude, go fuck yourself
28
47%
 
Total votes: 59

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seespotrun
Posts: 2395
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Re: Living with S.O. in LS...

Postby seespotrun » Wed Feb 03, 2010 3:59 pm

rocross1 wrote:
seespotrun wrote:
jmaan wrote:moving in with a non-fiance gf is for suckers


This is the stuff I'm looking for. Please elaborate.


Cohabitation before marriage is usually, according to the stats, a relationship killer. Other than age at marriage it is the most indicative factor assosciated with failed relationships i.e. divorce. If you arent engaged or set on marriage why move in with someone, the breakup would be killer-living with the ex and who moves and who gets what etc.. Dont do it unless you are sure she is the one and you think she can handle neglect and still support you in law school not distract you. My wife knows the first year she is going to get little attention and that I need her help with house stuff and dinner, she is prepared to sacrifice and support me during this time. You should take that kind of stuff into consid first.


I'm a second semester 1L. She is used to neglect as a result of me studying.

Regarding the cohabitation before marriage statistic, how is it correlated with divorce? You mean that couples that live together before marriage have higher divorce rates than couples that don't live together before marriage?

Thanks for your advice.

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agentzer0
Posts: 191
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Re: Living with S.O. in LS...

Postby agentzer0 » Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:00 pm

ccs1702 wrote:Just make sure you have an escape plan. Have your things organized in such a fashion that they can be packed in ten minutes or less. Bring as few personal belongings as possible (no televisions, toasters, kitchenware, etc.) The breakup will probably happen during finals, so be sure to have a study-ready safehouse set up somewhere, probably in your parents' basement or a friend's living room, in order to minimize downtime.


+1 for operational awareness. Contingency plan ftw

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seespotrun
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Re: Living with S.O. in LS...

Postby seespotrun » Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:02 pm

agentzer0 wrote:
ccs1702 wrote:Just make sure you have an escape plan. Have your things organized in such a fashion that they can be packed in ten minutes or less. Bring as few personal belongings as possible (no televisions, toasters, kitchenware, etc.) The breakup will probably happen during finals, so be sure to have a study-ready safehouse set up somewhere, probably in your parents' basement or a friend's living room, in order to minimize downtime.


+1 for operational awareness. Contingency plan ftw


Noted. Thanks.

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UFMatt
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Re: Living with S.O. in LS...

Postby UFMatt » Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:04 pm

rocross1 wrote:
seespotrun wrote:
jmaan wrote:moving in with a non-fiance gf is for suckers


This is the stuff I'm looking for. Please elaborate.


Cohabitation before marriage is usually, according to the stats, a relationship killer. Other than age at marriage it is the most indicative factor assosciated with failed relationships i.e. divorce. If you arent engaged or set on marriage why move in with someone, the breakup would be killer-living with the ex and who moves and who gets what etc.. Dont do it unless you are sure she is the one and you think she can handle neglect and still support you in law school not distract you. My wife knows the first year she is going to get little attention and that I need her help with house stuff and dinner, she is prepared to sacrifice and support me during this time. You should take that kind of stuff into consid first.


There is more to it than this, of course. Religious fundamentalists won't live together before marriage and are probably more likely to stick together despite being miserable. Those who move in together before marriage are more likely to be socially liberal and willing to separate if the marriage stinks.

I also must point out that it's only an increase relative to those who did not live together prior to marriage. A large percentage may get divorced, but a large percentage will not. It would be silly to use that stat as a rationale for not moving in together.

/married happily for years, lived with gf for almost 2 yrs prior to marriage

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jmaan
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Re: Living with S.O. in LS...

Postby jmaan » Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:05 pm

seespotrun wrote:
rocross1 wrote:
seespotrun wrote:
jmaan wrote:moving in with a non-fiance gf is for suckers


This is the stuff I'm looking for. Please elaborate.


Cohabitation before marriage is usually, according to the stats, a relationship killer. Other than age at marriage it is the most indicative factor assosciated with failed relationships i.e. divorce. If you arent engaged or set on marriage why move in with someone, the breakup would be killer-living with the ex and who moves and who gets what etc.. Dont do it unless you are sure she is the one and you think she can handle neglect and still support you in law school not distract you. My wife knows the first year she is going to get little attention and that I need her help with house stuff and dinner, she is prepared to sacrifice and support me during this time. You should take that kind of stuff into consid first.


I'm a second semester 1L. She is used to neglect as a result of me studying.

Regarding the cohabitation before marriage statistic, how is it correlated with divorce? You mean that couples that live together before marriage have higher divorce rates than couples that don't live together before marriage?

Thanks for your advice.


basically research says yes...I'm not some flaming conservative or anything..im actually rather the opposite, but Im highly against co-habitation before marriage....i mean as long as u live close to her, you get all the benefits with a lot less cons...honestly, try and think of one good thing that can come out of living with her besides costs..and if costs are a major issue, then this shouldnt be a question and just go for it.

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kittenmittons
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Re: Living with S.O. in LS...

Postby kittenmittons » Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:06 pm

Scarcity creates value

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jmaan
Posts: 313
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Re: Living with S.O. in LS...

Postby jmaan » Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:07 pm

UFMatt wrote:
rocross1 wrote:
seespotrun wrote:
jmaan wrote:moving in with a non-fiance gf is for suckers


This is the stuff I'm looking for. Please elaborate.


Cohabitation before marriage is usually, according to the stats, a relationship killer. Other than age at marriage it is the most indicative factor assosciated with failed relationships i.e. divorce. If you arent engaged or set on marriage why move in with someone, the breakup would be killer-living with the ex and who moves and who gets what etc.. Dont do it unless you are sure she is the one and you think she can handle neglect and still support you in law school not distract you. My wife knows the first year she is going to get little attention and that I need her help with house stuff and dinner, she is prepared to sacrifice and support me during this time. You should take that kind of stuff into consid first.


There is more to it than this, of course. Religious fundamentalists won't live together before marriage and are probably more likely to stick together despite being miserable. Those who move in together before marriage are more likely to be socially liberal and willing to separate if the marriage stinks.

I also must point out that it's only an increase relative to those who did not live together prior to marriage. A large percentage may get divorced, but a large percentage will not. It would be silly to use that stat as a rationale for not moving in together.

/married happily for years, lived with gf for almost 2 yrs prior to marriage


sucker..haha jk...obviously its not an equation that leads to nothing but misery and divorce..there are many other factors to it.

Scurredsitless1
Posts: 284
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Re: Living with S.O. in LS...

Postby Scurredsitless1 » Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:08 pm

If she's working and will help support you finanacially, I think it's a no-brainer.

Applying statistics to analyze a personal relationship is dumb.

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seespotrun
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Re: Living with S.O. in LS...

Postby seespotrun » Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:08 pm

UFMatt wrote:
rocross1 wrote:
seespotrun wrote:
jmaan wrote:moving in with a non-fiance gf is for suckers


This is the stuff I'm looking for. Please elaborate.


Cohabitation before marriage is usually, according to the stats, a relationship killer. Other than age at marriage it is the most indicative factor assosciated with failed relationships i.e. divorce. If you arent engaged or set on marriage why move in with someone, the breakup would be killer-living with the ex and who moves and who gets what etc.. Dont do it unless you are sure she is the one and you think she can handle neglect and still support you in law school not distract you. My wife knows the first year she is going to get little attention and that I need her help with house stuff and dinner, she is prepared to sacrifice and support me during this time. You should take that kind of stuff into consid first.


There is more to it than this, of course. Religious fundamentalists won't live together before marriage and are probably more likely to stick together despite being miserable. Those who move in together before marriage are more likely to be socially liberal and willing to separate if the marriage stinks.

I also must point out that it's only an increase relative to those who did not live together prior to marriage. A large percentage may get divorced, but a large percentage will not. It would be silly to use that stat as a rationale for not moving in together.

/married happily for years, lived with gf for almost 2 yrs prior to marriage


I was thinking the same thing. Seems like one of those stats that is loaded with confounding variables...

Scurredsitless1
Posts: 284
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Re: Living with S.O. in LS...

Postby Scurredsitless1 » Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:09 pm

When buying a car, I'm a fan of nice long test drives.....

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jmaan
Posts: 313
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Re: Living with S.O. in LS...

Postby jmaan » Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:10 pm

here, if you want to spend tons of time with her and not doing anything else then move in with her...if you want to be able to miss her and look forward to seeing her and have ur own place/time to unwind then dont.

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seespotrun
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Re: Living with S.O. in LS...

Postby seespotrun » Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:10 pm

Scurredsitless1 wrote:When buying a car, I'm a fan of nice long test drives.....


But I'm not buying a car I'm... Oh, an analogy. Nice work.

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Zapatero
Posts: 517
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Re: Living with S.O. in LS...

Postby Zapatero » Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:12 pm

Scurredsitless1 wrote:When buying a car, I'm a fan of nice long test drives.....


Are you saying that he should move in or not move in?

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seespotrun
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Re: Living with S.O. in LS...

Postby seespotrun » Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:14 pm

kittenmittons wrote:Scarcity creates value


Scarcity + demand = value

beamsmehome
Posts: 90
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Re: Living with S.O. in LS...

Postby beamsmehome » Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:16 pm

.
Last edited by beamsmehome on Fri Feb 05, 2010 12:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

oneforship
Posts: 1004
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Re: Living with S.O. in LS...

Postby oneforship » Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:18 pm

voted for you to go fuck yourself.

hth.

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rocross1
Posts: 112
Joined: Sun May 17, 2009 11:20 am

Re: Living with S.O. in LS...

Postby rocross1 » Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:21 pm

seespotrun wrote:
rocross1 wrote:
seespotrun wrote:
jmaan wrote:moving in with a non-fiance gf is for suckers


This is the stuff I'm looking for. Please elaborate.


Cohabitation before marriage is usually, according to the stats, a relationship killer. Other than age at marriage it is the most indicative factor assosciated with failed relationships i.e. divorce. If you arent engaged or set on marriage why move in with someone, the breakup would be killer-living with the ex and who moves and who gets what etc.. Dont do it unless you are sure she is the one and you think she can handle neglect and still support you in law school not distract you. My wife knows the first year she is going to get little attention and that I need her help with house stuff and dinner, she is prepared to sacrifice and support me during this time. You should take that kind of stuff into consid first.


I'm a second semester 1L. She is used to neglect as a result of me studying.

Regarding the cohabitation before marriage statistic, how is it correlated with divorce? You mean that couples that live together before marriage have higher divorce rates than couples that don't live together before marriage?

Thanks for your advice.


Yes

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seespotrun
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Re: Living with S.O. in LS...

Postby seespotrun » Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:21 pm

oneforship wrote:voted for you to go fuck yourself.

hth.


I'm gonna be sore after today.

mattymatt
Posts: 55
Joined: Wed Jan 06, 2010 2:58 pm

Re: Living with S.O. in LS...

Postby mattymatt » Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:25 pm

My opinion on such matters is typically the same regardless of the situation: I wouldn't do it.

In this case, you'll already have enough going on with adjusting to law school and the new life style it necessitates. Add to that the strain that living with your girlfriend can cause (read: will cause. No matter how great your relationship, you'll have problems. More problems than before, probably). If she can still be close and not live with you, I'd do that. If it's the difference between living with you or in another state, then maybe it's worth considering.

I guess all I'm getting at is that why take the risk of ruining something good because of the unnecessary strain living together placed on your relationship?

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booboo
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Re: Living with S.O. in LS...

Postby booboo » Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:26 pm

badwithpseudonyms wrote:If all 101 questions on the LSAT included a choice "(f) Dude, go fuck yourself", I would have scored 120.
If you're serious anyway, man up and do it (and save yourself some cash). If you're not, then fuck no.


Lmao.

Knowing the LSAC, however, the elusive 120 is more difficult to obtain then a 180. They would make choice f an actual answer to one of their questions, and thus you score a 121.

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seespotrun
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Re: Living with S.O. in LS...

Postby seespotrun » Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:27 pm

mattymatt wrote:My opinion on such matters is typically the same regardless of the situation: I wouldn't do it.

In this case, you'll already have enough going on with adjusting to law school and the new life style it necessitates. Add to that the strain that living with your girlfriend can cause (read: will cause. No matter how great your relationship, you'll have problems. More problems than before, probably). If she can still be close and not live with you, I'd do that. If it's the difference between living with you or in another state, then maybe it's worth considering.

I guess all I'm getting at is that why take the risk of ruining something good because of the unnecessary strain living together placed on your relationship?


Why is a strain on the relationship the inevitable result?

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ogman05
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Re: Living with S.O. in LS...

Postby ogman05 » Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:41 pm

Its not per se. Ive done it. Just realize that those arguments you have with a regular roommate will extend to your gf. you might not clean something up, especially since she is there now. I know from experience. If she is ok with that then one thing down. Other problems as mentioned are that you lose freedom. If you just go out she wants to know. You cant just not come in one day or it will be a "wtf convo"... again experience. You will have less friends come over as she will be there and that breaks the male camradarie. Occassionally you will not want to see her or want to sleep in your bed alone and spread out. Prob like this in all relationships. Happens to me once every two months or so. These are pretty much all the negatives for me that I can think of. Lived together for 3 years thus far. That whole marriage thing is shennanigans and an institution. If you care for her and these dont bother you or are outweighed for positives then go for it. If you are;
-player (unless skillful and extremely proficient :twisted: )
-like freedom
-like to be free to move when sleeping and not sweating from the oven laying next to you every night
-dont mind stopping playing MW2 so she can watch the grammys :evil:
-Have a girl who will be pissed if you leave a plate out or anythign liek this

Then you should prob go it solo

Disclaimer: I obviously live with my girl and it has ups and downs. Just se if its for you. Sometimes you will love it and others wonder wtf you did. Pretty much just like law school
Last edited by ogman05 on Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

mattymatt
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Re: Living with S.O. in LS...

Postby mattymatt » Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:42 pm

seespotrun wrote:Why is a strain on the relationship the inevitable result?


Unless your relationship is exceptional, living together does cause a strain. Think of all the things that past roommates have done that have really, really pissed you off. Then imagine the woman you (presumably) love doing all that stuff, and just having to deal with it for the sake of your relationship. It can start to weigh on you, you know?

That's just one way in which it might add strain. Not knowing how much time you guys spend together now, I'd venture to say that you will be spending a significantly more time together were you to live with her. Again, unless your relationship is exceptional, you always need time apart, and that means one of you has to leave the apartment.

It can just get too messy, and like I said, why let little stuff get in the way of something good?

All that said, these are just things to consider. It's not to say that it's never a good idea to live with your significant other, but in my opinion, if you can avoid it and still expect to see her as much as you'd like, I would live separately.

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booboo
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Re: Living with S.O. in LS...

Postby booboo » Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:47 pm

ogman05 wrote:Its not per se. Ive done it. Just realize that those arguments you have with a regular roommate will extend to your gf. you might not clean something up and moreso since she is there now. I know from experience. If she is ok with that then one thing down. Other problems as mentioned are that you lose freedom. If you just go out she wants to know. You cant just not come in one day or it will be a "wtf convo" again experience. You will have less friends come over as she will be there and breaks the male camradarie. Occassionally you will not want to see her or want to sleep on your bed alone and spread out. Prob like this in all relationships. Happens to me once every two months or so. These are pretty much all the negatives for me that I can think of. Lived together for 3 years thus far. That whole marriage thing is shennanigans and an institution. If you care for her and these dont bother you or are outweighed for positives then go for it. If you are;
-player
-like freedom
-like to be free when sleeping and not sweating from the oven laying next to you every night
-dont mind stopping playing MW2 so she can watch the grammys :evil:
-Have a girl who will be pissed if you leave a plate out or anythign liek this

Then you should prob go it solo

Disclaimer: I obviously live with my girl and it has ups and downs. Just se if its for you. Sometimes you will love it and others wonder wtf you did. Pretty much just like law school


I think every (hetero) man looks for the woman that will let him continue playing. :mrgreen:

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pikalove
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Re: Living with S.O. in LS...

Postby pikalove » Wed Feb 03, 2010 8:07 pm

I guess it depends on how much of a change it would really be. I'm entering law school this year and moving in with my SO, but we already spend a ton of time together (including getting frustrated about who does the dishes, etc.) so I know it won't be a big deal. If anything, it will just be easier. If you are in this kind of situation, then I think its a no brainer. If you don't spend that much time together, there will be a big adjustment - not necessarily a bad one, just you will have to get used to each-other, so be prepared for that.

I'm a big fan of testing out relationships by moving-in before taking any institutional plunges. So, if the time and the girl is right, go for it.




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