How to balance work and relationships

(On Campus Interviews, Summer Associate positions, Firm Reviews, Tips, ...)
Forum rules
Anonymous Posting

Anonymous posting is only appropriate when you are revealing sensitive employment related information about a firm, job, etc. You may anonymously respond on topic to these threads. Unacceptable uses include: harassing another user, joking around, testing the feature, or other things that are more appropriate in the lounge.

Failure to follow these rules will get you outed, warned, or banned.
Anonymous User
Posts: 339569
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

How to balance work and relationships

Postby Anonymous User » Tue Jun 11, 2019 1:19 pm

.
Last edited by Anonymous User on Tue Jun 11, 2019 9:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

icansortofmath

Bronze
Posts: 228
Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2018 2:49 pm

Re: How to balance work and relationships

Postby icansortofmath » Tue Jun 11, 2019 1:22 pm

To this day I respond once per hour. If I know something is coming up and I could get lost in the work, I let my wife know.

Random emoticons throughout the day help too.

If she’s looking for actual ongoing conversations throughout the day, it’s time to have a talk and set some expectations.

JohnnieSockran

Bronze
Posts: 251
Joined: Wed May 23, 2018 1:07 pm

Re: How to balance work and relationships

Postby JohnnieSockran » Tue Jun 11, 2019 1:30 pm

I respond to my wife when I can...sometimes that means back and forth for 20 text messages, other times it means I go dark for 12 hours (that's extreme, but occasionally happens on days of closings when hundreds of emails are flying).

She gets it that if I'm not responding I'm working. You need to manage her expectations now because things will certainly get worse once you're an associate.

ivankinghk

New
Posts: 38
Joined: Sun Sep 23, 2012 11:43 pm

Re: How to balance work and relationships

Postby ivankinghk » Wed Jun 12, 2019 1:00 am

ex disappeared for 24 hrs and told me afterward she was busy with work... that was the reason we broke cuz lack of communication.
Last edited by QContinuum on Thu Jun 13, 2019 2:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Outed for anon abuse.

MaxMcMann

Bronze
Posts: 126
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2016 12:58 pm

Re: How to balance work and relationships

Postby MaxMcMann » Wed Jun 12, 2019 4:30 pm

Anonymous User wrote:ex disappeared for 24 hrs and told me afterward she was busy with work... that was the reason we broke cuz lack of communication.


Lol what

You don't even need to be in law for that to be reasonable, how clingy are you?

abiglawyer

New
Posts: 48
Joined: Sat Feb 16, 2019 2:41 pm

Re: How to balance work and relationships

Postby abiglawyer » Wed Jun 12, 2019 5:00 pm

MaxMcMann wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:ex disappeared for 24 hrs and told me afterward she was busy with work... that was the reason we broke cuz lack of communication.


Lol what

You don't even need to be in law for that to be reasonable, how clingy are you?


Aren’t you a law student? And the post you’re responding to is not unreasonable at all (though I’m sure your girlfriend appreciates that you don’t ask questions about her weekend getaways with her yoga instructor).

OP, you’ve touched on one of the many difficult aspects of working in biglaw: the long and unpredictable hours often put a strain on attorneys’ personal relationships. This just comes with the territory, unfortunately; and while the “divorced partner” is a stereotype and not by any means representative of all partners, it is a stereotype with some basis in truth. This is one of the many reasons people leave.

misterjames

Bronze
Posts: 262
Joined: Fri Dec 06, 2013 1:20 am

Re: How to balance work and relationships

Postby misterjames » Wed Jun 12, 2019 5:08 pm

abiglawyer wrote:
MaxMcMann wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:ex disappeared for 24 hrs and told me afterward she was busy with work... that was the reason we broke cuz lack of communication.


Lol what

You don't even need to be in law for that to be reasonable, how clingy are you?


Aren’t you a law student? And the post you’re responding to is not unreasonable at all (though I’m sure your girlfriend appreciates that you don’t ask questions about her weekend getaways with her yoga instructor).

OP, you’ve touched on one of the many difficult aspects of working in biglaw: the long and unpredictable hours often put a strain on attorneys’ personal relationships. This just comes with the territory, unfortunately; and while the “divorced partner” is a stereotype and not by any means representative of all partners, it is a stereotype with some basis in truth. This is one of the many reasons people leave.


Can't tell you how many partners and executives I've heard jokingly refer to "the first marriage" as some rite of passage, it's kinda gross

nixy

Gold
Posts: 1645
Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:58 am

Re: How to balance work and relationships

Postby nixy » Wed Jun 12, 2019 5:13 pm

I mean that sounds kind of clingy to me, too, but obviously we need more facts. If someone can’t respond to repeated texts worried about you just to say you’re okay but can’t talk, sure, that’s not cool. If they just fail to initiate contact for 24 hours that’s another thing entirely. And if you know where this person works and you know it can swallow them up without notice then breaking up over that sounds kind of dumb.

icansortofmath

Bronze
Posts: 228
Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2018 2:49 pm

Re: How to balance work and relationships

Postby icansortofmath » Wed Jun 12, 2019 5:23 pm

During one of my ibanking summers, I was in literal lockdown (like I had to check out my blackberry, yeah, I am old) and they still let me send what amounts to proof of life messages every few hours.

Seriously 24 hours without even an “I am alive” message is pretty bad, if that’s what happened. Even then it would take repeat offenses with no sign of improvement to get to breakup.

But if she did say busy, can’t talk at all, that’s another story.

ivankinghk

New
Posts: 38
Joined: Sun Sep 23, 2012 11:43 pm

Re: How to balance work and relationships

Postby ivankinghk » Wed Jun 12, 2019 7:41 pm

icansortofmath wrote:During one of my ibanking summers, I was in literal lockdown (like I had to check out my blackberry, yeah, I am old) and they still let me send what amounts to proof of life messages every few hours.

Seriously 24 hours without even an “I am alive” message is pretty bad, if that’s what happened. Even then it would take repeat offenses with no sign of improvement to get to breakup.

But if she did say busy, can’t talk at all, that’s another story.



We didn't have trouble communicating until 'we both started working..... it wasn't a one-time thing, it happened many many times before we broke. I mean.... going dark for 24 hrs without any text or responses was ridiculous. you still gotta take the train, eat, shit, break, etc.. and im sure she could have sneaked a text in between or at least shoot me a text and let me know she ganna be busy. just wasn't worth it trading your relationship for work.
Last edited by QContinuum on Thu Jun 13, 2019 2:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Outed for anon abuse.

JHP

Bronze
Posts: 246
Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2015 10:11 am

Re: How to balance work and relationships

Postby JHP » Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:01 pm

Mods -- just curious, but why is OP's post gone? Did they delete? If so, is that generally allowed? (Not trying to call them out--just wondering how that works and whether posts should be removed without good reason, especially something like asking about how to balance work/life v. identifying information.)

User avatar
Yugihoe

Silver
Posts: 622
Joined: Thu Apr 12, 2012 4:25 pm

Re: How to balance work and relationships

Postby Yugihoe » Thu Jun 13, 2019 1:45 pm

JHP wrote:Mods -- just curious, but why is OP's post gone? Did they delete? If so, is that generally allowed? (Not trying to call them out--just wondering how that works and whether posts should be removed without good reason, especially something like asking about how to balance work/life v. identifying information.)


There's no rules against editing out your own posts.

QContinuum

Moderator
Posts: 2640
Joined: Mon Aug 07, 2017 9:52 am

Re: How to balance work and relationships

Postby QContinuum » Thu Jun 13, 2019 2:25 pm

ivankinghk wrote:
icansortofmath wrote:During one of my ibanking summers, I was in literal lockdown (like I had to check out my blackberry, yeah, I am old) and they still let me send what amounts to proof of life messages every few hours.

Seriously 24 hours without even an “I am alive” message is pretty bad, if that’s what happened. Even then it would take repeat offenses with no sign of improvement to get to breakup.

But if she did say busy, can’t talk at all, that’s another story.



We didn't have trouble communicating until 'we both started working..... it wasn't a one-time thing, it happened many many times before we broke. I mean.... going dark for 24 hrs without any text or responses was ridiculous. you still gotta take the train, eat, shit, break, etc.. and im sure she could have sneaked a text in between or at least shoot me a text and let me know she ganna be busy. just wasn't worth it trading your relationship for work.

I mean, you do you - you don't need any reason to break up with someone - but it does seem kinda ridiculous from an outside perspective if you broke up solely because you felt your SO had the effrontery to have a demanding job. (Especially when you admit that you bore at least half the fault yourself - "didn't have trouble communicating until we both started working"). You (presumably) knew her job was very demanding and involved long and unpredictable hours. It's pretty clingy to require her to "sneak a text in" constantly while in the midst of a fire drill just to reassure you that she still loved you.

icansortofmath

Bronze
Posts: 228
Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2018 2:49 pm

Re: How to balance work and relationships

Postby icansortofmath » Thu Jun 13, 2019 3:42 pm

Other than other lawyers, lawyers marry homemakers and teachers the most.

Probably not an accident lawyers marry people who either understand their schedules or got so much free time they can work around lawyers’ schedules.

cavalier1138

Platinum
Posts: 6475
Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2016 8:01 pm

Re: How to balance work and relationships

Postby cavalier1138 » Thu Jun 13, 2019 3:51 pm

icansortofmath wrote:Other than other lawyers, lawyers marry homemakers and teachers the most.

Probably not an accident lawyers marry people who either understand their schedules or got so much free time they can work around lawyers’ schedules.


Oh, this is starting to get iffy...

abiglawyer

New
Posts: 48
Joined: Sat Feb 16, 2019 2:41 pm

Re: How to balance work and relationships

Postby abiglawyer » Thu Jun 13, 2019 4:34 pm

QContinuum wrote:
ivankinghk wrote:
icansortofmath wrote:During one of my ibanking summers, I was in literal lockdown (like I had to check out my blackberry, yeah, I am old) and they still let me send what amounts to proof of life messages every few hours.

Seriously 24 hours without even an “I am alive” message is pretty bad, if that’s what happened. Even then it would take repeat offenses with no sign of improvement to get to breakup.

But if she did say busy, can’t talk at all, that’s another story.



We didn't have trouble communicating until 'we both started working..... it wasn't a one-time thing, it happened many many times before we broke. I mean.... going dark for 24 hrs without any text or responses was ridiculous. you still gotta take the train, eat, shit, break, etc.. and im sure she could have sneaked a text in between or at least shoot me a text and let me know she ganna be busy. just wasn't worth it trading your relationship for work.

I mean, you do you - you don't need any reason to break up with someone - but it does seem kinda ridiculous from an outside perspective if you broke up solely because you felt your SO had the effrontery to have a demanding job. (Especially when you admit that you bore at least half the fault yourself - "didn't have trouble communicating until we both started working"). You (presumably) knew her job was very demanding and involved long and unpredictable hours. It's pretty clingy to require her to "sneak a text in" constantly while in the midst of a fire drill just to reassure you that she still loved you.


Eh I don’t know. I’ve worked in a busy practice group for three years and I’ve never had a 24 hour stretch where I couldn’t text *at all*, even if just a periodic “this sucks.” But we’re speculating a lot here and without more information it’s hard to say whether he was being unreasonable (and frankly I don’t care).

icansortofmath

Bronze
Posts: 228
Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2018 2:49 pm

Re: How to balance work and relationships

Postby icansortofmath » Thu Jun 13, 2019 5:07 pm

cavalier1138 wrote:
icansortofmath wrote:Other than other lawyers, lawyers marry homemakers and teachers the most.

Probably not an accident lawyers marry people who either understand their schedules or got so much free time they can work around lawyers’ schedules.


Oh, this is starting to get iffy...


https://www.bloomberg.com/graphics/2016 ... ries-whom/

Gets iffier... lawyers, teachers, then secretaries. Female lawyers marry female “other” computer before they marry non-lawyer/judge men. (My guess is most men are too chicken to date smart women that can crush them in divorce proceedings).

Data.

cavalier1138

Platinum
Posts: 6475
Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2016 8:01 pm

Re: How to balance work and relationships

Postby cavalier1138 » Thu Jun 13, 2019 5:31 pm

icansortofmath wrote:
cavalier1138 wrote:
icansortofmath wrote:Other than other lawyers, lawyers marry homemakers and teachers the most.

Probably not an accident lawyers marry people who either understand their schedules or got so much free time they can work around lawyers’ schedules.


Oh, this is starting to get iffy...


https://www.bloomberg.com/graphics/2016 ... ries-whom/

Gets iffier... lawyers, teachers, then secretaries. Female lawyers marry female “other” computer before they marry non-lawyer/judge men. (My guess is most men are too chicken to date smart women that can crush them in divorce proceedings).

Data.


I was talking more about your implicit assumption that teachers don't work very much. But I want you to read the highlighted part and think a little harder about how you interpreted the data...

icansortofmath

Bronze
Posts: 228
Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2018 2:49 pm

Re: How to balance work and relationships

Postby icansortofmath » Thu Jun 13, 2019 5:41 pm

Obviously I am twisting the data a bit for a little comedy.

I am btw married to an elementary school teacher. I know partners whose wives work with my wife too. Lol. And yes, we all agree having wives who got lots of free time makes it a lot easier to plan vacations.

If nothing else, they got summers off. Their work hours are very predictable too. Experienced teachers recycle lesson plans and really don’t do that much prep outside of school.



Return to “Legal Employment?

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.