How much time to take when kid is born 3 months into new lateral biglaw firm Forum

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How much time to take when kid is born 3 months into new lateral biglaw firm

Post by Anonymous User » Fri Jul 13, 2018 8:57 am

It’s looking like I am going to start at a biglaw litigation firm that I lateraled to about 2.5 months before my wife gives birth.

This is something we discussed while I was searching and I am confident she’ll understand if it’s just a couple days.

I really don’t want to start in a bad foot at the new firm. In my experience, first impressions are everything and I’m typically not the guy who takes time off in their first 6 months. I am a hard worker and care about my reputation at each job I’m in (I’m the type of guy who works harder after I give resignation notice in an effort to be highly regarded after I leave and make transition smooth).

So with all that in mind, how much time do you think i should realistically ask for? I’m thinking “a few days,” “one week,” or “two weeks?” Need to balance people not thinking I’m a psycho and also not getting annoyed.

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Re: How much time to take when kid is born 3 months into new lateral biglaw firm

Post by owlofminerva » Fri Jul 13, 2018 10:14 am

I think many firms allow you to take paternity leave within a certain period of time--like a year--after the baby is born. In my case, I took a week of vacation time off when the baby was born and then took my full paternity when her maternity leave was over (we wanted to extend as much as possible the time we had with the baby before resorting to childcare). Doing something like that or otherwise breaking up the leave time somehow--might help to ensure you still get the full time you want but also help with not showing up so soon after starting at a new place when you are trying to get that good first impression set in.

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Re: How much time to take when kid is born 3 months into new lateral biglaw firm

Post by Anonymous User » Fri Jul 13, 2018 10:22 am

Take some time off. Unless your firm is truly terrible, they'll understand. Is it something that you discussed with the firm when you were hired?

Agree with the idea of breaking it up. Maybe take off a week or two off, then try to balance working in the office and working from home for the next couple months, taking off a couple days here and there.

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Re: How much time to take when kid is born 3 months into new lateral biglaw firm

Post by Anonymous User » Fri Jul 13, 2018 10:44 am

Anonymous User wrote: I really don’t want to start in a bad foot at the new firm. In my experience, first impressions are everything and I’m typically not the guy who takes time off in their first 6 months. I am a hard worker and care about my reputation at each job I’m in (I’m the type of guy who works harder after I give resignation notice in an effort to be highly regarded after I leave and make transition smooth).
You're taking time off FOR YOUR FORTHCOMING CHILD, not to go on a solo backpacking trip through Europe. Only a truly shitty firm would hold it against you that you'd want to be there for your wife and newborn baby - most halfway decent people understand that your priority should be (and hopefully is) your wife and newborn. Take a couple weeks off, and then take advantage of any flex time/work-from-home options that you can. And most importantly, be upfront with your boss and your colleagues about when you'll be gone and what your plans are for handling your workload. If you need to delegate or hand anything off to someone else, be proactive about it. In my experience regarding taking time off, people are way more annoyed by poor planning/balancing than they are by someone's absence, even if it is for a long period of time.

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Re: How much time to take when kid is born 3 months into new lateral biglaw firm

Post by Anonymous User » Fri Jul 13, 2018 10:50 am

I have not yet told them. I wanted everything to officialize before I did. I realize it’s illegal to hold this against a new hire, but you never know.

So you’re saying that I should be looking at closer to a week than a few days for my first chunk, and you think the firm will be okay with that?

I appreciate the additional idea of breaking it up. That also makes sense.

Regardless, the timing is truly brutal here.

How far after my first day should I tell them, or should I do it on my first day?

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Re: How much time to take when kid is born 3 months into new lateral biglaw firm

Post by Anonymous User » Fri Jul 13, 2018 11:12 am

Anonymous User wrote:I have not yet told them. I wanted everything to officialize before I did. I realize it’s illegal to hold this against a new hire, but you never know.

So you’re saying that I should be looking at closer to a week than a few days for my first chunk, and you think the firm will be okay with that?

I appreciate the additional idea of breaking it up. That also makes sense.

Regardless, the timing is truly brutal here.

How far after my first day should I tell them, or should I do it on my first day?
Here's a thought: how much time does your wife need from you after the baby? That's how much time you should be taking off, within reason.

I'm the anon that posted right above you here - let me reiterate that you need to make it clear that your priority is your wife and child, and that you'll be proactive in making sure that you don't drop the ball on anything WHEN you take time off - and make it clear that you're going to give your family the time that they need, and that you'll make sure you work around that. If you signal to the firm that you're willing to neglect your wife and child for the sake of pleasing the new boss, they're going to walk all over you and expect that level of prioritization from you all the time. I get that you don't want to inconvenience anyone but you're an adult, working at a firm full of adults, who know that babies are born and require attention from parents. Do you really want to be the guy who comes back to work two days after their child is born, leaving a recovering wife home alone?

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Re: How much time to take when kid is born 3 months into new lateral biglaw firm

Post by gregfootball2001 » Fri Jul 13, 2018 11:38 am

Anonymous User wrote:So you’re saying that I should be looking at closer to a week than a few days for my first chunk, and you think the firm will be okay with that?
Take at least a week. You're not going to want to work anyway - you definitely won't be putting in 100%. Kids are rough, man.
Anonymous User wrote:How far after my first day should I tell them, or should I do it on my first day?
Others can weigh in on this one, but I'd say about a month in. Be there, do some good work, build a rapport, and let them know the wonderful news.

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Re: How much time to take when kid is born 3 months into new lateral biglaw firm

Post by Anonymous User » Fri Jul 13, 2018 12:08 pm

gregfootball2001 wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:So you’re saying that I should be looking at closer to a week than a few days for my first chunk, and you think the firm will be okay with that?
Take at least a week. You're not going to want to work anyway - you definitely won't be putting in 100%. Kids are rough, man.
Anonymous User wrote:How far after my first day should I tell them, or should I do it on my first day?
Others can weigh in on this one, but I'd say about a month in. Be there, do some good work, build a rapport, and let them know the wonderful news.
I really appreciate the advice.

So you really think that if I only give the firm like 6 weeks notice of this week off, people won’t get pissed? I was thinking I only had time to work for a week or two max before telling them.

First time biglaw guy fwiw

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Re: How much time to take when kid is born 3 months into new lateral biglaw firm

Post by gregfootball2001 » Fri Jul 13, 2018 2:06 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
gregfootball2001 wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:So you’re saying that I should be looking at closer to a week than a few days for my first chunk, and you think the firm will be okay with that?
Take at least a week. You're not going to want to work anyway - you definitely won't be putting in 100%. Kids are rough, man.
Anonymous User wrote:How far after my first day should I tell them, or should I do it on my first day?
Others can weigh in on this one, but I'd say about a month in. Be there, do some good work, build a rapport, and let them know the wonderful news.
I really appreciate the advice.

So you really think that if I only give the firm like 6 weeks notice of this week off, people won’t get pissed? I was thinking I only had time to work for a week or two max before telling them.

First time biglaw guy fwiw
I mean, every group is going to be different. Knowing the vacation policy in general would be good. FWIW, I lateraled over to a v50 three months ago, and am taking a week off in August. So, while my vacation will be after almost 5 months, it's just vacation - you're having a kid! I let them know about two weeks ago and got zero pushback.

But again, find out generally what the policy is.

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Re: How much time to take when kid is born 3 months into new lateral biglaw firm

Post by Anonymous User » Fri Jul 13, 2018 3:56 pm

As soon as you're settled into a team (a week or two into joining a team), I would let them know.
The whole firm doesn't need to know, but let the people you report to know so they can plan ahead.

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Re: How much time to take when kid is born 3 months into new lateral biglaw firm

Post by Anonymous User » Fri Jul 13, 2018 7:10 pm

Did you say if this was your first child? As someone recently in a similar position, a few days is an absurd amount of time - even two weeks is insanely short, but seems to be the norm. Don't short change your family over a few days - you and your wife will both need every day you can get (and more) at the very beginning when you're figuring out the basics.

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Re: How much time to take when kid is born 3 months into new lateral biglaw firm

Post by Anonymous User » Fri Jul 13, 2018 7:15 pm

Anonymous User wrote:It’s looking like I am going to start at a biglaw litigation firm that I lateraled to about 2.5 months before my wife gives birth.

This is something we discussed while I was searching and I am confident she’ll understand if it’s just a couple days.

I really don’t want to start in a bad foot at the new firm. In my experience, first impressions are everything and I’m typically not the guy who takes time off in their first 6 months. I am a hard worker and care about my reputation at each job I’m in (I’m the type of guy who works harder after I give resignation notice in an effort to be highly regarded after I leave and make transition smooth).

So with all that in mind, how much time do you think i should realistically ask for? I’m thinking “a few days,” “one week,” or “two weeks?” Need to balance people not thinking I’m a psycho and also not getting annoyed.
I think you said in another post that this is your first child. If so, and if it's the case that you take a week or less, someone really needs to be there for your wife. If you guys can have a best friend, parent, or other source of support there for her for a few weeks then it will help in more ways than one. The sleep deprivation, the hormones, the general feeling of overwhelm arising out of this new role and new responsibilities...it's just a lot. It's hard stuff and I think you're underestimating how much she will need you if she has no one else there.

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Re: How much time to take when kid is born 3 months into new lateral biglaw firm

Post by Npret » Fri Jul 13, 2018 9:22 pm

You need to tell people and take as much time as you are entitled to take. No one expects a new associate to only be away for a week with their first child.

This is the main thing I learned from taking time off from a firm. They would rather you be away and off cases or deals, then trying to juggle them both. I would let people know right away or as soon as you feel comfortable l. This is the realty you have to deal with. Saying you’re having your first kid but you’ll only be gone a week so nbd is not the way to go here.

Also you are going to have to learn your responsibilities and take on your part of the work. She may be fine, but she may not be fine. Plus the baby will need your care.

Your priorities sound very screwed up here. The firm
will notice that too and don’t assume it’s in your favor you will neglect your wife and newborn.

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Re: How much time to take when kid is born 3 months into new lateral biglaw firm

Post by Anonymous User » Fri Jul 13, 2018 9:43 pm

Npret wrote:You need to tell people and take as much time as you are entitled to take. No one expects a new associate to only be away for a week with their first child.

This is the main thing I learned from taking time off from a firm. They would rather you be away and off cases or deals, then trying to juggle them both. I would let people know right away or as soon as you feel comfortable l. This is the realty you have to deal with. Saying you’re having your first kid but you’ll only be gone a week so nbd is not the way to go here.

Also you are going to have to learn your responsibilities and take on your part of the work. She may be fine, but she may not be fine. Plus the baby will need your care.

Your priorities sound very screwed up here. The firm
will notice that too and don’t assume it’s in your favor you will neglect your wife and newborn.
Agree 100%. It's better to focus on one thing at a time and do a great job at it than trying to balance both at the time. If you don't do well at the firm, there will be other firms/jobs. If something goes wrong with your child, you may blame yourself for the rest of your life.

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Re: How much time to take when kid is born 3 months into new lateral biglaw firm

Post by Anonymous User » Fri Jul 13, 2018 10:55 pm

OP here.

Okay so the thread has convinced me I need to take a week.

When do I ask? First day during convo with HR? Ahead of time by email to partner? After one or two weeks during which time I’ve hopefully been grinding for a bit?

The other option is to ask to delay my start date like 3 months and come in without the prospect of taking paternity leave, but be there for several weeks with the wife. This probably sounds like too much time to delay, though, right?

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Re: How much time to take when kid is born 3 months into new lateral biglaw firm

Post by Anonymous User » Sat Jul 14, 2018 8:26 am

Npret wrote:You need to tell people and take as much time as you are entitled to take. No one expects a new associate to only be away for a week with their first child.
^this. Seriously. It’s your first child. A week is nothing.

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Re: How much time to take when kid is born 3 months into new lateral biglaw firm

Post by Npret » Sat Jul 14, 2018 2:07 pm

Anonymous User wrote:OP here.

Okay so the thread has convinced me I need to take a week.

When do I ask? First day during convo with HR? Ahead of time by email to partner? After one or two weeks during which time I’ve hopefully been grinding for a bit?

The other option is to ask to delay my start date like 3 months and come in without the prospect of taking paternity leave, but be there for several weeks with the wife. This probably sounds like too much time to delay, though, right?
I would talk to HR ahead of time, but I’m not you.
I’m not sure what grinding a couple of weeks will do for you.Ill just say again that neglecting your wife and baby is a bad look, if you can grasp that. Find out what people normally do and follow their example.

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Re: How much time to take when kid is born 3 months into new lateral biglaw firm

Post by Anonymous User » Sun Jul 15, 2018 1:56 pm

Anonymous User wrote:OP here.

Okay so the thread has convinced me I need to take a week.

When do I ask? First day during convo with HR? Ahead of time by email to partner? After one or two weeks during which time I’ve hopefully been grinding for a bit?

The other option is to ask to delay my start date like 3 months and come in without the prospect of taking paternity leave, but be there for several weeks with the wife. This probably sounds like too much time to delay, though, right?
Safest option is to delay your start date by 3 months. It depends on the firm and the market. If we're talking about a large biglaw firm in NY, then it makes no difference at all. Talk to HR first to see if it's ok to delay start date by 3 months, and then email the partners to let them know once HR oks this.

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Re: How much time to take when kid is born 3 months into new lateral biglaw firm

Post by jacketyellow » Sun Jul 15, 2018 2:47 pm

This is the reason I hate big law. We have to go on social media to ask people whether we can take time off BECAUSE WE ARE HAVING A CHILD, and then when we figure out that we can take time off, we'll only take a week. Jeez. This profession....

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Re: How much time to take when kid is born 3 months into new lateral biglaw firm

Post by Npret » Sun Jul 15, 2018 5:47 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:OP here.

Okay so the thread has convinced me I need to take a week.

When do I ask? First day during convo with HR? Ahead of time by email to partner? After one or two weeks during which time I’ve hopefully been grinding for a bit?

The other option is to ask to delay my start date like 3 months and come in without the prospect of taking paternity leave, but be there for several weeks with the wife. This probably sounds like too much time to delay, though, right?
Safest option is to delay your start date by 3 months. It depends on the firm and the market. If we're talking about a large biglaw firm in NY, then it makes no difference at all. Talk to HR first to see if it's ok to delay start date by 3 months, and then email the partners to let them know once HR oks this.
I don’t agree. Why should OP not get paid for months? Just talk to HR and get the advice. I’m not sure what OP is afraid is going to happen. He will have plenty of chances to neglect his family and prove he’s willing to grind for the partners.

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Re: How much time to take when kid is born 3 months into new lateral biglaw firm

Post by Npret » Sun Jul 15, 2018 5:50 pm

jacketyellow wrote:This is the reason I hate big law. We have to go on social media to ask people whether we can take time off BECAUSE WE ARE HAVING A CHILD, and then when we figure out that we can take time off, we'll only take a week. Jeez. This profession....
It’s not this profession in this particular instance. OP is clueless and already invested in biglaw over his wife and baby. He hasn’t even started yet.

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Re: How much time to take when kid is born 3 months into new lateral biglaw firm

Post by Anonymous User » Sun Jul 15, 2018 8:19 pm

I wholeheartedly agree with the poster who said to make sure your wife has some support if you choose to stay home only for a week or two - a relative or friend who can stay with you. If there isn't someone who can do this, strongly consider hiring a baby nurse. It is hard to imagine how hard the first few weeks are with a new baby if you haven't personally done it before.

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Re: How much time to take when kid is born 3 months into new lateral biglaw firm

Post by Anonymous User » Sun Jul 15, 2018 10:58 pm

Npret wrote:
jacketyellow wrote:This is the reason I hate big law. We have to go on social media to ask people whether we can take time off BECAUSE WE ARE HAVING A CHILD, and then when we figure out that we can take time off, we'll only take a week. Jeez. This profession....
It’s not this profession in this particular instance. OP is clueless and already invested in biglaw over his wife and baby. He hasn’t even started yet.
Op here. Wife is aware and supportive and told me I only need to be out a week max. We have a ton of family in the area, and multiple members will be taking time off work around that time to help out.

I’m invested in biglaw because it’s a move that I am making, in large part, for my family’s future.

I get that it’ll be a grind. I live close to the office, so I won’t worry about commuting. I’ve worked 65 hour weeks in the past and made far less money (though I acknowledge this will sometimes be considerably more hours).

What am I missing here?

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Re: How much time to take when kid is born 3 months into new lateral biglaw firm

Post by Npret » Sun Jul 15, 2018 11:44 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
Npret wrote:
jacketyellow wrote:This is the reason I hate big law. We have to go on social media to ask people whether we can take time off BECAUSE WE ARE HAVING A CHILD, and then when we figure out that we can take time off, we'll only take a week. Jeez. This profession....
It’s not this profession in this particular instance. OP is clueless and already invested in biglaw over his wife and baby. He hasn’t even started yet.
Op here. Wife is aware and supportive and told me I only need to be out a week max. We have a ton of family in the area, and multiple members will be taking time off work around that time to help out.

I’m invested in biglaw because it’s a move that I am making, in large part, for my family’s future.

I get that it’ll be a grind. I live close to the office, so I won’t worry about commuting. I’ve worked 65 hour weeks in the past and made far less money (though I acknowledge this will sometimes be considerably more hours).

What am I missing here?
You’re missing what I’ve told you twice. It’s not a good look to the firm if you don’t take time for your wife and baby.
It’s not going to help your career. You’re overthinking your value to the firm.
Just find out the standard leave people take at your firm and do the same.

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Re: How much time to take when kid is born 3 months into new lateral biglaw firm

Post by RaceJudicata » Mon Jul 16, 2018 1:35 am

Npret wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:
Npret wrote:
jacketyellow wrote:This is the reason I hate big law. We have to go on social media to ask people whether we can take time off BECAUSE WE ARE HAVING A CHILD, and then when we figure out that we can take time off, we'll only take a week. Jeez. This profession....
It’s not this profession in this particular instance. OP is clueless and already invested in biglaw over his wife and baby. He hasn’t even started yet.
Op here. Wife is aware and supportive and told me I only need to be out a week max. We have a ton of family in the area, and multiple members will be taking time off work around that time to help out.

I’m invested in biglaw because it’s a move that I am making, in large part, for my family’s future.

I get that it’ll be a grind. I live close to the office, so I won’t worry about commuting. I’ve worked 65 hour weeks in the past and made far less money (though I acknowledge this will sometimes be considerably more hours).

What am I missing here?
You’re missing what I’ve told you twice. It’s not a good look to the firm if you don’t take time for your wife and baby.
It’s not going to help your career. You’re overthinking your value to the firm.
Just find out the standard leave people take at your firm and do the same.
Yep. Any normal firm would think that you are bananas for taking a WEEK off for the birth of your first child. At my firm, associates and partners would have a very negative first impression of someone who thought it was in their family's best interest to take week off for this momentous occassion. Hell, people have been weirded out by one associate who decided to only take a week off for their honeymoon.

Seriously? What are you waiting for?

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