First week as Biglaw SA; unrelenting diarrhea

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First week as Biglaw SA; unrelenting diarrhea

Postby Anonymous User » Thu May 10, 2018 9:09 pm

Hey all, I’m starting this thread mostly so others can get some enjoyment out of my misery and/or offer me reassurance if anyone can relate.

So I’ve been in orientation this week for my SA position (v5 in major market), and ever since I moved to this city last weekend I’ve just had godawful diarrhea. I don’t know if it is IBS related to my anxiety about the new job/new surroundings/being without my spouse for the first time in years, or if it is just something I ate, but in any event it has been really terrible. I keep basically having to sneak out of orientation sessions at inopportune times to explode; I’m even going to other floors just so my colleagues don’t bear witness to my anal atrocities. This evening I skipped out on big welcoming reception simply because I had to go so bad, and I knew that I wouldn’t have any reasonable chance to do so during the event. I am super paranoid now that people will think I’m either antisocial or up to no good when I slink out of the room for 10-15 minutes at a time.

So yeah, that’s what’s going on with me... Has anyone else had a similar experience? Does anyone have advice for how to manage this issue without harming my reputation? Imodium hasn’t really helped, so I’m hoping it just resolves naturally by the time Monday comes around. Thanks in advance for any sympathy, and I hope y’all can at least have some laughs at my expense.

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yyyuppp

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Re: First week as Biglaw SA; unrelenting diarrhea

Postby yyyuppp » Fri May 11, 2018 1:25 am

Try some fiber supplements, seriously

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whats an updog

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Re: First week as Biglaw SA; unrelenting diarrhea

Postby whats an updog » Fri May 11, 2018 2:06 am

just tell people you have diarrhea if they have a problem with it. orientation doesnt matter anyway

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Re: First week as Biglaw SA; unrelenting diarrhea

Postby BeeTeeZ » Fri May 11, 2018 3:19 am

You should consider wearing an adult diaper. Technology has come a long way, and especially since you are passing diarrhea, the diaper will soak it up in a jiffy. You could probably go hours without changing if needed.

I know many senior associates in v5 firms that routinely wear diapers for efficiency purposes. It's tough to get away when a deal is closing, or a court date is approaching, and you won't make partner by taking unnecessary breaks to relieve yourself. Clients want results, not bathroom breaks.

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Re: First week as Biglaw SA; unrelenting diarrhea

Postby kiddie114 » Fri May 11, 2018 1:15 pm

do not wear adult diaper. sort out your diarrhea before monday.

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Re: First week as Biglaw SA; unrelenting diarrhea

Postby ughbugchugplug » Fri May 11, 2018 2:24 pm

BeeTeeZ wrote:You should consider wearing an adult diaper. Technology has come a long way, and especially since you are passing diarrhea, the diaper will soak it up in a jiffy. You could probably go hours without changing if needed.

I know many senior associates in v5 firms that routinely wear diapers for efficiency purposes. It's tough to get away when a deal is closing, or a court date is approaching, and you won't make partner by taking unnecessary breaks to relieve yourself. Clients want results, not bathroom breaks.


At my firm we use the chamber pot method because management won’t shell out for high quality diapers. Quality of life man, quality of life

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Re: First week as Biglaw SA; unrelenting diarrhea

Postby eastcoast_iub » Fri May 11, 2018 2:45 pm

BeeTeeZ wrote:You should consider wearing an adult diaper. Technology has come a long way, and especially since you are passing diarrhea, the diaper will soak it up in a jiffy. You could probably go hours without changing if needed.

I know many senior associates in v5 firms that routinely wear diapers for efficiency purposes. It's tough to get away when a deal is closing, or a court date is approaching, and you won't make partner by taking unnecessary breaks to relieve yourself. Clients want results, not bathroom breaks.


This is one of the greatest posts I've ever seen on TLS. Totally agree that the Astronaut Lady method needs to be widely adopted by associates looking to get ahead.

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Re: First week as Biglaw SA; unrelenting diarrhea

Postby BeeTeeZ » Fri May 11, 2018 2:57 pm

ughbugchugplug wrote:
BeeTeeZ wrote:You should consider wearing an adult diaper. Technology has come a long way, and especially since you are passing diarrhea, the diaper will soak it up in a jiffy. You could probably go hours without changing if needed.

I know many senior associates in v5 firms that routinely wear diapers for efficiency purposes. It's tough to get away when a deal is closing, or a court date is approaching, and you won't make partner by taking unnecessary breaks to relieve yourself. Clients want results, not bathroom breaks.


At my firm we use the chamber pot method because management won’t shell out for high quality diapers. Quality of life man, quality of life


Chamber pots are great. Low overhead costs, environmentally friendly, and IME they can help foster congeniality in the office. Can be very market specific though. While no one would bat an eye at an SA taking a dump into a bronze pot in say, New York or D.C., it's more of a crapshoot in seconday/tertiary markets.

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Re: First week as Biglaw SA; unrelenting diarrhea

Postby Anonymous User » Fri May 11, 2018 4:23 pm

I had a similar situation happen to me a year ago. I tried to suck it up, but it was relentless and got worse. I finally went to the doctor and got diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. Started treatment and been better ever since. I highly suggest you go see a doctor.

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Re: First week as Biglaw SA; unrelenting diarrhea

Postby BaiAilian2013 » Fri May 11, 2018 5:45 pm

kiddie114 wrote:do not wear adult diaper. sort out your diarrhea before monday.

:roll: Sort out your unhelpful posts before Monday.

I'm not minimizing the post above pointing out that it could be UC or another medical issue, but keep in mind that stress is a real possibility too. I believe this is a known response to stress. If that's the case, it should resolve once you get in the swing of things. Orientation is one of the most stressful parts of the summer IMO.

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Re: First week as Biglaw SA; unrelenting diarrhea

Postby Anonymous User » Fri May 11, 2018 7:08 pm

Is this post for real? If so, then seek medical attention.

I can’t rly take you seriously tho when you use the phrase “anal atrocities.”

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Re: First week as Biglaw SA; unrelenting diarrhea

Postby Apple Tree » Fri May 11, 2018 7:32 pm

Take probiotics. Eat yogurt. If this continues for a few days you should prob see a doctor.

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foundingfather

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Re: First week as Biglaw SA; unrelenting diarrhea

Postby foundingfather » Sat May 12, 2018 10:43 am

short term: imodium and babywipes. seriously

long term: probably see a doctor

also, if anyone asks just tell them your stomach has been getting rekd lately. they can probably relate and console you if anything... i'm sure this happens to a lot of people. embrace the "atrocities." we are all only human (i think)

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Re: First week as Biglaw SA; unrelenting diarrhea

Postby Anonymous User » Sat May 12, 2018 11:30 am

On a similar note, I start my biglaw SA next week. I am very nervous because I have NO idea what to expect. I know we have orientation. What happens exactly? Will they tell us what to do/where to go or do we have to guess/figure it out/ask? I'm not talking about work assignments, I'm talking about the logistics. Can anyone share how their first few days went? Thanks.

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Re: First week as Biglaw SA; unrelenting diarrhea

Postby Anonymous User » Sat May 12, 2018 11:52 am

They will tell you where to go. You will likely be with a pack of people who will all be told where to go. It's fine; calm down.

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BasilHallward

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Re: First week as Biglaw SA; unrelenting diarrhea

Postby BasilHallward » Sat May 12, 2018 12:06 pm

Anonymous User wrote:On a similar note, I start my biglaw SA next week. I am very nervous because I have NO idea what to expect. I know we have orientation. What happens exactly? Will they tell us what to do/where to go or do we have to guess/figure it out/ask? I'm not talking about work assignments, I'm talking about the logistics. Can anyone share how their first few days went? Thanks.


Just relax. It's the easiest money you're ever gonna make. They will just walk you through the firm's internal filing systems, etc. Boring and the easiest money you will ever make Enjoy the endless happy hours.

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Re: First week as Biglaw SA; unrelenting diarrhea

Postby Anonymous User » Sun May 13, 2018 12:10 am

Just like you shouldn't go to a doctor for legal advice, you generally shouldn't ask lawyers or wannabe lawyers for medical advice.

You could go find an urgent care and see a doctor promptly. Attentively, you couldHave a call with an online service like mdlive where you get a real live doctor for fifty bucks and without leaving your apartment.

Either is going to have better validated suggestions than we are.

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abogadesq

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Re: First week as Biglaw SA; unrelenting diarrhea

Postby abogadesq » Sun May 13, 2018 3:33 am

Adult diapers are routinely used by barzam
takers.

Seriously though, a few weeks ago a co-worker found a turd in the hallway by the bathroom. If you
have lost control of your sphincter, adult diapers may be the way to go to prevent causing an accident.

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Re: First week as Biglaw SA; unrelenting diarrhea

Postby kiddie114 » Mon May 14, 2018 4:22 pm

...a turd..

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Re: First week as Biglaw SA; unrelenting diarrhea

Postby Anonymous User » Tue May 15, 2018 11:44 pm

OP here. The situation has thankfully resolved itself. I’m chalking it up to high anxiety, new germs, and too much rich food :mrgreen:

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Re: First week as Biglaw SA; unrelenting diarrhea

Postby Pulsar » Sun May 20, 2018 11:35 pm

Probiotics might actually help with this

Doctor Dad thinks they are mostly bullshit but he still says they can help reset your system when it's way out of whack, which it sounds like yours is.



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