A. Nony Mouse wrote:Anonymous User wrote:RaceJudicata wrote:whysooseriousbiglaw wrote:It sounds like you guys are not mature enough to be in a relationship....who competes with their partner?
Plenty of people do. People compete with the friends, family, S/O, etc. Most of the time its a friendly, subconscious competition (i.e. S/O success is pushing me to want to do better! type thing). The problem arises when it is no longer friendly and leads to negative feelings toward friend, family, SO.
I think its completely natural, and so long as its in check, is healthy.
Competition often leads solely to negative feelings. Live and let live....it makes no rational sense to compete with your partner. Only someone who is insecure and/or needs to feel in power/control would feel this way...and often these types of people shouldn't be in serious relationships.
Or someone who is human and has insecurities and whose insecurities happen to focus on this part of life.
My husband talked about going to law school for a while. I'm glad he didn't for a whole host of reasons, but I was a little worried that he would go, get straight As and win everything (because he's just like that), and I would feel badly about not doing as well. I don't think it would have doomed our relationship by any means and I would definitely have been happy for his success, but being competitive is human nature and it can complicate things.
I don't get the sense the OP is unhappy with having a successful spouse/partner, but is unhappy with themselves for not having done some of the things they have. I get that it's not the healthiest thing in the world, but I also don't think it means someone shouldn't be in a serious relationship.
Thank you so much for laying this out so articulately!