Being am SA while pregnant?

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A. Nony Mouse

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Thu Nov 17, 2016 10:00 am

Monochromatic Oeuvre wrote:LMAO at considering abortion because it might interfere with your chance to move commas for one summer.

When OP's flesh and blood says "I love you Mommy!" as she kisses him/her good luck for the first day of kindergarten, OP will have to deal with the knowledge in the back of her mind that she came thisclose to killing it for a marginally better shot at Mayer Brown.

Dude, don't be rude. Everyone has to right to decide for themselves when and how they want to have kids, and what factors matter in deciding that. Your comment is pretty unfair.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby TheSpanishMain » Thu Nov 17, 2016 10:07 am

Anonymous User wrote:Thank you everyone for your help! Given the general consensus this will have no impact on an offer, we are going to continue with the pregnancy as having an infant 3l year will likely be easier than having an infant as an associate, especially since we will have grandparents close by 3l. I really don't want this to turn into a political discussion, but would love to hear any individual stories about working up to your due date. I am still a little nervous that the pregnancy might effect my work product negatively.


Very glad to hear this. Good luck. For what it's worth, firms are usually pretty willing to make special accommodations for people as long as you keep them informed and don't spring something on them the last minute. So, just letting them know that you might need to take a day off at some point for a pre-natal checkup or whatever.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby Anonymous User » Thu Nov 17, 2016 12:10 pm

Lots of couples that do want children end pregnancies if its just not the right time due to career, finances, or anything. My husband and I terminated our first pregnancy because it just wasn't the right time, and two years later I gave birth to a beautiful little girl. Your comment that OP is considering, "killing her child" is completely unwarranted and unfair. I also considered terminating my last pregnancy, which was a surprise, because my husband and I thought we were done after two children, but in the end we decided to continue. I have never once looked at my daughter and thought, "jesus christ I almost killed you." Give it a rest. This isn't the place for that type of talk.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby kalvano » Thu Nov 17, 2016 12:37 pm

Anonymous User wrote:Your comment that OP is considering, "killing her child" is completely unwarranted and unfair.


To be fair, that's exactly what it is.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Thu Nov 17, 2016 12:40 pm

kalvano wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:Your comment that OP is considering, "killing her child" is completely unwarranted and unfair.


To be fair, that's exactly what it is.

Don't let's do this, okay? The OP wasn't asking for opinions on abortion, only on what job issues she might face with the timing of her pregnancy, and turning this into a referendum on abortion isn't going to help anyone.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby kalvano » Thu Nov 17, 2016 12:43 pm

A. Nony Mouse wrote:
kalvano wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:Your comment that OP is considering, "killing her child" is completely unwarranted and unfair.


To be fair, that's exactly what it is.

Don't let's do this, okay? The OP wasn't asking for opinions on abortion, only on what job issues she might face with the timing of her pregnancy, and turning this into a referendum on abortion isn't going to help anyone.


Fair enough. Done.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Thu Nov 17, 2016 12:43 pm

Thanks.

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viz-luv

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby viz-luv » Thu Nov 17, 2016 12:47 pm

When I was finally getting hungrier toward the end the other mom's in my office kept ordering desserts (we order lunch in every day) and feeding them to me because they were on diets then and longingly discussed how great it was to eat anything they wanted when they were pregnant (I eat whatever anyway but I certainly wasn't turning down extra desserts).

I fell asleep sitting upright at my desk a couple of times in the middle of typing :oops: still not sure how as I was focusing hard, but hormones are real

I could balance my cup and keyboard on my stomach and easily type from a reclined position

I could only stomach cheetos half the time boss would joke he could tell which docs I delivered for review. (Not true, but only because i keep paper towels around my office). Important to know I don't like chips. Or frosting actually but I could not stop wanting cupcakes at the time. A friend actually had to stop being a vegetarian because she craved meat so much.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby jchiles » Thu Nov 17, 2016 12:49 pm

All politics and job concerns aside 3L is a great time to schedule big personal events or life changes because you don't have much in the way of real professional responsibility or school stuff going on. Good time to move, get married, have a child, travel, or play video games all day.

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Monochromatic Oeuvre

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby Monochromatic Oeuvre » Thu Nov 17, 2016 1:48 pm

Anonymous User wrote:Lots of couples that do want children end pregnancies if its just not the right time due to career, finances, or anything. My husband and I terminated our first pregnancy because it just wasn't the right time, and two years later I gave birth to a beautiful little girl. Your comment that OP is considering, "killing her child" is completely unwarranted and unfair. I also considered terminating my last pregnancy, which was a surprise, because my husband and I thought we were done after two children, but in the end we decided to continue. I have never once looked at my daughter and thought, "jesus christ I almost killed you." Give it a rest. This isn't the place for that type of talk.


See, most people terminate pregnancies because there's a critical health risk to the mother or child, or because they have no viable way to raise it, or even because the mother and father aren't committed to each other. In that context, getting an abortion because it would be mildly inconvenient to the ten-week party that kicks off one of the most depressing careers around demonstrates, if not derangement, a complete lack of proportion between one's work life and family.

But hey, if you all want to have a big circle jerk where you tell OP there's nothing wrong with having as many abortions as it takes to finish those stock purchase agreements, go ahead. I don't give a shit; I'm not the one who has to look in the mirror and really wonder how I've prioritized my family. Just try not to open your speech at her wedding with "I almost aborted her because I didn't want a third kid."

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby MKC » Thu Nov 17, 2016 1:53 pm

Monochromatic Oeuvre wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:Lots of couples that do want children end pregnancies if its just not the right time due to career, finances, or anything. My husband and I terminated our first pregnancy because it just wasn't the right time, and two years later I gave birth to a beautiful little girl. Your comment that OP is considering, "killing her child" is completely unwarranted and unfair. I also considered terminating my last pregnancy, which was a surprise, because my husband and I thought we were done after two children, but in the end we decided to continue. I have never once looked at my daughter and thought, "jesus christ I almost killed you." Give it a rest. This isn't the place for that type of talk.


See, most people terminate pregnancies because there's a critical health risk to the mother or child, or because they have no viable way to raise it, or even because the mother and father aren't committed to each other. In that context, getting an abortion because it would be mildly inconvenient to the ten-week party that kicks off one of the most depressing careers around demonstrates, if not derangement, a complete lack of proportion between one's work life and family.

But hey, if you all want to have a big circle jerk where you tell OP there's nothing wrong with having as many abortions as it takes to finish those stock purchase agreements, go ahead. I don't give a shit; I'm not the one who has to look in the mirror and really wonder how I've prioritized my family. Just try not to open your speech at her wedding with "I almost aborted her because I didn't want a third kid."


el pollito wrote:

anyriotgirl wrote:
Last edited by MKC on Sat Jan 27, 2018 4:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Thu Nov 17, 2016 1:56 pm

Monochromatic Oeuvre wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:Lots of couples that do want children end pregnancies if its just not the right time due to career, finances, or anything. My husband and I terminated our first pregnancy because it just wasn't the right time, and two years later I gave birth to a beautiful little girl. Your comment that OP is considering, "killing her child" is completely unwarranted and unfair. I also considered terminating my last pregnancy, which was a surprise, because my husband and I thought we were done after two children, but in the end we decided to continue. I have never once looked at my daughter and thought, "jesus christ I almost killed you." Give it a rest. This isn't the place for that type of talk.


See, most people terminate pregnancies because there's a critical health risk to the mother or child, or because they have no viable way to raise it, or even because the mother and father aren't committed to each other. In that context, getting an abortion because it would be mildly inconvenient to the ten-week party that kicks off one of the most depressing careers around demonstrates, if not derangement, a complete lack of proportion between one's work life and family.

But hey, if you all want to have a big circle jerk where you tell OP there's nothing wrong with having as many abortions as it takes to finish those stock purchase agreements, go ahead. I don't give a shit; I'm not the one who has to look in the mirror and really wonder how I've prioritized my family. Just try not to open your speech at her wedding with "I almost aborted her because I didn't want a third kid."

Dude, stop. We are not having this conversation. Last warning. Also, everyone else, please don't engage.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby MKC » Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:01 pm

A. Nony Mouse wrote:Dude, stop. We are not having this conversation. Last warning. Also, everyone else, please don't engage.


funsucker
Last edited by MKC on Sat Jan 27, 2018 4:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby Anonymous User » Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:26 pm

Anonymous User wrote:I know that this summer will make or break my career and my partner and I have decided to terminate if doing the program in my final trimester is insane.


You would terminate your pregnancy if it would affect your performance as an SA and your chances of getting an offer from the firm? A firm, for which you might work for 2-3 years? A firm that might not give you an offer for a host of other reasons, not related to your pregnancy?

I don't mean to tell you how to live your life, but it may be time to review your priorities and decision-making process.

Not trying to discuss the moral aspects of abortion here, but the reality of BigLaw--it doesn't last forever, or even a few years for many.
Last edited by Anonymous User on Sun Nov 20, 2016 1:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:44 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:I know that this summer will make or break my career and my partner and I have decided to terminate if doing the program in my final trimester is insane.


You decided to terminate your pregnancy if it would affect your performance as an SA and your chances of getting an offer from the firm? A firm, for which you might work for 2-3 years? A firm that might not give you an offer for a host of other reasons, not related to your pregnancy?

I don't mean to tell you how to live your life, but it may be time to review your priorities and decision-making process.

Not trying to discuss the moral aspects of abortion here, but the reality of BigLaw--it doesn't last forever, or even a few years for many.

How about you read the rest of the thread before commenting?

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby zot1 » Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:49 pm

A. Nony Mouse wrote:Dude, stop. We are not having this conversation. Last warning. Also, everyone else, please don't engage.


But I really really wanna.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby araceli » Thu Nov 17, 2016 3:01 pm

I created a new account to answer this question, because it is totally 100% going to out me to anyone who knows me at all irl, but here goes:

I was 6.5-8.5 months pregnant during my summer associateship at a V100/AmLaw100 firm. I delivered the baby four weeks after the summer ended and was back to 3L five days after that. I am writing this really quickly because I have 15 minutes before I need to be in a meeting now that I am a first-year associate at my firm.

First, I am 100% pro-choice but never plan your children around your career. This pregnancy came as a surprise to you but many women have difficulty getting pregnant; you have many, many years to work but only a few years in which you can have biological children. If you and your partner would otherwise want children, go for it! There is never a perfect time to have children, and this is actually a lot better time than most! You can't count on being able to have children in the future at a perfect time either.

My story:
My husband and I knew we wanted children sooner rather than later; I started law school in my late 20s so I was not going to wait until I made partner to have children. So we planned a 3L baby - I started trying to get pregnant as soon as I had my 2L summer job lined up. I didn't let anyone at the firm know I was pregnant until about two months before; at that time I reached out to the summer program leader just to let her know so there were no surprises.

I had a GREAT summer. When I first started I was 6.5 months pregnant so not really showing yet, although I only got away with that for about two weeks; then I was pretty visually obviously pregnant. Most women will tell you that they are more tired than usual during their third trimester, and more physically uncomfortable towards the end, but you can 100% work. I wore heels my whole summer. Read the research on alcohol and decide how much you are comfortable drinking - research indicates moderate drinking in the third trimester is 100% fine, so I did all the social events and happy hours (although I nursed the same one glass of wine all evening usually). I tried to make sure I was a good sport about everything, and of course did really good work too ("pregnancy brain" is not a thing and women who say it is a thing are making life harder for the rest of us.)

I had good reviews from the attorneys I worked with and as far as I know had no trouble getting an offer. Everyone was happy for me and encouraging and it really didn't seem like it would have been a problem if I had had to leave a week or two early if the baby came early. I was in a city separate from my husband/where I went to law school so I just made sure to line up a doula, OB, hospital to deliver at, and other support options in case the baby came while I was still working.

I missed one day of work that summer to go back for a prenatal appointment with my own doctor. That was not a problem; I consulted with the summer program on when it would be least-disruptive to schedule it and no one batted an eye. Other people missed a day to attend a wedding or because they were sick or something so it was completely not a big deal.

Here is what you need:
Dresses and tops from Isabella Oliver
A suit jacket one size up from your current size (do not bother with maternity suits, they all suck)
Maternity spanx and maternity nylons
a bellaband to hold up your suit pants
maternity skirts
a really great massage therapist and a personal trainer or prenatal yoga instructor to keep you in good shape

You really couldn't have timed this better. Go for it, kids are amazing and I actually love biglaw too.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby zot1 » Thu Nov 17, 2016 3:06 pm

People gonna do people things, Nony.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby Anonymous User » Thu Nov 17, 2016 3:21 pm

A. Nony Mouse wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:I know that this summer will make or break my career and my partner and I have decided to terminate if doing the program in my final trimester is insane.


You decided to terminate your pregnancy if it would affect your performance as an SA and your chances of getting an offer from the firm? A firm, for which you might work for 2-3 years? A firm that might not give you an offer for a host of other reasons, not related to your pregnancy?

I don't mean to tell you how to live your life, but it may be time to review your priorities and decision-making process.

Not trying to discuss the moral aspects of abortion here, but the reality of BigLaw--it doesn't last forever, or even a few years for many.

How about you read the rest of the thread before commenting?


I read most of them, and I'm aware that OP decided against the termination. I just wanted to remind people of the fact that no one here is going to "outlive" their BigLaw careers--but they're children probably will outlive them. I'm simply reminding OP--and potentially others--that it's easy to lose sight of the big picture at times, and that her initial panic was unwarranted.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby patentlitigatrix » Thu Nov 17, 2016 3:33 pm

araceli wrote:I had good reviews from the attorneys I worked with and as far as I know had no trouble getting an offer. Everyone was happy for me and encouraging and it really didn't seem like it would have been a problem if I had had to leave a week or two early if the baby came early. I was in a city separate from my husband/where I went to law school so I just made sure to line up a doula, OB, hospital to deliver at, and other support options in case the baby came while I was still working.

I missed one day of work that summer to go back for a prenatal appointment with my own doctor. That was not a problem; I consulted with the summer program on when it would be least-disruptive to schedule it and no one batted an eye. Other people missed a day to attend a wedding or because they were sick or something so it was completely not a big deal.

Here is what you need:
Dresses and tops from Isabella Oliver
A suit jacket one size up from your current size (do not bother with maternity suits, they all suck)
Maternity spanx and maternity nylons
a bellaband to hold up your suit pants
maternity skirts
a really great massage therapist and a personal trainer or prenatal yoga instructor to keep you in good shape

You really couldn't have timed this better. Go for it, kids are amazing and I actually love biglaw too.


I agree with basically all of this, but bolded parts that particularly resonated. I was about the same level of pregnant for my SA, but I was showing like crazy from the start.

I am convinced that aside from luck, one of the big reasons that my pregnancies were easy even though my babies were HUGE was that I remained in good physical shape and ate a healthy diet/avoided eating based on cravings. I couldn't do much during my third trimesters except swim and do some minimal resistance training, but swimming laps is excellent exercise and safe. If you don't already do it, I would highly recommend trying to get into it.

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Monochromatic Oeuvre

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby Monochromatic Oeuvre » Thu Nov 17, 2016 3:34 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
A. Nony Mouse wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:I know that this summer will make or break my career and my partner and I have decided to terminate if doing the program in my final trimester is insane.


You decided to terminate your pregnancy if it would affect your performance as an SA and your chances of getting an offer from the firm? A firm, for which you might work for 2-3 years? A firm that might not give you an offer for a host of other reasons, not related to your pregnancy?

I don't mean to tell you how to live your life, but it may be time to review your priorities and decision-making process.

Not trying to discuss the moral aspects of abortion here, but the reality of BigLaw--it doesn't last forever, or even a few years for many.

How about you read the rest of the thread before commenting?


I read most of them, and I'm aware that OP decided against the termination. I just wanted to remind people of the fact that no one here is going to "outlive" their BigLaw careers--but they're children probably will outlive them. I'm simply reminding OP--and potentially others--that it's easy to lose sight of the big picture at times, and that her initial panic was unwarranted.


Imagine being a junior told you'll have to cancel Thanksgiving with the family you never see because the now-midlevel OP considers the diligence memo literally worth aborting your child over.

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zot1

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby zot1 » Thu Nov 17, 2016 3:41 pm

Someone please lock this.

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viz-luv

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby viz-luv » Thu Nov 17, 2016 3:58 pm

patentlitigatrix wrote:
araceli wrote:I had good reviews from the attorneys I worked with and as far as I know had no trouble getting an offer. Everyone was happy for me and encouraging and it really didn't seem like it would have been a problem if I had had to leave a week or two early if the baby came early. I was in a city separate from my husband/where I went to law school so I just made sure to line up a doula, OB, hospital to deliver at, and other support options in case the baby came while I was still working.

I missed one day of work that summer to go back for a prenatal appointment with my own doctor. That was not a problem; I consulted with the summer program on when it would be least-disruptive to schedule it and no one batted an eye. Other people missed a day to attend a wedding or because they were sick or something so it was completely not a big deal.

Here is what you need:
Dresses and tops from Isabella Oliver
A suit jacket one size up from your current size (do not bother with maternity suits, they all suck)
Maternity spanx and maternity nylons
a bellaband to hold up your suit pants
maternity skirts
a really great massage therapist and a personal trainer or prenatal yoga instructor to keep you in good shape

You really couldn't have timed this better. Go for it, kids are amazing and I actually love biglaw too.


I agree with basically all of this, but bolded parts that particularly resonated. I was about the same level of pregnant for my SA, but I was showing like crazy from the start.

I am convinced that aside from luck, one of the big reasons that my pregnancies were easy even though my babies were HUGE was that I remained in good physical shape and ate a healthy diet/avoided eating based on cravings. I couldn't do much during my third trimesters except swim and do some minimal resistance training, but swimming laps is excellent exercise and safe. If you don't already do it, I would highly recommend trying to get into it.


Oooh swimming is awesome and even with spd you can float around! Keeping active is a huge help and well worth putting time into.
I'm very jealous your diet stayed on point. I was a hyperemesis sufferer the entire time so just had to eat whatever I could whenever I could.

And let me put the disclaimer on pregnancy brain. Yes poor name choice as not pervasive but it can occur. It appears most commonly in those displaying antepartum depression symptoms. Guess what hg can cause you to display. Your average woman will probably have no issues and Araceli is absolutely right it is not an excuse or a crutch and I never brought it up at work and made sure no one else even thought I was anything less than my normal self.

And maternity suits did suck for me as well. I don't like dresses but those are probably a great idea with a well fitting jacket. I also had to buy new shoes toward the end, but I don't think you should have problems wearing heels the whole time.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby Lettow » Thu Nov 17, 2016 4:17 pm

Anonymous User wrote:I read most of them, and I'm aware that OP decided against the termination. I just wanted to remind people of the fact that no one here is going to "outlive" their BigLaw careers--but they're children probably will outlive them. I'm simply reminding OP--and potentially others--that it's easy to lose sight of the big picture at times, and that her initial panic was unwarranted.


The issue wasn't whether a biglaw career is more important than a child. The issue was whether she should deliver a child during an important internship. Some people would honestly prefer to wait.

I think you're letting your personal beliefs cloud your advice.

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A. Nony Mouse

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Thu Nov 17, 2016 4:22 pm

Monochromatic Oeuvre wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:
A. Nony Mouse wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:I know that this summer will make or break my career and my partner and I have decided to terminate if doing the program in my final trimester is insane.


You decided to terminate your pregnancy if it would affect your performance as an SA and your chances of getting an offer from the firm? A firm, for which you might work for 2-3 years? A firm that might not give you an offer for a host of other reasons, not related to your pregnancy?

I don't mean to tell you how to live your life, but it may be time to review your priorities and decision-making process.

Not trying to discuss the moral aspects of abortion here, but the reality of BigLaw--it doesn't last forever, or even a few years for many.

How about you read the rest of the thread before commenting?


I read most of them, and I'm aware that OP decided against the termination. I just wanted to remind people of the fact that no one here is going to "outlive" their BigLaw careers--but they're children probably will outlive them. I'm simply reminding OP--and potentially others--that it's easy to lose sight of the big picture at times, and that her initial panic was unwarranted.


Imagine being a junior told you'll have to cancel Thanksgiving with the family you never see because the now-midlevel OP considers the diligence memo literally worth aborting your child over.

Congratulations!! You have won a ban!

(And for the record, I'm not telling anyone to believe anything in particular about abortion; I'm only saying not to be an asshole to the OP for asking about how pregnancy is perceived in biglaw, or to judge her dedication to her family based on her concerns. I get the people saying biglaw isn't something to factor into this decision and that's cool and just providing info as long as it's not tipping too far into "you are a terrible human being for even considering this" territory.)



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