Being am SA while pregnant?

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dixiecupdrinking

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby dixiecupdrinking » Wed Nov 16, 2016 8:47 am

landshoes wrote:If you're considering terminating, you should terminate. It's better to have a kid when you're 100%, for both you and the kid.

ETA: I don't mean this in a guilt-tripping way. I just think that if this isn't the right time for you because you'll be stressed and unhappy, then it's not the right time. None of us can guarantee your employer will or won't act differently towards you, and so if terminating is an option for you, I think it's best to take it.

My feeling is that you should have a child when you can feel happy and secure about bringing that child into the world. This doesn't sound like that kind of situation to me, so I would choose another time.

I think that followed literally this advice would cause literally everyone to have abortions. No one is ever 100% ready.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Nov 16, 2016 8:52 am

MarkinKansasCity wrote:I realize this is completely non-responsive, but holy shit at this profession. I don't mean this as criticism OP, but God biglaw is fucked if people are literally considering giving up their firstborn for a job.


Agreed.

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kalvano

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby kalvano » Wed Nov 16, 2016 9:43 am

landshoes wrote:If you're considering terminating, you should terminate. It's better to have a kid when you're 100%, for both you and the kid.

ETA: I don't mean this in a guilt-tripping way. I just think that if this isn't the right time for you because you'll be stressed and unhappy, then it's not the right time. None of us can guarantee your employer will or won't act differently towards you, and so if terminating is an option for you, I think it's best to take it.

My feeling is that you should have a child when you can feel happy and secure about bringing that child into the world. This doesn't sound like that kind of situation to me, so I would choose another time.


This is absolutely and totally fucking insane. No one is 100% ready to have a kid. Mine is 3 years old and I'm still terrified of having a kid. And this may come as a shock, but a good bit of the time with a kid is stressful and borderline unhappy. It's also one of the most amazing and awesome things ever. No sane person is ever going to feel totally secure and comfortable bringing a child into this world - this world is shitty more often than not. But the world is a better place with my kid in it.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby RaceJudicata » Wed Nov 16, 2016 10:31 am

kalvano wrote:
landshoes wrote:If you're considering terminating, you should terminate. It's better to have a kid when you're 100%, for both you and the kid.

ETA: I don't mean this in a guilt-tripping way. I just think that if this isn't the right time for you because you'll be stressed and unhappy, then it's not the right time. None of us can guarantee your employer will or won't act differently towards you, and so if terminating is an option for you, I think it's best to take it.

My feeling is that you should have a child when you can feel happy and secure about bringing that child into the world. This doesn't sound like that kind of situation to me, so I would choose another time.


This is absolutely and totally fucking insane. No one is 100% ready to have a kid. Mine is 3 years old and I'm still terrified of having a kid. And this may come as a shock, but a good bit of the time with a kid is stressful and borderline unhappy. It's also one of the most amazing and awesome things ever. No sane person is ever going to feel totally secure and comfortable bringing a child into this world - this world is shitty more often than not. But the world is a better place with my kid in it.



Bingo.

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A. Nony Mouse

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Wed Nov 16, 2016 10:38 am

Yeah, I think any professional woman has to make compromises about when to have kids, in such a way that there's always going to be stress and there's never a clear time when to do it.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby rwe13 » Wed Nov 16, 2016 11:02 am

landshoes wrote:If you're considering terminating, you should terminate. It's better to have a kid when you're 100%, for both you and the kid.

ETA: I don't mean this in a guilt-tripping way. I just think that if this isn't the right time for you because you'll be stressed and unhappy, then it's not the right time. None of us can guarantee your employer will or won't act differently towards you, and so if terminating is an option for you, I think it's best to take it.

My feeling is that you should have a child when you can feel happy and secure about bringing that child into the world. This doesn't sound like that kind of situation to me, so I would choose another time.


Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt

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elendinel

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby elendinel » Wed Nov 16, 2016 11:13 am

Anonymous User wrote:Hi all,
I found out I was pregnant this morning. Extremely unexpected as I am on birth control. I am engaged and I think under most circumstances we would continue the pregnancy. However, my approximate due date is right at the end of the summer associate program I have been offered and accepted at a V100. It is a very small program on the west coast and I will only be one of four summers. This is a firm I could see myself at long term, and although they have a 100% offer rate, I am a bit concerned about being 8/9 months pregnant during the program. Are there any big law associates out there that worked through their pregnancy? Would this effect my chances of getting a full time offer? This is my first pregnancy and I don't really know if working during my last trimester is even feasible. Would appreciate any insight. I know that this summer will make or break my career and my partner and I have decided to terminate if doing the program in my final trimester is insane.


I don't know if it will make a difference or not (technically it's illegal for it to make a difference, but we all know of stories of people getting fired for all sorts of things that were just pretext for illegal reasons to fire them).

Here's my other completely unsolicited advice: if you're really just neutral about having a baby right now, this plan is fine, but if you really would love to have the baby and are considering terminating the pregnancy out of abject fear that your career would crash and burn as a result...things are not THAT dire. Don't terminate a pregnancy you want to keep out of fear that this is "a bad time," because that mentality is going to make you miserable. There will never be a "good" time in biglaw to do anything outside your job; that's just the nature of the field. If you keep thinking "Well I don't want to jeopardize my job..." you're never going to get a "good" time to have kids; you're never going to find a "good" time to travel the world; you're never going to find a "good" time to start writing your novel; or whatever other random aspirations you have. So keep that in mind, in terms of weighing job and other important goals, and in terms of thinking that you can achieve your goals later if you just put them off today.

Outside of that, as much as some people in these forums talk about how your life is completely ruined if you don't do specific things every year of law school, there is always another way to get what you want. It may take longer or take more effort/dilligence, but if biglaw is what you really want to do, then you can do it, even if this SA doesn't give you an offer because your water breaks during the second-to-last week. Don't think you have to put everything on the line now to get this job. Don't think you will have to put everything on the line to get some other job. If having the baby's not a big deal, then put work over the baby, but if it is a big deal, you can treat it as one. You can take the SA and do your very best, and you can consider your options if it doesn't turn out the way you wanted it to. Plenty of people get jobs as 3Ls. Plenty of people lateral into biglaw firms after a few years at another firm. Plenty of people find out that another field better suits the lifestyle they want than biglaw ever could. Plenty of people find out that the biglaw job at their dream job wasn't what it was cracked up to be, and leave in a few years anyway. So, don't let this be the end-all, be all (though I completely understand the impulse to do so).

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby patentlitigatrix » Wed Nov 16, 2016 2:03 pm

Anonymous User wrote:Hi all,
I found out I was pregnant this morning. Extremely unexpected as I am on birth control. I am engaged and I think under most circumstances we would continue the pregnancy. However, my approximate due date is right at the end of the summer associate program I have been offered and accepted at a V100. It is a very small program on the west coast and I will only be one of four summers. This is a firm I could see myself at long term, and although they have a 100% offer rate, I am a bit concerned about being 8/9 months pregnant during the program. Are there any big law associates out there that worked through their pregnancy? Would this effect my chances of getting a full time offer? This is my first pregnancy and I don't really know if working during my last trimester is even feasible. Would appreciate any insight. I know that this summer will make or break my career and my partner and I have decided to terminate if doing the program in my final trimester is insane.


I was very pregnant during my SA. I gave birth about 2 weeks after the summer program was over. I didn't have any issues with being able to work in my third trimester, but I had a very easy and healthy pregnancy. It IS possible that you could have a rough third trimester. But if you want a child, I honestly think terminating over a summer associate program is INSANE.

Since it is a small class anyways, could you possibly start earlier than planned? And if not, work a week or two less than the other summers? I am sure some people here would not agree, both of those are reasonable requests in my book. I would talk to someone in recruiting about this once you are through your first trimester.

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cron1834

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby cron1834 » Wed Nov 16, 2016 2:07 pm

I will add that the last two weeks of my SA were excruciating b/c there was very little to do, and there was a general sense that we were going to get offers. Some were busy if they got stuck on a poorly-timed deal, but a lot of us just twiddled thumbs and went out for coffee a lot. It's entirely possible that being pregnant will have little impact on your work experience.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby lavarman84 » Wed Nov 16, 2016 2:11 pm

patentlitigatrix wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:Hi all,
I found out I was pregnant this morning. Extremely unexpected as I am on birth control. I am engaged and I think under most circumstances we would continue the pregnancy. However, my approximate due date is right at the end of the summer associate program I have been offered and accepted at a V100. It is a very small program on the west coast and I will only be one of four summers. This is a firm I could see myself at long term, and although they have a 100% offer rate, I am a bit concerned about being 8/9 months pregnant during the program. Are there any big law associates out there that worked through their pregnancy? Would this effect my chances of getting a full time offer? This is my first pregnancy and I don't really know if working during my last trimester is even feasible. Would appreciate any insight. I know that this summer will make or break my career and my partner and I have decided to terminate if doing the program in my final trimester is insane.


I was very pregnant during my SA. I gave birth about 2 weeks after the summer program was over. I didn't have any issues with being able to work in my third trimester, but I had a very easy and healthy pregnancy. It IS possible that you could have a rough third trimester. But if you want a child, I honestly think terminating over a summer associate program is INSANE.

Since it is a small class anyways, could you possibly start earlier than planned? And if not, work a week or two less than the other summers? I am sure some people here would not agree, both of those are reasonable requests in my book. I would talk to someone in recruiting about this once you are through your first trimester.


I worked a week less than the other summers in my class (also a small class). Still got an offer. I agree with you. I doubt OP's firm would be different.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby kalvano » Wed Nov 16, 2016 2:20 pm

By the end-ish of the SA, your fate is likely decided already.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby Boltsfan » Wed Nov 16, 2016 2:49 pm

patentlitigatrix wrote:I was very pregnant during my SA. I gave birth about 2 weeks after the summer program was over. I didn't have any issues with being able to work in my third trimester, but I had a very easy and healthy pregnancy. It IS possible that you could have a rough third trimester. But if you want a child, I honestly think terminating over a summer associate program is INSANE.

Since it is a small class anyways, could you possibly start earlier than planned? And if not, work a week or two less than the other summers? I am sure some people here would not agree, both of those are reasonable requests in my book. I would talk to someone in recruiting about this once you are through your first trimester.


Starting early/staying late is not unusual. We had a summer associate from Stanford who started and stayed 3 weeks later than the rest of us because of Stanford's quarter system. Firms can accommodate this.

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BaiAilian2013

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby BaiAilian2013 » Wed Nov 16, 2016 4:09 pm

Seconding the point that you can't know what your third trimester will look like. You'll probably be fine to work. But you may not be. Or, you may be the mother of a preemie during that time (hopefully not, of course). If in your heart you want THIS baby, now, I think that wins. But it's not crazy for a couple who does want kids, and wants them the fairly near future even, to terminate a pregnancy because it's just not time yet. Age etc. plays into that decision of course. Sometimes our society treats pregnant women basically as vessels, but you're still a person; don't erase your own needs and priorities. (Not that you necessarily are doing that, based on your posts, but it's an easy trap to fall into.)

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Nov 16, 2016 6:54 pm

A. Nony Mouse wrote:
MarkinKansasCity wrote:I realize this is completely non-responsive, but holy shit at this profession. I don't mean this as criticism OP, but God biglaw is fucked if people are literally considering giving up their firstborn for a job.

Yeah, to be clear, it's absolutely the OP's choice and I don't think she should let the firm (or anyone here) dictate this. It also doesn't seem like it would be an issue under most circumstances. Just that since she is worried someone who knows the firm would be a good resource so she can assess the situation. But also I think it's fair for a woman to consider for herself how the timing of a pregnancy fits with her own career goals.

(No firm wants to be on ATL as no-offering the pregnant SA, but I also don't think being the SA who went to ATL about pregnancy discrimination is great, either. Maybe I'm too cynical.)


Instead of trying to impute intention into the OPs mouth (for what I can only imagine is for some sanctimonious purpose...) why not consider her actual position. She is in a difficult situation and she has come on here for advice. Just because people are giving advice that you might not agree with does not mean that you should try and quiet them.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby viz-luv » Wed Nov 16, 2016 7:03 pm

Anonymous User wrote:Instead of trying to impute intention into the OPs mouth (for what I can only imagine is for some sanctimonious purpose...) why not consider her actual position. She is in a difficult situation and she has come on here for advice. Just because people are giving advice that you might not agree with does not mean that you should try and quiet them.


Nobody is trying to quiet anyone? At least not in your quoted posters. And a brief read through shows people giving their own thoughts and saying they disagree with others but no silencing...

And op if you would like to hear more work experiences while pregnant please feel free to ask.

Edit - to anonymous- I don't want to detail the thread further so I'll leave this here and keep anything else off the thread. I think people stating their opinions decidedly and colorfully is not silencing as I'm quite capable of sending mine right back. But you may be thinking op didn't ask for those opinions and maybe they don't have a place in op's thread, but this is the Internet so... though yes I agree the op is here for help and not judgement.
Last edited by viz-luv on Wed Nov 16, 2016 7:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Nov 16, 2016 7:07 pm

viz-luv wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:Instead of trying to impute intention into the OPs mouth (for what I can only imagine is for some sanctimonious purpose...) why not consider her actual position. She is in a difficult situation and she has come on here for advice. Just because people are giving advice that you might not agree with does not mean that you should try and quiet them.


Nobody is trying to quiet anyone? At least not in your quoted posters. And a brief read through shows people giving their own thoughts and saying they disagree with others but no silencing...

And op if you would like to hear more work experiences while pregnant please feel free to ask.


Suggest you re-read.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby PeanutsNJam » Wed Nov 16, 2016 7:30 pm

Anonymous User wrote:Instead of trying to impute intention into the OPs mouth (for what I can only imagine is for some sanctimonious purpose...) why not consider her actual position. She is in a difficult situation and she has come on here for advice. Just because people are giving advice that you might not agree with does not mean that you should try and quiet them.


Because she didn't come in here to ask "should I abort my baby?" She came in here to ask whether a pregnancy will have a negative impact on her future employment prospects.

Whether to terminate or not is probably the most personal choice anybody could ever make, so yes, people should keep their "you should abort your baby if you're not 100% ready!" and "ugh how can you murder your own child!" thoughts to themselves.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Nov 16, 2016 7:49 pm

PeanutsNJam wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:Instead of trying to impute intention into the OPs mouth (for what I can only imagine is for some sanctimonious purpose...) why not consider her actual position. She is in a difficult situation and she has come on here for advice. Just because people are giving advice that you might not agree with does not mean that you should try and quiet them.


Because she didn't come in here to ask "should I abort my baby?" She came in here to ask whether a pregnancy will have a negative impact on her future employment prospects.

Whether to terminate or not is probably the most personal choice anybody could ever make, so yes, people should keep their "you should abort your baby if you're not 100% ready!" and "ugh how can you murder your own child!" thoughts to themselves.


Of course it's a personal choice - that's why the OP is making that decision herself, and is choosing to seek advice on factors that would influence it, such as how insane the workload would feel whilst heavily pregnant.

The point of my comment was to allow free and open advice to be given to the OP which is what she came for on an anonymous forum - rather than have people squabble amongst themselves about the validity of them even having an opinion (based on their opinion...). Look where that's got me!

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Wed Nov 16, 2016 8:03 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
A. Nony Mouse wrote:
MarkinKansasCity wrote:I realize this is completely non-responsive, but holy shit at this profession. I don't mean this as criticism OP, but God biglaw is fucked if people are literally considering giving up their firstborn for a job.

Yeah, to be clear, it's absolutely the OP's choice and I don't think she should let the firm (or anyone here) dictate this. It also doesn't seem like it would be an issue under most circumstances. Just that since she is worried someone who knows the firm would be a good resource so she can assess the situation. But also I think it's fair for a woman to consider for herself how the timing of a pregnancy fits with her own career goals.

(No firm wants to be on ATL as no-offering the pregnant SA, but I also don't think being the SA who went to ATL about pregnancy discrimination is great, either. Maybe I'm too cynical.)


Instead of trying to impute intention into the OPs mouth (for what I can only imagine is for some sanctimonious purpose...) why not consider her actual position. She is in a difficult situation and she has come on here for advice. Just because people are giving advice that you might not agree with does not mean that you should try and quiet them.

Wait, what? How am I trying to silence the OP?

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby lavarman84 » Wed Nov 16, 2016 8:05 pm

A. Nony Mouse wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:
A. Nony Mouse wrote:
MarkinKansasCity wrote:I realize this is completely non-responsive, but holy shit at this profession. I don't mean this as criticism OP, but God biglaw is fucked if people are literally considering giving up their firstborn for a job.

Yeah, to be clear, it's absolutely the OP's choice and I don't think she should let the firm (or anyone here) dictate this. It also doesn't seem like it would be an issue under most circumstances. Just that since she is worried someone who knows the firm would be a good resource so she can assess the situation. But also I think it's fair for a woman to consider for herself how the timing of a pregnancy fits with her own career goals.

(No firm wants to be on ATL as no-offering the pregnant SA, but I also don't think being the SA who went to ATL about pregnancy discrimination is great, either. Maybe I'm too cynical.)


Instead of trying to impute intention into the OPs mouth (for what I can only imagine is for some sanctimonious purpose...) why not consider her actual position. She is in a difficult situation and she has come on here for advice. Just because people are giving advice that you might not agree with does not mean that you should try and quiet them.

Wait, what? How am I trying to silence the OP?


Nony, you should out whiny Anon. There's absolutely no reason to post that Anon.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Nov 16, 2016 8:21 pm

A. Nony Mouse wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:
A. Nony Mouse wrote:
MarkinKansasCity wrote:I realize this is completely non-responsive, but holy shit at this profession. I don't mean this as criticism OP, but God biglaw is fucked if people are literally considering giving up their firstborn for a job.

Yeah, to be clear, it's absolutely the OP's choice and I don't think she should let the firm (or anyone here) dictate this. It also doesn't seem like it would be an issue under most circumstances. Just that since she is worried someone who knows the firm would be a good resource so she can assess the situation. But also I think it's fair for a woman to consider for herself how the timing of a pregnancy fits with her own career goals.

(No firm wants to be on ATL as no-offering the pregnant SA, but I also don't think being the SA who went to ATL about pregnancy discrimination is great, either. Maybe I'm too cynical.)


Instead of trying to impute intention into the OPs mouth (for what I can only imagine is for some sanctimonious purpose...) why not consider her actual position. She is in a difficult situation and she has come on here for advice. Just because people are giving advice that you might not agree with does not mean that you should try and quiet them.

Wait, what? How am I trying to silence the OP?


It seems everyone else has a different interpretation of the OP's question - I was merely trying to keep the debate open to help the OP!

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Nov 16, 2016 8:22 pm

lawman84 wrote:
A. Nony Mouse wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:
A. Nony Mouse wrote:
MarkinKansasCity wrote:I realize this is completely non-responsive, but holy shit at this profession. I don't mean this as criticism OP, but God biglaw is fucked if people are literally considering giving up their firstborn for a job.

Yeah, to be clear, it's absolutely the OP's choice and I don't think she should let the firm (or anyone here) dictate this. It also doesn't seem like it would be an issue under most circumstances. Just that since she is worried someone who knows the firm would be a good resource so she can assess the situation. But also I think it's fair for a woman to consider for herself how the timing of a pregnancy fits with her own career goals.

(No firm wants to be on ATL as no-offering the pregnant SA, but I also don't think being the SA who went to ATL about pregnancy discrimination is great, either. Maybe I'm too cynical.)


Instead of trying to impute intention into the OPs mouth (for what I can only imagine is for some sanctimonious purpose...) why not consider her actual position. She is in a difficult situation and she has come on here for advice. Just because people are giving advice that you might not agree with does not mean that you should try and quiet them.

Wait, what? How am I trying to silence the OP?


Nony, you should out whiny Anon. There's absolutely no reason to post that Anon.


This is a sensitive subject, and you don't know my personal situation.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby lavarman84 » Wed Nov 16, 2016 9:07 pm

Anonymous User wrote:This is a sensitive subject, and you don't know my personal situation.


I don't need to know your personal situation. Your post didn't contain any personal information. You complained about the conduct of others.

But I'm not a mod. So I'll stop backseat modding.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Nov 16, 2016 9:24 pm

Thank you everyone for your help! Given the general consensus this will have no impact on an offer, we are going to continue with the pregnancy as having an infant 3l year will likely be easier than having an infant as an associate, especially since we will have grandparents close by 3l. I really don't want this to turn into a political discussion, but would love to hear any individual stories about working up to your due date. I am still a little nervous that the pregnancy might effect my work product negatively.

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Re: Being am SA while pregnant?

Postby Monochromatic Oeuvre » Thu Nov 17, 2016 9:54 am

LMAO at considering abortion because it might interfere with your chance to move commas for one summer.

When OP's flesh and blood says "I love you Mommy!" as she kisses him/her good luck for the first day of kindergarten, OP will have to deal with the knowledge in the back of her mind that she came thisclose to killing it for a marginally better shot at Mayer Brown.



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