Legal Careers and Starting a Family / Staying at Home Forum

[Anonymous User]

The whole "work/life balance" / "having it all" discussion applies to almost every family in almost every career, but I'm curious what folks think about the family and the legal career in particular.

At its narrowest, my question is when is the least interruptive time for a female lawyer to have kids, especially if she would like to stay home until they're in pre-k if she has the option?

Is it better to go from law school and the bar into a full-time work, work for a few years...then take a break and try to come back? Or is it better to graduate and get licensed, have kids, and delay entry into the workforce so that there is less of a chance of subsequent interruption? Or a third option that I'm not thinking of? Is it harder to come back after a few years off in the middle or harder to get started after an experience/resume gap between law school and the career?

I'm also curious what folks think about what legal careers are the most family friendly, on the whole?

Finally, I also wonder about regions of the U.S. -- whether there are areas of the U.S. that are better on the whole for female attorneys in this respect? (or male attorneys hoping to stay home with kids)

Interested in hearing especially from lawyers who are a few years into their career (who have either personally been thinking about this or who have known colleagues thinking about these things), but also interested in what current law students think about this.

Apologies if this has been heavily discussed elsewhere. Please feel free to direct me to any older threads.

(If you're interested in my circumstances: I'm a 2L at CCN, working in biglaw in summer '16; married, age 25)

[Anonymous User]

I would vote for working for a few years then starting a family. Several associates at my firm (V10) have done that and, while it isn't easy, the firm seems to be very accommodating. After a few years you will have the option of working an alternative schedule or taking a lot of unpaid time off while still having a job to come back to. Also, if you work first, you will always have the three years at firm X resume line, which would make you more marketable than being three-five years out of law school with no experience.

I am not sure whether there are "regions" that are more accommodating, but it does very A LOT firm to firm. any firm worth its salt in this respect would be more than happy to have you speak to associates/partners who have done this. Clearly, this would have been something to look into before accepting a position for this summer, but there's always the possibility of switching or lateraling.

[A. Nony Mouse]

I think that (unfortunately) career gaps do disproportionately screw women with kids, and to be honest, I don't know lawyers who have taken off the whole time to allow kids to make it to pre-K. The ones I know have taken up to 6 mos off maternity leave, then gone back to work, even if part time.

That said, I agree that getting some work experience (and making connections) before taking a break to have kids is probably the better route. I can't point to specific proof for this, I just think the more work experience you have, the better you fare looking for a job.

As for regions that are family friendly, I think it is going to depend more on specific employers than region. (Unless you move to Canada!) I suppose wrt to biglaw you could say that a secondary with lower hours expectations (if that's actually the case) will be better than places that expect you to live in your office 24-7. But again I think that's more about the employer.

(IME the feds are generally pretty family-friendly, but more in the sense of having much more reasonable hours and good benefits than in the ability to have a gap in your career.)

[Anonymous User]

Also I hope you are asking this question because you are married and are pregnant or are soon to be pregnant. If not, go read the book Lean In. Lean into your career. Do the job that challenges you, that you want, that you love, that you are good at. Don't mommy track yourself before you are a mommy.

When you are pregnant, start addressing where you want to be with work-life and what options you want to pursue. Personally I think if you are a smart enough cookie to get a Big Law job or whatnot, you may find yourself going slowly insane spending 5+ years at home changing diapers and acting as Suzy-homemaker to the man in your life (because remember you are home all day, why isn't the laundry done? why isn't dinner on the table?!). Frankly, if you want a few years off work to spend with your kids, you may find the time more rewarding when they are pre-teens or something than when they are a needy grub of a baby. I say this with all due respect and from watching many professional women go through this. It might just be a matter of scaling back your hours or moving to the government with its family friendly hours/on site day cares/generous leave policies.

Also, if you are not married, these decisions might need to be mutual. Not all careers are equally stable, upwardly mobile, etc. The father of your children might be in one of these unstable careers and you might be one of the large percentage of women in this country who's income is necessary for their family to stay above water and secure -- which is far more important to your children than having their mom present to do 10 diaper changes a day instead of 4.

If I were absolutely the planning type and a good enough student/lawyer that these doors were open to you, I'd spend the "traditional" 5 years in Big Law, save at least 50% of your income so you don't get used to the lifestyle - and can use that money to even out the lifestyle of losing your income (oh yeah, and as backup for divorce). Then get a job with the Federal Government, with the generous leave, flexible and regular hours, and on-site day care. But I'd keep working through out. Actually, I take that back, if I could control the world, I would go with an independently wealthy house-husband.

Just a thought. Broach the subject when you get there rather than directing your whole career in advance toward that end.

(FWIW, though I am a law school, I have a decade of experience as a woman male-dominated profession prior to law school, and have watched many of my girlfriends successfully navigate their career and children, so I do feel like I am speaking from at least some experience).

[Anonymous User]

I know there are some firms out there with relatively generous leave policies. By that I mean maybe 16 weeks instead of 10 for primary caregivers. From what I remember when I was doing my own research on this, Texas- and California-based firms tended to have slightly better balance (in terms of both actual policies and hours reputations). I think the legal profession generally isn't great for parents, though, and I'd say that's especially so for firms. I've known far more mothers and pregnant women in government legal jobs (both city and federal levels) than in the private sector, and I assume that's because, as said above, of the generally shorter hours and health benefits. Actual leave in the government isn't that great.

I think the other anon poster gave good advice. I'm a man, so that deservedly reduces the value of what I'm about to write, but here it goes: I "mommy tracked" (or I guess daddy tracked) myself before I was a dad. I knew that I wanted to at least be able to spend time with my family and split household/childcare duties with my wife (if not take time off work as primary caregiver), but I didn't know when it would happen and didn't feel like switching jobs. So I made it a goal of mine from the beginning to find a job I liked that would also give me the future flexibility I wanted down the line. I don't regret it at all, but freely admit it isn't best for everyone and may apply differently to women. Just something to consider.

[Anonymous User]

Fed Government jobs offer FMLA benefits which is 12 weeks unpaid leave. You can use sick leave or annual leave (vacation time) as paid leave in lieu of unpaid leave for 6 weeks. Law firms are also required by law to offer FMLA, which is 12 weeks unpaid, but as I understand many firms actually pay. However, answers vary about how this effects billable time expectations (what is vacation or leave when you are really held to billing a certain number of hours a year). This is only valuable if they scale down your expected billables by 12 weeks. Frankly if you are going to actually leave the work place, you should do it smart, which is take your full allotted leave - paid or unpaid - before actually quitting. You may find yourself wanting to go back or merely extend your leave for a little longer (I had a friend who worked out 1 year unpaid, another friend who negotiated returning to work half time, I know some law firms are now allowing job sharing/reduced hours, combined with appropriately reduced pay, for new parents, without sacrificing class year credit, etc.).

California state law has a lot more LAW that protects paternal and materal leave, thus better policies.

Texas (which is where I live) is definitely a family friendly state in general, but you are also going to find a lot more sexism in Texas and belief you don't take your career seriously because you're a mom. Texas can be brutal on fathers, like "dude, I only took 2 days off when I had a kid, how dare you take a whole week! Go back to work as fast as possible, that way you don't have to do midnight diaper changes." Me, I am a fan of co-parenting. Texas is cheaper so its easier to live on one professional income, so that's a consideration. So I guess that's pluses and minuses.

[emkay625]

I do not personally know any attorneys who have taken 4-5 years off. However, it seems like if you graduated from law school and then did not work as an attorney for 4-5 years, it would be incredibly difficult to find someone who wanted to hire you.

What does your husband/partner do? (Or wife, don't mean to be hetero-normative). Perhaps their career path would lend itself more to taking 4-5 years off.

[smallfirmassociate]

There is never a perfect time to have kids, but if a near-perfect time exists, it's definitely before you become a lawyer. Otherwise, I think you just do what feels right and make everything else happen. I've had all the kids I plan to have, and it just doesn't seem like something that you can plan for much other than the obvious stuff ("Can we afford this?" "Do either of us have serious congenital medical conditions?") Jobs and careers are unpredictable. I wouldn't plan around them. Once you have kids, they won't seem that important anyway.