Getting Married During First Year of Big Law Forum

[merde_happens]

3L here with a BigLaw job at a firm in SF starting next fall. I just got engaged, yay! Now I'm trying to figure out wedding timing, and I'm struggling to find an ideal time to do it. My general options would be:

• Next summer would be a quick turnaround and many of the venues are already booked. Plus, wedding planning + bar prep = recipe for disaster.
• Next fall is a no-go, unfortunately, because my sister beat me to the punch and is getting married in early September. We have a lot of mutual friends in addition to the family overlap, and we're getting married on opposite sides of the country. I don't want to make people travel twice in the span of a couple months.
• I would prefer not to do a winter wedding.

That brings me to spring 2017--when I will be a first-year associate.

I called up my summer mentor from the firm and kind of ran the idea by him. He seemed to think that this would be NBD, but he's a partner who may be divorced from the realities of first-year craziness. I'm not particularly worried about getting one weekend off, but I also don't want to feel on-the-hook for answering emails and completing pop-up assignments during my own wedding. I'm just concerned that's not feasible.

I don't mind taking my honeymoon at another time when things are slow (e.g. August). I observed several first-years take week-long vacations this past summer, and from what they reported back they were largely left alone.

Thoughts? Advice? Any attorneys who have gotten married during their first year?

[Anonymous User]

I think getting married and having a wedding is one of the most accepted reasons for taking time off AND not actually being expected to respond to things are you normally do. Everyone in the office will be happy for you , and no one will give you flak at all. (if they do, they are truly, truly a dick and you wouldn't want to work with them ever).

invite people from work that you like, make sure your timetable is figured out well in advance, and work longer than you normally do in weeks leading up to it. You'll be totally fine. Probably don't take your honeymoon immediately after your wedding, but after a little bit of waiting you can totally take one without judgment (that's what vacation days are for). You'll probably be more expected to respond to emails on that, but not to do any real substantive work. Again, just plan it in advance and let everyone know.

[gp86]

Nothing you ever do in your legal career will be as meaningful as your wedding and honeymoon. I got married my first year, took three weeks off, gave zero fucks, and turned out fine. I never encountered a partner who did anything but encourage me to take off as much time as possible. Way too many associates freak out and basically subordinate one of the key days of their lives to an organization that is utterly indifferent to them.

[Anonymous User]

Genuinely no big deal. I know someone who did this recently. Probably not best for you (personally, not professionally) to take off enough time for both lead up to wedding + wedding + honeymoon all in one, which would be all or almost all of your vacation for the year if you're at a firm with the standard 4 weeks of vacation (so the person I know is doing her honeymoon six months after the wedding), but it's really NBD to take a week or two off as a junior associate. Depends a bit on the firm, but most likely you'll have coverage, and even if you're at a firm without coverage, being able to tell people 9 months+ in advance when you'll be out of the office for your wedding means everyone will easily plan around you not being there. (People can plan around your absence with a lot less notice, too, but for a wedding, which has fixed days ridiculously far in advance, you're in really great shape.) And there is no time when you are more interchangeable and less indispensable than as a first year.

[dixiecupdrinking]

Definitely not a problem. Unless you work for outrageous assholes.

[Anonymous User]

a mid level associate at my firm took 2 weeks off right after she lateraled here for her direct relative's wedding, didn't seem to be a problem.