Post
by Anonymous User » Sun May 31, 2015 1:45 pm
It doesn't apply to OP's situation, but I'm not so sure we don't develop a more legitimate cure for bipolar in our lifetime as opposed to just giving lithium to mellow them out, but still not preclude the episodes. We're speaking about a sickness as opposed to brain damage. If someone loses their frontal cortex in a head on collision, yes, they're always gonna be prone to impulsive behavior. But if the brain itself isn't damaged but just not functioning correctly, it seems like someone will eventually posit a cure.
In addition, OP's self-absorption is not related to her being bipolar except to the extent that her mania may be likelier to showcase itself in antisocial ways. I also don't know if we're talking about someone who has such bad bipolar that she can't be a productive attorney. Her actual conduct isn't that frightening, and might be motivated by a spoiled upbringing (think tons of family vacations, parents providing free room/board, probably showered with attention at home and having the special snowflake syndrome representative of many law students). Once OP matures and is able to see situations from the perspective of the dean, the secretaries, etc. and is able to think about what she can gain and lose by engaging in a given course of conduct, I don't know if this repeats itself. At this juncture, none of us can say whether OP's conduct was a 100% reflection of bipolar in which case it's largely incurable or whether it was also a product of selfishness and immaturity in which case the more OP experiences the world, the less likely such behavior will be to reappear.
I know this goes against the grain, but as someone who is "psychologically healthy," I'm prone to massive differences in work quality depending on (1) when the due date is and (2) if I've met the client, how much I like them. Even trying to control for these 2 things, I still struggle to have consistency. IDK if someone being highly productive and then highly non-productive due to a sickness makes them inherently more inconsistent than me, and I have found that most people also have the same inconsistencies as me for those same 2 reasons.
Dresdon doll makes a good point regarding obsessively repeating the talking points. My guess would be that OP is repeating trade craft from her support group and therapists. "People with bipolar can achieve the same things as everyone else can," "It's not my fault I have this disease," etc. I'm not commenting on their validity as applied to OP and her conduct, but simply that it's possible this doesn't reflect anything about OP individually and is just a slogan she hears a dozen times a week. In this regard, it may be more difficult for her to overcome as she's logically creating the opposite of a catch-22: "People with bipolar can do anything they put their minds to and must have the same opportunities, but if I do something terrible it will be because of my bipolar." In essence, this mentality denies the severity of bipolar disorder while at the same time diminishes her culpability for reprehensible conduct, and such a perspective can deter character growth. If OP wishes to beat the odds my guess is she'd have to believe the opposite of part two - that she can control and is the sole source of blame rather than the disorder. Like those with more traditional disabilities, OP must be aware that she'll always be considered less good because of her disability, and that getting to the same result as the non-disabled person requires holding herself to a higher standard than a non-disabled person.
