Grieving in biglaw

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Anonymous User
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Grieving in biglaw

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Feb 13, 2015 10:20 pm

I am a first-year associate at a big law firm. A few months ago, I lost my mom after she had a sudden stroke. I was incredibly close to her—this has all hit very hard. Does anyone have any advice for or experience with grieving a loss like this while working in a law firm environment? I'm lucky to have a supportive base of family and friends, and my firm has been great through all of this, but it can still be rough a lot of days.

RodneyRuxin
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Re: Grieving in biglaw

Postby RodneyRuxin » Sat Feb 14, 2015 1:30 am

Just wanted to say I'm sorry and we're all here for you if you need someone to talk to.

sparty99
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Re: Grieving in biglaw

Postby sparty99 » Sat Feb 14, 2015 1:47 am

Anonymous User wrote:I am a first-year associate at a big law firm. A few months ago, I lost my mom after she had a sudden stroke. I was incredibly close to her—this has all hit very hard. Does anyone have any advice for or experience with grieving a loss like this while working in a law firm environment? I'm lucky to have a supportive base of family and friends, and my firm has been great through all of this, but it can still be rough a lot of days.


Can you see a shrink or does your firm offer some type of counseling? Maybe take a week vacation.

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Clearly
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Re: Grieving in biglaw

Postby Clearly » Sat Feb 14, 2015 5:09 am

Yeah for real, I have no on point advice, but I'm so sorry for your loss, I could see how that would make focusing on work impossible.

mr.hands
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Re: Grieving in biglaw

Postby mr.hands » Sat Feb 14, 2015 5:38 am

Ugh sorry to hear about your mother.

See if your firm has bereavement leave , or whatever it's called. Many firms offer it. Get out of the office for a bit.

depth charge
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Re: Grieving in biglaw

Postby depth charge » Sat Feb 14, 2015 11:24 am

i am sorry to hear for your loss.

not being snide, but the first thing i thought when i read the thread title was, "being reported to the grievance commission by opposing counsel while practicing in biglaw." unfortunately, it seems to be all the rage to threaten such reporting (happened to me twice in the midst of endearing discovery disputes, i.e., over non-grieveable issues).

i have no immediate advice for the issue at hand except be vulnerable with the right people and ask for help, love, and support. i learned this the hard way by going to AA after trying to deal with my problems by myself for a few years. it didn't work.

going forward, i suggest building a support network with which you can share these trials (and also the joys). relationships are so important and i think the biggest challenge posed by biglaw in that area is that sometimes it seems as if you simply don't have enough time to foster meaningful relationships. make the time.

thanks for sharing your loss and struggles. that itself is a big step in healing process by most accounts.

shock259
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Re: Grieving in biglaw

Postby shock259 » Sat Feb 14, 2015 3:19 pm

So sorry for your loss. Does anyone at your firm know? You may want to talk to a higher level partner about your struggles, if possible, and maybe take a week or two off. I'm also a first year and have had some ongoing medical issues for the last few months, and my firm has been surprisingly supportive and flexible with doctors appointments and time off. Particularly at the partner and senior partner level (midlevels tend to be more annoyed).

Good luck, and again, my condolences.

kaiser
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Re: Grieving in biglaw

Postby kaiser » Sat Feb 14, 2015 3:30 pm

I'm real sorry to hear this, and my best advice would be to not bottle it up and hide things from your firm. Just be open and frank about your situation and your needs at the moment. I'm sure your firm will be supportive and understanding of your circumstances. And if they are anything less than fully supportive, it would be very telling about the firm. So just openly communicate with them.

Anonymous User
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Re: Grieving in biglaw

Postby Anonymous User » Sat Feb 14, 2015 7:07 pm

Thank you everyone for the kind and thoughtful comments. The suggestions about time off are definitely well taken. I am planning on visiting some out of town friends next month. My firm has been great so far, and I feel good that they'll let me have that time.
depth charge wrote:not being snide, but the first thing i thought when i read the thread title was, "being reported to the grievance commission by opposing counsel while practicing in biglaw." unfortunately, it seems to be all the rage to threaten such reporting (happened to me twice in the midst of endearing discovery disputes, i.e., over non-grieveable issues).

That's funny. I thought about a few different thread titles and settled on that one as the least terrible option. At one point I had something like "Grief and biglaw" which I think would have been even worse.
Clearly wrote:Yeah for real, I have no on point advice, but I'm so sorry for your loss, I could see how that would make focusing on work impossible.

Thank you--what's been interesting is that many days I'm grateful to have work (especially when it's more substantive) to distract me and give me something to focus my energies on. Other days it's hard to get much done.




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