Cross-post from the Golf thread, but appropriate here, too.
patrickd139 wrote:Just heard a side-splittingly hilarious (true) story about a summer associate at my former firm at a golf outing that took place several years ago. All the details are 100% straight from the hiring partner's mouth. Swear the Golden Bear all of this happened. No embellishment.
The firm is hosting an optional summer associate event at the local country club. Spa option for the ladies, and a round of golf for the guys. Tennis for anyone who wasn't interested in golf or a massage. Let me emphasize that the club is really nice. For instance, they hosted the U.S. Open a few years before this particular story happened.
Summer Associate doesn't play golf, had never played golf, and didn't know the first damn thing about playing golf. But like the consummate alpha bro, Summer picked the golf option without hesitation (or preparation; he didn't even go to the driving range and take a few practice swings before the round). He showed up in cargo shorts, a Hurley t-shirt and tennis shoes to the tee time. One of the junior associates was kind enough to intercept him in the parking lot and direct him to the clubhouse to buy a polo, because the course is collared shirts only.
So out from the clubhouse comes Summer in his brand new, embroidered [Fancy Club] shirt, cargo shorts and New Balance. By this time, pretty much all of the rest of the group had arrived. Three summer associates, a couple junior associates and three partners (the hiring partner who's telling me this story, and two senior partners). One of these partners holds the membership they're playing on. We'll call him Senior. Senior is a very, very serious scratch golfer. He rolls up to the valet, pulls his bag of professional, fitted clubs out of his Benz, sets them in the cart that's waiting for him and heads into the clubhouse to check in, grab a beer, change shoes, etc.
When he comes out, Summer is on the driving range. With Senior's clubs. All but excavating the driving range with the divots he's creating trying to make contact with the ball. Senior is fucking livid, but keeps his cool, walks over and asks summer what he's doing, whether he's ever played golf, subtly mocking him and eventually suggesting that he go to the clubhouse and rent his own set of clubs for the round. Summer does so.
The start the round, Summer and Senior are paired in the same group, along with the managing partner, and end up sharing a cart. About 5 holes in, Summer has lost all of the box of balls that the golf pro had stocked the rented clubs with, so Senior tells Summer to take the cart, go back to the clubhouse, and get more golf balls. Summer comes back about 20 minutes later with a bucket of balls. Orange driving range balls. This really brings the laughs, all at Summer's expense.
Senior is starting to lose his cool at this point, but keeps it together. Summer tees off, and somehow makes it to the next green with the ball he started with. Summer triumphantly returns to the cart while Senior is chipping from the rough just ahead to the left of the cart path, so Summer hops in the driver's seat, heads over to Senior and picks him up. And then he keeps driving. All the way to the green. And keeps going. Up onto the green. In the fucking cart. Senior is apparently so mad and confused about what's happening that he's just screaming random obscenities at Summer, trying to communicate that you should never get within 10 years of the green, much less drive the fucking cart onto it. Summer thinks he's about to have a wreck or something, so he slams on the breaks and digs ruts into the 6th hole green. Senior (whose membership is going to be charged for basically renovating the green) literally yelled at Summer until he almost passed out from exhaustion. All the while, the rest of the summers, associates and partners are actually crying with laughter, some literally rolling on the ground, at what's going down.
Absolute A+ legend status right there. (Obviously, Summer was no-offered.)