Best SA Bloopers / Epic SA Fails to Avoid and Laugh At Forum

[Anonymous User]

Damn what do you have to do with Westlaw to rack up that kind of bill? Non-stop 50 state surveys all night?

I would venture that it would be impossible to rack up a six figure charge in one night. If I remember correctly, the most expensive thing is law review articles and other secondary sources, and they're around $30 a pop. You would have to download over 8000 of them to break $260,000. You could probably do it over the whole summer, but it would have to be on purpose. Maybe you could do it by accident on hourly billing if you left it on all summer, but even then...

LOL, no. There are things on Westlaw that are much more expensive than $30.

I don't doubt it, but like what? And are you saying it's feasible that you could accidentally spend a quarter million in one night due to feverish research?

At my summer firm, Lexis "Federal and State All" Searches were like $255 each or something.

[TTRansfer]

That's hilarious. I've literally never heard a call where people used the announcing feature, but on your first call, there's no way you could know that other than by guessing...

Please tell me you have read the xoxo thread about work conference calls.

Nope -- link?

--LinkRemoved--

Oh, man. THank you for posting that. Should be a fun read.

[TTRansfer]

Damn what do you have to do with Westlaw to rack up that kind of bill? Non-stop 50 state surveys all night?

I would venture that it would be impossible to rack up a six figure charge in one night. If I remember correctly, the most expensive thing is law review articles and other secondary sources, and they're around $30 a pop. You would have to download over 8000 of them to break $260,000. You could probably do it over the whole summer, but it would have to be on purpose. Maybe you could do it by accident on hourly billing if you left it on all summer, but even then...

LOL, no. There are things on Westlaw that are much more expensive than $30.

I don't doubt it, but like what? And are you saying it's feasible that you could accidentally spend a quarter million in one night due to feverish research?

It depends on the firm's plan. I once had to access floor records or something. They were like $150 a pop and we needed a bunch of them. I got the OK from the librarian and associate to download them. Spent a few grand on that case alone in one day. All of it was worth it, though.

[Clearly]

More stories! This is hysterical!

[Anonymous User]

Here are some fun ones I heard:

Going to an outing with a fellow SAs at a strip club, then billing the firm for it.

Upon hearing that the firm will have an intramural hockey team, SA boasts to the organizing partner about how he will be the best player because he played hockey during high school. Organizing partner is a former NHL player.

[TTRansfer]

Nope -- link?

--LinkRemoved--

Oh, man. THank you for posting that. Should be a fun read.

No shit, during a hearing today the judge wanted to conference in an executive from my client's company. So we put it on sp3eakerphone and called. The receptionist answers we ask for officer and she puts us on hold. Their hold music was the super mario brothers theme.

loling irl

[SammyJ]

Some funny stories here (towards the bottom):

http://www.constitutionaldaily.com/inde ... &Itemid=65

[84651846190]

Nope -- link?

--LinkRemoved--

Oh, man. THank you for posting that. Should be a fun read.

No shit, during a hearing today the judge wanted to conference in an executive from my client's company. So we put it on sp3eakerphone and called. The receptionist answers we ask for officer and she puts us on hold. Their hold music was the super mario brothers theme.

loling irl

Fucking hilarious, even if it didn't really happen.

[Myself]

.

[Anonymous User]

Damn what do you have to do with Westlaw to rack up that kind of bill? Non-stop 50 state surveys all night?

I would venture that it would be impossible to rack up a six figure charge in one night. If I remember correctly, the most expensive thing is law review articles and other secondary sources, and they're around $30 a pop. You would have to download over 8000 of them to break $260,000. You could probably do it over the whole summer, but it would have to be on purpose. Maybe you could do it by accident on hourly billing if you left it on all summer, but even then...

LOL, no. There are things on Westlaw that are much more expensive than $30.

Holy... I would never have known that Westlaw would charge you per a pop. Now I'm super scared of doing a "thorough" research... How do people deal with this issue?

[Old Gregg]

Work for clients that don't give a shit.

Also, use the west law hotline. All their searches for you are free.

[Persia]

Damn what do you have to do with Westlaw to rack up that kind of bill? Non-stop 50 state surveys all night?

I would venture that it would be impossible to rack up a six figure charge in one night. If I remember correctly, the most expensive thing is law review articles and other secondary sources, and they're around $30 a pop. You would have to download over 8000 of them to break $260,000. You could probably do it over the whole summer, but it would have to be on purpose. Maybe you could do it by accident on hourly billing if you left it on all summer, but even then...

LOL, no. There are things on Westlaw that are much more expensive than $30.

Holy... I would never have known that Westlaw would charge you per a pop. Now I'm super scared of doing a "thorough" research... How do people deal with this issue?

At my firm they encouraged us to start off with our free Bloomberg student accounts (which were still available over the summer) and then move to Westlaw only once we had a good idea of exactly what to look for and where. Bloomberg also has a shepardizing tool that isn't great, but is free... so it's great for double- and triple-checking after your Lexis or Westlaw shepardizing if you're paranoid about missing anything. You've also got hard copy treatises in your firm's library, and you can always call a Westlaw rep and ask him to design and run a quick search for you.

[patrickd139]

Two summers before me (as told by the hiring partner himself):
[Setting: nondescript men's room in an office building downtown; Hiring Partner is taking a dump; Summer enters the bathroom]

Summer: [Grabs can of industrial Lysol left behind from cleaning staff the night before] "Ewww, stinky stinky...."

Hiring Partner: "What tha fuck?!"

[Sprays Lysol into the stall where Hiring Partner is taking a dump.]

Summer: [Leaves immediately. From the building. Doesn't come back until the next day.]

[A. Nony Mouse]

Holy... I would never have known that Westlaw would charge you per a pop. Now I'm super scared of doing a "thorough" research... How do people deal with this issue?

Westlaw has training sessions on how to do efficient research (what searches cost more/less, that kind of thing). I don't remember anything about them, though, because I've never worked anywhere that cared in any way about the number of searches we ran. (Unless I somehow got so magically efficient my searches never cost very much... but I highly doubt that.)

[JusticeJackson]

.

[Itinerant]

Holy... I would never have known that Westlaw would charge you per a pop. Now I'm super scared of doing a "thorough" research... How do people deal with this issue?

Westlaw has training sessions on how to do efficient research (what searches cost more/less, that kind of thing). I don't remember anything about them, though, because I've never worked anywhere that cared in any way about the number of searches we ran. (Unless I somehow got so magically efficient my searches never cost very much... but I highly doubt that.)

The firm will have Westlaw come in and teach you how to search under their payment plan. For ours, WestlawNext has a search function that is $0 (It's something like "WestNumber Search" or something like that, but it only brings up decisions, and the results aren't quite as good as a full search. So you use the free search first, and then move on.

Before I knew about this, I racked up a 7k bill in a day, and someone called me and asked me to do the Westlaw training.

[TTRansfer]

Holy... I would never have known that Westlaw would charge you per a pop. Now I'm super scared of doing a "thorough" research... How do people deal with this issue?

Westlaw has training sessions on how to do efficient research (what searches cost more/less, that kind of thing). I don't remember anything about them, though, because I've never worked anywhere that cared in any way about the number of searches we ran. (Unless I somehow got so magically efficient my searches never cost very much... but I highly doubt that.)

The firm will have Westlaw come in and teach you how to search under their payment plan. For ours, WestlawNext has a search function that is $0 (It's something like "WestNumber Search" or something like that, but it only brings up decisions, and the results aren't quite as good as a full search. So you use the free search first, and then move on.

Before I knew about this, I racked up a 7k bill in a day, and someone called me and asked me to do the Westlaw training.

Hah, that's why I was glad I had permission to rack up a multi-thousand dollar bill.

[patrickd139]

Cross-post from the Golf thread, but appropriate here, too.

Just heard a side-splittingly hilarious (true) story about a summer associate at my former firm at a golf outing that took place several years ago. All the details are 100% straight from the hiring partner's mouth. Swear the Golden Bear all of this happened. No embellishment.

The firm is hosting an optional summer associate event at the local country club. Spa option for the ladies, and a round of golf for the guys. Tennis for anyone who wasn't interested in golf or a massage. Let me emphasize that the club is really nice. For instance, they hosted the U.S. Open a few years before this particular story happened.

Summer Associate doesn't play golf, had never played golf, and didn't know the first damn thing about playing golf. But like the consummate alpha bro, Summer picked the golf option without hesitation (or preparation; he didn't even go to the driving range and take a few practice swings before the round). He showed up in cargo shorts, a Hurley t-shirt and tennis shoes to the tee time. One of the junior associates was kind enough to intercept him in the parking lot and direct him to the clubhouse to buy a polo, because the course is collared shirts only.

So out from the clubhouse comes Summer in his brand new, embroidered [Fancy Club] shirt, cargo shorts and New Balance. By this time, pretty much all of the rest of the group had arrived. Three summer associates, a couple junior associates and three partners (the hiring partner who's telling me this story, and two senior partners). One of these partners holds the membership they're playing on. We'll call him Senior. Senior is a very, very serious scratch golfer. He rolls up to the valet, pulls his bag of professional, fitted clubs out of his Benz, sets them in the cart that's waiting for him and heads into the clubhouse to check in, grab a beer, change shoes, etc.

When he comes out, Summer is on the driving range. With Senior's clubs. All but excavating the driving range with the divots he's creating trying to make contact with the ball. Senior is fucking livid, but keeps his cool, walks over and asks summer what he's doing, whether he's ever played golf, subtly mocking him and eventually suggesting that he go to the clubhouse and rent his own set of clubs for the round. Summer does so.

The start the round, Summer and Senior are paired in the same group, along with the managing partner, and end up sharing a cart. About 5 holes in, Summer has lost all of the box of balls that the golf pro had stocked the rented clubs with, so Senior tells Summer to take the cart, go back to the clubhouse, and get more golf balls. Summer comes back about 20 minutes later with a bucket of balls. Orange driving range balls. This really brings the laughs, all at Summer's expense.

Senior is starting to lose his cool at this point, but keeps it together. Summer tees off, and somehow makes it to the next green with the ball he started with. Summer triumphantly returns to the cart while Senior is chipping from the rough just ahead to the left of the cart path, so Summer hops in the driver's seat, heads over to Senior and picks him up. And then he keeps driving. All the way to the green. And keeps going. Up onto the green. In the fucking cart. Senior is apparently so mad and confused about what's happening that he's just screaming random obscenities at Summer, trying to communicate that you should never get within 10 years of the green, much less drive the fucking cart onto it. Summer thinks he's about to have a wreck or something, so he slams on the breaks and digs ruts into the 6th hole green. Senior (whose membership is going to be charged for basically renovating the green) literally yelled at Summer until he almost passed out from exhaustion. All the while, the rest of the summers, associates and partners are actually crying with laughter, some literally rolling on the ground, at what's going down.

Absolute A+ legend status right there. (Obviously, Summer was no-offered.)

[Myself]

.

[Anonymous User]

After I got no offered, I found it really hard to laugh at these kind of stories, even though I was no offered for a different reason.

[patrickd139]

After I got no offered, I found it really hard to laugh at these kind of stories, even though I was no offered for a different reason.

[pastapplicant]

Seems kind of lame that the senior would throw a hissy fit because the summer did not know how to play. It was definitely dumb behavior but it seems pretty lame to boil over things like bringing the wrong ball, etc.

I can even understand the golf cart thing as crossing the line because it is going to come from the senior's wallet, but to yell in public like a child is pretty pathetic. With that said, I will remember to play tennis if this scenarios descends upon me.

[Anonymous User]

Not exactly a blooper but there's a person at my school who's dropping out at the end of the year. But he's still summering at the firm.

[rad lulz]

Not exactly a blooper but there's a person at my school who's dropping out at the end of the year. But he's still summering at the firm.

Smart bro

That's like free money

[patrickd139]

Not exactly a blooper but there's a person at my school who's dropping out at the end of the year. But he's still summering at the firm.

Smart bro

That's like free money

Wonder if he'll take time off during his SA to interview for jobs...