Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

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A. Nony Mouse
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Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Thu May 16, 2013 3:27 pm

Anonymous User wrote:My mistake, I meant 2014-2015 cycle (Fall 2014) also I do agree that having a baby right before I start 1L is not a good idea but I do feel that after I start working is not going to be the most ideal time either.

Given that we only want one, maybe 2L or 3L would be better, I just don't want to be pregnant while in my 30s and working. (25 years old right now). From what I read so far, 2L or 3L is not a bad time to have a baby.

No, from what I hear, 2L and 3L aren't nearly as bad. Again, though, doing it on your own will make everything tougher - though I suppose if you're going to be doing it on your own either way, law school is better than the first years in biglaw.

40andlegal
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Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby 40andlegal » Thu May 16, 2013 4:45 pm

Anonymous User wrote:I am so interested in this topic. Here is my situation:

Background Info:

SO is a US citizen, I met SO in Country X (my home country). Preparing to start Law School in the US 2013-2014 cycle (with big law aspirations). Hubby will be working in the Country X (family business) while I attend Law School in the US, I plan to work in the US as well.

We acknowledge that the distance would be difficult but he has some flexibly to travel frequently and spend prolonged time away from work (given that its a family business).

However, my biggest concern is starting a family we both want one child but we are at odds on when I should have this baby. My husband thinks that I should wait until after I finish law school and get a job but I want do it now (i.e. right before I start law school).

I believe that having a baby before law school would be good for me 1) I would have company while he is away 2) by the time I start working the child would be about 3 years and a lot more manageable.

Is having a baby while in law school a hindrance? Keep in mind that I would be basically a single parent. After the child turns 3 and I hopefully start big law I might consider letting the baby live in Country X with my family and SO to concentrate in work (bigggg maybe). Also my SO has stated that moving back to the US on a full time basis might be an option for him if he walks away from the family business. (I am against this i.e. walking away from the family business).

Additionally, law school and working in Country X as a lawyer is NOT AN OPTION.

Any and all advice is welcomed. Sorry for hijacked this thread OP but I would really appreciate some feedback.


A child does NOT become more manageable around age 3. I will take an infant over a toddler tantrum any day. Having an infant during law school might (likely will) hinder your study time. You will not be able to plan study time with an infant. An infant's sleep schedule can be nutso and you will be running on very limited sleep. Do you plan on attending part-time? What about childcare if you work during the day and go to school at night (Most day care facilities are 9-5/6)? Will you have support and assistance here in the US during school?

Having a child during school or as a professional is a tough choice. You should REALLY think it through before planning a family. Of course, some pregnancies are not planned. Neither of mine were.

NYstate
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Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby NYstate » Thu May 16, 2013 4:47 pm

40andlegal wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:I am so interested in this topic. Here is my situation:

Background Info:

SO is a US citizen, I met SO in Country X (my home country). Preparing to start Law School in the US 2013-2014 cycle (with big law aspirations). Hubby will be working in the Country X (family business) while I attend Law School in the US, I plan to work in the US as well.

We acknowledge that the distance would be difficult but he has some flexibly to travel frequently and spend prolonged time away from work (given that its a family business).

However, my biggest concern is starting a family we both want one child but we are at odds on when I should have this baby. My husband thinks that I should wait until after I finish law school and get a job but I want do it now (i.e. right before I start law school).

I believe that having a baby before law school would be good for me 1) I would have company while he is away 2) by the time I start working the child would be about 3 years and a lot more manageable.

Is having a baby while in law school a hindrance? Keep in mind that I would be basically a single parent. After the child turns 3 and I hopefully start big law I might consider letting the baby live in Country X with my family and SO to concentrate in work (bigggg maybe). Also my SO has stated that moving back to the US on a full time basis might be an option for him if he walks away from the family business. (I am against this i.e. walking away from the family business).

Additionally, law school and working in Country X as a lawyer is NOT AN OPTION.

Any and all advice is welcomed. Sorry for hijacked this thread OP but I would really appreciate some feedback.


A child does NOT become more manageable around age 3. I will take an infant over a toddler tantrum any day. Having an infant during law school might (likely will) hinder your study time. You will not be able to plan study time with an infant. An infant's sleep schedule can be nutso and you will be running on very limited sleep. Do you plan on attending part-time? What about childcare if you work during the day and go to school at night (Most day care facilities are 9-5/6)? Will you have support and assistance here in the US during school?

Having a child during school or as a professional is a tough choice. You should REALLY think it through before planning a family. Of course, some pregnancies are not planned. Neither of mine were.


How much money will you have to afford help?

Marry_Me_Jane
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Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby Marry_Me_Jane » Thu May 16, 2013 4:54 pm

redacted

Anonymous User
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Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby Anonymous User » Fri May 17, 2013 12:56 pm

Thanks for the advice everyone. I had the "Lets have a baby while I am in Law School conversation" with my SO this morning on my way to work and he was not having it...lol

I tried my best to stress the pros to him but he is adamant, he thinks its a horrible idea. His points are:

1. Depending on the school that I attend, I would be far away from his family who are in NYC (BK to be exact)..so I might not have a support system nearby to babysit or to provide any kind of needed assistance

2. He really does not think that I am capable of being a single parent (totally embarrassed by that statement but he does have a point :oops: )

3. The cost of law school is already going to be an expense for us so having a child would just add to the stress.

4. He does not trust that I would be able to take care of a child and excel in law school at the same time (another embarrassing assertion :oops: )


I have a "superior GPA" rating from LSAC and I am in full prep mode for the June LSAT hoping and praying for a 170

Wish me luck ladies and thanks for the advice!

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A. Nony Mouse
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Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Fri May 17, 2013 1:31 pm

Well, I do think that single parenting in law school without any support system nearby, especially if your SO is in another country, would be really hard. And while I'm sure some people could excel at single parenting while in school, you will probably do better in law school if you're not single-parenting. At least if you have children while you're working, you have income coming in, as well as maternity leave available (usually if you've worked at the firm for a year).

Anonymous User
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Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Jul 26, 2013 1:09 am

Anonymous User wrote:
IAFG wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:
IAFG wrote:I find it defeatist to have it "hurt" to hear that biglaw is a time-intensive job. Guess what, being a successful professional requires you to make personal sacrifices. Toughen up.

As for the whole nanny/surrogate/adoption spiel, I don't know if it's more offensive to adoptive parents or to women in general.

If you think that you personally would not want to hire a nanny, shorten your maternity leave in favor of working, spend some evenings and weekends away from your kid to work, fine. Don't do it. But don't demonize parents who do.


As the son of parents who did just that, having a nanny take care of me, and being absent most of the time, I can say the demonization is warranted to some extent. My parents have always been strangers to me in a certain way, and of all the things they used to spoil me with, none of them actually made up for the one thing I actually wanted as a kid, which was to actually have them around a bit. So yeah, I don't look too positively on people who go that route.

I respect that my parents worked hard, were successful, and set a good example for me about career building. I don't look too positively on parents who don't model professionalism, hard work and dedication.


Plenty of parents who are actually present in their children's lives are excellent models of professionalism, hard work, and dedication. That you imply that these things are somehow mutually exclusive is a bit odd.


Here's my 2 cents on the matter (not that anyone cares)...my parents are both physicians. My father switched from seeing patients to working at biotech/pharmaceutical companies when I was still a baby. My mom stopped worked when I was a toddler to raise me. They had me in their late 30s/early 40s. My father traveled a lot during my childhood. I usually only saw him on weekends. If he was in town on weekdays, he generally wasn't around at dinnertime. I was with my mother ALL the time. Both of my parents are incredibly hard working and dedicated. They are both very intelligent. I love my mother, but despite having spent much less time with my father, I'm certainly a Daddy's Girl and I have a special connection with him that has lasted from early childhood into my twenties. My father spent little time with me, but he made the most of that time. Of course, BigLaw hours are even rougher than his, but I think if you just make the absolute most of the time you do have with them, your kids aren't going to resent/hate you. There are tradeoffs in life...BigLaw will pay more than the average 9-5 job, so you may not be able to spend tons of time with your kid, but you'll be able to pay for snazzy extracurricular activities, summer camps, college (!), etc. Stuff to consider




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