Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

(On Campus Interviews, Summer Associate positions, Firm Reviews, Tips, ...)
Forum rules
Anonymous Posting

Anonymous posting is only appropriate when you are revealing sensitive employment related information about a firm, job, etc. You may anonymously respond on topic to these threads. Unacceptable uses include: harassing another user, joking around, testing the feature, or other things that are more appropriate in the lounge.

Failure to follow these rules will get you outed, warned, or banned.
User avatar
IAFG
Posts: 6665
Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2009 1:26 pm

Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby IAFG » Fri May 03, 2013 12:33 pm

Torney12 wrote:
IAFG wrote:Maybe I read too much into OP's statement. I think your bizarre rant was hard to misinterpret though.

Oh. I'm stung.

You called foreign adoption, blended families and surrogacy "strange, uncomfortable arrangements." You need an attitude adjustment.

User avatar
IAFG
Posts: 6665
Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2009 1:26 pm

Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby IAFG » Fri May 03, 2013 12:34 pm

Anonymous User wrote:Plenty of parents who are actually present in their children's lives are excellent models of professionalism, hard work, and dedication

I didn't say they weren't.

Plenty of biglaw parents are actually present in their children's lives, too.

Torney12
Posts: 83
Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2012 10:14 am

Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby Torney12 » Fri May 03, 2013 12:49 pm

IAFG wrote:
Torney12 wrote:
IAFG wrote:Maybe I read too much into OP's statement. I think your bizarre rant was hard to misinterpret though.

Oh. I'm stung.

You called foreign adoption, blended families and surrogacy "strange, uncomfortable arrangements." You need an attitude adjustment.

Clearly, you're laying bait, but I'll bite. I refer to these as "strange, uncomfortable arrangements" in the context of big law because in most cases, they are. Virtually none of the women I know of in big law (and we can throw in finance, medicine, and other white collar professions) who ended up claiming stepkids, going overseas to adopt, or going through multiple rounds of demoralizing in vitro truly chose those options or consider them ideal. Some of them let time get away in the sense of being so narrowly focused on work that they ended up too old to have children by the time they realized they did want children. Some of them knew they wanted children all along but did not have the time to date or the luck of finding nice men while still young. Others knowingly did not have kids because they did not feel that they could both have kids and succeed at the highest levels in their careers. Whatever it was, most of them did not expect that being 38, 39, 41 and successful, but hungering for kids with rapidly dwindling options was how life was going to turn out for them. So, they adopted, married men w/ kids, or used powerful procedures to try to reset the clock because they had to. If they could go back in time and have things turn out so that they could have had bio children easily, most of them would. So, the aspersion isn't cast on the children they ended up with. Rather, it is cast on the decisions they made or failed to make on time that meant they ended up in situations that they, themselves, consider less than ideal. If you're mad about that, then that's really too bad, isn't it?

CharCele
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Sep 10, 2010 4:24 pm

Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby CharCele » Fri May 03, 2013 12:54 pm

...
Last edited by CharCele on Thu Nov 21, 2013 5:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
IAFG
Posts: 6665
Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2009 1:26 pm

Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby IAFG » Fri May 03, 2013 12:54 pm

That is different than what I originally understood from your post. Thank you for the clarification.

Managing fertility is something all women struggle with, with all sorts of jobs. High demands jobs do potentially put more constraints on what will feel like "the right time" for a couple. But, if you do some soul-searching in advance and have a partner who shares your views and is willing to take on the parenting/domestic duties you need them to, it doesn't have to be children vs. law.

User avatar
BaiAilian2013
Posts: 921
Joined: Sun May 03, 2009 4:05 pm

Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby BaiAilian2013 » Fri May 03, 2013 1:33 pm

Torney12 wrote: Strange, uncomfortable arrangements like surrogates, foreign adoptions, and claiming stepkids are also common.

FYI, you are being a dick right here. Maybe you don't know how this sounds. It sounds bad. You are crossing the line from tough, unpopular opinion to just inappropriate. Don't say this in polite company.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273578
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby Anonymous User » Fri May 03, 2013 1:44 pm

I was an SA last summer in NYC and was pleasantly surprised by the number of women in my practice area who were pregnant. They ranged from a 3rd year associate to a 6th year associate. The associates who had recently had children seemed to be well-respected, especially those who kept up the standard hours. Of course there could've been grumblings I didn't hear and I have no way of knowing if their careers will be affected in the future. But overall it made me feel a lot more comfortable about having kids and was not at all what I was expecting to see. I plan to aim for pregnancy around my 2nd or 3rd year.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273578
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby Anonymous User » Fri May 03, 2013 1:44 pm

I have gone through this, have four kids, and made things work. I was 27 and had been married for 4 years when I finished law school.

Part of the problem, I think, is that women don't share the map they took to get to where they are. When I was in a big firm, I saw women with kids, but I didn't exactly see how they made it work until I scratched the surface. A lot of them had stay at home partners. Others had help, like nannies or grandparents. Here's my story.

I had one kid in the middle of my third year of law school. I hid my pregnancy during my summer associate stint (you tend not to show too much during your first). My firm didn't even know I had my oldest until I started working there. Which was two years later (two clerkships). Prior to starting the second, I had another kid (in the summer between clerkship one and two). So I walked in the door with an a baby and almost three year old. I worked at the firm for another two years before I had my third. I continued on for another two years, when I had my youngest. I came back, but my partner (a teacher) became a stay at home parent because the childcare costs were insane.

The firm was what it was. No one cared that I had to take pumping breaks when defending or taking a deposition. No one cared about whatever day care bug you've picked up. No one cared about your recovery post-birth. And god help you if you suffer from PPD, which I thankfully managed to avoid. But most big firms, quite frankly, don't really give a shit about their associates outside of their ability to bill, bill, bill. It's a difficult job even without kids. Trying to juggle. It can drive you bonkers.

During the purges of the last recession, two years after my youngest was born, I made the jump to the federal government in a different city. Husband went back to teaching and everything, including childcare and housing, became cheaper & easier. I work a regular schedule (save trials) and we finally have some balance.

The biggest thing women need to understand is that you have to look at your partner. Is he/she going to help? Or do they expect a wife on top of all of your work stuff. I say this from watching friends realize that they picked the wrong partners to quite frankly have kids and a career with. My partner co-parents. Not everyone is so lucky.

This was my path, which I don't know is replicable for everyone, but it worked for me. I get to practice law, which I love, but I also get to see my kids regularly and play an active role in their lives. There were tradeoffs but I think in the end they were worth it to me. I paid off my student loan debt, built a bit of a retirement cushion and settled in a cheaper, but great city.

Torney12
Posts: 83
Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2012 10:14 am

Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby Torney12 » Fri May 03, 2013 2:24 pm

Anonymous User wrote:I have gone through this, have four kids, and made things work. I was 27 and had been married for 4 years when I finished law school.

Part of the problem, I think, is that women don't share the map they took to get to where they are. When I was in a big firm, I saw women with kids, but I didn't exactly see how they made it work until I scratched the surface. A lot of them had stay at home partners. Others had help, like nannies or grandparents. Here's my story.

I had one kid in the middle of my third year of law school. I hid my pregnancy during my summer associate stint (you tend not to show too much during your first). My firm didn't even know I had my oldest until I started working there. Which was two years later (two clerkships). Prior to starting the second, I had another kid (in the summer between clerkship one and two). So I walked in the door with an a baby and almost three year old. I worked at the firm for another two years before I had my third. I continued on for another two years, when I had my youngest. I came back, but my partner (a teacher) became a stay at home parent because the childcare costs were insane.

The firm was what it was. No one cared that I had to take pumping breaks when defending or taking a deposition. No one cared about whatever day care bug you've picked up. No one cared about your recovery post-birth. And god help you if you suffer from PPD, which I thankfully managed to avoid. But most big firms, quite frankly, don't really give a shit about their associates outside of their ability to bill, bill, bill. It's a difficult job even without kids. Trying to juggle. It can drive you bonkers.

During the purges of the last recession, two years after my youngest was born, I made the jump to the federal government in a different city. Husband went back to teaching and everything, including childcare and housing, became cheaper & easier. I work a regular schedule (save trials) and we finally have some balance.

The biggest thing women need to understand is that you have to look at your partner. Is he/she going to help? Or do they expect a wife on top of all of your work stuff. I say this from watching friends realize that they picked the wrong partners to quite frankly have kids and a career with. My partner co-parents. Not everyone is so lucky.

This was my path, which I don't know is replicable for everyone, but it worked for me. I get to practice law, which I love, but I also get to see my kids regularly and play an active role in their lives. There were tradeoffs but I think in the end they were worth it to me. I paid off my student loan debt, built a bit of a retirement cushion and settled in a cheaper, but great city.
I really admire your journey and the openness with which you've shared it.You sound like you've found happiness both professionally and personally, and, as you know, that is rare in our line of work.

What you say about no one in big law caring about the day-to-day needs of mothers is very true and is a bit of a wake-up call to me to make a bit of time to inquire about practical ways in which I can help the mothers around me. A lot of them are very apprehensive about sharing anything child-related that they might need, probably because they know that others really would perceive them as whiny or obnoxious for bringing their 'kid issues' to work. It's very hard for overworked, sleep-deprived associates not to be intolerant of anyone who might increase their workload or burden them with concerns that they don't have to care about.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273578
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby Anonymous User » Fri May 03, 2013 3:59 pm

*
Last edited by Anonymous User on Sat May 04, 2013 12:19 am, edited 1 time in total.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273578
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby Anonymous User » Fri May 03, 2013 4:14 pm

I'm the mom above. What I can say is that working in a big firm and having small children (especially multiple) is basically impossible without a stay at home spouse or multiple nannies. I've seen many, many women go bonkers trying to do it all. So yeah, having a kid could result in the end of your (happy) time at a firm. But it won't be the end of your legal career, necessarily.

But I think it's important for women (and men) to realize that there are multiple ways to have a meaningful career and biglaw, particularly when you are trying to raise a young family, can be a terrible fit.

It doesn't mean that it always will be, though. Kids get older. And if you can get through those early years while still getting valuable experience, biglaw or whatever law will be there for you. I've seen women leave my agency and go to big firms as shareholding partners. They get hired because they gained invaluable experience, while they raised their kids and worked a job that didn't have the pressures of biglaw.

So, yeah. The thought of slugging up to income partner isn't the best idea for some women. But there are ways to get back into biglaw, at even more senior/powerful levels and still have kids. And who knows, if you find yourself working an interesting job, getting into court regularly, and making decent money...you might not ever want back in biglaw anyway.

I don't.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273578
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby Anonymous User » Fri May 03, 2013 9:58 pm

Anonymous User wrote:I'm the mom above. What I can say is that working in a big firm and having small children (especially multiple) is basically impossible without a stay at home spouse or multiple nannies. I've seen many, many women go bonkers trying to do it all. So yeah, having a kid could result in the end of your (happy) time at a firm. But it won't be the end of your legal career, necessarily.

But I think it's important for women (and men) to realize that there are multiple ways to have a meaningful career and biglaw, particularly when you are trying to raise a young family, can be a terrible fit.

It doesn't mean that it always will be, though. Kids get older. And if you can get through those early years while still getting valuable experience, biglaw or whatever law will be there for you. I've seen women leave my agency and go to big firms as shareholding partners. They get hired because they gained invaluable experience, while they raised their kids and worked a job that didn't have the pressures of biglaw.

So, yeah. The thought of slugging up to income partner isn't the best idea for some women. But there are ways to get back into biglaw, at even more senior/powerful levels and still have kids. And who knows, if you find yourself working an interesting job, getting into court regularly, and making decent money...you might not ever want back in biglaw anyway.

I don't.


(OP here. I stepped away after posting the original post yesterday and just now saw the responses...)

To the mom above, thank you so much for sharing your experience. I'm aware of the general difficulty of having kids in biglaw and potential damages to one's career and insane childcare expenses, so this was the kind of practical advice I was looking for. I think I will try to have my first during my second year as an associate assuming the time feels right, but I'll already be ~31 and don't want to wait much longer. My spouse will fortunately have less-demanding hours so his support will be invaluable as a co-parent.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273578
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby Anonymous User » Sat May 04, 2013 8:37 am

Anonymous User wrote:I have gone through this, have four kids, and made things work. I was 27 and had been married for 4 years when I finished law school.

Part of the problem, I think, is that women don't share the map they took to get to where they are. When I was in a big firm, I saw women with kids, but I didn't exactly see how they made it work until I scratched the surface. A lot of them had stay at home partners. Others had help, like nannies or grandparents. Here's my story.

I had one kid in the middle of my third year of law school. I hid my pregnancy during my summer associate stint (you tend not to show too much during your first). My firm didn't even know I had my oldest until I started working there. Which was two years later (two clerkships). Prior to starting the second, I had another kid (in the summer between clerkship one and two). So I walked in the door with an a baby and almost three year old. I worked at the firm for another two years before I had my third. I continued on for another two years, when I had my youngest. I came back, but my partner (a teacher) became a stay at home parent because the childcare costs were insane.

The firm was what it was. No one cared that I had to take pumping breaks when defending or taking a deposition. No one cared about whatever day care bug you've picked up. No one cared about your recovery post-birth. And god help you if you suffer from PPD, which I thankfully managed to avoid. But most big firms, quite frankly, don't really give a shit about their associates outside of their ability to bill, bill, bill. It's a difficult job even without kids. Trying to juggle. It can drive you bonkers.

During the purges of the last recession, two years after my youngest was born, I made the jump to the federal government in a different city. Husband went back to teaching and everything, including childcare and housing, became cheaper & easier. I work a regular schedule (save trials) and we finally have some balance.

The biggest thing women need to understand is that you have to look at your partner. Is he/she going to help? Or do they expect a wife on top of all of your work stuff. I say this from watching friends realize that they picked the wrong partners to quite frankly have kids and a career with. My partner co-parents. Not everyone is so lucky.

This was my path, which I don't know is replicable for everyone, but it worked for me. I get to practice law, which I love, but I also get to see my kids regularly and play an active role in their lives. There were tradeoffs but I think in the end they were worth it to me. I paid off my student loan debt, built a bit of a retirement cushion and settled in a cheaper, but great city.


Thanks for sharing. :-)

Anonymous User
Posts: 273578
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby Anonymous User » Sat May 04, 2013 8:41 am

IAFG wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:I'd be interested to hear as well. I was planning to have the first in the 2nd/3rd year, just because I'll almost be 30 when I start practicing and the negatives of having a kid after 35 are too much for me. My belief is that there really is never an ideal time to have a kid (unless you have a millionaire husband or something). I'm hoping to go part-time at the firm, and I have heard that a number of women there do (and met some of them). But we'll see how soon I get pushed out or I voluntarily leave.

WHY would anyone want to go part time. They work you damn near as much, for half the pay and 1/4 the respect.


That was me who wrote that. Going part-time doesn't seem bad because I don't put my career first. I see law as a way to earn income. I would never trade prestige at a law firm for neglecting my children or even my husband. Divorce, too, seems like a risk if you prioritize work too much. My husband is also ambitious and works in business, so my hope is that he can help carry the financial needs of the family if I scale back. My big law firm is known for having a great work-life balance and pro-women policies, and I met a number of women during interviews who had children and were part-time. Being part-time is pretty much like working full-time at any regular job to my understanding. Plus, I don't see big law as a long-term career path.

keg411
Posts: 5935
Joined: Tue Apr 21, 2009 9:10 pm

Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby keg411 » Sun May 05, 2013 9:12 am

IAFG wrote:After making partner seems like a favorite time.

If I didn't have a kid as a 3L, I would wait until RIGHT before you're going to start looking for lateral options. As DF alluded to, let that firm pay for your maternity leave/medical expenses, and go to your new employer ready to focus on work again.

Also, buy and read Lean In, if you haven't already.


Agree with this 100%.

User avatar
ExBiglawAssociate
Posts: 2094
Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 7:06 pm

Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby ExBiglawAssociate » Sun May 05, 2013 2:13 pm

IAFG wrote:After making partner seems like a favorite time.


LOL @ waiting this long.

User avatar
ExBiglawAssociate
Posts: 2094
Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 7:06 pm

Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby ExBiglawAssociate » Sun May 05, 2013 2:14 pm

BaiAilian2013 wrote:
Torney12 wrote: Strange, uncomfortable arrangements like surrogates, foreign adoptions, and claiming stepkids are also common.

FYI, you are being a dick right here. Maybe you don't know how this sounds. It sounds bad. You are crossing the line from tough, unpopular opinion to just inappropriate. Don't say this in polite company.


He's on TLS, so I'm pretty sure he doesn't have to worry about this.

User avatar
Skye
Posts: 165
Joined: Sun Nov 18, 2012 2:51 pm

Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby Skye » Sun May 05, 2013 5:37 pm

Torney12 wrote:The only female partner I know who had multiple kids as an associate and still made partner also "coincidentally" comes from money, married into even more money. . . ,

Clearly you are the knowledgeable guru here and at ease with explanations.

Take the opposite of the female partner who comes from money. New associate is clearly the primary household breadwinner. She has been at the firm for a year and becomes pregnant. Her SO loses lost his job (works now for significantly less). If you ever seen that play out before?

If not for her pregnancy I would have asked this question in another thread regarding pay differences between SOs. Especially when the couple are both lawyers and she is on the interesting upward track and contributes the biggest piece of the pie. Wonder how a pregnancy might complicate that situation.

Torney12
Posts: 83
Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2012 10:14 am

Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby Torney12 » Mon May 06, 2013 10:28 am

Skye wrote:
Torney12 wrote:The only female partner I know who had multiple kids as an associate and still made partner also "coincidentally" comes from money, married into even more money. . . ,

Clearly you are the knowledgeable guru here and at ease with explanations.

Take the opposite of the female partner who comes from money. New associate is clearly the primary household breadwinner. She has been at the firm for a year and becomes pregnant. Her SO loses lost his job (works now for significantly less). If you ever seen that play out before?

If not for her pregnancy I would have asked this question in another thread regarding pay differences between SOs. Especially when the couple are both lawyers and she is on the interesting upward track and contributes the biggest piece of the pie. Wonder how a pregnancy might complicate that situation.

I'm not sure what your question is. Are you asking if they can make her pregnancy work with big law, or if their marriage will work out despite their pay and career differences? (or is your question something else altogether?)

If your question is the former, then their situation is actually ideal for big law. As everyone should know by now, the big law model, like virtually all other corporate models, is premised on the associate/partner having a supportive spouse at home. The couple in question could replicate the traditional model, just with genders reversed. His low paying, undemanding career could work very nicely with her high powered career if he is willing to be the child's primary caretaker. From a financial standpoint, it would probably make more sense for him to be stay at home dad than for him to keep working for a pittance while they wasted money on hired help. Plus, she could rest easy at work knowing that their baby was in the best hands, rather than potentially being beaten or neglected by a nanny. He could create a warm, supportive family life funded by the success she would likely find if she could concentrate her time and attention on a career. Female breadwinner/male homemaker couples are increasingly common and in my experience, the couples who fit that type are happier than the power couple types (who often end up competing with each other).

If your question is whether they can make it as a couple, then I haven't the slightest idea because I don't know these people. I can generally say that if he was raised to believe the man should be the breadwinner, then odds are he is feeling very shitty right now and their days together are numbered. Likewise, if she was raised to believe that however much she makes, her husband should make more simply because he has a Y chromosome, then she is probably cursing her luck right now. As I mentioned before, I know several happy couples in which a career-oriented woman is paired with a family-focused man. Happiness depends on each person's expectations. One would hope that any woman who wants to have a career would have the gumption not to saddle herself with a man who finds her success emasculating and thinks family life beneath him, but a lot of women do make stupid choices regarding men.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273578
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby Anonymous User » Thu May 16, 2013 2:19 am

It seems like there are too many variables to give generic advice on this issue. I'm in nearly the same boat and this is some advice I've received from associates and law students that worked as paralegals while having kids.

1. A BIG factor is how much the father will be involved in baby care and everything that has to be done at home. I pretty much told my MIL that if my (slightly lazy) husband doesn't get on board with being a co-parent, I won't be making her a grandmother. This gets her off my back and also puts her in the position of "reminding" him of his responsibilities as a future dad.
2. Another factor is whether you're working on litigation or transactional work. Transactional work seems like it can accommodate pregnancy and mat leave better because you may be able to get extensions on some types of projects, or the projects might be small and discrete so you aren't giving up all your clients to coworkers, just a few contracts or applications or whatever. One of my friends was in litigation and the other associates preyed on her hard-earned clients and matters when she was on mat leave and she can't get them back. Even though she's back to work and has her mom around to care for the baby, she can't find enough work to meet her billables so she's finding it extra hard to ramp back up. If you like transactional work and can join such a group, that might be a good option.
3. The vibe of your particular practice group is also very important. Working in a "boys-club" will make it much harder for your pregnancy and mat leave to be accepted and accommodated. Try to align yourself with a more family friendly partner because that person will hopefully be an ally when you're at doctor's appointments, or on mat leave.
4. My neighbor had two kids after age 35, but decided to stop working after the first one was born. She was burned out from years working as a lawyer and couldn't imagine going back as a 35 year-old sleep-deprived first time mom. She said energy levels and the ability to survive pregnancy decline rapidly in our 30's, so keep in mind that you might ride out pregnancy at age 31 better than when you're 33 or 35 (in addition to fertility issues). So you might not look like as much of a slacker if you're less burned out and can bounce back better in an earlier year.

For what it's worth I think I'm going to be 32 and a second year when I have my first. If I get fired for being a mom I don't really want to work there anyway. I'll take some time off, then interview for jobs without my wedding ring on. ;)

Anonymous User
Posts: 273578
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby Anonymous User » Thu May 16, 2013 11:24 am

It can be done. Men do it (not get pregnant obviously - but have kids). Do it like they do. Find a spouse who's willing to stay at home or scale back his/her career to support the children and your career. My father did this for 5 years when my sibling and I were younger, so my mother could 'focus on her career' (his words) and it worked out just fine. My sibling and I were also just fine during the periods of time that both parents were working - we took a car service to and from school, we had babysitters every evening, etc. Perhaps it helped that we grew up in a liberal area of the country where these types of family arrangements - whether it be a stay at home father or two hardcore working parents - are normalized.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273578
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby Anonymous User » Thu May 16, 2013 2:02 pm

I am so interested in this topic. Here is my situation:

Background Info:

SO is a US citizen, I met SO in Country X (my home country). Preparing to start Law School in the US 2013-2014 cycle (with big law aspirations). Hubby will be working in the Country X (family business) while I attend Law School in the US, I plan to work in the US as well.

We acknowledge that the distance would be difficult but he has some flexibly to travel frequently and spend prolonged time away from work (given that its a family business).

However, my biggest concern is starting a family we both want one child but we are at odds on when I should have this baby. My husband thinks that I should wait until after I finish law school and get a job but I want do it now (i.e. right before I start law school).

I believe that having a baby before law school would be good for me 1) I would have company while he is away 2) by the time I start working the child would be about 3 years and a lot more manageable.

Is having a baby while in law school a hindrance? Keep in mind that I would be basically a single parent. After the child turns 3 and I hopefully start big law I might consider letting the baby live in Country X with my family and SO to concentrate in work (bigggg maybe). Also my SO has stated that moving back to the US on a full time basis might be an option for him if he walks away from the family business. (I am against this i.e. walking away from the family business).

Additionally, law school and working in Country X as a lawyer is NOT AN OPTION.

Any and all advice is welcomed. Sorry for hijacked this thread OP but I would really appreciate some feedback.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273578
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby Anonymous User » Thu May 16, 2013 2:10 pm

Anonymous User wrote:I am so interested in this topic. Here is my situation:

Background Info:

SO is a US citizen, I met SO in Country X (my home country). Preparing to start Law School in the US 2013-2014 cycle (with big law aspirations). Hubby will be working in the Country X (family business) while I attend Law School in the US, I plan to work in the US as well.

We acknowledge that the distance would be difficult but he has some flexibly to travel frequently and spend prolonged time away from work (given that its a family business).

However, my biggest concern is starting a family we both want one child but we are at odds on when I should have this baby. My husband thinks that I should wait until after I finish law school and get a job but I want do it now (i.e. right before I start law school).

I believe that having a baby before law school would be good for me 1) I would have company while he is away 2) by the time I start working the child would be about 3 years and a lot more manageable.

Is having a baby while in law school a hindrance? Keep in mind that I would be basically a single parent. After the child turns 3 and I hopefully start big law I might consider letting the baby live in Country X with my family and SO to concentrate in work (bigggg maybe). Also my SO has stated that moving back to the US on a full time basis might be an option for him if he walks away from the family business. (I am against this i.e. walking away from the family business).

Additionally, law school and working in Country X as a lawyer is NOT AN OPTION.

Any and all advice is welcomed. Sorry for hijacked this thread OP but I would really appreciate some feedback.


Wait...so you're saying you want to have a child right now, when it will basically be born 6 months before you start school, and your husband will be living in Country X while you attend law school and raise an infant by yourself in the US?!?!?! :shock: :shock: :shock: Are you planning to apply to part-time law school programs or something?

User avatar
A. Nony Mouse
Posts: 22887
Joined: Tue Sep 25, 2012 11:51 am

Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Thu May 16, 2013 2:18 pm

I don't think having a baby for company during law school is the best reason, but I'm also not a parent and don't really think of infants as company at all, so I guess that's neither here nor there.... I'm a little confused, though - are you starting school this fall, or applying this fall? To me, starting in the 2013-14 cycle sounds like you're starting law school in the fall, which means having a baby before law school starts is no longer an option... so I'll assume you mean you'll start law school in 2014?

In any case, I would avoid having a new baby during first semester, especially finals (so if you didn't get pregnant right away I would put it off). The learning curve during first semester and that first round of finals is very tough, and 1L grades are pretty important as grades go. Otherwise, people do have babies during law school and survive, though I think doing so as a single parent would be really really tough. Do you have money for significant child care? I think the only single parents I know who did law school had kids old enough to be in school.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273578
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Pregnancy as a young biglaw associate

Postby Anonymous User » Thu May 16, 2013 3:13 pm

My mistake, I meant 2014-2015 cycle (Fall 2014) also I do agree that having a baby right before I start 1L is not a good idea but I do feel that after I start working is not going to be the most ideal time either.

Given that we only want one, maybe 2L or 3L would be better, I just don't want to be pregnant while in my 30s and working. (25 years old right now). From what I read so far, 2L or 3L is not a bad time to have a baby.




Return to “Legal Employment”

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.