No offers and linkedIn

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Anonymous User
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No offers and linkedIn

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Jan 30, 2013 2:11 pm

I added a shit ton of people from my SA on linkedin during the summer. Then I got no-offer-pwned. To add to the already immense embarrassment, I get to see these people pop up on linked in every day. Every time, it feels like seeing the ex who dumped you being out in town looking fantastic. Worse, I imagine them thinking every time they see my name pop up "oh, here is the moron who couldn't cut it here."

People at the firm were very nice (NYC biglaw boutique that is near or at the very top of its niche practice area). But there was also this feeling of being privileged to have made it there. It was not at all in an obnoxious way, just a recognition that in an extremely selective process, we were a hallowed few. That we were good. It was a good feeling. But now, it turns that I didn't belong there.

The wisdom of maintaining a broad network isn't lost on me. I am no shrinking violet, and made strong connections during the summer. But since the no offer, I have felt like hiding in a hole, at least from the people at the firm. Now, months later, I am not sure there is any good reason to keep them in my network. What use would they ever be to someone who clearly wasn't good enough? Why would they ever pass my resume along to a contact, recommend me for a position, or ever send business my way in a distant future?

The bottom line is that I resent having to maintain contact with people who have witnessed what feels like a public and spectacular failure. I am not sure there is a point. I feel like being constantly aware of them is holding me back from putting the summer behind me moving on with my professional life.

Thoughts?

thegrayman
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Re: No offers and linkedIn

Postby thegrayman » Wed Jan 30, 2013 2:21 pm

I would cut them loose and move on with my life. The awkwardness won't last much longer after you aren't seeing their faces pop up on your feed. Sorry to hear about your situation, did you see it coming or was it a surprise?

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Elston Gunn
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Re: No offers and linkedIn

Postby Elston Gunn » Wed Jan 30, 2013 2:29 pm

You are being way too hard on yourself, man. Unless you know something you haven't said, there's no reason to assume you "couldn't cut it" or that they don't respect you. Lots of good workers get no-offered ITE. I bet there are a few that would be happy to pass along your resume or help you.

rad lulz
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Re: No offers and linkedIn

Postby rad lulz » Wed Jan 30, 2013 2:33 pm

Anonymous User wrote:I added a shit ton of people from my SA on linkedin during the summer. Then I got no-offer-pwned. To add to the already immense embarrassment, I get to see these people pop up on linked in every day. Every time, it feels like seeing the ex who dumped you being out in town looking fantastic. Worse, I imagine them thinking every time they see my name pop up "oh, here is the moron who couldn't cut it here."

People at the firm were very nice (NYC biglaw boutique that is near or at the very top of its niche practice area). But there was also this feeling of being privileged to have made it there. It was not at all in an obnoxious way, just a recognition that in an extremely selective process, we were a hallowed few. That we were good. It was a good feeling. But now, it turns that I didn't belong there.

The wisdom of maintaining a broad network isn't lost on me. I am no shrinking violet, and made strong connections during the summer. But since the no offer, I have felt like hiding in a hole, at least from the people at the firm. Now, months later, I am not sure there is any good reason to keep them in my network. What use would they ever be to someone who clearly wasn't good enough? Why would they ever pass my resume along to a contact, recommend me for a position, or ever send business my way in a distant future?

The bottom line is that I resent having to maintain contact with people who have witnessed what feels like a public and spectacular failure. I am not sure there is a point. I feel like being constantly aware of them is holding me back from putting the summer behind me moving on with my professional life.

Thoughts?

I understand this feeling 100%. I probably could have written this. De-network them on Linkedin bro. You gotta do what's right for you, mentally.

Anonymous User
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Re: No offers and linkedIn

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Jan 30, 2013 2:37 pm

Honestly, there are people out there who might think less of you because you were no offered. I think those people are the minority however. I believe most people in such situations feel bad and would love to help you out. As such my advise is to keep them on.

rad lulz
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Re: No offers and linkedIn

Postby rad lulz » Wed Jan 30, 2013 3:00 pm

There may be some people who would be willing to pass on OP's resume, but for OP's own mental welfare, I can understand if he doesn't want to ask for help from the people who just fucked him. I stand by what I said earlier.

Anonymous User
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Re: No offers and linkedIn

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Jan 30, 2013 3:20 pm

rad lulz wrote:There may be some people who would be willing to pass on OP's resume, but for OP's own mental welfare, I can understand if he doesn't want to ask for help from the people who just fucked him. I stand by what I said earlier.


+1. I got no offered at a small firm this summer in NYC. Deleted everyone from that firm on linkedin. They offered to help me find a job when they told me I was no offered, but then proceeded to ignore me and blew me off when I actually asked them to help me later. Fuck them. Delete them from your profile. It's what you need. Move on.

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Shammis
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Re: No offers and linkedIn

Postby Shammis » Wed Jan 30, 2013 3:25 pm

Nut up. Unless they said your work-product was terrible, there is no reason to burn bridges. Stop being sorry for yourself. In the slight chance one of them notices, they'll def. not care about you in the future. Was going to post more, but that should suffice...Nut up.

rad lulz
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Re: No offers and linkedIn

Postby rad lulz » Wed Jan 30, 2013 3:40 pm

Shammis wrote:Nut up. Unless they said your work-product was terrible, there is no reason to burn bridges. Stop being sorry for yourself. In the slight chance one of them notices, they'll def. not care about you in the future. Was going to post more, but that should suffice...Nut up.

You sound like someone who has never had a SA position, much less been no-offered.

Anonymous User
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Re: No offers and linkedIn

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Jan 30, 2013 4:57 pm

Although there's a strong presumption out there against ever running away from uncomfortable feelings or difficult situations, sometimes it's just plain damn effective. I have a pretty outstanding history of blowing big opportunities, getting rejected, disappointing expectations and just fucking up generally in life, so I speak from experience. I certainly don't endorse always burying/running away from stuff, but I think it's foolish not to keep it as a tactic in your life toolbox.

I think that a good rule of thumb is that if the difficult or awkward situation is part of an ongoing relationship (e.g. a fuckup at a place where you continue to work) then it's something that you should straight confront, own, and be a (wo)man about. If it's something bygone, like a breakup, getting fired, rejected, whatever, then I think it's not uncommon that you'll be doing more for yourself by just quickly noting what you need to take away from this situation (i.e. what the big mistakes you made were and how to avoid them next time) and then burying that shit as far and deep away from you as you need to feel over it. People have this go-hard mentality about how you should deal with everything that comes up in life head-on, like dealing with shit is just this muscle that you workout and build, but honestly sometimes shit is more like an injury that you need to let rest and not aggravate. The ongoing awkwardness and blow to your confidence from this situation maybe more of an impediment to your future success than the connections from the place you got no-offered are boosts. If that's the case, do what you need to do.

It's important in life to strive for self-change, work to be a better person, aim high, etc. But that also needs to be balanced against the fact that you're an adult now, your formative years are over, and you need to be realistic about what you have a good chance of changing about yourself.The ability to be whoever you want to be and feel however you want to feel is a great and inspiring vision to carry around, but it's also empirically bullshit. Sometimes, you need to just recognize who you are and how you feel for better or worse and accommodate instead of fight yourself.

This is off topic and I hope it's not rude, but as a 2L with a SA position who seems to have a penchant for blowing things (s)he really cares about, I have to ask: do you have any advice? I know everyone has no-offer fears going into the summer, but I can't help but feel that I'm more likely to struggle and feel overwhelmed in a SA than most people.

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TTH
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Re: No offers and linkedIn

Postby TTH » Wed Jan 30, 2013 5:28 pm

I tend to agree with Rad on 99% of things that arise in the experience of being no-offer pwn'd, but I'm gonna depart just a bit from his advice.

Go through your contacts from the SA and keep the people with whom you really made connections--i.e., the ones that you strongly believe would go out on a limb for you, make a call, pass on a res, etc. If nothing else, being connected with them on linkedin allows you to stalk their connections, and if you're applying at firm X and your contact Y knows decision-maker Z, then at the very least you can learn that info and pick your contact's brain about what's up over there.

But all the random numb fucks you connected to just because? Fire away.

Good luck bro.

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TTH
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Re: No offers and linkedIn

Postby TTH » Wed Jan 30, 2013 5:30 pm

Anonymous User wrote:This is off topic and I hope it's not rude, but as a 2L with a SA position who seems to have a penchant for blowing things (s)he really cares about, I have to ask: do you have any advice? I know everyone has no-offer fears going into the summer, but I can't help but feel that I'm more likely to struggle and feel overwhelmed in a SA than most people.


There's no magic bullet. Just show up early, work hard, ask questions when you don't understand shit, and be as normal and likeable as you can without forcing it. Oh, and pray they have the work to offer you.

rad lulz
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Re: No offers and linkedIn

Postby rad lulz » Wed Jan 30, 2013 5:53 pm

TTH wrote:I tend to agree with Rad on 99% of things that arise in the experience of being no-offer pwn'd, but I'm gonna depart just a bit from his advice.

Go through your contacts from the SA and keep the people with whom you really made connections--i.e., the ones that you strongly believe would go out on a limb for you, make a call, pass on a res, etc. If nothing else, being connected with them on linkedin allows you to stalk their connections, and if you're applying at firm X and your contact Y knows decision-maker Z, then at the very least you can learn that info and pick your contact's brain about what's up over there.

But all the random numb fucks you connected to just because? Fire away.

Good luck bro.


I see what you're saying for sure. If this was a situation where the work wasn't there or something, I'd do the above. But OP is dealing with some emotional shit dealing with what he views as a failure (understandable), and he needs to do what's best for himself right now to get himself right in the head.

edit: I agree with this especially

I think that a good rule of thumb is that if the difficult or awkward situation is part of an ongoing relationship (e.g. a fuckup at a place where you continue to work) then it's something that you should straight confront, own, and be a (wo)man about. If it's something bygone, like a breakup, getting fired, rejected, whatever, then I think it's not uncommon that you'll be doing more for yourself by just quickly noting what you need to take away from this situation (i.e. what the big mistakes you made were and how to avoid them next time) and then burying that shit as far and deep away from you as you need to feel over it. People have this go-hard mentality about how you should deal with everything that comes up in life head-on, like dealing with shit is just this muscle that you workout and build, but honestly sometimes shit is more like an injury that you need to let rest and not aggravate. The ongoing awkwardness and blow to your confidence from this situation maybe more of an impediment to your future success than the connections from the place you got no-offered are boosts. If that's the case, do what you need to do.

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NinerFan
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Re: No offers and linkedIn

Postby NinerFan » Wed Jan 30, 2013 9:08 pm

Are you talking about associates at the firm, fellow summers, or both? If you made connections/friendships with people, stay connected to them. Down the road, you will (hopefully) get a job, and in the future you may find it useful to have maintained a connection with some of these people. It might be hard now, but if there's any way to temporarily hide or block stories from them, I'd try doing that first before actually disconnecting from them.

If they liked you and try to check in on you down the road via linkedin, it'd be an awkward moment.

Anonymous User
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Re: No offers and linkedIn

Postby Anonymous User » Mon Feb 04, 2013 11:24 pm

OP here. Thanks everyone for your understanding. I find that I feel much better knowing that my misgivings aren't weird, but actually understandable to many. Paradoxically, this support makes me less likely to delete the contacts in question, at least in the immediate. But I do expect to go through with it at some point soon.

The post quoted below is one of the most insightful I have read on this forum. Cutting your losses and quitting is generally underrated.

Anonymous User wrote:Although there's a strong presumption out there against ever running away from uncomfortable feelings or difficult situations, sometimes it's just plain damn effective. I have a pretty outstanding history of blowing big opportunities, getting rejected, disappointing expectations and just fucking up generally in life, so I speak from experience. I certainly don't endorse always burying/running away from stuff, but I think it's foolish not to keep it as a tactic in your life toolbox.

I think that a good rule of thumb is that if the difficult or awkward situation is part of an ongoing relationship (e.g. a fuckup at a place where you continue to work) then it's something that you should straight confront, own, and be a (wo)man about. If it's something bygone, like a breakup, getting fired, rejected, whatever, then I think it's not uncommon that you'll be doing more for yourself by just quickly noting what you need to take away from this situation (i.e. what the big mistakes you made were and how to avoid them next time) and then burying that shit as far and deep away from you as you need to feel over it. People have this go-hard mentality about how you should deal with everything that comes up in life head-on, like dealing with shit is just this muscle that you workout and build, but honestly sometimes shit is more like an injury that you need to let rest and not aggravate. The ongoing awkwardness and blow to your confidence from this situation maybe more of an impediment to your future success than the connections from the place you got no-offered are boosts. If that's the case, do what you need to do.

It's important in life to strive for self-change, work to be a better person, aim high, etc. But that also needs to be balanced against the fact that you're an adult now, your formative years are over, and you need to be realistic about what you have a good chance of changing about yourself.The ability to be whoever you want to be and feel however you want to feel is a great and inspiring vision to carry around, but it's also empirically bullshit. Sometimes, you need to just recognize who you are and how you feel for better or worse and accommodate instead of fight yourself.

This is off topic and I hope it's not rude, but as a 2L with a SA position who seems to have a penchant for blowing things (s)he really cares about, I have to ask: do you have any advice? I know everyone has no-offer fears going into the summer, but I can't help but feel that I'm more likely to struggle and feel overwhelmed in a SA than most people.

Anonymous User
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: No offers and linkedIn

Postby Anonymous User » Tue Feb 05, 2013 11:01 am

rad lulz wrote:
Shammis wrote:Nut up. Unless they said your work-product was terrible, there is no reason to burn bridges. Stop being sorry for yourself. In the slight chance one of them notices, they'll def. not care about you in the future. Was going to post more, but that should suffice...Nut up.

You sound like someone who has never had a SA position, much less been no-offered.


Not OP, but I have decided to spin the situation, so I have decided not to wash my hands with the previous firm. It always come up anyway. But I am also big on networking, I mean, I keep in tough with people/firms that did not give me offers. You never know down the road. Embarrassment was a big deal when it happened, not anymore now ... their loss.

rad lulz
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Re: No offers and linkedIn

Postby rad lulz » Tue Feb 05, 2013 11:03 am

Anonymous User wrote:
rad lulz wrote:
Shammis wrote:Nut up. Unless they said your work-product was terrible, there is no reason to burn bridges. Stop being sorry for yourself. In the slight chance one of them notices, they'll def. not care about you in the future. Was going to post more, but that should suffice...Nut up.

You sound like someone who has never had a SA position, much less been no-offered.


Not OP, but I have decided to spin the situation, so I have decided not to wash my hands with the previous firm. It always come up anyway. But I am also big on networking, I mean, I keep in tough with people/firms that did not give me offers. You never know down the road. Embarrassment was a big deal when it happened, not anymore now ... their loss.

Is this English?

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Renne Walker
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Re: No offers and linkedIn

Postby Renne Walker » Sat Feb 09, 2013 1:32 pm

What you described serves as a chilling wake-up call to all SAs.

Since no SA really knows they will be offered, having a backup plan is essential (for peace of mind)..... circling back to a firm that made an offer before you choose the no-offered firm. Although I have never seen this done IRL I understand most firms make cold-offers available. Obviously, your firm doesn’t, which seems highly unreasonable.

As far as linkedin, if/when you land on your feet you’ll probably wish you stayed connected.

rad lulz
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Re: No offers and linkedIn

Postby rad lulz » Sat Feb 09, 2013 1:34 pm

Renne Walker wrote:As far as linkedin, if/when you land on your feet you’ll probably wish you stayed connected.

Maybe not




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