Tell them I'm married?

(On Campus Interviews, Summer Associate positions, Firm Reviews, Tips, ...)
Forum rules
Anonymous Posting

Anonymous posting is only appropriate when you are revealing sensitive employment related information about a firm, job, etc. You may anonymously respond on topic to these threads. Unacceptable uses include: harassing another user, joking around, testing the feature, or other things that are more appropriate in the lounge.

Failure to follow these rules will get you outed, warned, or banned.
jessemllr
Posts: 19
Joined: Mon Jun 11, 2012 9:14 pm

Tell them I'm married?

Postby jessemllr » Tue Jan 22, 2013 6:11 pm

How do potential employers view law student that are married? Better to not mention it at all?

Anonymous User
Posts: 273497
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Tell them I'm married?

Postby Anonymous User » Tue Jan 22, 2013 6:13 pm

jessemllr wrote:How do potential employers view law student that are married? Better to not mention it at all?


Are you female? If so, keep it to yourself. If you're male, on the other hand, it's a plus (makes you seem stable).

LawIdiot86
Posts: 1159
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:21 pm

Re: Tell them I'm married?

Postby LawIdiot86 » Tue Jan 22, 2013 6:14 pm

jessemllr wrote:How do potential employers view law student that are married? Better to not mention it at all?

I wouldn't mention it or hide it. I would think they would view it positively as evidence you aren't a completely anti-social psychopath if you can maintain a marital relationship, but their positive view would end if they thought it would in any way deter you from working 90 hours a week.

Aqualibrium
Posts: 2011
Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2009 5:57 am

Re: Tell them I'm married?

Postby Aqualibrium » Tue Jan 22, 2013 6:16 pm

Why do you think it even matters?

If it comes up organically in conversation, it's fair game. You shouldn't enter an interview room with a strategy of playing the marriage card to gain some benefit or avoiding it so as not to be given some negative mark.

Just be a normal, tactful, engaging person.

User avatar
uk4220
Posts: 29
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 7:32 pm

Re: Tell them I'm married?

Postby uk4220 » Tue Jan 22, 2013 6:22 pm

it can be helpful to show ties to a region (i.e. — my husband is also an attorney here so I'm less likely to bail anytime soon)

alex.feuerman
Posts: 147
Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2012 2:32 pm

Re: Tell them I'm married?

Postby alex.feuerman » Tue Jan 22, 2013 6:24 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
jessemllr wrote:How do potential employers view law student that are married? Better to not mention it at all?


Are you female? If so, keep it to yourself. If you're male, on the other hand, it's a plus (makes you seem stable).


OMYGOD this is so messed up but so true.

User avatar
A. Nony Mouse
Posts: 22869
Joined: Tue Sep 25, 2012 11:51 am

Re: Tell them I'm married?

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Tue Jan 22, 2013 6:26 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
jessemllr wrote:How do potential employers view law student that are married? Better to not mention it at all?


Are you female? If so, keep it to yourself. If you're male, on the other hand, it's a plus (makes you seem stable).

Myself
Posts: 1372
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2012 1:36 pm

.

Postby Myself » Tue Jan 22, 2013 8:13 pm

.
Last edited by Myself on Tue Nov 19, 2013 11:49 pm, edited 2 times in total.

User avatar
kalvano
Posts: 11725
Joined: Mon Sep 07, 2009 2:24 am

Re: Tell them I'm married?

Postby kalvano » Tue Jan 22, 2013 8:22 pm

My general sense about it is that larger firms, maybe leave it out. They want associates they can work to death and then send on their way. Anything that might interfere with billing is red flag to them.

If it's a smaller / midsize firm, bring it up. They typically want to hire someone and retain them, and they like signs that you're a normal, stable person.

User avatar
ExBiglawAssociate
Posts: 2094
Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 7:06 pm

Re: Tell them I'm married?

Postby ExBiglawAssociate » Tue Jan 22, 2013 9:23 pm

Biglaw firms want robots, not normal human beings. I would not mention that you're married.

Renzo
Posts: 4265
Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2008 3:23 am

Re: Tell them I'm married?

Postby Renzo » Fri Jan 25, 2013 9:53 pm

alex.feuerman wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:Are you female? If so, keep it to yourself. If you're male, on the other hand, it's a plus (makes you seem stable).


OMYGOD this is so messed up but so true.


Every part of every layer of this is true.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273497
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Tell them I'm married?

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Jan 25, 2013 10:09 pm

You do not want to work for a firm that doesn't want to hire married people (if such exists).

Anonymous User
Posts: 273497
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Tell them I'm married?

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Jan 25, 2013 10:13 pm

I say, be yourself. You'll do more damage if you try to hide it, as it will come out. Like, how are you going to hide the fact that maybe you wear a ring? I'm a married female, and I still got a big law job. It was impossible for me to hide (my married name is Asian, and I'm Caucasian). I couldn't explain why I changed geographic locations without mentioning my husband. If I didn't get a callback or offer, I doubt it was because I was married.

r6_philly
Posts: 10707
Joined: Sat Dec 19, 2009 4:32 pm

Re: Tell them I'm married?

Postby r6_philly » Sat Jan 26, 2013 12:15 am

I mentioned in every interview that I am married with kids. If they feel like that's a concern for them, I will go to one that it won't be.

kryptix
Posts: 209
Joined: Tue Jun 29, 2010 5:40 pm

Re: Tell them I'm married?

Postby kryptix » Wed Jan 30, 2013 12:38 pm

The married thing kind of gives itself away from the ring, but I found that female partners in particular seemed happy to talk about kids with me, so YMMV. I am a guy though so if your a girl that might also be an issue.

prs362
Posts: 64
Joined: Tue Sep 11, 2012 9:34 am

Re: Tell them I'm married?

Postby prs362 » Wed Jan 30, 2013 5:52 pm

I'm a male and usually mentioned it, and I think it actually helped stimulate organic conversations. The mention of the wife would usually be followed by something like "Oh, what does your wife do," etc. If nothing else, it's a time filler in an otherwise awkward setting.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273497
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Tell them I'm married?

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Jan 30, 2013 9:40 pm

Renzo wrote:
alex.feuerman wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:Are you female? If so, keep it to yourself. If you're male, on the other hand, it's a plus (makes you seem stable).


OMYGOD this is so messed up but so true.


Every part of every layer of this is true.

I'm torn on this - I'm engaged and my fiancé is back in my (notoriously insular) home market. Does the advantage of that strong tie outweigh the bias against married women, or should I take the ring off and not mention it? (I also have some work experience and family in the area as well.)

User avatar
Lwoods
Posts: 1484
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2010 7:27 am

Re: Tell them I'm married?

Postby Lwoods » Wed Jan 30, 2013 10:10 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
Renzo wrote:
alex.feuerman wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:Are you female? If so, keep it to yourself. If you're male, on the other hand, it's a plus (makes you seem stable).


OMYGOD this is so messed up but so true.


Every part of every layer of this is true.

I'm torn on this - I'm engaged and my fiancé is back in my (notoriously insular) home market. Does the advantage of that strong tie outweigh the bias against married women, or should I take the ring off and not mention it? (I also have some work experience and family in the area as well.)


The ties definitely outweigh (though I'm not entirely convinced there is any bias against married women). I would actually lead with that when applying to your home market. However, don't mention your fiancé in interviews not in your hometown. Ties matter to nearly every employer (particularly outside of NY). A bias against married women is far more speculative.

Torney12
Posts: 83
Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2012 10:14 am

Re: Tell them I'm married?

Postby Torney12 » Thu Jan 31, 2013 11:34 am

Anonymous User wrote:
jessemllr wrote:How do potential employers view law student that are married? Better to not mention it at all?


Are you female? If so, keep it to yourself. If you're male, on the other hand, it's a plus (makes you seem stable).

This is correct. If you are a female law student and already married, people are going eye you warily as a maternity leave risk. Politics are such that firms have to pay you during your maternity leave instead of firing you as they'd very often prefer, but providing full checks and benefits to people who aren't generating billable hours isn't a firm's idea of a smart expenditure.

If you are a male law student and married, on the other hand, then you are actually more attractive because we (firms) will probably have you by the balls. I have found that it really is true that married men put up with the most abuse and bill the most of any demographic because they are almost always their families' primary or even sole breadwinners.

kryptix
Posts: 209
Joined: Tue Jun 29, 2010 5:40 pm

Re: Tell them I'm married?

Postby kryptix » Thu Jan 31, 2013 12:36 pm

Torney12 wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:
jessemllr wrote:How do potential employers view law student that are married? Better to not mention it at all?


Are you female? If so, keep it to yourself. If you're male, on the other hand, it's a plus (makes you seem stable).

This is correct. If you are a female law student and already married, people are going eye you warily as a maternity leave risk. Politics are such that firms have to pay you during your maternity leave instead of firing you as they'd very often prefer, but providing full checks and benefits to people who aren't generating billable hours isn't a firm's idea of a smart expenditure.

If you are a male law student and married, on the other hand, then you are actually more attractive because we (firms) will probably have you by the balls. I have found that it really is true that married men put up with the most abuse and bill the most of any demographic because they are almost always their families' primary or even sole breadwinners.


Yeah nothing like thinking about the little one at home to keep you going when you think your going to collapse :). I do prefer to put in extended overtime from home though, whats the point of making more if you never get to see the kids...

Torney12
Posts: 83
Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2012 10:14 am

Re: Tell them I'm married?

Postby Torney12 » Thu Jan 31, 2013 12:46 pm

Torney12 wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:
jessemllr wrote:How do potential employers view law student that are married? Better to not mention it at all?


Are you female? If so, keep it to yourself. If you're male, on the other hand, it's a plus (makes you seem stable).

This is correct. If you are a female law student and already married, people are going eye you warily as a maternity leave risk. Politics are such that firms have to pay you during your maternity leave instead of firing you as they'd very often prefer, but providing full checks and benefits to people who aren't generating billable hours isn't a firm's idea of a smart expenditure.

If you are a male law student and married, on the other hand, then you are actually more attractive because we (firms) will probably have you by the balls. I have found that it really is true that married men put up with the most abuse and bill the most of any demographic because they are almost always their families' primary or even sole breadwinners.

I should clarify that I'm not saying that the original poster shouldn't tell firms that s/he is married. Unless you're planning to get divorced, it's better to be frank about your marital status and weed out firms where that might be a problem.




Return to “Legal Employment”

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.