Whoops!- Need TLS wisdom on becoming a baby daddy as an SA

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Anonymous User
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Whoops!- Need TLS wisdom on becoming a baby daddy as an SA

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Dec 12, 2012 4:52 pm

So due to previous difficulties, my wife and I thought there was essentially no chance of her becoming pregnant unless she was on some serious fertility drugs...but what d you know, my boys can swim and she can lay an egg...so here we are with a kid dueo at the end of June. Obviously we're excited etc., but I'm a little nervous about how to handle this this summer as an SA. I managed to get a jerb at a firm in my desired market that has a very strong offer rate (think 95% and up even in the down times). Obviously I don't plan on missing much time, maybe a day or two. I want to communicate sensitivity to the fact that missing any time during a SA is bad, should I just offer to extend my summer by a week? Who to contact? Recruiting or hiring partner? Phone call, email or in person, etc. When should I communicate with the firm?

What say you sages of the internet?

Edit: mild edits for clarity
Last edited by Anonymous User on Wed Dec 12, 2012 5:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

SEngland
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Re: Whoops!- Need TLS wisdom on becoming a baby daddy as an SA

Postby SEngland » Wed Dec 12, 2012 4:58 pm

Congrats. What did you name the kid? Also, boy or girl?

imchuckbass58
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Re: Whoops!- Need TLS wisdom on becoming a baby daddy as an SA

Postby imchuckbass58 » Wed Dec 12, 2012 5:04 pm

First off, congrats!

As far as the SA, just make sure you raise the issue early and try to be as accommodating as possible. Tell them your wife is due in June, that you understand it's not ideal that you may have to miss time as an SA, but that this pregnancy was a pleasant surprise. As you said, mention you'll probably only need a couple of days off, and that you're happy to start early / end late if they can accommodate you.

There's a very good chance they won't care at all and won't even ask you to work another week. The key is just to raise this soon so the firm's aware of this, appear to be accommodating / flexible with making up time, and notifying the teams you work with this summer that you might have to unexpectedly drop off for a couple of days.

I would call (not email) the head of recruiting, tell her the situation, and ask if there's anyone else you should discuss this with (there probably won't be). Should not be a problem.

Getting sleep for the rest of the summer on the other hand....

Anonymous User
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Re: Whoops!- Need TLS wisdom on becoming a baby daddy as an SA

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Dec 12, 2012 5:06 pm

SEngland wrote:Congrats. What did you name the kid? Also, boy or girl?


just under 12 weeks so we don't know sex yet...have a girl name in mind if it works out that way.

desertlaw
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Re: Whoops!- Need TLS wisdom on becoming a baby daddy as an SA

Postby desertlaw » Wed Dec 12, 2012 5:06 pm

Not totally sure how to handle this one. My guess is that the firm probably has had this happen in the past but maybe not.

I would maybe e-mail them over winter break and tell them the news and due date (but maybe wait until like Feb/March when you're further along?). Say something like you obviously don't want full paternity leave but that you might need to miss a few days due to birth of child. I think they will probably understand. if they don't, maybe it's not a firm you want to be at. They should be realistic that your work isn't too important as an SA and if you miss a few days, you'll be okay, especially if it's because a new human you created is being displayed for the first time.

Offer them that if they feel it's necessary, you're willing to go further in the summer.

Congrats on getting baby before 3L. You'll have plenty of time as a 3L to hang out with that little human and help the mother before you head off to BigLaw, never see your child (or a diaper) again as you bill 2400 hours.

Anonymous User
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Re: Whoops!- Need TLS wisdom on becoming a baby daddy as an SA

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Dec 12, 2012 5:07 pm

imchuckbass58 wrote:First off, congrats!

As far as the SA, just make sure you raise the issue early and try to be as accommodating as possible. Tell them your wife is due in June, that you understand it's not ideal that you may have to miss time as an SA, but that this pregnancy was a pleasant surprise. As you said, mention you'll probably only need a couple of days off, and that you're happy to start early / end late if they can accommodate you.

There's a very good chance they won't care at all and won't even ask you to work another week. The key is just to raise this soon so the firm's aware of this, appear to be accommodating / flexible with making up time, and notifying the teams you work with this summer that you might have to unexpectedly drop off for a couple of days.

I would call (not email) the head of recruiting, tell her the situation, and ask if there's anyone else you should discuss this with (there probably won't be). Should not be a problem.

Getting sleep for the rest of the summer on the other hand....


Sort of my thinking too...just be a grown up and flexible...thinking January or Feb to tell firm, want to make sure we're past all the miscarriage dates first :(

As to sleep...i hear cocaine isn't addictive and is freely available in biglaw, no?

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Re: Whoops!- Need TLS wisdom on becoming a baby daddy as an SA

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Dec 12, 2012 5:10 pm

a guy in my class went through this over the summer. he got several days off and his firm let him work extra weeks at the end of the summer to make up the time. i think he also got some work with a more flexible deadline routed to him. they'll hardly hold it against you; if anything it demonstrates that you're settled down in the area. he also used his "new dad" drama as a way to bond with lots of people at the firm.

have you set up your schedule with the firm yet? it's not uncommon for SAs to have different start dates. i think you should just email whoever your primary recruiting contact was during your callbacks and ask when start/end dates are established and let them know you're expecting a baby. there's a lot of screaming at law schools about never missing work in the summer, but going on vacation or taking lots of sick days is a lot different than taking days off for baby stuff.

and congrats dude!

SchopenhauerFTW
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Re: Whoops!- Need TLS wisdom on becoming a baby daddy as an SA

Postby SchopenhauerFTW » Wed Dec 12, 2012 5:13 pm

Just stopping in here to say congratulations on the lawbaby.

Anonymous User
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Re: Whoops!- Need TLS wisdom on becoming a baby daddy as an SA

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Dec 12, 2012 5:23 pm

is the baby going to be a lawyer too?

Agent
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Re: Whoops!- Need TLS wisdom on becoming a baby daddy as an SA

Postby Agent » Wed Dec 12, 2012 5:28 pm

Congrats. I doubt that any firm would have a problem with a SA taking a couple of days off for this. Still, I recommend avoiding the phrase "paternity leave" in any context when speaking with your firm (unless they use it first). But that's just me. Anyway, best of luck.

Also, +1 to this idea:

Anonymous User wrote:he also used his "new dad" drama as a way to bond with lots of people at the firm.

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Lincoln
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Re: Whoops!- Need TLS wisdom on becoming a baby daddy as an SA

Postby Lincoln » Wed Dec 12, 2012 5:32 pm

Just let HR know when appropriate. I'm sure there won't be a problem with getting some time off and maybe making it up at the end. "The firm encourages children."

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Re: Whoops!- Need TLS wisdom on becoming a baby daddy as an SA

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Dec 12, 2012 5:33 pm

Thanks folks...confirmed my own thinking on this

Baby will be superstar singer with creepy father manager...until she's 18, at which point she'll freak out start doing large amounts of whatever drug is popular in 18 years and generally disappoint her fan base and her father.

Unless she's a dude, in which case fuck that guy we already have one boy and 2 will just destroy all my possessions....unless he has an arm in which case he can be a pitcher b/c football destroys brain cells.

Will look for other chronically exhausted new dads to bond with/drink with while we avoid going home to our families :)!

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bk1
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Re: Whoops!- Need TLS wisdom on becoming a baby daddy as an SA

Postby bk1 » Wed Dec 12, 2012 5:48 pm

SchopenhauerFTW wrote:Just stopping in here to say congratulations on the lawbaby.

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crazycanuck
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Re: Whoops!- Need TLS wisdom on becoming a baby daddy as an SA

Postby crazycanuck » Wed Dec 12, 2012 9:42 pm

Anonymous User wrote:Thanks folks...confirmed my own thinking on this

Baby will be superstar singer with creepy father manager...until she's 18, at which point she'll freak out start doing large amounts of whatever drug is popular in 18 years and generally disappoint her fan base and her father.

Unless she's a dude, in which case fuck that guy we already have one boy and 2 will just destroy all my possessions....unless he has an arm in which case he can be a pitcher b/c football destroys brain cells.

Will look for other chronically exhausted new dads to bond with/drink with while we avoid going home to our families :)!


As you'll be making tons of money as a bigloler, here's what you need to do:

1) Sign them up for golf lessons at a country club
2) Make them go every day so they love it
3) Because of all the practice and support the win big on the PGA
4) Your son becomes the next Tiger
5) Low risk of serious debilitating injury
6) You live off his money

You could alternatively turn to basketball if you have height genetics. They get paids tons of money, don't do a whole lot, and the worst injuries they get are sore penis's from all the sex they have with hot women.

Moral of the story: Male baby - turn into an elite athlete who will make tons of money for you to mooch off.

Congratulation on the rugrat.

Anonymous User
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Re: Whoops!- Need TLS wisdom on becoming a baby daddy as an SA

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Dec 12, 2012 11:30 pm

Just out of curiosity, can anyone offer up an anecdote that explains why people seem pretty legitimately hesitant/cautious about the firm's reaction here? Yeah, you obviously don't want to parade in as an SA, acting entitled and telling the partners you can't wait to start spending four days a week at home playing with your little miracle in your newfound capacity as a stay at home dad/part time associate immediately after graduation. But I have to admit I was a little surprised as to how much the responses in this thread have hedged. I was expecting to read at least one, "DUDE, you're having a kid, people will get it."

Again, I understand your personal nervousness surrounding the situation (congratulations by the way), and I understand the need to man up for the time lost, but I just can't picture asking to make up a few days of SA doc review later so you can partake in one of the most meaningful experiences in life and getting a villain-esque, "you shall pay for this parasitic mistake you call a child" in response.

Agent
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Re: Whoops!- Need TLS wisdom on becoming a baby daddy as an SA

Postby Agent » Wed Dec 12, 2012 11:43 pm

In short, and as I'm sure most will agree, I think a SA asking for "paternity leave" would sound ridiculous. Avoiding the term altogether might help avert any appearance of hinting at or requesting "paternity leave." Again, that's just an afterthought that I threw in after offering congratulations—I don't think it's a big deal.

Anonymous User wrote:Just out of curiosity, can anyone offer up an anecdote that explains why people seem pretty legitimately hesitant/cautious about the firm's reaction here? Yeah, you obviously don't want to parade in as an SA, acting entitled and telling the partners you can't wait to start spending four days a week at home playing with your little miracle in your newfound capacity as a stay at home dad/part time associate immediately after graduation. But I have to admit I was a little surprised as to how much the responses in this thread have hedged. I was expecting to read at least one, "DUDE, you're having a kid, people will get it."

Again, I understand your personal nervousness surrounding the situation (congratulations by the way), and I understand the need to man up for the time lost, but I just can't picture asking to make up a few days of SA doc review later so you can partake in one of the most meaningful experiences in life and getting a villain-esque, "you shall pay for this parasitic mistake you call a child" in response.

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Veyron
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Re: Whoops!- Need TLS wisdom on becoming a baby daddy as an SA

Postby Veyron » Wed Dec 12, 2012 11:53 pm

Ask for 2 days off. Offer to name child after firm in exchange. Aww isn't little Jones cute. Munger is just growing up so fast. Precious.

Anonymous User
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Re: Whoops!- Need TLS wisdom on becoming a baby daddy as an SA

Postby Anonymous User » Thu Dec 13, 2012 12:49 am

My wife delivered a baby in early September and it ended up being a topic that actually helped me in some callbacks (evening student) so I think most firms will be fine with this. Even if you take a week off I seriously doubt you will get dinged for it at most firms, I had one call back where an interviewer was changed on me during my callback because he had to go to the hospital for his wife to deliver, so yeah, its not as scary as you think. Just tell recruiting and plan around it. I'd think its pretty safe to take off for as long as it takes for your wife to get back home from the hospital (provided you are available for calls etc). I had told firms that I might need to reschedule callbacks in case and they were perfectly fine with that.

Anonymous User
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Re: Whoops!- Need TLS wisdom on becoming a baby daddy as an SA

Postby Anonymous User » Thu Dec 13, 2012 7:46 am

Anonymous User wrote: But I have to admit I was a little surprised as to how much the responses in this thread have hedged. I was expecting to read at least one, "DUDE, you're having a kid, people will get it."


OP here. I am certainly hoping this is the response I get. I think pretty much everyone would rather work for a firm that understands at least a little bit what it means to be human. The vibe I got when I did my CB was certainly that the firm is understanding about these kinds of things for its associates (although pretty sure that paternity leave is a myth) it's the SA bit that worries me. I'm not in NY or DC so hoping things are at least a little less cut-throat.

Thanks for everyone's thoughts!

Anonymous User
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Re: Whoops!- Need TLS wisdom on becoming a baby daddy as an SA

Postby Anonymous User » Thu Dec 13, 2012 12:27 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
Anonymous User wrote: But I have to admit I was a little surprised as to how much the responses in this thread have hedged. I was expecting to read at least one, "DUDE, you're having a kid, people will get it."


OP here. I am certainly hoping this is the response I get. I think pretty much everyone would rather work for a firm that understands at least a little bit what it means to be human. The vibe I got when I did my CB was certainly that the firm is understanding about these kinds of things for its associates (although pretty sure that paternity leave is a myth) it's the SA bit that worries me. I'm not in NY or DC so hoping things are at least a little less cut-throat.

Thanks for everyone's thoughts!


As for paternity, depending on how driven you are for partnership, I wouldn't be surprised if some firms will grant the full maternity period or at least allow more WFH and reduced billables etc. I know that some of the bulge bracket banks do that, and also allow for the same for adoption leave. (A few employers I know did this after the recognition of same sex relationships in NY). That said, taking 1 week or maybe 2 as a long vacation is probably fine anywhere.

CanadianWolf
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Re: Whoops!- Need TLS wisdom on becoming a baby daddy as an SA

Postby CanadianWolf » Thu Dec 13, 2012 12:29 pm

If it's a boy, consider naming him "Judge".

rad lulz
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Re: Whoops!- Need TLS wisdom on becoming a baby daddy as an SA

Postby rad lulz » Thu Dec 13, 2012 12:34 pm

If you're worried about getting an offer it's not too late to abort.




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