Just wish to give some hope.
I had a modern miracle last Friday. I had found a job (prestigious in some ways) and was hired in February. However, while I accepted it, I was not sure if I could actually take it. I had some C&F issues in the past. To be honest, they were due to the economy, cancer, and other issues beyond my control and my approval had not gone through. I had until June 1 to get this cleared up and I never thought it would in time.
Actually, I had hired an attorney to help me. He had told me in March that there was little chance of me being approved in time. Then, last Thursday there was no chance. For the past few months, I had some real dark thoughts. Kept thinking how hope is a dangerous and spiteful thing. I had lost everything in the recession and it felt like it was happening all over again. This coming from someone with a wife, three kids (including one autistic), and who had become essentially penniless. To be honest, I gave up on my legal career on Thursday. I had begun calling old contacts to get me a job in my previous field of employment (that field was just coming back but had died during the recession). I was ready to stock shelves at Walmart.
While my kids were school, my wife and I went to the movies. Actually went to see Mad Max because I figured there was enough anger in that movie to match mine. During the first few minutes of the movie, my phone vibrated and I figured it was a call. I didn't want to be a dick in the theater and check my phone. Also, I thought it was a family member saying how much this sucks and how they didn't understand it. So the movie ended and I checked my phone. I got an email from my attorney saying "You're In!! You're In!!!". I started crying right in the middle of the theater, hugging my wife who saw it and started to too. People thought I must have been some nut job crying about the ending of Mad Max (good but one of the craziest movies I have ever seen).
I got in the car and spoke to my attorney. He said he couldn't believe it. He had no idea what happened. He was just shocked and he is well connected as he once chaired the C&F committee. I spent the rest of the day celebrating with family and friends. First time I had slept in months. To be honest I still don't believe it and am afraid they called the wrong person. I am trying to get to the courthouse as soon as I can.
To those out there in despair, I understand completely. I have never been more down in my life I think on Thursday. Having no control of your life is a horrible feeling. Maybe hope and faith are good things. I have no clue. But in the end, my hope was rewarded. Maybe I gambled on mercy and won. Maybe all of the prayers everyone has been saying helped as well. Again, I don't know why or how I was approved, but I was and I don't really care too much.
So why am I writing this. Because I know what it feels like to be less than a person. I still check this website everyday, 12 months after graduation because I wanted to be an attorney. On Thursday, it never felt so far away as it did then. If I can help anyone I will. I don't think I can get you a job just yet. If you just want to vent, cry, or scream at the world, I am here. PM if you wish. But never give up hope. One day, I hope you will succeed like I did.