bk1 wrote:They don't have to be, but asking someone questions about what is probably a sore spot for them just to satisfy your curiosity is a dick move.
Yeah, I have to say, as someone recently no-offered, my #1 annoyance is the extent to which people ask 101 questions about what I could have possibly done wrong. To anyone reading who is wondering how to "handle" talking to someone in this spot, at least from my perspective:
Yes, there is something to be said about trying to replay what I did to try to learn from it going forward, and I have chosen which people I want to have that conversation with. If I am not actively trying to steer that conversation that way with you, it means I don't want to talk about it with you, so kindly STFU. I'm trying to not put that stress on others and to stay cheery and calm around other people. My body is pumped with adrenaline, shutting down both my ability to sleep and my ability to eat. My hair will probably start to fall out soon. I can't rest; I get no relaxation from an episode on Netflix. But in front of you, I'm trying not to freak out. I'm not prepared nor well-positioned for *anything* going forward, and everywhere I apply is going to be a long shot. I'm trying my best to keep my fears and sense of desperation and hopelessness at bay, and to swallow the extent to which I have just fallen from the path I thought was mine. This doesn't mean that it's easy for me to endure all your suggestions of what I could have done wrong.
If you want to be a good friend, don't ask questions. Just listen. And if the person doesn't want to talk about it, be willing to just talk about something else. Anything else. Anything you would have talked about before this happened.