Pregnant 2L Summer

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dresden doll
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Re: Pregnant 2L Summer

Postby dresden doll » Thu May 24, 2012 12:17 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
ruski wrote:am i the only one who thinks this a genius idea? this almost guarantees you a full time offer - no way they are going to no-offer the pregnant chick, especially if you bust your ass. that is a law suit waiting to happen.

now you might get weird looks, and people might think you've got a lot of balls to do that, and many at your firm may not appreciate it, and it will be hella awkward for you both at work and summer events, but if you only care about getting a full time offer and nothing else then it's fine.


Honestly, I don't think it's that big of a deal. Why would it be awkward at work, especially if you're not "about to pop" pregnant?


I think it's awkward for the immature.

TBF, I spent a good part of my life being weirded out by pregnancy itself. That said, a) I highly doubt that my previous attitude is the norm and b) even then, I wouldn't have disliked a pregnant coworker or wanted to discriminate against someone for being pregnant.
Last edited by dresden doll on Thu May 24, 2012 12:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Pregnant 2L Summer

Postby Anonymous User » Thu May 24, 2012 12:18 pm

I stumbled across this topic by accident and can share your anxiety about it. I am just over 6 months pregnant and I am starting 1L this fall. I went to a school function less than a month ago to meet some fellow c/o 2015 students and not one noticed I was pregnant. It was not obvious at all, even just over 5 months. I am hoping this baby comes early for us, like our first born, so I can have a week before school starts to recover. But as of right now we are planning the c-section for labor day weekend and I am planning on returning to school immediatly. I was extremely worried and scared of being a very pregnant 1L but I find that all things happen for a reason and I feel confident in my ability to do both. Thankfully my husband makes his own schedule since he runs his own company so he will be playing mr. mom while I am in school. I'd say as long as you have the support and drive, go for it.

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Re: Pregnant 2L Summer

Postby Anonymous User » Thu May 24, 2012 12:21 pm

Anonymous User wrote:I stumbled across this topic by accident and can share your anxiety about it. I am just over 6 months pregnant and I am starting 1L this fall. I went to a school function less than a month ago to meet some fellow c/o 2015 students and not one noticed I was pregnant. It was not obvious at all, even just over 5 months. I am hoping this baby comes early for us, like our first born, so I can have a week before school starts to recover. But as of right now we are planning the c-section for labor day weekend and I am planning on returning to school immediately. I was extremely worried and scared of being a very pregnant 1L but I find that all things happen for a reason and I feel confident in my ability to do both. Thankfully my husband makes his own schedule since he runs his own company so he will be playing mr. mom while I am in school. I'd say as long as you have the support and drive, go for it.


Did you have a c-section the first time and go back to work a week after? If so, wow. I couldn't have gone back to work in a week after my v deliveries, much less a c-section.

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Re: Pregnant 2L Summer

Postby Anonymous User » Thu May 24, 2012 12:25 pm

rayiner wrote:Just to give people some frame of reference, because I don't think some people really know what pregnant women look like ITT.

YMMV, but even well into the third trimester (see the week 31 photos) you're not so huge that it is awkward for people.

With a loose blouse and a jacket, during your second trimester people might not even realize you're pregnant unless you tell them.



(OP) I'm hoping that's the case. I'm paranoid that because I'm on the shorter side I'm going to end up like Jessica Simpson and look like I'm carrying a basketball team or something.

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Lawst
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Re: Pregnant 2L Summer

Postby Lawst » Thu May 24, 2012 12:32 pm

Anonymous User wrote:I stumbled across this topic by accident and can share your anxiety about it. I am just over 6 months pregnant and I am starting 1L this fall. I went to a school function less than a month ago to meet some fellow c/o 2015 students and not one noticed I was pregnant. It was not obvious at all, even just over 5 months. I am hoping this baby comes early for us, like our first born, so I can have a week before school starts to recover. But as of right now we are planning the c-section for labor day weekend and I am planning on returning to school immediatly. I was extremely worried and scared of being a very pregnant 1L but I find that all things happen for a reason and I feel confident in my ability to do both. Thankfully my husband makes his own schedule since he runs his own company so he will be playing mr. mom while I am in school. I'd say as long as you have the support and drive, go for it.


Actually, I do have a classmate who had her baby during first semester 1L exams. Even so, she managed to hang in there, and the administration has been supportive. It bumped back her expected grad date a bit, and she had to take some 1L classes as a 2L to get caught up, but it can be done. Talk to the dean of students or whichever administrator you like best to let them know about your concerns, they will help you.

Also, just to clarify in general ITT: I don't think anyone here is being immature by stating that it would be surprising to have a new intern show up visibly pregnant, which many women in their third trimester would be. I just think that's reality. It's not a deal-breaker, and it could work in someone's favor. The question is whether it's a good time to plan for a pregnancy, and people have given a variety of thoughtful responses. I don't think it helps to be disparaging toward those who are giving honest feedback.

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Re: Pregnant 2L Summer

Postby Anonymous User » Thu May 24, 2012 12:35 pm

Lawst wrote:Also, just to clarify in general ITT: I don't think anyone here is being immature by stating that it would be surprising to have a new intern show up visibly pregnant, which many women in their third trimester would be.


You originally said "really awkward" and now say "surprising." Those are two quite different reactions. FWIW I would agree with the latter but not the former, and I would contend that the latter reaction would not be immature but the former would be.

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Re: Pregnant 2L Summer

Postby Lawst » Thu May 24, 2012 12:42 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
Lawst wrote:Also, just to clarify in general ITT: I don't think anyone here is being immature by stating that it would be surprising to have a new intern show up visibly pregnant, which many women in their third trimester would be.


You originally said "really awkward" and now say "surprising." Those are two quite different reactions. FWIW I would agree with the latter but not the former, and I would contend that the latter reaction would not be immature but the former would be.


So, I guess I should choose my words more carefully, though I don't see a lot of difference here. I'm thinking more of an awkward situation because people weren't expecting it.
Also, I hate to break it to anyone without significant WE, but you will find plenty of immature co-workers in your future. On this spectrum, I am probably at the very low end. But, carry on.

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Samara
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Re: Pregnant 2L Summer

Postby Samara » Thu May 24, 2012 12:44 pm

franklyscarlet wrote:
Samara wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:My husband and I would like to start our family before I graduate and am working insane hours. I realize I'm putting the cart way before the horse because I don't know how long it'll take me to get pregnant, but how awful would it look to be in my third trimester as a summer associate? Obviously I'd plan on busting my ass over the summer to prove my worth, but I'm still nervous. I've heard horrible things about women being discriminated against for being pregnant.

What if you are due in August, but you have a premature birth in the middle of your SA? That's what I would be worried about. Seems too risky.

(This thread is relevant to my interests.)


Wait- Samara, are you pregnant?


:-D

lolno, but it's something we are starting to think about. Can't wait too long or things start getting stale.

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Re: Pregnant 2L Summer

Postby franklyscarlet » Thu May 24, 2012 12:48 pm

Samara wrote:
franklyscarlet wrote:
Samara wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:My husband and I would like to start our family before I graduate and am working insane hours. I realize I'm putting the cart way before the horse because I don't know how long it'll take me to get pregnant, but how awful would it look to be in my third trimester as a summer associate? Obviously I'd plan on busting my ass over the summer to prove my worth, but I'm still nervous. I've heard horrible things about women being discriminated against for being pregnant.

What if you are due in August, but you have a premature birth in the middle of your SA? That's what I would be worried about. Seems too risky.

(This thread is relevant to my interests.)


Wait- Samara, are you pregnant?


:-D

lolno, but it's something we are starting to think about. Can't wait too long or things start getting stale.


You really do need to utilize that womb of yours while it's fresh.

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Re: Pregnant 2L Summer

Postby Samara » Thu May 24, 2012 12:51 pm

franklyscarlet wrote:You really do need to utilize that womb of yours while it's fresh.

And she's Irish Catholic. Once you open that baby spigot, there no telling when it stops.

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Re: Pregnant 2L Summer

Postby franklyscarlet » Thu May 24, 2012 12:52 pm

Samara wrote:
franklyscarlet wrote:You really do need to utilize that womb of yours while it's fresh.

And she's Irish Catholic. Once you open that baby spigot, there no telling when it stops.


You need to get a jump start on Unam if you want to win the MILLIONS OF BABIES race.

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Re: Pregnant 2L Summer

Postby Samara » Thu May 24, 2012 12:55 pm

franklyscarlet wrote:
Samara wrote:
franklyscarlet wrote:You really do need to utilize that womb of yours while it's fresh.

And she's Irish Catholic. Once you open that baby spigot, there no telling when it stops.


You need to get a jump start on Unam if you want to win the MILLIONS OF BABIES race.

Ooh, that's tough competition. I mean, he majored in Catholic Babymaking.

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Re: Pregnant 2L Summer

Postby dresden doll » Thu May 24, 2012 12:55 pm

Lawst wrote:So, I guess I should choose my words more carefully, though I don't see a lot of difference here. I'm thinking more of an awkward situation because people weren't expecting it.
Also, I hate to break it to anyone without significant WE, but you will find plenty of immature co-workers in your future. On this spectrum, I am probably at the very low end. But, carry on.


I don't understand why you'd be 'surprised' at something you imply has happened before, why you assume that other people would share your reaction (I don't at all find the notion of a pregnant SA surprising, for example) or why a surprised reaction matters in the context of a thread started by an OP who chiefly wants to know whether pregnancy would preclude her from getting an offer.

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Paichka
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Re: Pregnant 2L Summer

Postby Paichka » Thu May 24, 2012 1:16 pm

My situation was a little different because I was working at a JAG office rather than a firm, but I showed up out-to-here pregnant to my 2L summer job, and it was fine. I emailed my boss ahead of time to let him know, started work the Monday after exams, worked for two weeks until my son was born, took six weeks of maternity leave and then came back to finish out the summer. I worked right up until classes started again.

Having been through two newborns and now bar review, I think that 2L summer is a better time to have a baby than 3L summer, for a couple of reasons. First, I would hate to be crazy sleep deprived while trying to cram 25 different bar subjects into my head, and second, I wouldn't want to show up to my first job and then have to immediately take maternity leave. I'm putting off getting pregnant against until next year for that exact reason -- I want to demonstrate my value to my boss first before I'm MIA for six or eight weeks. :)

If this will be your first pregnancy, AND you don't use it as an excuse to eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's every night, you won't end up looking like Jessica Simpson or like you're carrying a basketball team. With my daughter, I didn't show until around the sixth month -- your abs tend to keep things sucked in kind of tight. Second pregnancy, however, watch out. :p Eat healthily (ie, only 300 extra calories per day for the baby -- you aren't eating for two adults, you're eating for yourself and a peanut), get moderate exercise, and you will probably only look like you ate one too many tacos at happy hour up until late in your second trimester. If anything, people will notice you're pregnant by the lack of drinking, but you can stand around with a diet coke and just tell people there's vodka in it. Or, just tell people you're pregnant -- as long as you aren't wandering around talking about your mucus plug or sore boobs at the top of your lungs, I doubt anyone will get skeeved out by it. I had to pump for my son while at work, which was slightly awkward, but I quietly asked my boss where I could do it and they made a lockable room available to me. It ended up being fine, and had no impact on my performance review at the end of the summer.

There really isn't a perfect time to have a kid -- if you want to have one and you're otherwise able to, go for it and deal with the complications as they arise.

Good luck!

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Re: Pregnant 2L Summer

Postby kapachino » Thu May 24, 2012 1:18 pm

dresden doll wrote:
Lawst wrote:So, I guess I should choose my words more carefully, though I don't see a lot of difference here. I'm thinking more of an awkward situation because people weren't expecting it.
Also, I hate to break it to anyone without significant WE, but you will find plenty of immature co-workers in your future. On this spectrum, I am probably at the very low end. But, carry on.


I don't understand why you'd be 'surprised' at something you imply has happened before, why you assume that other people would share your reaction (I don't at all find the notion of a pregnant SA surprising, for example) or why a surprised reaction matters in the context of a thread started by an OP who chiefly wants to know whether pregnancy would preclude her from getting an offer.



I think what Lawst means is that it's kind of surprising to see someone pregnant so early in their careers? A lot of (young) professional women put motherhood off if they can, or simply choose not to pursue it. IDK. I think it could be awkward for some people, and it doesn't always imply immaturity on their part. Inexperience, gender bias, etc., but not necessarily immaturity. You said yourself that you had issues with the idea of pregnancy, so maybe others do as well.

And don't most women explode at the end of the third trimester? From the sound of it, OP could keep it a secret during her internship. Don't see the harm in doing it then.

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Re: Pregnant 2L Summer

Postby Lawst » Thu May 24, 2012 1:23 pm

dresden doll wrote:
Lawst wrote:So, I guess I should choose my words more carefully, though I don't see a lot of difference here. I'm thinking more of an awkward situation because people weren't expecting it.
Also, I hate to break it to anyone without significant WE, but you will find plenty of immature co-workers in your future. On this spectrum, I am probably at the very low end. But, carry on.


I don't understand why you'd be 'surprised' at something you imply has happened before, why you assume that other people would share your reaction (I don't at all find the notion of a pregnant SA surprising, for example) or why a surprised reaction matters in the context of a thread started by an OP who chiefly wants to know whether pregnancy would preclude her from getting an offer.


Why are you surprised that people might have different reactions? I don't really understand why you're really stuck on this. The OP asked how bad it would look and I had an honest and very mild answer about how some people in the firm might react - that seems relevant, no? At least one other person ITT also said it could be awkward (or surprising - whichever word works for you). I certainly don't expect everyone to think my way at all. As I said earlier, a lot of people have given a variety of thoughtful responses. All seem valid.

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Re: Pregnant 2L Summer

Postby dresden doll » Thu May 24, 2012 1:26 pm

kapachino wrote:
I think what Lawst means is that it's kind of surprising to see someone pregnant so early in their careers? A lot of (young) professional women put motherhood off if they can, or simply choose not to pursue it. IDK. I think it could be awkward for some people, and it doesn't always imply immaturity on their part. Inexperience, gender bias, etc., but not necessarily immaturity. You said yourself that you had issues with the idea of pregnancy, so maybe others do as well.

And don't most women explode at the end of the third trimester? From the sound of it, OP could keep it a secret during her internship. Don't see the harm in doing it then.


Both inexperience and gender bias connote immaturity. What's more, I'd have called my past feelings - feelings that went along the lines of 'zomg pregnancy looks like you're being eaten alive by an alien from inside you' - pretty immature.

I think keeping it a secret and pretending to be drinking at SA events is weird as hell. Whatever you do, OP, don't do that.

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Re: Pregnant 2L Summer

Postby Anonymous User » Thu May 24, 2012 1:29 pm

Lawst wrote:
dresden doll wrote:
Lawst wrote:So, I guess I should choose my words more carefully, though I don't see a lot of difference here. I'm thinking more of an awkward situation because people weren't expecting it.
Also, I hate to break it to anyone without significant WE, but you will find plenty of immature co-workers in your future. On this spectrum, I am probably at the very low end. But, carry on.


I don't understand why you'd be 'surprised' at something you imply has happened before, why you assume that other people would share your reaction (I don't at all find the notion of a pregnant SA surprising, for example) or why a surprised reaction matters in the context of a thread started by an OP who chiefly wants to know whether pregnancy would preclude her from getting an offer.


Why are you surprised that people might have different reactions? I don't really understand why you're really stuck on this. The OP asked how bad it would look and I had an honest and very mild answer about how some people in the firm might react - that seems relevant, no?


Because you gave one very strong response ("really awkward") and said it wasn't "practical". Then you suggested an alternative ("after the bar exam") which has a lot of practical challenges, suggesting that the bias against a pregnant SA would be strong enough ("really awkward") that it would be better to try to study for the bar and start working as an associate with a newborn.

I understand that you're trying to back-pedal now but your original statement was not mild, it was strong. And it's perfectly fine to have a strong statement, but it seems now like you're not willing to defend it.
Last edited by Anonymous User on Thu May 24, 2012 1:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Pregnant 2L Summer

Postby dresden doll » Thu May 24, 2012 1:31 pm

Lawst wrote:
Why are you surprised that people might have different reactions? I don't really understand why you're really stuck on this. The OP asked how bad it would look and I had an honest and very mild answer about how some people in the firm might react - that seems relevant, no? At least one other person ITT also said it could be awkward (or surprising - whichever word works for you). I certainly don't expect everyone to think my way at all. As I said earlier, a lot of people have given a variety of thoughtful responses. All seem valid.


OP's obvious concern is with getting no-offered. I think there's zero reason to suspect that she'll wind up no-offered because of her pregnancy and don't see how 'awkwardness' you speak of has any bearing on that issue. I further don't see how it's any more 'practical' - another word you used - to defer till OP's become a first year associate. If you imagine she'd get no offered over her pregnancy, what's there to guarantee that she won't be the first person fired if she winds up pregnant in the course of her first year at the law firm?

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Re: Pregnant 2L Summer

Postby Anonymous User » Thu May 24, 2012 1:33 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:I stumbled across this topic by accident and can share your anxiety about it. I am just over 6 months pregnant and I am starting 1L this fall. I went to a school function less than a month ago to meet some fellow c/o 2015 students and not one noticed I was pregnant. It was not obvious at all, even just over 5 months. I am hoping this baby comes early for us, like our first born, so I can have a week before school starts to recover. But as of right now we are planning the c-section for labor day weekend and I am planning on returning to school immediately. I was extremely worried and scared of being a very pregnant 1L but I find that all things happen for a reason and I feel confident in my ability to do both. Thankfully my husband makes his own schedule since he runs his own company so he will be playing mr. mom while I am in school. I'd say as long as you have the support and drive, go for it.


Did you have a c-section the first time and go back to work a week after? If so, wow. I couldn't have gone back to work in a week after my v deliveries, much less a c-section.



I had my first via c-section (emergency) because she was only 30 weeks. She had to stay in the NICU for almost a month. Since we were rushed quite a ways away from our home for a better NICU I had to stay in a hotel a few blocks away while she was still in the hospital. I'd say abou 3 days after the c-section (once I was released) I was making round trips (walking) to and from the hospital since I was told not to drive for two weeks. I was lucky enough to feel great the entire time and really could have driven, but I undertsand the concern about it. I was also taking some undergrad courses online at the time and never felt stressed. I am fully aware law school is a different breed of animal but I feel confident thus far.

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Re: Pregnant 2L Summer

Postby kapachino » Thu May 24, 2012 1:33 pm

dresden doll wrote:
kapachino wrote:
I think what Lawst means is that it's kind of surprising to see someone pregnant so early in their careers? A lot of (young) professional women put motherhood off if they can, or simply choose not to pursue it. IDK. I think it could be awkward for some people, and it doesn't always imply immaturity on their part. Inexperience, gender bias, etc., but not necessarily immaturity. You said yourself that you had issues with the idea of pregnancy, so maybe others do as well.

And don't most women explode at the end of the third trimester? From the sound of it, OP could keep it a secret during her internship. Don't see the harm in doing it then.


Both inexperience and gender bias connote immaturity. What's more, I'd have called my past feelings - feelings that went along the lines of 'zomg pregnancy looks like you're being eaten alive by an alien from inside you' - pretty immature.

I think keeping it a secret and pretending to be drinking at SA events is weird as hell. Whatever you do, OP, don't do that.


I don't think inexperience and gender bias connote immaturity, but you're certainly entitled to your opinion on that. Also, I wasn't suggesting that OP hide her pregnancy or pretend to drink at events (didn't even say that). I just thought that if she had the option of not disclosing her pregnancy while simultaneously worrying about possible stigmas, then she should keep it to herself for her own peace of mind.

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Re: Pregnant 2L Summer

Postby Anonymous User » Thu May 24, 2012 1:36 pm

Focus on your career, partner, family, and friends and enjoy life. It's like an 18-year prison sentence that will keep you from everything good in life. I'd recommend against it.

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Re: Pregnant 2L Summer

Postby dresden doll » Thu May 24, 2012 1:37 pm

kapachino wrote:Also, I wasn't suggesting that OP hide her pregnancy or pretend to drink at events (didn't even say that). I just thought that if she had the option of not disclosing her pregnancy while simultaneously worrying about possible stigmas, then she should keep it to herself for her own peace of mind.


Good lord, I wasn't responding to your post on that issue. I was cautioning OP against taking a piece of advice I'd spotted ITT.

I think it's totally fine for the OP not to walk around announcing her pregnancy to people. But I wouldn't pretend like I was drinking or outright lie if a partner cordially asked if I was expecting. That sounds like a terrible idea.

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Re: Pregnant 2L Summer

Postby Lawst » Thu May 24, 2012 1:39 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
Lawst wrote:
dresden doll wrote:
Lawst wrote:So, I guess I should choose my words more carefully, though I don't see a lot of difference here. I'm thinking more of an awkward situation because people weren't expecting it.
Also, I hate to break it to anyone without significant WE, but you will find plenty of immature co-workers in your future. On this spectrum, I am probably at the very low end. But, carry on.


I don't understand why you'd be 'surprised' at something you imply has happened before, why you assume that other people would share your reaction (I don't at all find the notion of a pregnant SA surprising, for example) or why a surprised reaction matters in the context of a thread started by an OP who chiefly wants to know whether pregnancy would preclude her from getting an offer.


Why are you surprised that people might have different reactions? I don't really understand why you're really stuck on this. The OP asked how bad it would look and I had an honest and very mild answer about how some people in the firm might react - that seems relevant, no?


Because you gave one very strong response ("really awkward") and wait it wasn't "practical". I understand that you're trying to back-pedal now, which is entirely fine, but people responded to your statement because it was a strong one and they disagreed with it.


Sigh. Maybe I'm back pedaling, but I feel more like I'm refining my thoughts on this as the discussion moves along. A lot of people are making good points about how it might not be that big a deal. My gut reaction was that it wasn't the best time to be in one's last trimester. I don't think that my initial statement was even that strong, but I see that people obviously think so. I mean, if all someone wants is positive feedback, then what's the point of these threads asking for opinions? I answered with good intentions. Best of luck to OP.

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Paichka
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Re: Pregnant 2L Summer

Postby Paichka » Thu May 24, 2012 1:40 pm

kapachino wrote:
dresden doll wrote:
kapachino wrote:
I think what Lawst means is that it's kind of surprising to see someone pregnant so early in their careers? A lot of (young) professional women put motherhood off if they can, or simply choose not to pursue it. IDK. I think it could be awkward for some people, and it doesn't always imply immaturity on their part. Inexperience, gender bias, etc., but not necessarily immaturity. You said yourself that you had issues with the idea of pregnancy, so maybe others do as well.

And don't most women explode at the end of the third trimester? From the sound of it, OP could keep it a secret during her internship. Don't see the harm in doing it then.


Both inexperience and gender bias connote immaturity. What's more, I'd have called my past feelings - feelings that went along the lines of 'zomg pregnancy looks like you're being eaten alive by an alien from inside you' - pretty immature.

I think keeping it a secret and pretending to be drinking at SA events is weird as hell. Whatever you do, OP, don't do that.


I don't think inexperience and gender bias connote immaturity, but you're certainly entitled to your opinion on that. Also, I wasn't suggesting that OP hide her pregnancy or pretend to drink at events (didn't even say that). I just thought that if she had the option of not disclosing her pregnancy while simultaneously worrying about possible stigmas, then she should keep it to herself for her own peace of mind.


No, I did -- when I was still early in my pregnancy, before I was ready to start telling everyone, I would still go out with my friends but I'd drink diet coke or sparkling water to avoid the inevitable, "why aren't you drinking ZOMG are you preggers?" conversations. IF it would look weird to NOT drink at summer associate events, and the OP doesn't want to tell people about her pregnancy (let's say if she gets the timing off and she's in her first trimester while working, many people don't want to disclose until after the risk of miscarriage reduces, but YMMV) she could avoid that by just drinking coke. Or offering to be the DD. Or any number of things.

A suggestion, and one people are free to ignore. :)




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