Most Retarded Thing a Summer Clerk Has Ever Done?

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Naked Dude
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Re: Most Retarded Thing a Summer Clerk Has Ever Done?

Postby Naked Dude » Tue Jun 21, 2011 2:43 am

cartercl wrote:
Naked Dude wrote:
TheFutureLawyer wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:That's embarrassing, but I don't think it reflects that poorly on you, I wouldn't worry about it too much cause I've heard worse....

Supposedly, last year:

One of the interns at our office was helping out on this big felony case... 25-Life. Anyway, over the course of the summer the intern spent some time talking w/ the client, to the point that client trusted the intern. One day, the DA offers a deal, something stiff, but not life ending, maybe 8 years. The intern and the attorney met with the client, and after the explanation, the client turns the intern and ask "what do you think?"... before the attorney could say STFU, the intern responded by saying "follow your heart" or some such sentimental drivel... The client did follow his heart, through a trial, was found guilty, and is now gonna spend the rest of his life following his heart in prison.

'Course there was also an immediate screaming match between the attorney (who now had 1 extra trial to worry about) and the intern. The attorney reasonably firing the intern on the spot, and yelling at her for being retarded.

Now, that's something that will stop you from working in this town (or any town) ever again


Wow, that is some crazy shit. The title of the thread reminded me of a time I was doing an unpaid internship during undergrad and made some minor mistake and when it was pointed out to me I called myself retarded in front of like 3/4 people in the office. They were like upper 20s/30s, and they all just looked at me like I said the N word (just a very awkward silence). One of the guys told me later that I shouldn't say stuff like that (he was only 4/5 yrs older than me). I just apologized, saying I had a bad habit but wouldn't let it happen again. I learned to be way more PC after that incident.


Yeah my dad's business partners and people he deal with are extremely profane sometimes. It depends on the culture. Definitely not unheard of for them to drop n and s and what have you bombs and dirty jokes among themselves. I almost let slip the N-word once at work, I said shit and like this guy, (not at a law office) people within earshot looked at me as if I had just backhanded their grandmother. Another time I was irritated at some new hire I was supposed to show around, and they did something (I forget what, I think some movie cliche/shorthand for establishing someone to be a klutz), I think, we were late for a meeting because I was showing him something and he broke into a near-jog right around a corner and almost wiped out with another employee.

My reaction to this near miss was a barely suppressed exclamation of "WHAT ARE YOU BLIND." I was so focused on trying not to shout too loud that I did realize what I was saying that the near-victim of this ridiculous office sprint was vision-impaired. So I gave a crackling, suppressed shout that sounded like "WHAT ARE YOU BLI...-STUPID?" If looks could kill. Tightasses.

Then again, my internship the summer after my sophomore year of college, my boss showed up way late in DC (he takes the red line metro, this was 2009, the day they had the metro accident) and he unleashes a string of some of the most creative obscenities I've ever heard about mass transit. From that day forward I was never afraid of appearing uncouth in front of him, and regularly dropped s-bombs and the like with him.

Just gotta play it by ear.


Not that I condone it, but if you're even thinking about dropping the N-word at work, I hope you're at least black.


It's offensive even if you are black. There's a mistaken assumption that people cannot be racist/biased against their own race/ethnicity/social group.

Anyway, yes I thought about it, god forbid. It's not like I'm Phineas Gage, I have enough self-control to not say the things I think

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Naked Dude
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Re: Most Retarded Thing a Summer Clerk Has Ever Done?

Postby Naked Dude » Tue Jun 21, 2011 2:49 am

Easier said than done, patron. Thinking isn't dangerous. The danger comes when you say it out loud. You shouldn't curse (ie say shit/fuck, not talking about slurs) unless EVERYONE in the office has a sailor mouth. You learn that one person you work for like dropping the s-bomb so you feel comfortable saying it now? Great but now it's easier to say next to the uptight guy who gets pissed at you. But thinking? Unrealistic to not "think" something. And not dangerous.

And it's not only offensive for white people to say the n-word. If I heard a black person say the n-wordat work, even directed to another black person, I would report it to HR. I don't want to work in an office where racial slurs are an accepted part of the culture. I'm hispanic, but I don't go around to my hispanic friends saying "hey what's up s-p-i-c?" And black people can be racist towards black people. Every member of a race is not exactly the same, and they are not monolithic. Ask an old school Korean how much they like the Japanese (herpderp but they're both Asian!!!1) or some (not all or even most necessarily) Saudis how much they like Iranians (but they're both Muslim! lol!!! dERRRR). People define racism and the like far too narrowly.

cartercl
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Re: Most Retarded Thing a Summer Clerk Has Ever Done?

Postby cartercl » Tue Jun 21, 2011 6:01 am

cartercl wrote:
Naked Dude wrote:
TheFutureLawyer wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:
Not that I condone it, but if you're even thinking about dropping the N-word at work, I hope you're at least black.


It's offensive even if you are black. There's a mistaken assumption that people cannot be racist/biased against their own race/ethnicity/social group.

Anyway, yes I thought about it, god forbid. It's not like I'm Phineas Gage, I have enough self-control to not say the things I think


Please don't put words in my mouth. I never said it wasn't at all offensive for a black person to use the word. The implication in my post is that it's at least a bit more socially acceptable. However, that doesn't mean an African-American shouldn't be held accountable as well for dropping that word. We do agree that the days where African-Americans could justify the use of the word by calling it "a term of endearment" are over. Either way, if the fact that you think it but don't communicate it helps you feel better then... go right ahead and think that. But thinking it is the first step my man... If you believe that you thinking of African-Americans in that manner plays no role in how you interact with them, well then, I must say you are mistaken.
Last edited by cartercl on Tue Jun 21, 2011 6:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Helmholtz
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Re: Most Retarded Thing a Summer Clerk Has Ever Done?

Postby Helmholtz » Tue Jun 21, 2011 6:14 am

Only a little over a page into our summer-clerking-stories thread and we're already debating when it's okay to the use the n-word? Jeez....

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zanda
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Re: Most Retarded Thing a Summer Clerk Has Ever Done?

Postby zanda » Tue Jun 21, 2011 7:22 am

Naked Dude wrote: Every member of a race is not exactly the same, and they are not monolithic.

Language precision pet peeve- I'm pretty sure what you're trying to say is that not every member of a race is exactly the same.

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Big Shrimpin
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Re: Most Retarded Thing a Summer Clerk Has Ever Done?

Postby Big Shrimpin » Tue Jun 21, 2011 7:53 am

Someone plz poast a non-TTT, SA-story (or any SA-story that involves booze, puking on a partner, and/or prostitutes). kthnxbai

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rocon7383
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Re: Most Retarded Thing a Summer Clerk Has Ever Done?

Postby rocon7383 » Tue Jun 21, 2011 8:42 am

Verity wrote:A girl that SA'd with me got fired pretty early on for, well...let me explain. She (let's call her Louise) used to be big on wearing slightly exposed-back blouses, nothing distasteful, maybe a little inappropriate; but it wasn't an uptight firm. Anyway, I kind of didn't pay attention to her while she was there, because she sat across from me and had her back to a tall window, and in the morning the sun came blazing through there like hellfire. All I could see was her silhouette. After a week of intensely good weather, with her basically dissolved in the sun, I almost forgot she existed. She was a great sunshade. Then, on Friday, it was raining pretty hard. 9AM, she's sitting there, across from me. "Hey [Verity], do you have any sticky notes?" 'Oh, that's right, you're there,' I thought. Before I could answer, our supervising attorney walks behind her, stops, face-shrieks, and says "OMG! Louise! What the heck?!" Louise looks funny, turns around to say "What?" and.....

UH OH.

The intense sun has caused her entire back to peel like I've never, ever seen. More disgusting than Goldmember.
























8) I just made that up. 8)


that was funny.....







I just made that up.

seriouslyinformative
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Re: Most Retarded Thing a Summer Clerk Has Ever Done?

Postby seriouslyinformative » Tue Jun 21, 2011 9:11 am

So this is a story really about how my life was flipped and turned upside down. Let me take a minute to just sit right here and tell you how I became a prince of my law firm.

I was born and raised in west Philadelphia. Spent most of my days on the playground. I was chilling out, maxing, and relaxing. Shooting some basketballs outside of the school. One day, a couple of guys who were up to no good started to make trouble in my neighborhood. I got into an altercation and my mother got scared. She told me I had to move with my aunt and uncle in LA.

I yelled for a cab and when one came the license plate said "troll" and had a dice in the mirror.
If anything I could say that this cab wa srare
But I thought nah, forget it, yo homes to Bel-air!

I pulled up to a house about seven or eight
And I yelled to the cabby, "Yo, homes smell ya later!"
Looked at my kingdom I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-air.

hooma
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Re: Most Retarded Thing a Summer Clerk Has Ever Done?

Postby hooma » Tue Jun 21, 2011 9:41 am

I'm a paralegal in a boutique litigation firm in DC. Our culture is pretty relaxed - I've accidentally walked around in flip flops all day before and it was not a big deal. OP's office sounds terrible, but let me get to the story...

We have an annual karaoke party where everyone gets pretty tanked (we're relaxed except when it comes to drinking). This happened to fall a week after my first day of work last year. I got pretty drunk, though not terribly so, and was introduced to one of my co-workers. She was young and pretty so I asked if she was an associate. She laughed and said, no. Paralegal? No. Secretary? No. Project assistant? "Honey, I'm a partner," she says laughing, but looking kind of annoyed. Whoopssssss! I told everyone how embarassed I was, but they assured me it wasn't that bad; at least I hadn't thrown up on her! Turns out a SA had thrown up on a different partner the year before. He didn't get an offer. Omg I can't wait for our next karaoke party!

An associate I work with shared a story where the SAs from a different firm were taken out on a booze cruise. Apparently the partners at the firm were going on a boat ride of their own. One SA got really drunk and decided to moon a boat passing by, that the partners happened to be on.

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NYC Law
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Re: Most Retarded Thing a Summer Clerk Has Ever Done?

Postby NYC Law » Tue Jun 21, 2011 9:47 am

Crazy shit... Crazy. Shit.

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TTH
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Re: Most Retarded Thing a Summer Clerk Has Ever Done?

Postby TTH » Tue Jun 21, 2011 11:21 am

The most retarded thing a summer clerk has ever done was go to law school in the first place.

Sorry for your troubles. FWIW, the agency sounds screwed up six ways from Sunday.

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paratactical
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Re: Most Retarded Thing a Summer Clerk Has Ever Done?

Postby paratactical » Tue Jun 21, 2011 11:24 am

My first week in NYC biglaw, I tried to invite the cute guy from the mailroom out to do shots with me after work. I accidentally invited a senior partner who happened to have a very similar name. Rather than email me back, senior partner showed up, did two shots with me, and then warned me to be careful about who I emailed booze invites to.

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blurbz
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Re: Most Retarded Thing a Summer Clerk Has Ever Done?

Postby blurbz » Tue Jun 21, 2011 11:28 am

paratactical wrote:My first week in NYC biglaw, I tried to invite the cute guy from the mailroom out to do shots with me after work. I accidentally invited a senior partner who happened to have a very similar name. Rather than email me back, senior partner showed up, did two shots with me, and then warned me to be careful about who I emailed booze invites to.




If this is true, I want the firm name so that I can apply there.
Last edited by blurbz on Tue Jun 21, 2011 11:34 am, edited 2 times in total.

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GeePee
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Re: Most Retarded Thing a Summer Clerk Has Ever Done?

Postby GeePee » Tue Jun 21, 2011 11:30 am

seriouslyinformative wrote:So this is a story really about how my life was flipped and turned upside down. Let me take a minute to just sit right here and tell you how I became a prince of my law firm.

I was born and raised in west Philadelphia. Spent most of my days on the playground. I was chilling out, maxing, and relaxing. Shooting some basketballs outside of the school. One day, a couple of guys who were up to no good started to make trouble in my neighborhood. I got into an altercation and my mother got scared. She told me I had to move with my aunt and uncle in LA.

I yelled for a cab and when one came the license plate said "troll" and had a dice in the mirror.
If anything I could say that this cab wa srare
But I thought nah, forget it, yo homes to Bel-air!

I pulled up to a house about seven or eight
And I yelled to the cabby, "Yo, homes smell ya later!"
Looked at my kingdom I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-air.

124

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Naked Dude
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Re: Most Retarded Thing a Summer Clerk Has Ever Done?

Postby Naked Dude » Tue Jun 21, 2011 3:25 pm

zanda wrote:
Naked Dude wrote: Every member of a race is not exactly the same, and they are not monolithic.

Language precision pet peeve- I'm pretty sure what you're trying to say is that not every member of a race is exactly the same.


Ironically I just read that David Foster Wallace essay about his grammar pet peeves.

03121202698008
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Re: Most Retarded Thing a Summer Clerk Has Ever Done?

Postby 03121202698008 » Tue Jun 21, 2011 4:16 pm

Anonymous User wrote:...It just might be this.

I am a volunteer clerk at a state agency this summer for 1L job. I am subletting a place a few blocks away from work. I wear sandals into the shower since the people in the house I'm subletting from are...ahem...disgusting. So I changed into my suit after my shower, grabbed my lunch, went out the door, not noticing a thing that could be wrong...

...Then, while I'm looking through some files at work, one of the attorneys (jokingly) said, "I see you went casual today!" I looked at her like I had no idea what she was talking about. Then I saw her motion to my feet...and OMFG I was still wearing sandals. I had not even noticed (my office shoes are closed-toe flats, btw, not heels). I never do this kind of shit at a job. Never. I am notoriously over-prepared. And I have never been this mortified.

I felt my face turn the brightest shade of red I've ever experienced, and stuttered out that I had not even realized I had not changed my shoes. I grabbed a file and tried to work from my desk for a minute so no one would notice my utter stupid-fuckery, and figure out how to remedy the situation without looking like even more of a retard---ask to go home and change shoes? Wait until lunch? But the damage was already done. In another minute, one of the attorneys came by and told me that I would need to either work from the desk and change at lunch or go when I finished up the file I was working on. I apologized more profusely than I ever have in my life, opting to go home as soon as the file was done so I could avoid any more embarrassment. I asked who had noticed the shoes...she said, "oh, everybody."

It gets worse.

One of the attorneys was mystified that I had taken a file to start to work on by myself. I thought this was what they wanted, since the attorneys kept saying I could do this when I was ready, and all of the other 1L and 2L interns were doing these on their own. And all day last Friday I kept talking about how I felt ready and would "jump in" and do one on my own on Monday, that I would do so on Monday, and all I got was smiles and nods. No one every seemed to indicate otherwise. In fact, an attorney who knows/ has mentored me saw me looking at it, asked me "are you going to do that one?", and I said "sure, I can if that's good." She was OK with this too, and told me to ask if I had any questions.

At this point, with an attorney telling me how wrong I was to start working on this, I was devastated. I tried to explain all this, that I was trying to be proactive and productive and meet expectations etc etc., but she just kept looking at me like I'm crazy. She said that no one ever does anything here without being told to do it first, and that what I'd done was very "odd behavior....our liability...no one specifically authorized..."

There is some good news, though. The other attorneys I saw today were on my side. One saw how upset I looked and told me it wasn't my fault. I thoroughly apologized to anyone and everyone and no one seemed to be upset about it or even care, but I still feel like the biggest pile of shit ever. And I feel like all I was trying to do was be a good worker.

F*CK. That's all I can say. F*CK today.


Next time tell them you broke your toe and are in unbearable pain but didn't want to miss work so you wore the sandals for a few hours to take pressure off of it, will work in a non-descript way, and you'll be sure to change your shoes at lunch.

nickwar
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Re: Most Retarded Thing a Summer Clerk Has Ever Done?

Postby nickwar » Tue Jun 21, 2011 4:23 pm

Learn to laugh at yourself. You turned what could have been a hilarious office story into a complete nightmare by completely freaking out.

They'll forget all about it in a few days. Don't worry.

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mths
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Re: Most Retarded Thing a Summer Clerk Has Ever Done?

Postby mths » Tue Jun 21, 2011 4:37 pm

fatduck wrote:i drove to work once a couple years ago and realized, about 45 minutes from my house, and 5 minutes from work, that i wasn't wearing a shirt. i stopped at target and bought a shirt and tie (the merona shirts aren't half bad, actually). the look on the cashier's face was totally worth it.

LOL

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Verity
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Re: Most Retarded Thing a Summer Clerk Has Ever Done?

Postby Verity » Tue Jun 21, 2011 5:19 pm

f7 wrote:
Verity wrote:A girl that SA'd with me got fired pretty early on for, well...let me explain. She (let's call her Louise) used to be big on wearing slightly exposed-back blouses, nothing distasteful, maybe a little inappropriate; but it wasn't an uptight firm. Anyway, I kind of didn't pay attention to her while she was there, because she sat across from me and had her back to a tall window, and in the morning the sun came blazing through there like hellfire. All I could see was her silhouette. After a week of intensely good weather, with her basically dissolved in the sun, I almost forgot she existed. She was a great sunshade. Then, on Friday, it was raining pretty hard. 9AM, she's sitting there, across from me. "Hey [Verity], do you have any sticky notes?" 'Oh, that's right, you're there,' I thought. Before I could answer, our supervising attorney walks behind her, stops, face-shrieks, and says "OMG! Louise! What the heck?!" Louise looks funny, turns around to say "What?" and.....

UH OH.

The intense sun has caused her entire back to peel like I've never, ever seen. More disgusting than Goldmember.
























8) I just made that up. 8)

Stoopid.


Lol at idiots who would've reacted differently had I not outed myself.

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Naked Dude
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Re: Most Retarded Thing a Summer Clerk Has Ever Done?

Postby Naked Dude » Tue Jun 21, 2011 5:20 pm

nickwar wrote:Learn to laugh at yourself. You turned what could have been a hilarious office story into a complete nightmare by completely freaking out.

They'll forget all about it in a few days. Don't worry.


It's difficult though. I don't want to appear callous or as though I don't care, but you're right.

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adameus
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Re: Most Retarded Thing a Summer Clerk Has Ever Done?

Postby adameus » Tue Jun 21, 2011 6:10 pm

Naked Dude wrote:Yeah my dad's business partners and people he deal with are extremely profane sometimes. It depends on the culture. Definitely not unheard of for them to drop n and s and what have you bombs and dirty jokes among themselves. I almost let slip the N-word once at work, I said shit and like this guy, (not at a law office) people within earshot looked at me as if I had just backhanded their grandmother. Another time I was irritated at some new hire I was supposed to show around, and they did something (I forget what, I think some movie cliche/shorthand for establishing someone to be a klutz), I think, we were late for a meeting because I was showing him something and he broke into a near-jog right around a corner and almost wiped out with another employee.

My reaction to this near miss was a barely suppressed exclamation of "WHAT ARE YOU BLIND." I was so focused on trying not to shout too loud that I did realize what I was saying that the near-victim of this ridiculous office sprint was vision-impaired. So I gave a crackling, suppressed shout that sounded like "WHAT ARE YOU BLI...-STUPID?" If looks could kill. Tightasses.

Then again, my internship the summer after my sophomore year of college, my boss showed up way late in DC (he takes the red line metro, this was 2009, the day they had the metro accident) and he unleashes a string of some of the most creative obscenities I've ever heard about mass transit. From that day forward I was never afraid of appearing uncouth in front of him, and regularly dropped s-bombs and the like with him.

Just gotta play it by ear.

Was I the only one who found this incomprehensible?

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Hippononymous
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Re: Most Retarded Thing a Summer Clerk Has Ever Done?

Postby Hippononymous » Tue Jun 21, 2011 7:10 pm

paratactical wrote:My first week in NYC biglaw, I tried to invite the cute guy from the mailroom out to do shots with me after work. I accidentally invited a senior partner who happened to have a very similar name. Rather than email me back, senior partner showed up, did two shots with me, and then warned me to be careful about who I emailed booze invites to.


One week in and a senior partner knew who you were. Good job.

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pattonthicke
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Re: Most Retarded Thing a Summer Clerk Has Ever Done?

Postby pattonthicke » Tue Jun 21, 2011 7:14 pm

adameus wrote:Was I the only one who found this incomprehensible?


I did, but in my undergrad i took a class on TTTrolling and we learned that if you do not respond/feed they inevitably go away.

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paratactical
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Re: Most Retarded Thing a Summer Clerk Has Ever Done?

Postby paratactical » Tue Jun 21, 2011 7:50 pm

Hippononymous wrote:
paratactical wrote:My first week in NYC biglaw, I tried to invite the cute guy from the mailroom out to do shots with me after work. I accidentally invited a senior partner who happened to have a very similar name. Rather than email me back, senior partner showed up, did two shots with me, and then warned me to be careful about who I emailed booze invites to.


One week in and a senior partner knew who you were. Good job.

:lol:

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northwood
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Re: Most Retarded Thing a Summer Clerk Has Ever Done?

Postby northwood » Tue Jun 21, 2011 11:58 pm

did he buy any of the shots??




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