Where do contract / temp attorneys come from?

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autocorrect
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Re: Where do contract / temp attorneys come from?

Postby autocorrect » Wed Jul 06, 2011 11:05 am

Blessedassurance wrote:Making a post allows you to check "Notify me when a reply is posted"...

There may be an easier way, I don't know, but why so mad, chief?


Not so mad, just curious.

paratactical wrote: Because they haven't learned how to use the "Bookmark" feature.


that's funny, I can bookmark but don't know how to tag.

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paratactical
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Re: Where do contract / temp attorneys come from?

Postby paratactical » Wed Jul 06, 2011 12:44 pm

autocorrect wrote:
paratactical wrote: Because they haven't learned how to use the "Bookmark" feature.


that's funny, I can bookmark but don't know how to tag.

faceplam

"tagging" is when you post in a thread without adding any content but only so it shows up in your "View Your Posts" feed. It is what people who are too lazy/stupid to use bookmarking do and it frequently clutters up otherwise valuable threads.

hijodehombre
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Re: Where do contract / temp attorneys come from?

Postby hijodehombre » Wed Jul 06, 2011 2:06 pm

faceplam

"tagging" is when you post in a thread without adding any content but only so it shows up in your "View Your Posts" feed. It is what people who are too lazy/stupid to use bookmarking do and it frequently clutters up otherwise valuable threads.


I agree. I'm tempted to post a tutorial on how to use the bookmark feature.

Anonymous User
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Re: Where do contract / temp attorneys come from?

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Jul 06, 2011 2:11 pm

As someone from a top school, finished highly, and who is now unemployed and really regrets going, your posts are excellent hilarious ways for 0Ls to swallow the truth easier.

I think your talent is being wasted on a message board. You need to write a 150 page compilation of these stories and sell it. I hope I speak for other when I say I would gladly pay 19.99 even for a PDF format file of these stories. Given the TLS traffic I think you could sell at least a thousand and earn 20 grand. Please write this book, I hope I speak for everyone in saying I would gladly buy it.

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robotclubmember
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Re: Where do contract / temp attorneys come from?

Postby robotclubmember » Wed Jul 06, 2011 2:16 pm

Anonymous User wrote:As someone from a top school, finished highly, and who is now unemployed and really regrets going, your posts are excellent hilarious ways for 0Ls to swallow the truth easier.

I think your talent is being wasted on a message board. You need to write a 150 page compilation of these stories and sell it. I hope I speak for other when I say I would gladly pay 19.99 even for a PDF format file of these stories. Given the TLS traffic I think you could sell at least a thousand and earn 20 grand. Please write this book, I hope I speak for everyone in saying I would gladly buy it.


do want moar deets on ur story bro

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Paraflam
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Re: Where do contract / temp attorneys come from?

Postby Paraflam » Wed Jul 06, 2011 2:25 pm

Anonymous User wrote:As someone from a top school, finished highly, and who is now unemployed and really regrets going, your posts are excellent hilarious ways for 0Ls to swallow the truth easier.

I think your talent is being wasted on a message board. You need to write a 150 page compilation of these stories and sell it. I hope I speak for other when I say I would gladly pay 19.99 even for a PDF format file of these stories. Given the TLS traffic I think you could sell at least a thousand and earn 20 grand. Please write this book, I hope I speak for everyone in saying I would gladly buy it.


1) A book like this wouldn't sell for $19.99. Maybe $12-15

2) He wouldn't get all of the revenue from it. Maybe half? I don't know what kind of cut publishers get.

3) I think it would sell more than 1000 copies. Maybe not at first, but I have a feeling it would be one of those word of mouth things that end up exploding, ala Maddox and Tucker Max (although not quite as big, maybe).

Sounds like he's not interested in the idea anyway.
Last edited by Paraflam on Wed Jul 06, 2011 2:31 pm, edited 2 times in total.

areyouinsane
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Re: Where do contract / temp attorneys come from?

Postby areyouinsane » Wed Jul 06, 2011 2:25 pm

As someone from a top school, finished highly, and who is now unemployed and really regrets going, your posts are excellent hilarious ways for 0Ls to swallow the truth easier.


I just heard a few minutes ago about a family friend who graduated Duke Law w/ honors last year with honors last year and still has no job. It's beyond brutal out there: much, much worse than people have the capacity to appreciate w/out experiencing it firsthand. The real question is why anyone would want to risk experiencing it, rather than just say screw law school and this devilish farce of an industry altogether.


I honestly can't imagine going into a top school and coming out unemployed. To score that high on the LSAT, get that precious letter of acceptance to a great school, and think the 160 K gig is as good as in the bank- wow, just wow. At least I knew biglaw was a longshot from day one since I went to a subpar toilet school, although I never expected things to turn out 1/100th as badly as they have.

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Re: Where do contract / temp attorneys come from?

Postby Cavalier » Wed Jul 06, 2011 3:06 pm

areyouinsane wrote:
As someone from a top school, finished highly, and who is now unemployed and really regrets going, your posts are excellent hilarious ways for 0Ls to swallow the truth easier.


I just heard a few minutes ago about a family friend who graduated Duke Law w/ honors last year with honors last year and still has no job. It's beyond brutal out there: much, much worse than people have the capacity to appreciate w/out experiencing it firsthand. The real question is why anyone would want to risk experiencing it, rather than just say screw law school and this devilish farce of an industry altogether.


I honestly can't imagine going into a top school and coming out unemployed. To score that high on the LSAT, get that precious letter of acceptance to a great school, and think the 160 K gig is as good as in the bank- wow, just wow. At least I knew biglaw was a longshot from day one since I went to a subpar toilet school, although I never expected things to turn out 1/100th as badly as they have.

Duke with honors with honors? Double honors sounds super prestigious--I'm surprised anyone who did that well would be struggling.

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Re: Where do contract / temp attorneys come from?

Postby Verity » Wed Jul 06, 2011 3:10 pm

Cavalier wrote:Duke with honors with honors? Double honors sounds super prestigious--I'm surprised anyone who did that well would be struggling.


That was just stupid.

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Mick Haller
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Re: Where do contract / temp attorneys come from?

Postby Mick Haller » Wed Jul 06, 2011 3:38 pm

this thread has completely changed my opinion of skadden_farts.

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reasonable_man
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Re: Where do contract / temp attorneys come from?

Postby reasonable_man » Wed Jul 06, 2011 4:22 pm

See what happens when you have underpaid, underqualified half-tarts (as described by the excellent posting here - no sarcasm, this guy should right a book), working your e-discovery projects. Several thousand documents that are not discoverable find their way into the hands of your opponent. I wonder if any of the "lawyers" chronicled here were on the project that led to this mess....

--LinkRemoved--

areyouinsane
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Re: Where do contract / temp attorneys come from?

Postby areyouinsane » Wed Jul 06, 2011 4:46 pm

See what happens when you have underpaid, underqualified half-tarts (as described by the excellent posting here - no sarcasm, this guy should right a book), working your e-discovery projects. Several thousand documents that are not discoverable find their way into the hands of your opponent. I wonder if any of the "lawyers" chronicled here were on the project that led to this mess....

--LinkRemoved--



Great story, I always love seeing Biglaw get kicked in the teeth. Of course their defense and possible damages will be covered by malpractice, but it's still great because they've lost that corporation as a client and probably other future business due to the bad publicity.

The ATL comments are great too. Biglaw cannot expect to get quality doc review work at the abysmal gutter rates they're now paying. If they weren't such pigs, they could hire decent lawyers who, for say $50 an hour, would actually do a thorough, professional job. But the partners would rather pay $25 an hour and pocket the rest of the $$$. Once in a while, that greed blows up in their face.

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Re: Where do contract / temp attorneys come from?

Postby reasonable_man » Wed Jul 06, 2011 4:47 pm

areyouinsane wrote:
See what happens when you have underpaid, underqualified half-tarts (as described by the excellent posting here - no sarcasm, this guy should right a book), working your e-discovery projects. Several thousand documents that are not discoverable find their way into the hands of your opponent. I wonder if any of the "lawyers" chronicled here were on the project that led to this mess....

--LinkRemoved--



Great story, I always love seeing Biglaw get kicked in the teeth. Of course their defense and possible damages will be covered by malpractice, but it's still great because they've lost that corporation as a client and probably other future business due to the bad publicity.

The ATL comments are great too. Biglaw cannot expect to get quality doc review work at the abysmal gutter rates they're now paying. If they weren't such pigs, they could hire decent lawyers who, for say $50 an hour, would actually do a thorough, professional job. But the partners would rather pay $25 an hour and pocket the rest of the $$$. Once in a while, that greed blows up in their face.


It does indeed.

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Re: Where do contract / temp attorneys come from?

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Jul 06, 2011 5:11 pm

areyouinsane wrote:
As someone from a top school, finished highly, and who is now unemployed and really regrets going, your posts are excellent hilarious ways for 0Ls to swallow the truth easier.


I just heard a few minutes ago about a family friend who graduated Duke Law w/ honors last year with honors last year and still has no job. It's beyond brutal out there: much, much worse than people have the capacity to appreciate w/out experiencing it firsthand. The real question is why anyone would want to risk experiencing it, rather than just say screw law school and this devilish farce of an industry altogether.


I honestly can't imagine going into a top school and coming out unemployed. To score that high on the LSAT, get that precious letter of acceptance to a great school, and think the 160 K gig is as good as in the bank- wow, just wow. At least I knew biglaw was a longshot from day one since I went to a subpar toilet school, although I never expected things to turn out 1/100th as badly as they have.

what school did you go to?

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Re: Where do contract / temp attorneys come from?

Postby d34d9823 » Wed Jul 06, 2011 5:15 pm

Best new poster ever.

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Re: Where do contract / temp attorneys come from?

Postby ndirish2010 » Wed Jul 06, 2011 7:36 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
areyouinsane wrote:
As someone from a top school, finished highly, and who is now unemployed and really regrets going, your posts are excellent hilarious ways for 0Ls to swallow the truth easier.


I just heard a few minutes ago about a family friend who graduated Duke Law w/ honors last year with honors last year and still has no job. It's beyond brutal out there: much, much worse than people have the capacity to appreciate w/out experiencing it firsthand. The real question is why anyone would want to risk experiencing it, rather than just say screw law school and this devilish farce of an industry altogether.


I honestly can't imagine going into a top school and coming out unemployed. To score that high on the LSAT, get that precious letter of acceptance to a great school, and think the 160 K gig is as good as in the bank- wow, just wow. At least I knew biglaw was a longshot from day one since I went to a subpar toilet school, although I never expected things to turn out 1/100th as badly as they have.

what school did you go to?


It is safe to say it is either R-N, Seton Hall, Brooklyn, Cardozo, or SJU.

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Re: Where do contract / temp attorneys come from?

Postby crossarmant » Wed Jul 06, 2011 8:50 pm

ndirish2010 wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:
areyouinsane wrote:
As someone from a top school, finished highly, and who is now unemployed and really regrets going, your posts are excellent hilarious ways for 0Ls to swallow the truth easier.


I just heard a few minutes ago about a family friend who graduated Duke Law w/ honors last year with honors last year and still has no job. It's beyond brutal out there: much, much worse than people have the capacity to appreciate w/out experiencing it firsthand. The real question is why anyone would want to risk experiencing it, rather than just say screw law school and this devilish farce of an industry altogether.


I honestly can't imagine going into a top school and coming out unemployed. To score that high on the LSAT, get that precious letter of acceptance to a great school, and think the 160 K gig is as good as in the bank- wow, just wow. At least I knew biglaw was a longshot from day one since I went to a subpar toilet school, although I never expected things to turn out 1/100th as badly as they have.

what school did you go to?


It is safe to say it is either R-N, Seton Hall, Brooklyn, Cardozo, or SJU.


If you look through his little stories, I'm guessing it's Cardozo. He's said lower T1 NYC school, so that rules out Fordham; and unless he went to Rutgers-Newark in the 90s, it rules that out and all the others. Or he could be completely disguising his school so as to add oomph to his stories.

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Paraflam
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Re: Where do contract / temp attorneys come from?

Postby Paraflam » Wed Jul 06, 2011 9:07 pm

Wonder why he hasn't responded to everyone suggesting he get his stories published.

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dood
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Re: Where do contract / temp attorneys come from?

Postby dood » Thu Jul 07, 2011 1:04 am

quakeroats wrote:
Bronte wrote:
dood wrote:i didnt read any of this thread.


Well you're missing out on some of the better posts on TLS in a long time then, aren't you?


How would he know?


HOLY FUCKING SHIT, i just got to my old post after actually reading this entire thread. fuck im retarded, this is the BEST thread i have ever read on TLS.

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Emma.
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Re: Where do contract / temp attorneys come from?

Postby Emma. » Sat Jul 16, 2011 1:39 pm

dood wrote:
HOLY FUCKING SHIT... this is the BEST thread i have ever read on TLS.

areyouinsane
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Re: Where do contract / temp attorneys come from?

Postby areyouinsane » Sat Jul 16, 2011 2:39 pm

Another shitlaw legend was the infamous Gary Tsirelmen, king of NY No-Fault practice. Gary was an MD who went to law school later in life, as he probably got tired of referring his cases to other shitlawyers for a kickback when he could snooze thru a gutter TTT, take the bar, and start hogging it all for himself.

He was a real character and used to ride a little Vespa scooter to court. He wore one of those turtle-shell helmets from WWII, & didn't take it off until he got into the courtroom. He got in some deep shit a while back:

http://nycoveragecounsel.blogspot.com/2 ... on-of.html

Gary's problem is that besides being a crook, he was just a major league asshole. If you had a motion against him he'd come up to you and put his hand on your shoulder and say "You're going to lose this motion- let me tell you why." His breath smelt like a hot dumpster too. He also never gave adjournments or extensions, or any courtesy whatsoever. Everyone was thrilled when he finally got "de-medicalized" or whatever you call it when a doctor is thrown out of practice.

I forgot to mention that Civil Kings in Brooklyn is perhaps the filthiest, most decrepit courthouse in America. It's a virtual beehive of shitlaw: this is where landlord/tenant cases are heard, as well as small claims, collections, and no-fault auto cases. Half the litigants there are crackheads who haven't bathed in weeks, and you have to "run the gauntlet" thru the hallways b/c if you have a suit on, all the landlord/tenant deadbeats beg you for free advice and like grab hold of your sleeves and shit. Once I was sitting on the bench nursing a hangover & this old lady kept telling me how much she liked me necktie, and how her son needed a suit for job interviews, so I took it off and gave it to her. It was from Century 21 anyway so no biggie.

The only good part about No-Fault was John, the calendar clerk. He was a semi-retired court officer with a huge mustache and an old-school NY attitude, kinda looked like Dennis Franz from NYPD Blue. Rather than a holster, he kept a huge .357 magnum tucked in the waistband of his trousers. It was all rusty from where his ass like sweated against it. Understand that this "courtroom" is kinda similar to a YMCA locker room: the half-drunk, hungover shitlawyers are washing up in the water fountain, putting on deodorant in the hallway, cleaning puke off their ties/shoes, etc. It's very loud because everyone is basically an asshole and it's so crowded you have to scream the name of your case to find your adversary. John didn't take a lot of shit, so when it got REALLY loud he's bang a stapler inside a metal trash can and say "next motherfucker who opens his mouth is getting a night in jail." I encourage all Brooklyn 0 L's to go check out King's Civil first thing Monday morning- it's at 141 Livingston Street a couple blocks from the school. 'Bozo and NYLS losers should get the "10 cent tour" as well. Hell, I'll lead it. It could be like those "scared straight" programs where teenagers visit Rikers to get on the beam.

It's kinda what you always pictured courtrooms in Rwanada are probably like. There's also a set of fire stairs next to the bathroom that have an outdoor landing where everyone smokes. You could get cancer just standing out there for a few minutes. The bench where the judge is supposed to sit is covered with 88,000 tons of cut n' pasted shitmotions and old milk crates, etc, so he/she sits in a little card table in an alcove in the back. The "courtroom" proper would be too loud to do business in anyway, since everyone is "negotiating" their cases while waiting to get called back to argue these turds.

Sadly, John the calendar clerk did get eventually get throat cancer. Each week his voice got raspier and raspier, and he was hocking up blood while out smoking with the gang. He never said anything, but we all knew what was up. He hung on as calendar clerk until all he could do was rasp and pound his fist on the table, and smash his stapler when he got pissed, which was pretty much all the time. He finally died and went to that big shit-court in the sky. RIP John. (He always got a kick out of all my bitching, and once told a gang of shitlawyers that if we ever form a union, I should be shop steward). I believe he smoked Winstons.

Another funny guy in King's Civil is on the 3rd floor, which is the trial selection part. I don't know what his title is, but he calls calendar every day. He's apparently a stroke victim and slurs his speech like an old drunk, which isn't helpful when you're trying to listen for your shitcase (there's only about 350 cases a day in this part). He's like "thurst thase isth Shara Thodthriguez," you know, all unintelligible and shit. I called him "Mumbles McGee." He smells like cat litter.

There's also a flagrantly gay judge who I won't name that's pretty hilarious. When you argue your losing cut n' paste shit-motion in front of him he gets all fruity and says "Counsellor, this is a beautiful argument but my hands are tied- there's nothing little ole' judge X can do. I have to answer to that big old appellate division." While he says this he gets all limp-wristed and emotional like Richard Simmons when some old lardass tells him she dropped 300 lbs.
Last edited by areyouinsane on Sat Jul 16, 2011 2:54 pm, edited 2 times in total.

areyouinsane
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Re: Where do contract / temp attorneys come from?

Postby areyouinsane » Sat Jul 16, 2011 2:43 pm

Sometimes I kinda miss it though.

hijodehombre
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Re: Where do contract / temp attorneys come from?

Postby hijodehombre » Sat Jul 16, 2011 2:53 pm

areyouinsane wrote:Another funny guy in King's Civil is on the 3rd floor, which is the trial selection part. I don't know what his title is, but he calls calendar every day. He's apparently a stroke victim and slurs his speech like an old drunk, which isn't helpful when you're trying to listen for your shitcase (there's only about 350 cases a day in this part). He's like "thurst thase isth Shara Thodthriguez," you know, all intelligible and shit. I called him "Mumbles McGee." He smells like cat litter.


Another classic and almost as good as Pissfeet, though I guess you meant to say Mumbles McGee was unintelligible.

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IrwinM.Fletcher
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Re: Where do contract / temp attorneys come from?

Postby IrwinM.Fletcher » Sat Jul 16, 2011 2:59 pm

Man I'm gonna miss this guy when he bolts for Bulgaria or wherever the hell he's going in a few months.

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tww909
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Re: Where do contract / temp attorneys come from?

Postby tww909 » Sat Jul 16, 2011 3:04 pm

areyouinsane wrote: I encourage all Brooklyn 0 L's to go check out King's Civil first thing Monday morning- it's at 141 Livingston Street a couple blocks from the school. 'Bozo and NYLS losers should get the "10 cent tour" as well. Hell, I'll lead it. It could be like those "scared straight" programs where teenagers visit Rikers to get on the beam.

There's also a flagrantly gay judge who I won't name that's pretty hilarious. When you argue your losing cut n' paste shit-motion in front of him he gets all fruity and says "Counsellor, this is a beautiful argument but my hands are tied- there's nothing little ole' judge X can do. I have to answer to that big old appellate division." While he says this he gets all limp-wristed and emotional like Richard Simmons when some old lardass tells him she dropped 300 lbs.


this thread got me through a whole work day of boredom. i just want to express my heartfelt admiration.




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