Anonymous User wrote:I'm very sorry that you've had to go through this. Sexual harassment (which this clearly is) is wrong in any situation. Additionally, the fact that he is using your sexual orientation to further oppress you makes this all the worse. It's both sexual harassment, discrimination based on your sexual orientation, and, given that it escalated to physical contact, it's sexual assault. What he's done is clearly wrong and unlawful, and if he said something that made you feel guilty or blame yourself for this action, he's lying. Nothing you do could warrant someone assaulting and harassing you; you don't deserve any blame.
I'm glad to see that you're asking questions about this; it shows a lot of strength on your part. I'm not going to tell you what to do: it's your choice, and I don't believe me making that decision for you will lead to empowering you. However the best advice I can offer is to protect yourself. Regardless of whether or not you choose to report, please, please, please start documenting what has happened. Something as simple as:
1. January 2, 2011 or thereabouts: X, Y, Z happened.
2. January 3, 2011 or thereabouts: X, Y, Z happened.
If you choose to report this later, this document will be very helpful in proving your case. If you choose not to report (which is absolutely your prerogative), you've done some work that could help you achieve some piece or mind. Additionally, maybe you're feeling hesitant now. If you learned in the future that there were a case against him, would you want to add your experience to that case? This document would help.
If you decide that you want to report, please come back to this thread and let us know. I'd be happy to help you, whatever you decide. You may want to contact an advocacy organization in your area that assists survivors of sexual harassment, discrimination, and/or sexual assault. They can provide a victim advocate for you who will advocate for YOUR best interests and counseling if you'd like.
Thank you so much. I will have to admit that at this point, I am hesitant about whether I want to report him. I will return to his firm again after graduation - that is if I accept the offer, and I doubt if he will do a similar thing once I return.
One of the reasons I am doubtful about this is that he seems to have no prior reputation of the sort; the female partner I talked to said that he is respectable.
Am I the only one going through this?
Thank you so much for your support. I actually cried so much over this - I even cried once right in front of him, and I hate myself for doing that.
Please don't feel ashamed for your part in any of this! Again, someone else CHOSE to assault and harass you. You couldn't have done ANYTHING to warrant this.
My advice is the same: document (on a computer) what happened so that at the very least you'll have a record.
If you are considering going back there, it's really important that you have a plan of action. I'm glad that you doubt that he wouldn't do this again, but again you may feel better having a plan of action (this is what I tell survivors of domestic violence who return to the abusive relationship).
My best advice is to contact an advocacy/support organization. They are the ones who know NY law and who will work for you and your best interests, whether or not you report. I'm from California (similar laws to NY, but obviously not exact), so I am not familiar with the organizations in New York, but I will keep looking. I did post 2 links earlier that may be helpful.