Best or Worst Cover Letter Ever for the DA's Office?

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Waggly Toast
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Best or Worst Cover Letter Ever for the DA's Office?

Postby Waggly Toast » Tue Jan 25, 2011 10:23 pm

I am applying for a paid position at the County DA's Office. I wanted some feedback on this cover letter. Any responses, comments, suggestions, etc. would be greatly appreciated. My GPA is above average and I have been a successful entrepreneur for more than three years. Thank you for your time, it is greatly appreciated.

Dear Mr. []:

Because I have a personal interest in fighting crime, prosecuting criminals, and helping to clean up the streets of [] County, I wish to forego a salary and volunteer for the position of Legal Summer Clerk. It is not the money that interests me, but the opportunity to promote and enable justice, rectitude, and fairness in [] County. Therefore, I request that my salary be donated to the Family Justice Center in honor of [] School of Law.

As an experienced community leader, entrepreneur, and volunteer, I have much to contribute to the [] County District Attorney’s Office. I bring maturity, independent thinking, and the ability to solve complex problems to the job. I have a passion for justice, rectitude, and honesty. I stand for what is right, regardless of what others think. My ability to interact with people of different cultures, ages, and viewpoints coupled with my commitment to hard work and public service fit the goal of Victim Services to provide personal assistance to individuals who are victims of crime by doing for them what they cannot do for themselves: prosecute criminals. I am positive that I will make a difference.

As an aspiring prosecutor, I am confident that working as an unpaid summer clerk will strengthen my analytical, critical thinking, and interpersonal skills, thus enabling me to be a more effective, well-rounded prosecutor upon graduation. For me, no greater, more prestigious opportunity exists than working for the [] County District Attorney’s Office. As a first-year student at [] School of Law in [city], I am enthusiastic about interviewing with you on February 8, 2011.

Warm Regards,

[name]

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dextermorgan
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Re: Best or Worst Cover Letter Ever for the DA's Office?

Postby dextermorgan » Tue Jan 25, 2011 10:24 pm

You forgot to ask for a cape.

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Waggly Toast
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Best or Worst Cover Letter Ever for the DA's Office?

Postby Waggly Toast » Tue Jan 25, 2011 10:31 pm

I am applying for a paid position at the County DA's Office. I wanted some feedback on this cover letter. Any responses, comments, suggestions, etc. would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.

Dear Mr. []:

Because I have a personal interest in fighting crime, prosecuting criminals, and helping to clean up the streets of [] County, I wish to forego a salary and volunteer for the position of Legal Summer Clerk. It is not the money that interests me, but the opportunity to promote and enable justice, rectitude, and fairness in [] County. Therefore, I request that my salary be donated to the Family Justice Center in honor of [] School of Law.

As an experienced community leader, entrepreneur, and volunteer, I have much to contribute to the [] County District Attorney’s Office. I bring maturity, independent thinking, and the ability to solve complex problems to the job. I have a passion for justice, rectitude, and honesty. I stand for what is right, regardless of what others think. My ability to interact with people of different cultures, ages, and viewpoints coupled with my commitment to hard work and public service fit the goal of Victim Services to provide personal assistance to individuals who are victims of crime by doing for them what they cannot do for themselves: prosecute criminals. I am positive that I will make a difference.

As an aspiring prosecutor, I am confident that working as an unpaid summer clerk will strengthen my analytical, critical thinking, and interpersonal skills, thus enabling me to be a more effective, well-rounded prosecutor upon graduation. For me, no greater, more prestigious opportunity exists than working for the [] County District Attorney’s Office. As a first-year student at [] School of Law in [city], I am enthusiastic about interviewing with you on February 8, 2011.

Warm Regards,

[name]

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artichoke
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Re: Best or Worst Cover Letter Ever for the DA's Office?

Postby artichoke » Tue Jan 25, 2011 10:37 pm

I don't get it. Is it paid or unpaid?

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Waggly Toast
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Re: Best or Worst Cover Letter Ever for the DA's Office?

Postby Waggly Toast » Tue Jan 25, 2011 10:41 pm

It's paid.

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traehekat
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Re: Best or Worst Cover Letter Ever for the DA's Office?

Postby traehekat » Tue Jan 25, 2011 10:41 pm

Image

RPK34
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Re: Best or Worst Cover Letter Ever for the DA's Office?

Postby RPK34 » Tue Jan 25, 2011 10:47 pm

Ballsy to tell the DAs office where to send your check when you haven't been offered the job.

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dr123
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Re: Best or Worst Cover Letter Ever for the DA's Office?

Postby dr123 » Tue Jan 25, 2011 10:50 pm

I Dont think ti's a good idea to use the term "my salary" for a job you havent been offered

phonepro
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Re: Best or Worst Cover Letter Ever for the DA's Office?

Postby phonepro » Tue Jan 25, 2011 10:56 pm

i don't think thats a good idea.

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RMstratosphere
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Re: Best or Worst Cover Letter Ever for the DA's Office?

Postby RMstratosphere » Tue Jan 25, 2011 10:59 pm

Closer to worst than best.

BlueDiamond
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Re: Best or Worst Cover Letter Ever for the DA's Office?

Postby BlueDiamond » Tue Jan 25, 2011 11:01 pm

"I am confident that working as an unpaid summer clerk will strengthen my analytical, critical thinking, and interpersonal skills, thus enabling me to be a more effective, well-rounded prosecutor upon graduation."

this was my biggest problem.. how does being unpaid strengthen those things?

Edit: lied.. and this "For me, no greater, more prestigious opportunity exists than working for the [] County District Attorney’s Office." .. really?

Edit v2: "As a first-year student at [] School of Law in [city], I am enthusiastic about interviewing with you on February 8, 2011. " what does one have to do with the other? would you not be excited if you were a 2L? especially if you cant think of anything more prestigious in the line before? or if you went to a different school in a different city would that change?

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Waggly Toast
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Re: Best or Worst Cover Letter Ever for the DA's Office?

Postby Waggly Toast » Tue Jan 25, 2011 11:07 pm

My wife just read it and laughed. A little over-the-top I guess. Back to the drawing board. Any suggestions? The person who got the position last year said the DA is looking for a "crusader." That's what I was going for, but maybe I layed on the schmooze a little too thick.

BlueDiamond
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Re: Best or Worst Cover Letter Ever for the DA's Office?

Postby BlueDiamond » Tue Jan 25, 2011 11:07 pm

Waggly Toast wrote:What if I change the first paragraph to read:

Because I have a personal interest in fighting crime, prosecuting criminals, and helping to clean up the streets of [] County, it is with enthusiasm that I apply for the position of Paid Legal Summer Clerk. I embrace the opportunity to promote and enable justice, rectitude, and fairness in [] County.


why not just "I am applying for such and such position because.." it reads very awkwardly when you say it is with enthusiasm that.. and I would embrace probably.. also you probably wont be doing any of that as a 1L or 2L will you? maybe thats just me being dumb.. but even if you do it would probably just be prosecuting criminals.. police fight crime.. and street cleaners clean the streets

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Waggly Toast
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Re: Best or Worst Cover Letter Ever for the DA's Office?

Postby Waggly Toast » Tue Jan 25, 2011 11:11 pm

My wife just read it and laughed. A little over-the-top I guess. Back to the drawing board. Any suggestions? The person who got the position last year said the DA is looking for a "crusader." That's what I was going for, but maybe I layed on the schmooze a little too thick.

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Heartford
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Re: Best or Worst Cover Letter Ever for the DA's Office?

Postby Heartford » Tue Jan 25, 2011 11:11 pm

Waggly Toast wrote: The person who got the position last year said the DA is looking for a "crusader."


That just means you're supposed to dress like this to work there:
--ImageRemoved--

BlueDiamond
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Re: Best or Worst Cover Letter Ever for the DA's Office?

Postby BlueDiamond » Tue Jan 25, 2011 11:13 pm

Waggly Toast wrote:My wife just read it and laughed. A little over-the-top I guess. Back to the drawing board. Any suggestions? The person who got the position last year said the DA is looking for a "crusader." That's what I was going for, but maybe I layed on the schmooze a little too thick.


I'd honestly say just start a new draft.. its not that the message you're trying to get across is bad but it sounds contrived.. just keep it real.. at least until keepin it real goes wrong

Edit: hookd on phonix dednt werk fer mi
Last edited by BlueDiamond on Tue Jan 25, 2011 11:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

bemidiji41
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Re: Best or Worst Cover Letter Ever for the DA's Office?

Postby bemidiji41 » Tue Jan 25, 2011 11:14 pm

Dude, you're not Batman. IMO "fighting crime" sounds cliche and brings to mind a superhero in tights rather than a serious, committed advocate. But that's just my two cents.

You mentioned work experience. Play that up in order to demonstrate that you have skills to offer the office. Don't focus on what the job will do for YOU. (Ditto to what everyone else said about the salary stuff).

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smears
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Re: Best or Worst Cover Letter Ever for the DA's Office?

Postby smears » Tue Jan 25, 2011 11:16 pm

Dude your double posting is making me dizzy.

CanadianWolf
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Re: Best or Worst Cover Letter Ever for the DA's Office?

Postby CanadianWolf » Tue Jan 25, 2011 11:21 pm

Clearly you haven't been around politics or politicians much. Newt Gingrich--twice divorced--preaches family values.
Last edited by CanadianWolf on Tue Jan 25, 2011 11:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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romothesavior
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Re: Best or Worst Cover Letter Ever for the DA's Office?

Postby romothesavior » Tue Jan 25, 2011 11:24 pm

You (Over the top)














The top














Where it should be
(What I'm trying to say is tone it down a LOT chief)

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Kohinoor
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Re: Best or Worst Cover Letter Ever for the DA's Office?

Postby Kohinoor » Tue Jan 25, 2011 11:29 pm

Waggly Toast wrote:I am applying for a paid position at the County DA's Office. I wanted some feedback on this cover letter. Any responses, comments, suggestions, etc. would be greatly appreciated. My GPA is above average and I have been a successful entrepreneur for more than three years. Thank you for your time, it is greatly appreciated.

Dear Mr. []:

Because I have a personal interest in fighting crime, prosecuting criminals, and helping to clean up the streets of [] County, I wish to forego a salary and volunteer for the position of Legal Summer Clerk. It is not the money that interests me, but the opportunity to promote and enable justice, rectitude, and fairness in [] County. Therefore, I request that my salary be donated to the Family Justice Center in honor of [] School of Law.

As an experienced community leader, entrepreneur, and volunteer, I have much to contribute to the [] County District Attorney’s Office. I bring maturity, independent thinking, and the ability to solve complex problems to the job. I have a passion for justice, rectitude, and honesty. I stand for what is right, regardless of what others think. My ability to interact with people of different cultures, ages, and viewpoints coupled with my commitment to hard work and public service fit the goal of Victim Services to provide personal assistance to individuals who are victims of crime by doing for them what they cannot do for themselves: prosecute criminals. I am positive that I will make a difference.

As an aspiring prosecutor, I am confident that working as an unpaid summer clerk will strengthen my analytical, critical thinking, and interpersonal skills, thus enabling me to be a more effective, well-rounded prosecutor upon graduation. For me, no greater, more prestigious opportunity exists than working for the [] County District Attorney’s Office. As a first-year student at [] School of Law in [city], I am enthusiastic about interviewing with you on February 8, 2011.

Warm Regards,

[name]
Rectitude sounds too much like rectal. You want a job not a date.

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romothesavior
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Re: Best or Worst Cover Letter Ever for the DA's Office?

Postby romothesavior » Tue Jan 25, 2011 11:31 pm

I have three interviews to prosecutors offices, and my cover letters for them were just short, courteous, and standard. I think you should go that route. Get rid of words like "rectitude" and ditch the crusader act. Commissioner Gordon isn't asking for applications for the new Batman, this is just an summer gig at the DA's office.

Also, you went from telling us that this is a paid gig, to asking them to donate your salary to charity, to saying that it is an unpaid summer gig. So which is it?

CanadianWolf
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Re: Best or Worst Cover Letter Ever for the DA's Office?

Postby CanadianWolf » Tue Jan 25, 2011 11:33 pm

Requesting that your salary be donated to charity is likely to get your resume donated to charity.

BlueDiamond
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Re: Best or Worst Cover Letter Ever for the DA's Office?

Postby BlueDiamond » Tue Jan 25, 2011 11:33 pm

more importantly where did all my comments go!

Edit: Oh sunnofabich you made a new post!
Last edited by BlueDiamond on Tue Jan 25, 2011 11:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Moral_Midgetry
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Re: Best or Worst Cover Letter Ever for the DA's Office?

Postby Moral_Midgetry » Tue Jan 25, 2011 11:33 pm

romothesavior wrote:I have three interviews to prosecutors offices, and my cover letters for them were just short, courteous, and standard. I think you should go that route. Get rid of words like "rectitude" and ditch the crusader act. Commissioner Gordon isn't asking for applications for the new Batman, this is just an summer gig at the DA's office.

Also, you went from telling us that this is a paid gig, to asking them to donate your salary to charity, to saying that it is an unpaid summer gig. So which is it?


Did you watch The Dark Knight on TNT this weekend too?




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