Check out my LOCI

(Applications Advice, Letters of Recommendation . . . )
karmaman
Posts: 106
Joined: Fri Dec 07, 2012 1:21 am

Check out my LOCI

Postby karmaman » Sat Apr 12, 2014 2:28 pm

Hey guys, I got waitlisted at my top school, does anyone wanna check out my LOCI and give me some feedback?? Thanks for the help!!

karmaman
Posts: 106
Joined: Fri Dec 07, 2012 1:21 am

Re: Check out my LOCI

Postby karmaman » Sat Apr 12, 2014 6:36 pm

edited
Last edited by karmaman on Thu Apr 17, 2014 11:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

blink
Posts: 429
Joined: Sat Jul 10, 2010 10:14 pm

Re: Check out my LOCI

Postby blink » Sat Apr 12, 2014 7:24 pm

karmaman wrote:Maybe it's easier if I just post it here, looking for any input, comments, critques, etc...Thanks a lot guys!


Dear Dean X,

I write to you today to reinforce my unwavering commitment to attending the Gould School of Law this coming Fall. "X's School" top-notch faculty and staff, coupled with their wide variety of clinical programs clearly demonstrate that X is the right choice for me. Having worked in my father’s own small business for much of my life, the Small Business Clinic truly specifically peaked piquedmy interest. I understand the difficulties and complexities involved when running your own business, and as such it would be such a rewarding experience to pass on some of my personal experiences as well as to my new found legal knowledge to those that are facing similar situations that we have faced in the past. I am a firm believer that the best way to obtain a fully developed education is to incorporate classroom training with hands-on training, and X's School clinical approach perfectly fits this criteria.

Furthermore, my previous work and life experiences allow me to bring a unique perspective to the classroom. Having traveled five of the world’s seven continents, I have had the opportunity to engage with from all walks of life, faiths, and beliefs. From donating soccer supplies to a favela in Sao Paolo to serving men, women, and children hot meals at the X Mission, these encounters have taught me the importance of compassion, empathy, and understanding. In no profession are these traits more desirable then that of a lawyer, for as a lawyer people look up to you, depend on you, lean on you in often the times of greatest hardships in their life. I believe that it is essential when working as a lawyer to view every client as a human being first, with real issues, problems, and feelings, then as a client second. These attributes coupled with my diverse cultural background and language skills allow me to connect with people of all backgrounds, ethnicities and races to garner their trust, thus allowing me to better to do my job as an attorney.

As an Angelino, I take great pride in my city; X is my home, my life, and my love. For this reason, I am assured that attending law school at X is the only choice for me. I am so convinced of this point, that I have declined to begin my law school education at any other school for the previous two years because I knew know that there is no better way tobegin my journey to change my city than X. With the aid of my X degree, I want to continue to develop and transform our great city into the industrial, intellectual, and societal mecca that it is destined to be.


I was lazy editing this, i have to admit. However, I believe the flow could really be cleaned up a lot, and the length could be chopped in half. If you unequivocally state that you'll attend that school if admitted, that's about as strong as your language in this letter could be. Don't waste the adcom's time. They are extremely busy. Just tell them you'd definitely attend if admitted and a reason or two why.

Just my two cents.

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Mack.Hambleton
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Joined: Mon Jan 13, 2014 2:09 am

Re: Check out my LOCI

Postby Mack.Hambleton » Sat Apr 12, 2014 7:29 pm

paying 200k+ for USC doesn't seem like a great idea anyway. not sure you'd want to get off their waitlist

karmaman
Posts: 106
Joined: Fri Dec 07, 2012 1:21 am

Re: Check out my LOCI

Postby karmaman » Sat Apr 12, 2014 8:36 pm

Thanks guys, yea it was a quick draft havent even edited it yet. How did you figure 200k+ though? Luckily Im living at home so I dont have any rent to pay which helps keep COL down and im getting some help with tuition from family as well. Makes it a little
More manageable

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unodostres
Posts: 551
Joined: Fri Nov 15, 2013 1:01 pm

Re: Check out my LOCI

Postby unodostres » Sun Apr 13, 2014 1:08 am

200k at sc without scholarship and COA with interest assuming wait listers don't get much. Factor in that 55% get ft jd required jobs... Are you willing to gamble?

I wouldnt do more than 80 at repayment and that's pushing it. Anything more and those payments are like 20% of your salary :/ with regards to the loci, that's way too long. A paragraph or two max should be it.

You should retake that 166 and hit 170 and enjoy la or sc.

karmaman
Posts: 106
Joined: Fri Dec 07, 2012 1:21 am

Re: Check out my LOCI

Postby karmaman » Sun Apr 13, 2014 1:39 am

Thanks again, but like i said i don"t pay rent and wont have to take out much of a loan at all. Also ive taken the lsat 4 times already i dont know how much more i can take of that lol

karmaman
Posts: 106
Joined: Fri Dec 07, 2012 1:21 am

Re: Check out my LOCI

Postby karmaman » Mon Apr 14, 2014 2:20 am

Bump? Looking to send this in in the next day or two, is the content ok just needs to be shortened or what do you think?

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TheSpanishMain
Posts: 4728
Joined: Tue Apr 02, 2013 2:26 pm

Re: Check out my LOCI

Postby TheSpanishMain » Mon Apr 14, 2014 8:30 am

karmaman wrote:Bump? Looking to send this in in the next day or two, is the content ok just needs to be shortened or what do you think?


I think it's too long and a little overly dramatic. I don't think you need to wax philosophical about what being a lawyer means, the smiling faces of children, etc etc. It comes off as naive and the language is just so extreme: the societal mecca, etc.

I'm not saying you ARE naive or dramatic, just that reading this might make me think so. I think it could be shortened and focus more on A) your committment to attend if admitted and B) a few short reasons why you want USC...mention being a local who wants to stay in the area, etc. But no epic poetry about transcendence and all that.

kcdc1
Posts: 949
Joined: Fri Jan 03, 2014 6:48 am

Re: Check out my LOCI

Postby kcdc1 » Mon Apr 14, 2014 8:42 am

My advice: cut the drama, make it professional. Pretend you're emailing your boss to schedule a meeting where you will ask for a raise. What does he want to hear?

karmaman
Posts: 106
Joined: Fri Dec 07, 2012 1:21 am

Re: Check out my LOCI

Postby karmaman » Mon Apr 14, 2014 12:05 pm

OK guys I've worked on it a bit, anyone mind if I PM them my final copy to get some feedback? Let me know, thanks!

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TheSpanishMain
Posts: 4728
Joined: Tue Apr 02, 2013 2:26 pm

Re: Check out my LOCI

Postby TheSpanishMain » Mon Apr 14, 2014 12:08 pm

Sure, I'll take a look at it if you want.




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