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EDIT: removed
Posted: Mon Aug 05, 2013 4:13 pm
by yot11
EDIT: Taken down, thanks for the comments everybody!
Re: C&F Addendum-- critique?
Posted: Mon Aug 05, 2013 4:25 pm
by NYstate
The last paragraph is problematic to me. Take out the part that refers to the honor code as a "policy." Something is still off about that paragraph. I'm not sure how to fix it.
Do you need to take full responsibility for this somewhere? You never directly say " I violated the honor code by giving other students my work." Does it matter that you only thought they would look at it? Is that sharing a violation, or is the submission of identical assignments the violation. From the charge it sounds like giving them your completed work was the violation.
And it happened several times throughout the semester.
I'm not sure what this needs. Maybe someone else has some ideas.
Re: C&F Addendum-- critique?
Posted: Mon Aug 05, 2013 4:32 pm
by yot11
Do you need to take full responsibility for this somewhere?
Am I not taking full responsibility here? I'd very much like to correct that. I had no intention to try to shirk this (very serious) offense.
You never directly say " I violated the honor code by giving other students my work." Does it matter that you only thought they would look at it?
It didn't matter in terms of violating the policy. I suspect it played a role in the dean offering me a withdrawal option.
Is that sharing a violation, or is the submission of identical assignments the violation.
The specific violation for me was the "collaboration" without explicit consent from the professor. The violation for the other two was collaboration and submitting my work as their own. Although the level of detail is not present in the signed statement in my file.
From the charge it sounds like giving them your completed work was the violation.
And it happened several times throughout the semester.
Re: C&F Addendum-- critique?
Posted: Mon Aug 05, 2013 4:37 pm
by yot11
My intention with the line about a "simple policy oversight" was to contrast the difference and show that I understand that it was NOT that. Do you think that I do this ineffectively / is it a bad idea?
Changes in bold and underline in OP.
Re: C&F Addendum-- critique?
Posted: Mon Aug 05, 2013 4:41 pm
by Nickg415
All in all I feel like you did a good job. You did not make excuses for your mistake, admitted you were in the wrong, and in the end you explained how you used the experience to better yourself. In regards to the above post, what seems off may simply be due to the fact that you use the word integrity so much in such a short time. Perhaps use the word Character for the second 'integrity'.
Also the first few sentences of the second paragraph allude to an additional problem that you may not want to make known to admissions officers. Mainly that initially you did not take the violation seriously and felt that the school was being silly about a simply 'policy' issue. While you showed that you corrected this view, you might consider eliminating the first few sentences all together and continue on with how you have placed special emphasis on ensuring that no action you take will ever cast a shadow of doubt on your character.
I had C&F issues as well and at first I was pretty worried about it. In the end however, it did not set me back and my cycle proved to be quite successful
Re: C&F Addendum-- critique?
Posted: Mon Aug 05, 2013 4:46 pm
by yot11
@Nickg
I was on the fence about including the fact that I didn't understand the severity. On one hand, I thought that it would make it look less like a case where I intentionally did something that I knew to be seriously wrong. On the other hand, it makes me look stupid for not knowing how serious it was.
Sounds like you and NYstate think it's best to not do that? At risk of making it look a little more sinister--for lack of a better word?
Re: C&F Addendum-- critique?
Posted: Mon Aug 05, 2013 4:49 pm
by NYstate
yot11 wrote:Do you need to take full responsibility for this somewhere?
Am I not taking full responsibility here? I'd very much like to correct that. I had no intention to try to shirk this (very serious) offense.
You never directly say " I violated the honor code by giving other students my work." Does it matter that you only thought they would look at it?
It didn't matter in terms of violating the policy. I suspect it played a role in the dean offering me a withdrawal option.
Is that sharing a violation, or is the submission of identical assignments the violation.
The specific violation for me was the "collaboration" without explicit consent from the professor. The violation for the other two was collaboration and submitting my work as their own. Although the level of detail is not present in the signed statement in my file.
From the charge it sounds like giving them your completed work was the violation.
And it happened several times throughout the semester.
My bad in missing the first sentence. I would take out anything that makes it sound that you used to not take the honor code seriously, but now you do.
I should have said as well that it was a good first draft.
Re: C&F Addendum-- critique?
Posted: Mon Aug 05, 2013 4:56 pm
by yot11
Okay I have revised the conclusion in accordance with your comments on not understanding the gravity of the code before.
Do you guys have thoughts about where I state that I did not know they were copying my work? I'm not sure how to describe the situation without appearing to shirk blame.
Thanks again for all your input and time!
Re: C&F Addendum-- critique?
Posted: Mon Aug 05, 2013 5:01 pm
by Nickg415
yot11 wrote:@Nickg
I was on the fence about including the fact that I didn't understand the severity. On one hand, I thought that it would make it look less like a case where I intentionally did something that I knew to be seriously wrong. On the other hand, it makes me look stupid for not knowing how serious it was.
Sounds like you and NYstate think it's best to not do that? At risk of making it look a little more sinister--for lack of a better word?
Well don't say I broke the law and the law won. All they see is a violation and they want to know A) Does he accept responsibility for his actions? and B) Is he at risk of committing the same or similar violation here at law school or later on in his profession?
Since anything less than "I was in the wrong and I know I shouldn't have done it" casts doubt on you in regards to A, you are better off getting that out of the way quickly and then spending the rest of your addendum addressing B.
Re: C&F Addendum-- critique?
Posted: Mon Aug 05, 2013 5:07 pm
by yot11
Thanks! I agree with you and NYstate. Do you have any comments on the revised conclusion and how to describe the situation (specifically about me not knowing about the copying until the professor brought it to our attention) without sounding weasel-y?
Re: C&F Addendum-- critique?
Posted: Mon Aug 05, 2013 8:23 pm
by vzapana
just focusing on the conclusion --
Don't say the sentence that starts "By violating." It seems very strongly worded and, if anything, makes the already-icky violation appear worse than it is.
"protect my integrity" is an awkward phrase
"gone to great lengths" rings hollow because you don't include examples of what you've done to remedy the situation. add at least one.
Re: C&F Addendum-- critique?
Posted: Mon Aug 05, 2013 9:49 pm
by Happy Gilmore
First paragraph seems a bit long. Good luck. Tricky addendum to write.
Re: C&F Addendum-- critique?
Posted: Tue Aug 06, 2013 1:46 am
by Nickg415
personally I would remove "I raised serious concerns about my integrity as a whole" from the last paragraph. Sometimes it is better to just leave the elephant in the room unaddressed. This, I feel, is one of those times.
Re: C&F Addendum-- critique?
Posted: Tue Aug 06, 2013 10:31 am
by yot11
I really appreciate all the input. I have reworked the conclusion and posted it in OP. It's hard trying to find the balance of not making the situation appear worse than it is and not trying to appear to weasel out of it and I appreciate you guys helping me find it.
What do you guys think of the new conclusion?
EDIT: I also inserted a paragraph break in the middle section. Better? Worse? No difference?
Re: C&F Addendum-- critique?
Posted: Tue Aug 06, 2013 1:30 pm
by Nickg415
I like it! Good work. If I were you I would feel good sending that in.
Re: C&F Addendum-- critique?
Posted: Tue Aug 06, 2013 2:35 pm
by vzapana
Quick grammar point: the only is a misplaced modifier in "they would only be using it as a reference"; the correct usage would be "they would be using it only as a reference"
Re: C&F Addendum-- critique?
Posted: Tue Aug 06, 2013 2:53 pm
by yot11
vzapana wrote:Quick grammar point: the only is a misplaced modifier in "they would only be using it as a reference"; the correct usage would be "they would be using it only as a reference"
Grammar point noted, thanks! Macro thoughts on the rest?