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jj848
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Question

Postby jj848 » Sun Jan 27, 2013 1:52 am

Thanks everyone
Last edited by jj848 on Thu Jan 31, 2013 3:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Crowing
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Re: Another Impaired Driving Addendum Question

Postby Crowing » Sun Jan 27, 2013 1:56 am

fix your apostrophes

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ManOfTheMinute
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Re: Another Impaired Driving Addendum Question

Postby ManOfTheMinute » Sun Jan 27, 2013 1:59 am

jj848 wrote:Hey everyone, been reading everything on these forums for a little bit now - great information. I know there have been a few threads on DUI's and the addendum but wanted to post mine that is slighty different from those. Just looking for reassurance that it sounds sincere and I didn't make any grammitcal errors. Thanks

In January 2005, eight years ago, I illegally drove a car while intoxicated. I failed to consider the implications and dangers of my driving. As a result, I was pulled over by the police and arrested for misdemeanor operating while intoxicated. I plead guilty to a lesser charge of misdemeanor impaired driving and was sentenced to pay court costs, driver’s responsibility fees, one day served in jail, and to attend a MADD class. I fulfilled my financial obligations and attended the MADD class which changed my life. I immediately felt the impact of the mother’s speaking about their children and showing pictures of horrific crashes that I could have caused by being selfish and irresponsible. I now take a much more proactive approach to drinking and driving. This experience has taught me a severe lesson that I use to influence my friends and family to the dangers of drinking and driving.


(a) They know how long ago January 2005 was without you telling them (redundant)
(b) Parallelism in this sentence: "was sentenced to pay court costs, driver’s responsibility fees, one day served in jail, and to attend a MADD class."
(c) the mother’s to the mothers'
(d) "I now take a much more proactive approach to drinking and driving" is this only a segue into the next sentence? because on its own I do not see any value
(e) just a first, quick pass

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rinkrat19
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Re: Another Impaired Driving Addendum Question

Postby rinkrat19 » Sun Jan 27, 2013 2:01 am

It's a tad overdramatic. You want to show remorse, but not lay flat on the ground and pour dirt on your head.

In January 2005, eight years ago, I illegally drove a car while intoxicated. I failed to consider the implications and dangers of my driving. As a result, I was pulled over by the police and arrested for misdemeanor operating while intoxicated. I plead guilty to a lesser charge of misdemeanor impaired driving and was sentenced to one day served in jail. I was also required to pay court costs and driver’s responsibility fees, and attend a MADD class. I fulfilled my financial obligations and attended the MADD class, which changed my life by showing me what could have happened due to my poor decision. I immediately felt the impact of the mother’s speaking about their children and showing pictures of horrific crashes that I could have caused by being selfish and irresponsible. I now take a much more proactive approach to drinking and driving.The experience has taught me a severe lesson, which prompted me to adamantly avoid drinking and driving from that moment onward, and to educate my friends and family of the dangers of drinking and driving. I will never again risk harming another person by driving intoxicated.

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Shmoopy
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Re: Another Impaired Driving Addendum Question

Postby Shmoopy » Sun Jan 27, 2013 2:24 am

What is a lesser misdemeanor? The bit about the anguish of the mothers also seems kind of like you are fishing for a way to express your remorse. Just say that you made a poor decision without getting dramatic about it.

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rinkrat19
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Re: Another Impaired Driving Addendum Question

Postby rinkrat19 » Sun Jan 27, 2013 2:29 am

Shmoopy wrote:What is a lesser misdemeanor? The bit about the anguish of the mothers also seems kind of like you are fishing for a way to express your remorse. Just say that you made a poor decision without getting dramatic about it.

He's using the names of the charges: "misdemeanor operating while intoxicated" and the lesser charge, "misdemeanor impaired driving," A lesser charge carries a less severe penalty. Like manslaughter v. murder in the first degree.

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A. Nony Mouse
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Re: Another Impaired Driving Addendum Question

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Sun Jan 27, 2013 2:37 am

Pleaded guilty, not plead (or perhaps pled, but I think pleaded is more correct).

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ManOfTheMinute
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Re: Another Impaired Driving Addendum Question

Postby ManOfTheMinute » Sun Jan 27, 2013 2:57 am

A. Nony Mouse wrote:Pleaded guilty, not plead (or perhaps pled, but I think pleaded is more correct).


To avoid any adcoms who might care, perhaps change it to "i chose to plead guilty"




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