Sexual Misconduct Addendum Forum

[Mroberts3]

lol @ all you self righteous fucks calling OP a rapist when you know nothing about the situation

+1

If someone read my student misconduct violations they would probably think I was some kind of campus wide drug dealer, when in fact I only had beer bottles in my room. Things are not always as they first seem.

So true...But I guess people are very quick to judge...

So can anyone help me with my addendum and stop calling me names?

To be fair, the way you originally framed it makes it sound like you are admitting to rape (non consent is the basic element). What I think the name callers are overlooking is the fact that the police who looked into it (and know the facts) didn't think it was a crime.

As others have said, you need to talk to a lawyer about this and look very specifically at the school's policy. I agree with others that what part/how you broke it makes a difference. Others here seem to think that the lack of arrest won't matter to adcomms, but I think you need to highlight this -- tell the whole story so its obvious that the authorities looked into it and didn't pursue it (not even as a lower sexual assault misdemeanor). I highly doubt cops give the benefit of the doubt to alleged rapists, they'll arrest you just to be safe if there is any decent evidence.

EDIT: If possible, while being honest, "I would try as hard as possible to avoid using the term "non-consensual sex" policy. Again, this is because that sounds like rape. Try and narrow in how you violated the policy. For example, maybe the policy requires you to say "Hi, my name is Bob and I would like to have intercourse with you. Do you consent?" And the person must say "yes." (How unsexy is that btw)?

Turns you you said "hey babe, wanna bang?" while making out and she just kind of went along with it.

[contrapositive1]

where did u get that from

[guinness1547]

Dude the Tulane guy didn't just murder anyone, he murdered his old professor.

Can you imagine someone posting on TLS "So, I murdered my old professor, did 20 years in prison, non-trad, splitter, 3.1/164, what are my T1 chances?"

Retake

[bbsg]

A lot of places say that there can be no consent if there is alcohol involved. I don't know what the OP's situation is but it's actually possible that a girl has a beer and is begging to get banged but since she was under the influence didn't actually give consent.

Seems we have another misogynist winner.

How many drunk girls have you slept with? I've been with quite a few and I can tell you that not once did I wake up with a girl and have her call the police and accuse me of rape. Having sex with someone too drunk to consent is rape. Getting a girl super drunk so you can have sex is rape.

Believe it or not, girls don't have a few beers agree to have sex and then call the cops as a habit. Can you imagine the ordeal? For what?

Just to be fair here, I've worked as an RA. In one residence where I worked the policy was -very- strict around alcohol and sex. If you found a couple having sex in public and they were drunk ("lol lets have sex in this hidden hallway!" happens now and then), you were obligated to file a police report even if both of them urged you not to. "Drunk means no" and all that. There have been cases where both the parties gave consent, but were drunk, and neither party regretted it the next morning. However, having been stumbled upon by an RA who was forced to file a police report meant that both parties needed to speak to police. Regardless of the outcome there, they would face sanction by the university based on non-consent. Even if both consented, and in hindsight didn't regret, but were under the influence.

I don't think a situation like this would be labelled "miscommunication" as OP has done, however. But I'm not sure I'd label PBateman a misogynist rapist apologist just given his vague statement above.

Mods -- Maybe it's closing time?

[wannabelawstudent]

.

[jemthey17]

The idea that a girl would wake up and regret sleeping with a guy and then call the police, the college, deal with a university inquiry and potential criminal trial...because she regrets it. That's laughable.

Rape is horrible, I am not attempting to excuse it in any way, but I do think it's inaccurate to say that nobody ever would say they are raped if they really weren't.

I'm sure I'm going to get flamed for this, but I do know a girl who accused a hook-up of rape (the school's judicial board found that it was not rape), and she told everyone about it, wrote a play about it, wrote poems about it, wrote op-eds about it, etc. This girl's female friends tell me that she enjoys the attention and that they don't think she was really raped.

I'm not trying to suggest this is common at all, I doubt it is, but it's also not utterly ridiculous and impossible. Some people are psychos. I know another girl who was suspended for a year after falsely accusing her boyfriend of rape to get revenge after a breakup. The school's judiciary board actually determined that she was lying based on emails that she had written to this guy. This was a pretty liberal school too. Just saying...

Yes, because there definitely isn't this thing called rape culture where women are often not believed when they report their rapes. /sarcasm

Also, it is difficult to even be able to press charges for rape, let alone receive a conviction. That must mean that women are lying, not that the system is fucked.

And why can't she write about it? A rape victim is allowed to do whatever she needs to do to empower herself after something so horrible. Sorry she didn't fit the "perfect victim" narrative and stay a broken person forever and always.

[potterpirate04]

Mods -- Maybe it's closing time?

[John_rizzy_rawls]

Mods -- Maybe it's closing time?

[Tiago Splitter]

The idea that a girl would wake up and regret sleeping with a guy and then call the police, the college, deal with a university inquiry and potential criminal trial...because she regrets it. That's laughable.

Rape is horrible, I am not attempting to excuse it in any way, but I do think it's inaccurate to say that nobody ever would say they are raped if they really weren't.

I'm sure I'm going to get flamed for this, but I do know a girl who accused a hook-up of rape (the school's judicial board found that it was not rape), and she told everyone about it, wrote a play about it, wrote poems about it, wrote op-eds about it, etc. This girl's female friends tell me that she enjoys the attention and that they don't think she was really raped.

I'm not trying to suggest this is common at all, I doubt it is, but it's also not utterly ridiculous and impossible. Some people are psychos. I know another girl who was suspended for a year after falsely accusing her boyfriend of rape to get revenge after a breakup. The school's judiciary board actually determined that she was lying based on emails that she had written to this guy. This was a pretty liberal school too. Just saying...

Yes, because there definitely isn't this thing called rape culture where women are often not believed when they report their rapes. /sarcasm

Also, it is difficult to even be able to press charges for rape, let alone receive a conviction. That must mean that women are lying, not that the system is fucked.

And why can't she write about it? A rape victim is allowed to do whatever she needs to do to empower herself after something so horrible. Sorry she didn't fit the "perfect victim" narrative and stay a broken person forever and always.

What a pathetic response to a logical post.

[suralin]

The idea that a girl would wake up and regret sleeping with a guy and then call the police, the college, deal with a university inquiry and potential criminal trial...because she regrets it. That's laughable.

Rape is horrible, I am not attempting to excuse it in any way, but I do think it's inaccurate to say that nobody ever would say they are raped if they really weren't.

I'm sure I'm going to get flamed for this, but I do know a girl who accused a hook-up of rape (the school's judicial board found that it was not rape), and she told everyone about it, wrote a play about it, wrote poems about it, wrote op-eds about it, etc. This girl's female friends tell me that she enjoys the attention and that they don't think she was really raped.

I'm not trying to suggest this is common at all, I doubt it is, but it's also not utterly ridiculous and impossible. Some people are psychos. I know another girl who was suspended for a year after falsely accusing her boyfriend of rape to get revenge after a breakup. The school's judiciary board actually determined that she was lying based on emails that she had written to this guy. This was a pretty liberal school too. Just saying...

Yes, because there definitely isn't this thing called rape culture where women are often not believed when they report their rapes. /sarcasm

Also, it is difficult to even be able to press charges for rape, let alone receive a conviction. That must mean that women are lying, not that the system is fucked.

And why can't she write about it? A rape victim is allowed to do whatever she needs to do to empower herself after something so horrible. Sorry she didn't fit the "perfect victim" narrative and stay a broken person forever and always.

Uh... you're just assuming that all people who report rape are being truthful. Of course, the vast vast majority are, but there are, in fact, people who falsely report rape. False reports like that actually make it harder for actual rape victims to get justice and be believed, so if you want the latter, you should condemn false reports.

[Shmoopy]

Yes, because there definitely isn't this thing called rape culture where women are often not believed when they report their rapes. /sarcasm

Also, it is difficult to even be able to press charges for rape, let alone receive a conviction. That must mean that women are lying, not that the system is fucked.

And why can't she write about it? A rape victim is allowed to do whatever she needs to do to empower herself after something so horrible.

Look, I think that anyone who claims to be raped should be given the benefit of the doubt, that the great majority of people who claim to be raped are telling the truth, and that even more people are too ashamed to even make accusations in the first place.

All I'm saying is that false accusations are a real thing. Unless you are going to say that not a single person has ever falsely been accused of rape in the history of the world, we don't have a disagreement. False accusations are rare, yes, but are you telling me that there has never ever been a single instance of someone lying about being raped?

[stillwater]

this thread is toxic.

[jemthey17]

The idea that a girl would wake up and regret sleeping with a guy and then call the police, the college, deal with a university inquiry and potential criminal trial...because she regrets it. That's laughable.

Rape is horrible, I am not attempting to excuse it in any way, but I do think it's inaccurate to say that nobody ever would say they are raped if they really weren't.

I'm sure I'm going to get flamed for this, but I do know a girl who accused a hook-up of rape (the school's judicial board found that it was not rape), and she told everyone about it, wrote a play about it, wrote poems about it, wrote op-eds about it, etc. This girl's female friends tell me that she enjoys the attention and that they don't think she was really raped.

I'm not trying to suggest this is common at all, I doubt it is, but it's also not utterly ridiculous and impossible. Some people are psychos. I know another girl who was suspended for a year after falsely accusing her boyfriend of rape to get revenge after a breakup. The school's judiciary board actually determined that she was lying based on emails that she had written to this guy. This was a pretty liberal school too. Just saying...

Yes, because there definitely isn't this thing called rape culture where women are often not believed when they report their rapes. /sarcasm

Also, it is difficult to even be able to press charges for rape, let alone receive a conviction. That must mean that women are lying, not that the system is fucked.

And why can't she write about it? A rape victim is allowed to do whatever she needs to do to empower herself after something so horrible. Sorry she didn't fit the "perfect victim" narrative and stay a broken person forever and always.

Uh... you're just assuming that all people who report rape are being truthful. Of course, the vast vast majority are, but there are, in fact, people who falsely report rape. False reports like that actually make it harder for actual rape victims to get justice and be believed, so if you want the latter, you should condemn false reports.

I do condemn false reports, but there is no evidence in that post to suggest that the woman was lying about being raped. So yes, I will believe the victim until I am given a reason otherwise. Believing victims makes women more likely to come forward and press charges against their rapists. I have had plenty of friends who have been raped. The number one reason they don't report their rapes is because they know people won't believe them.

[wannabelawstudent]

Mods -- Maybe it's closing time?

[suralin]

Mods -- Maybe it's closing time?

[contrapositive1]

I think the MODS should just delete my post. Peoples' responses are getting way off topic.

[slawww]

Re-take; ED UVA.

[AVBucks4239]

LOL at all you RAPE PROTESTERS for making so many assumptions based on an incredibly limited set of facts.

And sorry if I'm PROMOTING RAPE by not rushing to judgment on somebody who has limited the facts of the story to less than 20 words.

Get over yourselves you stupid fucks. None of you have any idea what happened: no idea if OP is male/female, no idea if this was oral/vaginal/anal/any penetration whatsoever, no idea if alcohol was involved, no idea of potential personality disorders of OPs/victim, etc. Seriously, you don't have a clue, so shut the fuck up. If you're here to bash OP instead of giving advice, go do something better with your time.

And to that point...OP, you need to discuss this with a character and fitness lawyer. I'd also recommend calling adcomms at schools you're not even considering just to test the waters with them ("So I was thinking about applying, but X happened. Would that hurt my chances?"). Probably not moral or ethical, but who cares. They won't know you.

[hume85]

Re-take; ED UVA.

This was hilarious.

[potterpirate04]

Re-take; ED UVA.

TITCR

[jemthey17]

Look, I think that anyone who claims to be raped should be given the benefit of the doubt, that the great majority of people who claim to be raped are telling the truth, and that even more people are too ashamed to even make accusations in the first place.

All I'm saying is that false accusations are a real thing. Unless you are going to say that not a single person has ever falsely been accused of rape in the history of the world, we don't have a disagreement. False accusations are rare, yes, but are you telling me that there has never ever been a single instance of someone lying about being raped?

I didn't say that false accusations never happen. But what you gave as "evidence" of a false rape accusation isn't evidence at all. Women are often not believed when they claim to have been raped, which leads to very poor chances of ever receiving any kind of justice about it. The fact that the women in your example didn't behave as you think a rape victim should behave does not mean that they weren't raped. It doesn't mean that they were, either, but you automatically jumped to the conclusion that if there was no disciplinary action or they decided to disclose their rape, they couldn't have been raped. You are fine to say that not all accusations of rape are truthful (though why people always jump to this rather than look at the vast majority of times when rape accusations are true is beyond me), but the example you gave (particularly the first one) was bothersome.

[Nightrunner]

Everyone needs to calm themselves immediately. Your discussion is limited to advice to OP.

[potterpirate04]

To be fair, it was bound to go off topic eventually. I doubt it'll even get back on topic. This shouldn't even be discussed on a public forum.

[A. Nony Mouse]

To be fair, the way you originally framed it makes it sound like you are admitting to rape (non consent is the basic element). What I think the name callers are overlooking is the fact that the police who looked into it (and know the facts) didn't think it was a crime.

No, the police who looked into it didn't think they had sufficient evidence to bring charges. (Or just didn't want to, for whatever reason.) Who knows what they actually thought happened.

I have no idea what actually happened. But FWIW, OP saying that he "violated the non-consensual sex policy" sounds really really bad without knowing what that policy is. Given the issues around alcohol and sexual assault on college campuses, the policy might be extremely strict and not actually that analogous to rape as defined in state statutes. But without knowing that, yeah, it looks really bad (and not that the OP is obligated to explain what the policy actually was, but not explaining it makes it look like what he did was pretty bad). So, OP, if you write an addendum, I would be very clear about what exactly the policy was and how you broke it (and why someone like the director of campus safety feels there were mitigating circumstances). Just saying you broke the non-consensual sex policy sounds like you're hiding behind bureaucrat-speak to cover up what you did. (Though I can understand why you don't want to get into details here.)

[Shmoopy]

I didn't say that false accusations never happen. But what you gave as "evidence" of a false rape accusation isn't evidence at all. Women are often not believed when they claim to have been raped, which leads to very poor chances of ever receiving any kind of justice about it. The fact that the women in your example didn't behave as you think a rape victim should behave does not mean that they weren't raped. It doesn't mean that they were, either, but you automatically jumped to the conclusion that if there was no disciplinary action or they decided to disclose their rape, they couldn't have been raped. You are fine to say that not all accusations of rape are truthful (though why people always jump to this rather than look at the vast majority of times when rape accusations are true is beyond me), but the example you gave (particularly the first one) was bothersome.

That is reasonable. I can't say for sure if either of the situations I described are actually instances of false accusations because I wasn't there and I don't know what really happened. I just think that it doesn't make sense when people have the attitude of "nobody would ever lie about being raped, you are pro rape for even considering that false accusations are possible." Not even sure if that's an accurate reading of the post I originally responded to, but I hear that attitude sometimes and it bothers me. So I felt the need to open my big mouth...