Diversity statement help

(Applications Advice, Letters of Recommendation . . . )
lschooler
Posts: 4
Joined: Fri Nov 02, 2012 8:37 pm

Diversity statement help

Postby lschooler » Fri Nov 02, 2012 8:58 pm

Ok, so other than my girlfriend I don't trust anyone else i know enough to proofread this...

It was really tough to write and I know it isn't a typical DS, but I want to know what you guys think. If it is too much of a stretch as far as a DS goes than I will scrap it completely and not have a DS. I already have a PS I like a lot so this one will either get amended or completely dropped. it's really rough at the moment because it was exhausting to write for me, and I just don't have it in me to proofread it yet. I appreciate any comments or criticisms.

TIA TLSers

“Shut up you little whore”, I heard my father yell, “you’re not going anywhere with anyone, you little bitch.” I heard my younger sister, who was 16 at the time, scream. I ran out to the living room in response to what I had just heard. My father was swatting, with closed-fists, wildly at my sister. While I am no advocate of violence, I rushed over and tackled my father to make him stop, but it resulted in an altercation between the two of us. Less than an hour later, I was driving in my beat up 95 Buick Century with the entirety of my belongings packed in old book bags and trash bags.
My sister, who I was (and still am) extremely close with, had simply wanted to go on a date with a boy from school, but since he was almost two years younger my parents attacked her. According to my parents, girls who date younger guys are desperate for sex. My sister apologized to me profusely for getting me kicked out, but I owed her the apology for leaving her with my alcoholic father and a mother on medication for large mood swings.
The emotion most would experience after getting kicked out of their home is sadness, anger, or frustration. I felt none of those things. A proverbial ton had been lifted off of my chest. I was relieved in a way that only a long-time victim of abuse could be. At 19, I was finally free from my parents. I spent most of my childhood in my room with a book, because the more I kept to myself, the less likely I was to anger my father in a way that would result in me getting hurt. I didn’t trust my mother, either. Between the ages of approximately six and fifteen, after I had been choked till I passed out, punched hard enough in the ribs that it hurt to breathe, or a hit in the mouth so hard that a tooth came all the way through my lip my mother would console me, promising that it would never happen again, that she would divorce him and I would be alright, but it none of these promises were ever kept. I would do everything I could to avoid coming home; I would get detentions on purpose, I joined sports teams, and would go to friends’ houses. In fact, the main reason I started doing PSEOP in high school at the U of Blah was to get away for a longer period of time every day. My parents ignorant of the college experience were all too quick to believe I had Saturday morning classes, too. As I grew older, I generally didn’t have to fear my father because I spent more time away from home had sprouted physically, but I was still excited, and determined, to move away when college came around. I received acceptance to some truly great schools, both in and out of state, which I so dearly wanted to attend, but I didn’t receive enough grant aid. I came from a middle-income family that could have co-signed for the private loans that would have been needed in addition to FAFSA loans, but my parents refused. I was desperate; I generally had slacked throughout high school and my college classes, but I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to go to college and pursue my dreams. They denied me a normal and happy childhood, but they were also going to deny me a chance at higher education. Luckily for me, the U of Blah (where I had done my PSEOP coursework), gave me enough money in scholarships to afford to attend. I was overjoyed, and I knew I wouldn’t let this opportunity slip through my fingers, but I was still bitter at my parents. So while most people feel a deep connectedness to their parents, I have none. I love them, and I hope they’re doing alright, but I haven’t heard from them since that day in July of 2012.
Being financially independent at the age of nineteen was an eye opening experience for me. Seemingly every day that I wasn’t at school, I was at work making the income that would provide my food, gas, rent, and car insurance. It was exhausting working 32-38 hours a week, going to school, and often volunteering, but I made it work. It taught me how to handle my own finances, make good economic decisions for myself, mange my time efficiently, and to accept help with gratitude and thankfulness. I haven’t enjoyed college so far, it has been a tough grind. I love my classes, and am passionate about them, yet I haven’t been able to be as involved outside the classroom as I would have liked. That is indeed one of the reasons I am so excited for law school. I will be able to get involved in moot court, journals, and public interest organizations. Perhaps, what I’m most excited for though is being blessed enough to be given the opportunity to follow my passions and dreams with others who are as intellectually interested and excited about the material as I am. Law school is a big risk with the current state of the legal hiring market, and I have no safety net if I fail. However, I’m so determined that public interest legal work is what I want to do with my life that I will take that chance. While I may not bring socioeconomic or ethnic diversity to your school, I bring a high-level of maturity, a passion to get involved, an abnormally high level of determination, excitement for law school classes, exceptional time management, extreme gratitude, and the diversity of experiences that will provide unique outlooks and opinions, as well as an interesting voice in your incoming class at blank law school.

lschooler
Posts: 4
Joined: Fri Nov 02, 2012 8:37 pm

Re: Diversity statement help

Postby lschooler » Sun Nov 04, 2012 8:39 am

Bump

lschooler
Posts: 4
Joined: Fri Nov 02, 2012 8:37 pm

Re: Diversity statement help

Postby lschooler » Tue Nov 06, 2012 4:10 pm

No help? :(

alex.feuerman
Posts: 147
Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2012 2:32 pm

Re: Diversity statement help

Postby alex.feuerman » Tue Nov 06, 2012 4:17 pm

I think there are so statements poster here that NO ONE replies to because it's hard for the general populace to connect with and critique a story like yours.

I feel the same way.

lschooler
Posts: 4
Joined: Fri Nov 02, 2012 8:37 pm

Re: Diversity statement help

Postby lschooler » Tue Nov 06, 2012 5:38 pm

Ugh I apprecciate it, you're probably right. I see a bunch of typos and it is really crappy prose, I was just curious if it was appropriate to use or how to make it appropriate.

Thanks though

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Diversity statement help

Postby CanadianWolf » Tue Nov 06, 2012 5:48 pm

OP: Do you know the main thought left with your readers ? It's how could you leave your younger sister in that brutal environment. Then, upon further reflection, the question arises as to whether or not your portrayal of your family is exaggerated.




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