Addendum Help

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Jredelman15
Posts: 274
Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2012 11:45 pm

Addendum Help

Postby Jredelman15 » Wed Sep 12, 2012 4:20 pm

I need to write a GPA addendum to explain a year and a half of bad grades.

While the first year was due mainly to immaturity I also worked 25 hrs a week from 8PM-4AM at a bar. This impacted my grades considering I had no time to study and was always exhausted and missed classes. My sophomore year was back on track until my brother wrecked his car half way through the semester. He entered a coma for a week. The doctors were telling us that he may not live. Of course, this happened to be around midterm tests. This threw off my studying and contributed to a complete lack of focus and even caring about my grades. I only wanted him to live. The spring semester of my sophomore year I earned a 3.83. The following summer I took one class and received an A. The fall semester I earned a 3.0. Once again I was impacted by family trouble. My great aunt had fallen and broken her hip as well as had a pacemaker put in right before finals week. While we weren't as close during my adolescent years, during my childhood we had so much fun. I should mention that all of my grades were borderline AB at this point. Therefore, I was worried more about my family than I was my grades. I received the lower of the grades in all of my classes. The following semester I received my first 4.0 in college taking 20 hrs as well as working an internship. In the summer I took another 14 hours and received another 4.0. The final semester of my college career is upon me. I have grown tremendously over these 3 1/2 years. I began as an immature kid with tons of potential, without any focus or motivation. I have now ended up as a man with focus, determination, resiliency, and maturity. My earlier college grades are a reflection of the person that I was, the latter are more a representation of the man that I have become.

Please tear this apart!! I am applying t-14 I know they will be stretches with a 3.2. I am currently PT 170+ hoping to get mid 170s by test time. This was written hastily so please tear up grammar as well.

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francesfarmer
Posts: 1409
Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2012 11:52 am

Re: Addendum Help

Postby francesfarmer » Wed Sep 12, 2012 4:31 pm

Jredelman15 wrote:I need to write a GPA addendum to explain a year and a half of bad grades.

While the first year was due mainly to immaturity I also worked 25 hrs a week from 8PM-4AM at a bar. This impacted my grades considering I had no time to study and was always exhausted and missed classes. My sophomore year was back on track until my brother wrecked his car half way through the semester. He entered a coma for a week. The doctors were telling us that he may not live. Of course, this happened to be around midterm tests. This threw off my studying and contributed to a complete lack of focus and even caring about my grades. I only wanted him to live. The spring semester of my sophomore year I earned a 3.83. The following summer I took one class and received an A. The fall semester I earned a 3.0. Once again I was impacted by family trouble. My great aunt had fallen and broken her hip as well as had a pacemaker put in right before finals week. While we weren't as close during my adolescent years, during my childhood we had so much fun. I should mention that all of my grades were borderline AB at this point. Therefore, I was worried more about my family than I was my grades. I received the lower of the grades in all of my classes. The following semester I received my first 4.0 in college taking 20 hrs as well as working an internship. In the summer I took another 14 hours and received another 4.0. The final semester of my college career is upon me. I have grown tremendously over these 3 1/2 years. I began as an immature kid with tons of potential, without any focus or motivation. I have now ended up as a man with focus, determination, resiliency, and maturity. My earlier college grades are a reflection of the person that I was, the latter are more a representation of the man that I have become.

Please tear this apart!! I am applying t-14 I know they will be stretches with a 3.2. I am currently PT 170+ hoping to get mid 170s by test time. This was written hastily so please tear up grammar as well.

I do not think it needs to be this long, and I don't think you need to qualify anything. Say you worked 25 hours a week your first year of college due to financial concerns and that impacted your grades, say your brother was in a coma during midterms for one semester, and say your aunt was in and out of the hospital during final exams, necessitating that you be at the hospital and with your family for much of that time. Don't mention the man you have become, just mention the upward GPA trend as indicative of your true abilities.

Jredelman15
Posts: 274
Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2012 11:45 pm

Re: Addendum Help

Postby Jredelman15 » Wed Sep 12, 2012 4:52 pm

thanks for the prompt reply... I will rework some of the elements you suggested.

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francesfarmer
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Re: Addendum Help

Postby francesfarmer » Wed Sep 12, 2012 4:56 pm

Jredelman15 wrote:thanks for the prompt reply... I will rework some of the elements you suggested.

Certainly seek other advice but note that an addendum isn't another PS or DS. Its supposed to be short and factual while being well written. Good luck and get great grades this last year to boost that GPA!

Ti Malice
Posts: 1955
Joined: Sat Mar 03, 2012 2:55 am

Re: Addendum Help

Postby Ti Malice » Wed Sep 12, 2012 5:16 pm

Your addendum really shouldn't be any longer than four or five non-wordy sentences. Stick to the essential facts.

Jredelman15
Posts: 274
Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2012 11:45 pm

Re: Addendum Help

Postby Jredelman15 » Wed Sep 12, 2012 5:49 pm

bump

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rinkrat19
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Re: Addendum Help

Postby rinkrat19 » Wed Sep 12, 2012 6:40 pm

Ti Malice wrote:Your addendum really shouldn't be any longer than four or five non-wordy sentences. Stick to the essential facts.
This.

Eliminate all the drama. State the facts, period.

You also need to get rid of the informal language ("wrecked his car"), fix your punctuation (I lost count of the missing commas after like three sentences), and watch your tenses ("were telling us that he may not live"). This is not well-written.

Jredelman15
Posts: 274
Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2012 11:45 pm

Re: Addendum Help

Postby Jredelman15 » Wed Sep 12, 2012 7:56 pm

rinkrat19 wrote:
Ti Malice wrote:Your addendum really shouldn't be any longer than four or five non-wordy sentences. Stick to the essential facts.
This.

Eliminate all the drama. State the facts, period.

You also need to get rid of the informal language ("wrecked his car"), fix your punctuation (I lost count of the missing commas after like three sentences), and watch your tenses ("were telling us that he may not live"). This is not well-written.


I know it is not well written I was not asking if it was. It was a rough draft putting down all of the facts and asking for which ones should be included. Thank you for pointing out the grammar that needed fixed.




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