Top Law Schools

If the law schools I am applying to were girls:

Emory: I stopped dating Emory like 6 months ago but she won’t stop texting so it’s hard to get over her. She is attractive in that spring break sort of way and puts out all the time but for some reason I am just not that into it. She only lives like three blocks away so when its really late and she texts me something “cum over” I cant resist just walking over and then feeling really guilty in the morning.

Iowa- Slightly overweight but people always tell her that she “has a pretty face.” She is like four years younger than me and way to earnest. Iowa and I have trouble finding things to talk about. She’s not interested in politics, or art but she really likes me. Would feel like I am settling.

U of Chicago- Where to begin? Way out of my league, so far out in fact I feel guilty when I look/think of her. Almost too good-looking and not-so-down-to-earth. She hardly even knows me but I can’t help but check her facebook everyday. She is smarter and funnier than me and lets me know it in a real passive-aggressive way every time we hangout.

Cornell- Again super attractive though different from Chicago. Cornell is an art history major with a huge mural in her room depicting great moments in the history of women. She painted it herself. I find myself saying things to Cornell I don’t really believe like “I’ve always really admired Jane Adams.” She says she loves “just talking” to me. I have put in a lot of work with Cornell but I know the only way she’ll hook up with me is if she gets drunk.

Notre Dame- Notre Dame is that ugly girl who thinks she is the shit. Every time I talk to her she reminds me she has a boyfriend and goes out of her way to act disinterested even though the first time we hung we were both drunk at a party and she told me she thought I was “really f-ing hot.” One of my friends told me she called me a “creep.” Screw you Notre Dame. I don’t even know why I was interested in the first place.

Do more schools. This could be in the running for thread of the year.

do William & Mary, to me she's that next door kind of girl. She's cute, innocent, and just 100% pure awesome.

this is amazing

Haha, pretty good.

My inner feminist wanted to be offended but this idea is way too hilarious for me to complain. Do more! Do more!

i was worried about being offensive. maybe i'll try to do some more but its off to work for now

So did you get rejected by Notre Dame or what? Why else would you have applied?

Good topic, but I'm confused at the bitterness toward ND and how you came up with your assessment of Iowa.

Still, hilarious.

hehe good stuff. your u of c description is reminiscent of one of my female friends studying at u of c law school, minus the passive-aggressive part.

how about northwestern and columbia?

Do more! Please!

lemonadecake wrote:your u of c description is reminiscent of one of my female friends studying at u of c law school, minus the passive-aggressive part.

There is an attractive female at Chicago Law? Who was responsible for that admissions oversight?

There is an attractive female at Chicago Law? Who was responsible for that admissions oversight?

I knew this thread was one step away from inciting sexist meshugganah.

...

Quote:
There is an attractive female at Chicago Law? Who was responsible for that admissions oversight?


I knew this thread was one step away from inciting sexist meshugganah.

No hijacks please... at least until the OP has finished the t14

Quote:
There is an attractive female at Chicago Law? Who was responsible for that admissions oversight?

I knew this thread was one step away from inciting sexist meshugganah.

There's nothing sexist about it, the males and females at Chicago are equally unattractive.

There's nothing sexist about it, the males and females at Chicago are equally unattractive.

Maybe there is hope for me - I can break up with my woman and try to date a girl who's as unattractive as I am. Then, we could both claim to be too good for the other, while bemoaning our "mere" circuit clerkship.

Best. Thread. Ever.

is the thread title a wilco reference?

True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend...

Son of Cicero, whatever the cause, the answer is yes

There's nothing sexist about it, the males and females at Chicago are equally unattractive.

objection. based on my limited visiting and partying experience, the attractiveness level of u of c law girls is noticeably higher than that of the guys.

and ladies, listen up, in search of hot guys you might want to cross the town and join the other gang in the streetville neighborhood.

that's it. these are my last sexist comments on tls.

HA HA...You must do the T14!!! (or someone else)

it better not be offensive to women though bc I'm a feminist and you dont want me against you

He's doing it from his own perspective, not objectively. Perhaps these are the only schools he is applying to. If you want more schools here, do your own ones, and from your perspective. (For instance, if Chicago is your safety school, you might see her as an unattractive girl -- or if you are a girl and Chicago is your safety school, you might see it as an unattractive nerdy guy).

I'll try me hand at one:

Yale: She's that girl, of course. The one who would undoubtedly be a professional model in Manhattan if she wasn't so busy teaching underprivileged urban minority children math in Watts. For free.

You are a better person for knowing her, and not only because she's so drop dead gorgeous that you are constantly in the process of trying to impress her. You would stop to help the elderly woman cross the street or teach the little girl to ride her bike so that Yale would smile at your kindness, but she would be the one to do it simply because it's what she does. Her stunning beauty (classy, of course...tall, brunette, with a delicate model's face and a perfect body that she makes sure to showcase in outfits that are simultaneously revealing and supremely elegant) is surpassed only by her amazing character. She's probably the funniest, wittiest, smartest, kindest, and most endearing person that you know, all wrapped up into one perfect package that you can't help but think is too good to be true.

Of course, it goes without saying that you're going to be eternally stuck in the friend zone. At least you'll be invited to her wedding when she finally falls hard for "Chet" (He's a Harvard man, but that's OK- his triple doctorate in music, medicine and philosophy more than make up for it. To say nothing of his chiseled physique and disgustingly well developed sense of morality. Did I mention that he cured skin cancer and adopted the entire country of Zimbabwe?)

At the service, you are awestruck by just how radiant Yale really is in her dress. Truly, an angel descended from heaven. You smile at the happy couple and remind yourself over and over again that you are a lucky man to even count these wonderful people among your friends, but secretly a part of you hopes that their plane crashes on the way to the Bahamas for the honeymoon.

You cry at night from the shame of these evil desires, but the growing self-hatred that slowly gnaws away at what's left of your soul is more than enough penance for your thoughts.

well put

I fucked Cooley ... it felt like putting my dick in a hearse.



this is a nice idea though