Does this C&F BS sound okay?? Forum

[phillyboy101]

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[Rotor]

UG Stuff -

In September 2008, I violated the school's alcohol policy after a bottle of alcohol was spotted in my bag by a residence assistant on my way to my room, resulting in a $75 fine and completion of an alcohol class.

No, you violated the school's alcohol policy when you put the bottle in your bag. You were caught when the RA saw it.

In January 2010, I was found in violation of the school's alcohol policy during a room inspection by a residence assistant, in which empty alcohol containers were found, and those under 21 including myself were written up, resulting in a $125 fine and completion of an alcohol class.

A little bit better, but it still sounds like you're trying to shift the focus to the RA instead of your own actions. More direct: In January 2010, before I turned 21, empty alcohol containers were found in my unit during a room inspection. [did the containers belong to someone else? you?]

In February 2011, my roommates and I were asked to relocate from student housing due to room damages discovered in a random room inspection and the failure to report them to maintenance. We fully complied, and paid for the repairs of the damages. I have since been very careful to treat others' property carefully and respectfully.

Again, not enough information. What/who caused the damage? Without answering that, it will look like you are trying to hide behind the passive voice. At least here you have some lesson learned and corrective measures you've taken to avoid future problems-- unlike above.

Real Life Stuff -

In July 2007, I was issued a summary offense citation for disorderly conduct via possession of alcohol, after a friend was pulled over for speeding, and a bottle of alcohol was found in the car. I paid $150 fine and this event served at a young age as a reminder of the importance of complying with all laws.

And yet you had alcohol related incidents in 2008/2010 and you trashed your dorm room in 2011

As you can see most of my stuff is the result of shitty luck but does it look okay?

It's not shitty luck, it's shitty decisions/behavior. I doubt these will have much affect on your admissions, so be forthright in what happened and explain why it won't happen again.

Too much/too little? I'm not totally sure if some of these UG violations need to be reported but since I figured they won't hurt admissions I'd rather just be safe and get it off my chest.

You're correct that you don't want to go into elaborate detail, but for goodness sake take responsibility for your actions and move on.

[phillyboy101]

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[Rotor]

I know what you're saying and youre right I guess I didn't realize it sounded that way. The room thing I personally didn't cause any of the damage other people/guests did, but the schools policy was "you're room, you're responsibility." It was more the issue of not reporting it than the actual trashing of the room, and my fear was that it would be interpreted as you did, that I trashed my room.

Then say that-- but use active voice. E.g.: Guests caused damage to the room and I failed to report it to maintenance. Not: Damage was caused by guests and I was requested to move from the dorm.

And that was also my other concern I found it troublesome to say "i learned from this alcohol violation" just to get caught in a similar predicament a few years later, but it seems from what I read about most of these C&Fs that after each violation the person writes what they learned from that specific violation, so I didn't really know what to say.

Try grouping the UG ones together-- e.g. Twice during my undergraduate career I was found in violation of the school's alcohol policy for underage possession. The incidents were two years apart (2008/2010) and the result of . . . [youthful indiscretion, etc.].

I agree it will be hard to put the "I learned from it" to this, but you should put something genuine. Good luck.

[phillyboy101]

Great that's exactly what I was looking for. Thanks Rotor!

[flcath]

This is unlikely to hurt your chances at LSs (because, as you said, they're all bullshit offenses), but the offenses display such a strong pattern of alcohol-related, uh, disorderliness, that you might want to throw in something about going to counseling or AA. Maybe find a way to spin the stupid little alcohol classes they make you take into a life-changing thing.

My advice would be to list the offenses chronologically (if the application can reasonably be read to allow you to put school charges and criminal charges on the same addendum), and have a sentence at the end about learning your lesson, curing yourself, not doing it again, etc. I personally would not try to consolidate multiple charges, since the last thing you want is an email from the school asking you to elaborate further on the details (I got one of these from a couple schools).

Enjoy 3 years of not having fun anymore.

[phillyboy101]

hahahaha yeahh you're probably right. The kicker is I'm not even that big of a drinker in every time I got a write-up or whatever I either hadn't drank anything (literally only possession) or had like a few drinks in the comfort of my dorm. That's sortof why I phrased the situations like I did originally like they really were worse luck then a normal student would experience - thank you strict jesuit colleges

edit: Is there any reasonable way I can hint at that in the ad without sounding like bitter I got caught or whatever. I never got public drunkenness or anything of that nature just literally minimal drinking, if any, in my room - I dont want them to think I have a problem or anything even remotely close to that I'm literally the opposite, it really was just a cummulative string of poor luck.

[flcath]

hahahaha yeahh you're probably right. The kicker is I'm not even that big of a drinker in every time I got a write-up or whatever I either hadn't drank anything (literally only possession) or had like a few drinks in the comfort of my dorm. That's sortof why I phrased the situations like I did originally like they really were worse luck then a normal student would experience - thank you strict jesuit colleges

edit: Is there any reasonable way I can hint at that in the ad without sounding like bitter I got caught or whatever. I never got public drunkenness or anything of that nature just literally minimal drinking, if any, in my room - I dont want them to think I have a problem or anything even remotely close to that I'm literally the opposite, it really was just a cummulative string of poor luck.

I think pointing out that you were sober for each incident is a good idea to upturn the presumption that *everyone* would otherwise have that you're, at best, a huge partier (and some of the more strait-laced adcomms would probably assume you're a full-fledged drunk). I would point it out specifically at the end of your addendum--I personally didn't notice it just from a quick reading of your offenses. Just point it out in a 'factual' way; not a way that makes it sound like you're making excuses. I might still hedge my bets with a counseling/AA line (which I realize is logically inconsistent with the "I'm actually not that big of drinker" story).

How the hell can you get caught this many times and not be a big drinker?

[phillyboy101]

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[oaken]

As you can see most of my stuff is the result of shitty luck

lol

[bp shinners]

I think pointing out that you were sober for each incident is a good idea to upturn the presumption that *everyone* would otherwise have that you're, at best, a huge partier (and some of the more strait-laced adcomms would probably assume you're a full-fledged drunk).

Of course, denying that you have a drinking problem is a sign that you have a drinking problem.

I wouldn't say you were sober for the events because, honestly, I don't think anyone's going to believe that (whether it's true or not). Just keep it brief and to the point, following the advice of others. However, as they've stated, it does present a pattern of alcohol-related problems. It wouldn't hurt to go to a meeting to show some contrition.