GPA Addendum critique, please Forum

[vitaminh20]

Hi guys - If anyone would be kind enough to give me their thoughts or suggestions on my addendum, I'd REALLY appreciate it. Does it sound too whiny or too long? Thanks in advance!

During my freshman year at the XYZ University, my grades were poor because I was ignorant of the increasingly difficult demands of college-level coursework and attempted to do too many activities without properly managing my time. I had spread myself too thin by juggling academics, working a part-time job, and joining a sorority. As a result, I felt overwhelmed and I believe this contributed to my X.XX GPA at the end of my freshman year.

Furthermore, I entered college as an ABC major, which I later realized was not my true passion and was not something I enjoyed delving into deeply. I believe this also contributed to a X.XX GPA during the fall semester of my sophomore year.

After my freshman year, I learned from my mistakes and was able to better manage my priorities. In addition, I realized studying DEF would better suit me and allow me to undertake my studies with genuine interest. Subsequently, I changed my major during the spring semester of my sophomore year.

As a result of these changes, my grades showed steady improvement and I believe my 3.6 semesterly GPA average in the final three years of college is more representative of my abilities.

[justonemoregame]

I would take out "I was ignorant of the increasingly difficult demands of college-level coursework." It's too honest and I think unnecesarily reflects negatively on you. I think the rest of that paragraph is a reasonable, convincing explanation.

[blink]

My gut feeling is that this is too long. Also, how low did you go freshman/sophmore year?

[CanadianWolf]

This addendum needs to be revised & rewritten. Freshman year grades are expected to be the lowest of one's college career.

[ScrabbleChamp]

It's not too bad... I think it is a little whiney, but that may just be my personal style. You hurt your whole argument, though, by having these two statements in your addendum:

I believe this also contributed to a X.XX GPA during the fall semester of my sophomore year.

Then...

After my freshman year, I learned from my mistakes...

If you learned after your freshman year, why were you still having issues fall semester of your sophomore year?

And, again this may be my personal style, but I would cut out : "I had spread myself too thin by juggling academics, working a part-time job, and joining a sorority." The point of the addendum should be to get your story across as succinctly as possible. You already state you attempted to do too many activities... no real reason to list them all. Plus, If you had trouble balancing academics, a part-time job, and a sorority, what does that say about all those that have 3.8 (LSDAS) GPA's that were in fraternities/sororities?

You may want to consider completely removing the major change, as well, unless you changed from basket-weaving to nuclear physics. If the change resulted in a decrease of difficutly, it would follow that your GPA would go up. If you did change to an "easier" major, it looks like you are trying to take full credit for a GPA change that was most likely the result of less difficult work.

[vitaminh20]

2.5 end of freshman year, 3.0 fall semester sophmore year...semesterly GPAs were 3.6 or 4.0s thereafter. Switched from bio to govt&politics...so yeah, the switch was easier, lol. but still truthful, just realized science wasn't what i wanted to do forever.

I mean, everything was still an upward trend after freshman year, so should I not bother to address sophmore year?

Thanks again for the tips!