Critique my addendum?

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blank403
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Critique my addendum?

Postby blank403 » Fri Oct 21, 2011 6:47 pm

submitting. thanks!
Last edited by blank403 on Sun Oct 23, 2011 12:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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thelawschoolproject
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Re: Critique my addendum?

Postby thelawschoolproject » Fri Oct 21, 2011 7:25 pm

I think you're good to go. It's to the point, which is what most schools prefer.

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AntipodeanPhil
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Re: Critique my addendum?

Postby AntipodeanPhil » Fri Oct 21, 2011 7:32 pm

blank403 wrote: I do not see this being an issue if accepted to your law school.

Of course it won't be an issue - you're (presumably) no longer underage.

You should delete that sentence. IMO, you should also do a little more to describe what happened - you don't want them to assume the worse. For example: was the probation for one instance of underage drinking, or more than one?

The issue with something like this is that it calls into doubt your ability or willingness to follow the rules - university rules, professional standards, laws, et cetera. You might say something to indicate you understand that, and to explain why that won't be an issue.

Of course, I doubt schools care about one citation for underage drinking, so this probably won't make any difference either way.

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bernaldiaz
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Re: Critique my addendum?

Postby bernaldiaz » Fri Oct 21, 2011 8:17 pm

I'd also use campus residences instead of dorm, or maybe dormitory? Idk it just sounds a bit too casual

thederangedwang
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Re: Critique my addendum?

Postby thederangedwang » Sat Oct 22, 2011 1:08 am

bernaldiaz wrote:I'd also use campus residences instead of dorm, or maybe dormitory? Idk it just sounds a bit too casual

+1

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theadvancededit
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Re: Critique my addendum?

Postby theadvancededit » Sat Oct 22, 2011 3:35 am

I would broaden your closing sentence to include all disciplinary measures, to tie it off. "I do not foresee this, or any other disciplinary actions, as being of issue in the future."

mooseman2216
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Re: Critique my addendum?

Postby mooseman2216 » Sat Oct 22, 2011 6:42 am

'residence hall' instead of 'dorm', id say.

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blank403
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Re: Critique my addendum?

Postby blank403 » Sat Oct 22, 2011 8:29 pm

submitting.
Last edited by blank403 on Sun Oct 23, 2011 12:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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AntipodeanPhil
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Re: Critique my addendum?

Postby AntipodeanPhil » Sat Oct 22, 2011 8:56 pm

blank403 wrote:I was caught drinking more than once, but only placed on probation once. I can't really say it was a one time thing. I don't know how much more detail I can add without making it worse.

Oh - perhaps vagueness is better then.

IMO, this is better overall.

I would change "the residence hall" to "a residence hall," change "error and consequence" to "lapses in judgment and their consequences," and delete the sentence after that.

If you choose not to delete the second to last sentence, you should rephrase it. Why, for example, is it all in the past tense - is that no longer the case?

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blank403
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Re: Critique my addendum?

Postby blank403 » Sat Oct 22, 2011 9:02 pm

thanks everyone.
Last edited by blank403 on Sun Oct 23, 2011 12:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

CanadianWolf
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Re: Critique my addendum?

Postby CanadianWolf » Sat Oct 22, 2011 11:12 pm

The original version is better, in my opinion.




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