UCLA Programmatic Contribution Essay Draft

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triplem25
Posts: 39
Joined: Mon Jul 26, 2010 12:03 pm

UCLA Programmatic Contribution Essay Draft

Postby triplem25 » Thu Sep 01, 2011 4:13 pm

Anyone willing to take a look at my programmatic contribution draft for UCLA. Right now it is looking like addendum material(they say to add as addendum if it can't fit in the provided box), but if someone can slash out irrelevant parts so it'll fit, or validate my length, I'd greatly appreciate it.

I'll PM to anyone gracious enough to help.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: UCLA Programmatic Contribution Essay Draft

Postby CanadianWolf » Thu Sep 01, 2011 4:32 pm

Just because I have no idea what a programmatic contribution essay draft is.

MumofCad
Posts: 974
Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2011 8:46 pm

Re: UCLA Programmatic Contribution Essay Draft

Postby MumofCad » Thu Sep 01, 2011 4:34 pm

I'll look at it. I also don't know what that is though.

triplem25
Posts: 39
Joined: Mon Jul 26, 2010 12:03 pm

Re: UCLA Programmatic Contribution Essay Draft

Postby triplem25 » Thu Sep 01, 2011 4:54 pm

PMs sent, thanks for the help

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: UCLA Programmatic Contribution Essay Draft

Postby CanadianWolf » Thu Sep 01, 2011 5:20 pm

This is confusing. I received 4 paragraphs totaling 284 words even though the OP claims that the response is 1500 words. Paragraphs two & three are confusing & may be missing some phrases or sentences.

MumofCad
Posts: 974
Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2011 8:46 pm

Re: UCLA Programmatic Contribution Essay Draft

Postby MumofCad » Thu Sep 01, 2011 5:21 pm

Mine made perfect sense.

Sounds to me like they are basically asking for a particular piece of a typical Why X statement. They want to know if you have anything special to contribute to one of their research specialties.

triplem25
Posts: 39
Joined: Mon Jul 26, 2010 12:03 pm

Re: UCLA Programmatic Contribution Essay Draft

Postby triplem25 » Thu Sep 01, 2011 5:35 pm

I've sent you a PM clarifying that I meant 1500 characters, not 1500 words.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: UCLA Programmatic Contribution Essay Draft

Postby CanadianWolf » Thu Sep 01, 2011 6:36 pm

@MumofCad: Although you note that the essay made perfect sense to you, I cannot understand either the last sentence of paragraph two or the first sentence of paragraph three. Clearly a phrase is missing in the award "sentence" or the OP should change "I have been awarded" to "I received an award". Both of those sentences are in need of substantial revision.

P.S. The last sentence of the second paragraph should read "who protect" rather than ", (comma) protecting"---although it still does not flow well with the rest of the paragraph, in my opinion. Perhaps the better solution is to cut the sentence in half by deleting the portion after "thesis work".

MumofCad
Posts: 974
Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2011 8:46 pm

Re: UCLA Programmatic Contribution Essay Draft

Postby MumofCad » Thu Sep 01, 2011 7:34 pm

CanadianWolf wrote:@MumofCad: Although you note that the essay made perfect sense to you, I cannot understand either the last sentence of paragraph two or the first sentence of paragraph three. Clearly a phrase is missing in the award "sentence" or the OP should change "I have been awarded" to "I received an award". Both of those sentences are in need of substantial revision.


Its a very brief essay. Yes, there are issues with the clarity of individual sentences which I responded to in the PM, but you were asking if portions were missing and thus making it seem random. I didn't get that at all. How much can one say when the character limit is 999 lol. I was just thinking you had got a stub or something, because I didn't see flow issues between the topics and it all makes sense to me (beyond some confusing wording here and there)




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