I was a bit tired last night, but here we go.....!
First, I'm just going to preface this with the fact that her resume was actually hand-written. That's right. In cursive. Now, she doesn't have a real computer (she has one of those old Apple Macintosh things from the early 90s), so I'm not even gonna dispute it. But wow.
Also, it was done on construction paper. And it was scented. With a bottle of JLo Glow that she might have stolen from Kmart. I didn't even have to ask about this. When she proposed it to me, she was like "yo, I'm the real fuckin' Elle Woods!"
Now, the data. For the sake of illustration, I'll just show what it looked like without much explanation.
Name: [her name]
I went to [name of college] and I graduated.
I majored in anthropology.
Ask for grades.
Currently working at Kmart. I help the manager and the cashiers and the rest of the floor people.
I'm not even going into the spelling mistakes, lack of critical data, or the explosive conversation we had afterwards. I'll save some of that for later.