Edit my LOCI, please!!!!

(Applications Advice, Letters of Recommendation . . . )
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lalalawya
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Joined: Mon Oct 04, 2010 2:34 pm

Edit my LOCI, please!!!!

Postby lalalawya » Sun Mar 13, 2011 8:01 pm

Thanks!
Last edited by lalalawya on Mon Mar 14, 2011 9:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

slotwide
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Re: Edit my LOCI, please!!!!

Postby slotwide » Sun Mar 13, 2011 8:16 pm

lalalawya wrote:Despite being waitlisted my interest remains intact. I am fully aware that my LSAT and GPA (159 and 3.39 respectively) would put me at the bottom 25% of your class as judged by fall 2010’s entering class profile. I can assure you though, I am absolutely qualified to attend.


I would avoid highlighting the negative aspects of you as a candidate.. and focus on the strengths and the other topics you hit on later in the LOCI.

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tttlllsss
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Re: Edit my LOCI, please!!!!

Postby tttlllsss » Mon Mar 14, 2011 4:57 am

slotwide wrote:
lalalawya wrote:Despite being waitlisted my interest remains intact. I am fully aware that my LSAT and GPA (159 and 3.39 respectively) would put me at the bottom 25% of your class as judged by fall 2010’s entering class profile. I can assure you though, I am absolutely qualified to attend.


I would avoid highlighting the negative aspects of you as a candidate.. and focus on the strengths and the other topics you hit on later in the LOCI.


Agreed, don't start a LOCI by reminding them that you fall below their standards

There is no reason to start a LOCI this way; I wouldn't even mention your LSAT/GPA at all

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TheTopBloke
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Re: Edit my LOCI, please!!!!

Postby TheTopBloke » Mon Mar 14, 2011 5:31 am

lalalawya wrote:This is kind of an update, Why Pepperdine, LOCI all in one. Please edit for grammar, clarity, effectiveness, etc. Thanks much!

Dear Admissions Staff,

Despite being waitlisted my interest remains intact. I am fully aware that my LSAT and GPA (159 and 3.39 respectively) would put me at the bottom 25% of your class as judged by fall 2010’s entering class profile. I can assure you though, I am absolutely qualified to attend.

While Pepperdine has always been at the top of my list for potential schools, my reasoning now is slightly more complex than it originally was. When I first applied to Pepperdine, I aspired to attend mostly because of its proximity to Los Angeles—a location optimal given my interest in pursuing Entertainment Law. Given a recent experience though, this reasoning has expanded. I have gone from being interested in Pepperdine mainly because of its location, to also being interested in Pepperdine because of its positive learning environment.

Over the past few months, I have completely immersed myself in a world that once seemed so distant--I began my student teaching experience at a low social economic high school in an extremely homogenous community. During this experience I have been confronted with challenges that I had been so oblivious to before. In the nine weeks that I have been teaching, I have had to report an instance of child abuse, numerous instances of suspected drug use, and I have acted as a pseudo-counselor to numerous students who have had no other role model. While these teaching experiences may not be directly related to Pepperdine, the way that I have carried myself throughout this experience is.

Pepperdine University is well-known for being values-driven. My values were the main driving force behind every action I took over the past few months. In a high school and town known for its inhabitance of students who have an extreme lack of tolerance, I tried to remain open-minded and open-hearted. I believe that my willingness to accept differences has created a positive learning environment for my students. I also believe that Pepperdine School of Law will provide me with the same educational environment I fashioned for my students.

I hope to remain on your list of promising candidates.


No, no. Go get some sleep and come back and reread this. Then redo.

mapleleaf
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Re: Edit my LOCI, please!!!!

Postby mapleleaf » Mon Mar 14, 2011 7:29 am

My thoughts:

lalalawya wrote:Dear Admissions Staff,

Despite being waitlisted my interest remains intact. I am fully aware that my LSAT and GPA (159 and 3.39 respectively) would put me at the bottom 25% of your class as judged by fall 2010’s entering class profile. I can assure you though, I am absolutely qualified to attend.


I agree with the others. Don't say anything about your lack of qualifications.

lalalawya wrote:While Pepperdine has always been at the top of my list for potential schools, my reasoning now is slightly more complex than it originally was. When I first applied to Pepperdine, I aspired to attend mostly because of its proximity to Los Angeles—a location optimal given my interest in pursuing Entertainment Law. Given a recent experience though, this reasoning has expanded. I have gone from being interested in Pepperdine mainly because of its location, to also being interested in Pepperdine because of its positive learning environment.


Also, I don't think it's a good idea to tell an admissions staff that you were originally interested in their school only because of its location, especially when it's a reasonably distinctive place (e.g. Rod Blagojevich is a graduate (just kidding, though that's true)). I'd leave out any mention of the previous justification and instead focus only on the new, "good" reasons for attending.

lalalawya wrote:Over the past few months, I have completely immersed myself in a world that once seemed so distant--I began my student teaching experience at a low social economic high school in an extremely homogenous community. During this experience I have been confronted with challenges that I had been so oblivious to before. In the nine weeks that I have been teaching, I have had to report an instance of child abuse, numerous instances of suspected drug use, and I have acted as a pseudo-counselor to numerous students who have had no other role model. While these teaching experiences may not be directly related to Pepperdine, the way that I have carried myself throughout this experience is.

Pepperdine University is well-known for being values-driven. My values were the main driving force behind every action I took over the past few months. In a high school and town known for its inhabitance of students who have an extreme lack of tolerance, I tried to remain open-minded and open-hearted. I believe that my willingness to accept differences has created a positive learning environment for my students. I also believe that Pepperdine School of Law will provide me with the same educational environment I fashioned for my students.


First of all, please use spell-check. "Homogeneous" is misspelled, unless you are referring to "structures which are genetically related" (the OED has an entry for "homogenous," which refers to this latter concept).

Second, you should radically alter the structure of this last bit. It seems, at very, very best, tangentially related to law school. Also, it's full of platitudes ("a world that once seemed so distant," "values-driven," "willingness to accept differences") to such an extent that I'm not sure what you're trying to say. And I'm kind of confused about what you mean when you talk about your "values," which are supposed to be the meat of the argument. While "willingness to accept differences" and "tolerance" might sound like good values (despite their reasonable imprecision), it's confusing to me why you would go to Pepperdine in particular to find these things.

Overall, your message needs to be more specific than (1) My numbers are low, but (2) I successfully dealt with some underprivileged and intolerant students with astounding grace, so (3) I am qualified to attend your law school.

Good luck!

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gothamm
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Re: Edit my LOCI, please!!!!

Postby gothamm » Mon Mar 14, 2011 8:08 am

Your LOCI makes no sense.

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kwais
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Re: Edit my LOCI, please!!!!

Postby kwais » Mon Mar 14, 2011 8:21 am

Pepperdine = Tolerance? Experience with socio-economically challenged youth = send me to Malibu? What is this shit?




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