Scholarship negoc letter... Please read and comment

(Applications Advice, Letters of Recommendation . . . )
trayball23
Posts: 199
Joined: Sat Oct 09, 2010 6:34 pm

Scholarship negoc letter... Please read and comment

Postby trayball23 » Mon Mar 07, 2011 5:11 pm

Any advice on this process or my letter itself would be great... thanks


I want to thank you in advance for the confidence you have shown in my academic abilities by my offer of admission, it is truly and honor. ¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬_______ law school has been one of my top choices since day one of the admissions process and I would love to become a member of your community. In my application I stated that I was an applicant to the US Marine Corps Officer Law Program. I have recently been accepted into this program, which means I will attend Officer Candidate School this summer and will be committed to the USMC JAG Program upon graduation.

I am honored at the chance to serve my country. but I know that it will come at a financial sacrifice compared to the private law firm salaries that many of my peers will receive after graduation. Financial aide and law school loans weigh heavily on the minds of all law students, but for this reason I have stated it will be among the most important factors in my decision on where to attend this fall. I understand that scholarship money is hard to come by in these hard economic times, especially with the record number of students applying. I hope you will give additional consideration to my LSAT score of 162 and my 3.47 GPA from the University of Notre Dame Honors History Program for any additional aid that can be provided. Although it has been my intention to attend ¬¬¬¬¬______ this fall, due to my unique employment situation, I must give serious consideration to the generous offers that other schools have given me;

(additional Scholarships)


Thank you very much for taking time to review my request. I look forward to your response with great anticipation. Please feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Respectfully,

FiveSermon
Posts: 1507
Joined: Tue Dec 14, 2010 6:56 pm

Re: Scholarship negoc letter... Please read and comment

Postby FiveSermon » Mon Mar 07, 2011 5:19 pm

I would take out the part about "financial sacrifice" because you will not pursue biglaw. Other than that it sounds good to me.

CanadianWolf
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Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Scholarship negoc letter... Please read and comment

Postby CanadianWolf » Mon Mar 07, 2011 5:25 pm

Plesae don't send this as you will embarrass yourself. There are two or three spelling errors & several awkward phrases.

Just stick to facts & request additional and/or matching aid (not "aide").
Last edited by CanadianWolf on Mon Mar 07, 2011 5:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

trayball23
Posts: 199
Joined: Sat Oct 09, 2010 6:34 pm

Re: Scholarship negoc letter... Please read and comment

Postby trayball23 » Mon Mar 07, 2011 5:26 pm

ya i just caught those....
Last edited by trayball23 on Mon Mar 07, 2011 5:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

bigben
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Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 2:44 pm

Re: Scholarship negoc letter... Please read and comment

Postby bigben » Mon Mar 07, 2011 5:27 pm

The adcom you're sending this to is reading this right now.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Scholarship negoc letter... Please read and comment

Postby CanadianWolf » Mon Mar 07, 2011 5:29 pm

trayball23 wrote:Any advice on this process or my letter itself would be great... thanks


I want to thank you in advance for the confidence you have shown in my academic abilities by my offer of admission, it is truly and honor. ¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬_______ law school has been one of my top choices since day one of the admissions process and I would love to become a member of your community. In my application I stated that I was an applicant to the US Marine Corps Officer Law Program. I have recently been accepted into this program, which means I will attend Officer Candidate School this summer and will be committed to the USMC JAG Program upon graduation.

I am honored at the chance to serve my country. but I know that it will come at a financial sacrifice compared to the private law firm salaries that many of my peers will receive after graduation. Financial aide and law school loans weigh heavily on the minds of all law students, but for this reason I have stated it will be among the most important factors in my decision on where to attend this fall. I understand that scholarship money is hard to come by in these hard economic times, especially with the record number of students applying. I hope you will give additional consideration to my LSAT score of 162 and my 3.47 GPA from the University of Notre Dame Honors History Program for any additional aid that can be provided. Although it has been my intention to attend ¬¬¬¬¬______ this fall, due to my unique employment situation, I must give serious consideration to the generous offers that other schools have given me;

(additional Scholarships)


Thank you very much for taking time to review my request. I look forward to your response with great anticipation. Please feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Respectfully,

trayball23
Posts: 199
Joined: Sat Oct 09, 2010 6:34 pm

Re: Scholarship negoc letter... Please read and comment

Postby trayball23 » Mon Mar 07, 2011 5:33 pm

big ben idk what that means? I have not sent that yet?

TheFactor
Posts: 789
Joined: Wed Feb 23, 2011 3:12 pm

Re: Scholarship negoc letter... Please read and comment

Postby TheFactor » Mon Mar 07, 2011 5:38 pm

Proofread.

trayball23
Posts: 199
Joined: Sat Oct 09, 2010 6:34 pm

Re: Scholarship negoc letter... Please read and comment

Postby trayball23 » Mon Mar 07, 2011 5:39 pm

thanks I caught those mistakes shortly after the post.... any comments to context would be more helpful sorry for the junk

bigben
Posts: 703
Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 2:44 pm

Re: Scholarship negoc letter... Please read and comment

Postby bigben » Mon Mar 07, 2011 5:43 pm

trayball23 wrote:big ben idk what that means? I have not sent that yet?

They read these forums. Very interesting content on the exact subject of their daily jobs. Why wouldn't they? This has been confirmed many times over the years. For example, adcoms have casually revealed to applicants that they know their tls handle, just for fun.

trayball23
Posts: 199
Joined: Sat Oct 09, 2010 6:34 pm

Re: Scholarship negoc letter... Please read and comment

Postby trayball23 » Mon Mar 07, 2011 5:45 pm

interesting but I don't really have a problem with them reading this I am just looking for a little advice? I think they can over look a few mispellings in a draft in a forum lol

legendkiller
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2010 2:52 am

Re: Scholarship negoc letter... Please read and comment

Postby legendkiller » Mon Mar 07, 2011 7:58 pm

it still does not reflect on you that well--In the future you should PM your letter to people who are willing to read it
discreetness can be important

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BlueDevil2007
Posts: 32
Joined: Tue Dec 21, 2010 1:46 am

Re: Scholarship negoc letter... Please read and comment

Postby BlueDevil2007 » Mon Mar 07, 2011 8:10 pm

trayball23 wrote:interesting but I don't really have a problem with them reading this I am just looking for a little advice? I think they can over look a few mispellings in a draft in a forum lol


+1

Who cares if an adcom sees that you are asking for advice on an internet forum? People on here get too crazy about this kind of thing.

trayball23
Posts: 199
Joined: Sat Oct 09, 2010 6:34 pm

Re: Scholarship negoc letter... Please read and comment

Postby trayball23 » Mon Mar 07, 2011 8:12 pm

HAHA thanks... these are clearly schools I have been accepted too.. they will find out sooner or later that my spelling tends to take vacations when I rush lol

legendkiller
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2010 2:52 am

Re: Scholarship negoc letter... Please read and comment

Postby legendkiller » Tue Mar 08, 2011 3:04 am

trayball23 wrote:HAHA thanks... these are clearly schools I have been accepted too.. they will find out sooner or later that my spelling tends to take vacations when I rush lol


That is a bad attitude to have. What I have been told by numerous lawyers is that the way you write has tons of implications for how you are perceived--this is ESPECIALLY true in the legal field. So, since Admissions people may read this and guess who it is, how you write in here will probably be reflected in their opinion of you--you need to view everything you do through this light. Whether it is a simple email asking a question to a professor, or writing a legal document for a client, one needs to write well. One should start using this mindset now--not to say that I or others are perfect, but there is an effort there and such--a mistake here or there is because we are a human, but a few or many mistakes to some people could be construed as a pattern and might result in someone forming a negative opinion of you as a lawyer as a result.

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nshapkar
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Re: Scholarship negoc letter... Please read and comment

Postby nshapkar » Tue Mar 08, 2011 3:37 am

Overall I think it's a very polite way to ask for more money. It'll be effective because you're not coming off like a douche feeling entitled to it, so I don't see why they wouldn't give it serious consideration....unless, of course, you're other scholly offers are from whack schools (Cooley haha). Just fix the few errors.

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nshapkar
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Re: Scholarship negoc letter... Please read and comment

Postby nshapkar » Tue Mar 08, 2011 3:37 am

trayball23 wrote:HAHA thanks... these are clearly schools I have been accepted too.. they will find out sooner or later that my spelling tends to take vacations when I rush lol



and I think legendkiller has a stick up his ass.

legendkiller
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2010 2:52 am

Re: Scholarship negoc letter... Please read and comment

Postby legendkiller » Tue Mar 08, 2011 6:26 pm

I am just being honest based on all of the advice that I have received--not trying to be rude about it.




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