UPDATED--Critique Character and Fitness Addendum Please

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ctbaer01
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UPDATED--Critique Character and Fitness Addendum Please

Postby ctbaer01 » Mon Jan 03, 2011 8:51 pm

When I was 18-21 years of age I had a rebellious time in my life but since then I havent had any such instances, but for application purposes I had to write an addendum for answering yes to character and fitness questions. This is what I have written so far. Please keep in mind that this is a very rough draft and would like any suggestions and/ or comments in order to improve this addendum...any and all criticisms are welcomed and thank you in advance. Please scroll down to see my updated addendum, Thanks.

Addendum Regarding a “Yes” Response to Character and Fitness Question #1

There are three instances on my record in which I am not proud of but here I will not offer any frivolous excuses, just explanations. The first of which transpired in 2002—the year in which I graduated High School—while I was a passenger in a friend’s car. It was myself and two other friends who were riding around and while my two friends smoked marijuana I sat in the backseat and drank being as I did not smoke marijuana. While riding around we were eventually pulled over because the driver of the vehicle did not use a turning signal while turning. Once the officer walked to the window he immediately recognized the strong odor of marijuana emanating from the vehicle and all three of us were charged with possession of marijuana and possession of alcohol by minors. Ultimately all the charges were dismissed.
The second instance on my record refers to when I was caught in possession of a fake identification card that was used to purchase alcohol when I was 20 years of age. I recognized my guilt and pleaded as such and paid the fine.
The last instance happened when I was 21 years of age and was cited for public intoxication in which after an evening out I was walking home. I did not live far from the establishment so rather than calling a cab or catching a ride I decided to walk home, which now seems rather unintelligent. As I was walking down the sidewalk, an officer who was patrolling the area noticed that I was impaired and was cited for public intoxication. I pleaded guilty and paid the fine. Since that last instance when I was 21 years of age—five years ago—I have not had any other instances of improper behavior.
Last edited by ctbaer01 on Tue Jan 04, 2011 11:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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MrSparkle
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Re: Critique Character and Fitness Addendum Please

Postby MrSparkle » Mon Jan 03, 2011 8:59 pm

No dissertations. I struck out all the parts I think are unnecessary. Emphasize your maturity, clean up your grammar and cut down on the wordiness. Simple and direct with few details is best.

ctbaer01 wrote:When I was 18-21 years of age I had a rebellious time in my life but since then I havent had any such instances, but for application purposes I had to write an addendum for answering yes to character and fitness questions. This is what I have written so far. Please keep in mind that this is a very rough draft and would like any suggestions and/ or comments in order to improve this addendum...any and all criticisms are welcomed and thank you in advance.

Addendum Regarding a “Yes” Response to Character and Fitness Question #1

There are three instances on my record in which I am not proud ofbut here I will not offer any frivolous excuses, just explanations. The first of which transpired in 2002—the year in which I graduated High School—while I was a passenger in a friend’s car. It was myself and two other friends who were riding around and while my two friends smoked marijuana I sat in the backseat and drank being as I did not smoke marijuana. While riding around we were eventually pulled over because the driver of the vehicle did not use a turning signal while turning. Once the officer walked to the window he immediately recognized the strong odor of marijuana emanating from the vehicle and all three of us were charged with possession of marijuana and possession of alcohol by minors. Ultimately all the charges were dismissed.
The second instance on my record refers to when I was caught in possession of a fake identification card that was used to purchase alcohol when I was 20 years of age. I recognized my guilt and pleaded as such and paid the fine.
The last instance happened when I was 21 years of age and was cited for public intoxication in which after an evening out I was walking home. I did not live far from the establishment so rather than calling a cab or catching a ride I decided to walk home, which now seems rather unintelligent. As I was walking down the sidewalk, an officer who was patrolling the area noticed that I was impaired and was cited for public intoxication. I pleaded guilty and paid the fine. Since that last instance when I was 21 years of age—five years ago—I have not had any other instances of improper behavior.

toptwin
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Joined: Wed Jun 30, 2010 3:33 pm

Re: Critique Character and Fitness Addendum Please

Postby toptwin » Mon Jan 03, 2011 9:17 pm

Haven't had to write one of these, so I am not sure if my advice will be helpful. However, I think you talk a lot about what happened.

I would write briefly about what happened in each incident - ex.

In 2002, I was charged with minor in consumption of alcohol. The case was eventually dismissed. etc..

I don't think the details help your case. I would also take some time to tie what you learned from these, why it took three times for you to learn and what you have been doing for the past five years that shows that you are not the same person. Maybe it's cliche` but, why are you going to law school?

tk4386
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Re: Critique Character and Fitness Addendum Please

Postby tk4386 » Mon Jan 03, 2011 10:16 pm

The shorter and more succinct, the better.

Maybe something like below.


Addendum Regarding a “Yes” Response to Character and Fitness Question #1

There are three instances on my record which I am not proud of. The first occurred in 2002, when I was charged with possession of marijuana and possession of alcohol by a minor. Ultimately, both charges were dismissed.
The second instance on my record occurred when I was twenty years old. I was caught in possession of a fake identification card that was used to purchase alcohol. I recognized my guilt, pleaded as such, and paid the fine.
The last instance happened when I was 21 years of age and was cited for public intoxication while walking home from a local drinking establishment. I pleaded guilty and paid the fine. Since that last instance five years ago, I have not had any other instances of improper behavior.


Also, you might want to state the year for the second and third instances, as you did with the first.

ctbaer01
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Joined: Sun Oct 03, 2010 1:50 pm

Re: Critique Character and Fitness Addendum Please

Postby ctbaer01 » Mon Jan 03, 2011 11:26 pm

Thanks for all of the replies, they are greatly appreciated. After reading what was said I went and made some changes utilizating the suggestions that were made, let me know what you think. Thanks again in advance.


Addendum Regarding a “Yes” Response to Character and Fitness Question #1

There are three instances on my record which I am not proud of. The first occurred in 2002, when I was charged with possession of marijuana and possession of alcohol by a minor. Ultimately, both charges were dismissed.
The second instance on my record occurred when I was twenty years old in 2004. I was caught in possession of a fake identification card that was used to purchase alcohol. I recognized my guilt, pleaded as such, and paid the fine.
The last instance happened when I was 21 years of age in 2005 and was cited for public intoxication while walking home from a local drinking establishment. I pleaded guilty and paid the fine. After that last instance, I ultimately realized it was time for me to grow up and start looking towards my future. As such, I have worked hard in order to improve myself by furthering my education and I believe this can be witnessed by the fact I haven’t had any instances of improper behavior since 2005.

ctbaer01
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Joined: Sun Oct 03, 2010 1:50 pm

Re: UPDATED--Critique Character and Fitness Addendum Please

Postby ctbaer01 » Tue Jan 04, 2011 11:23 pm

Can someone please critique my updated addendum after taking some advice from other posters earlier and let me know their opinions and comments. Thanks in advance.

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AreJay711
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Re: UPDATED--Critique Character and Fitness Addendum Please

Postby AreJay711 » Tue Jan 04, 2011 11:42 pm

I was going to say it didn't look good for you until I saw the last incident was in 2005. I think it works. I mean it happened, then it happened again, then it happened again, and then you grew up. I think your edited addendum works.

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Dany
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Re: UPDATED--Critique Character and Fitness Addendum Please

Postby Dany » Tue Jan 04, 2011 11:54 pm

Don't end the first sentence in a preposition, don't use the phrase "as such" twice, and don't use contractions.




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