Critique my Addenda: Fire Away!

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hokie
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Critique my Addenda: Fire Away!

Postby hokie » Thu Dec 16, 2010 3:12 am

,
Last edited by hokie on Sat Dec 18, 2010 11:56 pm, edited 5 times in total.

Cmart050
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Re: Critique my Addenda: Fire Away!

Postby Cmart050 » Thu Dec 16, 2010 3:15 am

All that extra stuff about maturity, etc. with your driving record addendum is unnecessary and superflous. Leave it in as you like, but I imagine the admissions staff appreciates brevity. Other than that, looks good.

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hokie
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Re: Critique my Addenda: Fire Away!

Postby hokie » Thu Dec 16, 2010 4:26 am

yea I was also thinking this too but wanted to state something as a reasoning for my behavior (as my record is a bit superfluous than the average applicant). Thanks for the advice and keep them coming!

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eliekedourie
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Re: Critique my Addenda: Fire Away!

Postby eliekedourie » Thu Dec 16, 2010 8:04 am

You can't blame it on immaturity when it continued on until as recently as this past April.That just leads me to conclude that you're still immature. Also, I'm not sure you know what the word superfluous means.

adt231
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Re: Critique my Addenda: Fire Away!

Postby adt231 » Thu Dec 16, 2010 10:04 am

Is the character addendum really necessary since you really only received a warning?

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hokie
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Re: Critique my Addenda: Fire Away!

Postby hokie » Thu Dec 16, 2010 11:44 am

Thank you for the comments. Yea, I do think I will be pulling the sentence about immaturity out (although I related it strictly to only speeding tickets, which I have not received since 2007 ). In my defence, I went back to the intersection too and there is no sign that said "no turn on red" (plus it was like 2 AM and the streets were dead). Regardless, I see you point and agree. Also, I do not think I knew what superfluous meant in that sentence either lol (I was writing at 4 AM so I was half-retarded).

I just disclosed the incident about downloading just to be safe. It was merely a warning but I figure it is better safe than sorry. I have edited the addenda now to include any changes. Any other thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

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txadv11
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Re: Critique my Addenda: Fire Away!

Postby txadv11 » Thu Dec 16, 2010 11:52 am

"Failure to stop at traffic light ---Paid fine (ticketed through the mail)"
In my state, as a red light camera, this is NOT a criminal/traffic offense.

Also a small note, you capitalized fall near the beginning.

"... neighboring town to my university where I was able to tend to her needs...." I'd remove this. It sounds a bit off, and redundant with the sentences that follow it.

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eaglemuncher
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Re: Critique my Addenda: Fire Away!

Postby eaglemuncher » Thu Dec 16, 2010 12:05 pm

I am so frustrated with schools that ask about his type of thing. I had to call my local police station and try to figure out my juvenile record, which of course they had no record of. I honestly can't remember all the traffic tickets I got. I know that I have at least two speeding tickets and a ticket for careless driving. So basically i have only applied to schools that say "have you ever been convicted of a crime, other than minor traffic violations. " It's not that I am too lazy write my driving history I just don't remember it and don't want to get screwed in the end.

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joebloe
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Re: Critique my Addenda: Fire Away!

Postby joebloe » Thu Dec 16, 2010 12:30 pm

God, I hadn't even considered mentioning a bandwidth-related shutoff. At my university they weren't really considered disciplinary actions; they certainly didn't get recorded anywhere but the router logs, and those got expunged like once every couple years.

However, since there was evidently a copyright complaint related to yours, it might need to be mentioned.

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hokie
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Re: Critique my Addenda: Fire Away!

Postby hokie » Fri Dec 17, 2010 12:35 am

thanks for all the responses. With regards to the bandwidth addendum, it is not really a 'formal' citation at our school either; I don't even think it is in any records. However, students that have shown excessive bandwidth use within a 24 hr period basically received a warning and had to attend a seminar on IP and the campus' rules on internet use. I figured it isn't a big deal but better safe than sorry. Thanks again guys!

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hokie
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Re: Critique my Addenda: Fire Away!

Postby hokie » Fri Dec 17, 2010 12:59 am

eaglemuncher wrote:I am so frustrated with schools that ask about his type of thing. I had to call my local police station and try to figure out my juvenile record, which of course they had no record of. I honestly can't remember all the traffic tickets I got. I know that I have at least two speeding tickets and a ticket for careless driving. So basically i have only applied to schools that say "have you ever been convicted of a crime, other than minor traffic violations. " It's not that I am too lazy write my driving history I just don't remember it and don't want to get screwed in the end.


Eaglemuncher I completely agree but it is an evil we all must go through. Also, if you did receive a ticket for careless/reckless driving (not sure if they are the same), I was double check to make sure that it isn't a misdemeanor. In my previous home state, a reckless driving ticket was considered a Class One Misdemeanor. GL with your apps!

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NZA
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Re: Critique my Addenda: Fire Away!

Postby NZA » Fri Dec 17, 2010 1:05 am

eliekedourie wrote:You can't blame it on immaturity when it continued on until as recently as this past April.


+1

jgloster
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Re: Critique my Addenda: Fire Away!

Postby jgloster » Fri Dec 17, 2010 1:08 am

You sound like a bad boy. You must party hard.

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hokie
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Re: Critique my Addenda: Fire Away!

Postby hokie » Fri Dec 17, 2010 1:25 am

jgloster wrote:You sound like a bad boy. You must party hard.


lol not at all; I consider it more of just documented incidents of mistakes of adolescence......but if you say so, I guess I'll rep it :wink: .


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