Writer's block

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ktaraq
Posts: 49
Joined: Sun Nov 07, 2010 2:49 pm

Writer's block

Postby ktaraq » Sun Nov 28, 2010 8:29 pm

This position consequently led to an intellectually stimulating research project and community organizing edification with a dedicated mentor.


In reference to edification, I don't want to use experience, because it was not just one experience, it was more of a learning experience throughout the time I worked with the mentor. WRITER'S BLOCK PLEASE HELP!! Thanks!

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alphagamma
Posts: 173
Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2010 9:16 pm

Re: Writer's block

Postby alphagamma » Sun Nov 28, 2010 9:03 pm

First, I think "community organizing" should have a hyphen. Second, "led" should be "lead."

Third, I have no idea how to tweak that sentence without knowing more.

Maybe...

"This position consequently lead to an intellectually stimulating research project and a series of community-organizing learning experiences under a dedicated mentor."

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SullaFelix
Posts: 113
Joined: Wed Jul 21, 2010 8:18 pm

Re: Writer's block

Postby SullaFelix » Sun Nov 28, 2010 9:19 pm

alphagamma wrote:First, I think "community organizing" should have a hyphen. Second, "led" should be "lead."

Third, I have no idea how to tweak that sentence without knowing more.

Maybe...

"This position consequently lead to an intellectually stimulating research project and a series of community-organizing learning experiences under a dedicated mentor."


"Led" is correct.

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ShuckingNotJiving
Posts: 266
Joined: Wed Jun 30, 2010 11:24 am

Re: Writer's block

Postby ShuckingNotJiving » Sun Nov 28, 2010 9:23 pm

you can make the sentence so much clearer by removing the adverbs and putting "under a dedicated mentor" in a new sentence.

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alphagamma
Posts: 173
Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2010 9:16 pm

Re: Writer's block

Postby alphagamma » Sun Nov 28, 2010 10:25 pm

SullaFelix wrote:
alphagamma wrote:First, I think "community organizing" should have a hyphen. Second, "led" should be "lead."

Third, I have no idea how to tweak that sentence without knowing more.

Maybe...

"This position consequently lead to an intellectually stimulating research project and a series of community-organizing learning experiences under a dedicated mentor."


"Led" is correct.

Yeah, you're right. My bad. I'm having an off day, lol.

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ahduth
Posts: 2468
Joined: Wed Sep 29, 2010 10:55 am

Re: Writer's block

Postby ahduth » Sun Nov 28, 2010 10:55 pm

Why is edification in that sentence? It looks... suspiciously... weird. :|




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