Please read my addendum!

(Applications Advice, Letters of Recommendation . . . )
screechypeachy
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Jun 08, 2010 2:13 pm

Please read my addendum!

Postby screechypeachy » Wed Nov 17, 2010 12:29 pm

During my time in the military I took a number of classes including some online business classes as well as Oracle database classes that were a non-optional job requirement. In regards to my Colorado Technical University classes, I feel that the stress of coming back from a recent deployment coupled with training exercises and more than full-time employment led to my low GPA for that period. It was a mistake to undertake classes at that period in my life as I quickly found that I did not have the time necessary to dedicate to them. I hope that the 4.0 GPA that I have achieved at the University of Illinois at Chicago in over 90 credit hours of study is what is considered when deciding on my application. Additionally, at the end of this term my cumulative GPA should be at over 3.7 and I would gladly send evidence of this at a later date if necessary.

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ahduth
Posts: 2468
Joined: Wed Sep 29, 2010 10:55 am

Re: Please read my addendum!

Postby ahduth » Wed Nov 17, 2010 1:26 pm

Please add at least a half a dozen commas and repost.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Please read my addendum!

Postby CanadianWolf » Wed Nov 17, 2010 2:35 pm

Too long.

CONSIDER: While in the military, I took several online business courses as well as some Oracle database classes. My coursework at Colorado Technical University was undertaken during a stressful readjustment period after returning from combat duty. Please note that I currently have a 4.0 GPA for over 90 credit hours earned at the University of Illinois at Chicago resulting in a cumulative GPA in excess of 3.7.

(Although my suggested revision is not perfect, it should be an improvement. It is not clear as to whether or not the online courses, the
Oracle courses & the Colorado Tech courses are included in your cumulative GPA. Were the Colorado Tech courses the "online business courses" referred to in your first sentence ?)

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Spinozist21
Posts: 522
Joined: Fri Mar 26, 2010 11:23 am

Re: Please read my addendum!

Postby Spinozist21 » Wed Nov 17, 2010 4:55 pm

CanadianWolf wrote:Too long.

CONSIDER: While in the military, I took several online business courses as well as some Oracle database classes. My coursework at Colorado Technical University was undertaken during a stressful readjustment period after returning from combat duty. Please note that I currently have a 4.0 GPA for over 90 credit hours earned at the University of Illinois at Chicago resulting in a cumulative GPA in excess of 3.7.

(Although my suggested revision is not perfect, it should be an improvement. It is not clear as to whether or not the online courses, the
Oracle courses & the Colorado Tech courses are included in your cumulative GPA. Were the Colorado Tech courses the "online business courses" referred to in your first sentence ?)


This.

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nihilism is key
Posts: 167
Joined: Wed Nov 05, 2008 1:32 pm

Re: Please read my addendum!

Postby nihilism is key » Wed Nov 17, 2010 7:14 pm

CanadianWolf wrote:Too long.

CONSIDER: While in the military, I took several online business courses as well as some Oracle database classes. My coursework at Colorado Technical University was undertaken during a stressful readjustment period after returning from combat duty. Please note that I currently have a 4.0 GPA for over 90 credit hours earned at the University of Illinois at Chicago resulting in a cumulative GPA in excess of 3.7.

(Although my suggested revision is not perfect, it should be an improvement. It is not clear as to whether or not the online courses, the
Oracle courses & the Colorado Tech courses are included in your cumulative GPA. Were the Colorado Tech courses the "online business courses" referred to in your first sentence ?)

I would include the part about the Oracle courses being a non-optional job requirement.




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