Please critique my Arrest Addendum

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SeptOrders
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Please critique my Arrest Addendum

Postby SeptOrders » Sat Oct 09, 2010 2:01 pm

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Last edited by SeptOrders on Wed Oct 13, 2010 9:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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MrKappus
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Re: Please critique my Arrest Addendum

Postby MrKappus » Sat Oct 09, 2010 2:11 pm

(1) I was subsequently charged w/ *charge 1*, *charge 2*, and *charge 3*. Charge 2 and Charge 3 were reduced to ___. I plead guilty to all three misdemeanor charges.

(2) Not sure when your last comp class was, but show...don't tell. All that stuff about how it doesn't represent you is unnecessary. Just say you were young, dumb, and made mistakes that you don't make anymore. Remove all the stuff about your current habits. Methinks thou doth protest too much, and it doesn't come across as all that genuine anyway.

Just my $0.02.

CanadianWolf
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Re: Please critique my Arrest Addendum

Postby CanadianWolf » Sat Oct 09, 2010 8:25 pm

You were caught throwing away marijuana, drug paraphenalia & alcohol ?

SeptOrders
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Re: Please critique my Arrest Addendum

Postby SeptOrders » Sun Oct 10, 2010 5:43 pm

MrKappus wrote:(1) I was subsequently charged w/ *charge 1*, *charge 2*, and *charge 3*. Charge 2 and Charge 3 were reduced to ___. I plead guilty to all three misdemeanor charges.

(2) Not sure when your last comp class was, but show...don't tell. All that stuff about how it doesn't represent you is unnecessary. Just say you were young, dumb, and made mistakes that you don't make anymore. Remove all the stuff about your current habits. Methinks thou doth protest too much, and it doesn't come across as all that genuine anyway.

Just my $0.02.


Thanks for the help. I'm a little unclear on your first point, because it doesn't appear to be any different from my addendum, except that your last sentence replaces "each of these" with "all three."

As for your second point, I always thought that (unlike a personal statement), addenda is supposed to be direct and concise. Why would is be necessary to "show" in this instance?

Also, the reason I put in my current habits, is because I wanted to demonstrate that I have made changes. What do you mean that I "protest too much?"

Finally, what part of it does not come off as genuine? Everything is accurate.

Thanks again.

SeptOrders
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Re: Please critique my Arrest Addendum

Postby SeptOrders » Sun Oct 10, 2010 5:43 pm

CanadianWolf wrote:You were caught throwing away marijuana, drug paraphenalia & alcohol ?



Huh? I don't follow. I was completely upfront and honest, which is probably why the judge was so lenient with me.

CanadianWolf
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Re: Please critique my Arrest Addendum

Postby CanadianWolf » Sun Oct 10, 2010 5:49 pm

I didn't know that littering was a lesser included offense of possession of marijuana & of a minor in possession. You had a creative & lenient judge.
It might help to state the precise number of offenses (misdemeanors) to which you plead guilty (or nolo contendre) & the exact offenses on your record.
Your addendum is too wordy & is likely to prompt any interested law schools to request clarification.
Did you have an attorney ? How did you plead (guilty or nolo) ?
Drug offenses may affect eligibility for some types of government backed student loans, although that may only apply to undergraduate student government loan programs.

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MrKappus
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Re: Please critique my Arrest Addendum

Postby MrKappus » Sun Oct 10, 2010 7:19 pm

SeptOrders wrote:Thanks for the help. I'm a little unclear on your first point, because it doesn't appear to be any different from my addendum, except that your last sentence replaces "each of these" with "all three."

As for your second point, I always thought that (unlike a personal statement), addenda is supposed to be direct and concise. Why would is be necessary to "show" in this instance?

Also, the reason I put in my current habits, is because I wanted to demonstrate that I have made changes. What do you mean that I "protest too much?"

Finally, what part of it does not come off as genuine? Everything is accurate.

Thanks again.


Happy to help. I'll go through your questions point-by-point:

(1) List the actual charges. "...having ____, _____, and _____ in a car" is not a charge. Your charges' wordings are specific, so I would include them.

(2) Everything that everyone writes should be direct and concise. My advice is not about your addendum's length, but about its execution. You are telling them that you do certain things, that certain things don't represent you, and that you consider yourself hard-working and ethical. That's one way to go about it, but it's not very convincing. For example, rather than "I never do ____" anymore, say "I have had no further problems with the law." By doing this, you will have shown, rather than told.

(3) Listing current habits just doesn't seem convincing. "Protesting too much" is a Shakespearean reference for instances when people protest to the point that their protests seem unconvincing (or where their protests are unnecessary). You can ask an adcom to take your current habits into account, but I'd probably just keep things impersonal and let my lack of further trouble with the law speak for itself.

(4) Describing yourself as extremely responsible in an addendum where you describe law-breaking behavior didn't make a lot of sense to me. The fact that you haven't had problems again is what an adcom will value, not your statements of how reformed you are.

Some, maybe all, of my feedback is stylistic. Obviously you are free to disregard. Good luck.

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northwood
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Re: Please critique my Arrest Addendum

Postby northwood » Sun Oct 10, 2010 8:19 pm

i would remove the part about not drinking to excess anymore. It implies that you still drink, which could bring up the idea about having a drinking problem ( im not saying that you do)

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AreJay711
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Re: Please critique my Arrest Addendum

Postby AreJay711 » Sun Oct 10, 2010 9:21 pm

I think your addendum is clear other than that you plead guilty to all 3. As far as being too wordy I only see the first sentence but it does not need to be changed if you are happy with it and is reasonably clear. I wouldn't worry about saying that you still drink but not to excess if that is what you want to say. I guess it is possible that they could take that to think that you had an alcohol problem before... as an 18 year old high school student... possibly. More than likely they will think that you decided to no longer drink excessively because you learned something from the experience you are writing about. You could spell that out if you wanted to but then you really would run the risk of protesting too much as MrKappus said.




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