Disciplinary Action Addendum

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justadude55
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Joined: Mon Aug 23, 2010 12:23 am

Disciplinary Action Addendum

Postby justadude55 » Fri Oct 08, 2010 7:54 pm

I've been through a few drafts. The main thing I am curious about is the decision to include in my addendum details of my family's financial crisis that immediately preceded my err in judgment. I do want to provide context and an explanation, but do not want it to seem like I am making any excuse for my behavior.

I am shooting for a t-20 school, and have fairly good #'s and softs outside of this.

To whom it may concern,

In February of 2009, I discovered that my girlfriend of several years had been unfaithful, and made several disparaging comments about her character on university property. As these comments got back to her and were then relayed to the university, I was immediately suspended pending a hearing under _____'s anti-Harassment policy as my words created an offensive and judgmental environment for the other party. In an attempt to repair the situation as quickly as possible so I would not have to lose the semester waiting for a hearing, I submitted false evidence during the preliminary meetings to make it appear as though she was disparaging me as well. I subsequently signed an agreement with the university to bypass a hearing, which required me to withdraw from the university through the spring of 2010.

A few weeks prior to this, I had learned that my family’s home was being foreclosed on. This came as a complete shock, because my siblings and I never had any reason to believe our parents were struggling. As the oldest, it was my responsibility to be a role model for my younger siblings. As evidenced by my actions, I failed.

Although I had never before faced academic or social sanctions, it is clear that I lacked the maturity and good judgment to properly handle what was going on with either my family, personal life or pending disciplinary procedure.

While my actions cost me a great deal, I feel fortunate to have made these mistakes. Though I never had a prior issue with an academic institution, it is clear that when brought under deep emotional stress, I had a tendency to behave in a way that was both immature and dishonest. Had this tendency not been brought to light, I would not have had an opportunity to repair my character, at least not at a young age.

During my time away from the university, I worked hard to turn every negative trait I have into a positive including conducting myself with complete and utter candidness and accountability. These changes have enabled me to become not only a better person, but a more successful one as well as the role model I once failed to be.

I am currently completing my last semester at _____, and am on good standing with the university. As a result, the aforementioned infractions have been removed from my transcript.

I understand that I am preparing to enter a community that is entirely built upon ethics. I further understand that both law students and attorneys are expected to maintain a standard of professionalism at all times, and that anything remotely resembling this prior behavior will be grossly insufficient.

If you afford me the opportunity to put these infractions behind me, I will demonstrate each and every day that I am indeed a man of strong character, and with the University’s permission I would like to start a program in which law students provide counsel to public school students facing disciplinary action. It is my hope that by immediately utilizing my legal education to help such students, they will refrain from sharing my mistakes.

Warm regards.
______________

xyzzzzzzzz
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Re: Disciplinary Action Addendum

Postby xyzzzzzzzz » Fri Oct 08, 2010 8:25 pm

didn't we hash this out a few months ago?

justadude55
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Joined: Mon Aug 23, 2010 12:23 am

Re: Disciplinary Action Addendum

Postby justadude55 » Fri Oct 08, 2010 8:29 pm

xyzzzzzzzz wrote:didn't we hash this out a few months ago?


yeah, now it's final go time.

BlueDiamond
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Re: Disciplinary Action Addendum

Postby BlueDiamond » Fri Oct 08, 2010 8:29 pm

Why go as far as starting a new program? Just apologize for past mistakes and show that you are mature now. Don't put that extra expectation on yourself.

justadude55
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Re: Disciplinary Action Addendum

Postby justadude55 » Fri Oct 08, 2010 8:32 pm

because i'd like to to do it, think it will in some ways compensate for my mistakes and think it could really help people.

BlueDiamond
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Re: Disciplinary Action Addendum

Postby BlueDiamond » Fri Oct 08, 2010 8:43 pm

Well then my only criticism is the second paragraph. All it says is that you failed and it can be assumed that due to this you weren't acting yourself; but LSAT logic is that the reader would have to assume that. So, maybe something in there stating that due to the first family event you were sad/not acting yourself.. then the second event worsened the prior feelings and in this time of mixed emotions you acted out of line.

The way it reads when I look at it now it says in the first paragraph "i screwed up by such and such harassment" then second that "i screwed up by not being a role model" .. in the second paragraph rather than rationalizing why you may have been in a state to do something reads as if it would be a reason to not do the second action.. and so, makes it look like two things that were expected of you and you failed on both accounts. In my opinion, the sentence could be removed or reworded to sound better for your case while also not being a lie.

If that makes sense at all. Word jumble

justadude55
Posts: 963
Joined: Mon Aug 23, 2010 12:23 am

Re: Disciplinary Action Addendum

Postby justadude55 » Fri Oct 08, 2010 8:55 pm

BlueDiamond wrote:Well then my only criticism is the second paragraph. All it says is that you failed and it can be assumed that due to this you weren't acting yourself; but LSAT logic is that the reader would have to assume that. So, maybe something in there stating that due to the first family event you were sad/not acting yourself.. then the second event worsened the prior feelings and in this time of mixed emotions you acted out of line.

The way it reads when I look at it now it says in the first paragraph "i screwed up by such and such harassment" then second that "i screwed up by not being a role model" .. in the second paragraph rather than rationalizing why you may have been in a state to do something reads as if it would be a reason to not do the second action.. and so, makes it look like two things that were expected of you and you failed on both accounts. In my opinion, the sentence could be removed or reworded to sound better for your case while also not being a lie.

If that makes sense at all. Word jumble


yeah, that's a really good note. thanks, owe you one.

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nihilism is key
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Re: Disciplinary Action Addendum

Postby nihilism is key » Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:25 pm

It reads more like a personal statement than an addendum to me.

justadude55
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Re: Disciplinary Action Addendum

Postby justadude55 » Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:26 pm

nihilism is key wrote:It reads more like a personal statement than an addendum to me.


it isn't my PS. is there a reason that's the case? my research is you want to explain yourself fully and lessons learned.

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nihilism is key
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Re: Disciplinary Action Addendum

Postby nihilism is key » Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:40 pm

justadude55 wrote:I've been through a few drafts. The main thing I am curious about is the decision to include in my addendum details of my family's financial crisis that immediately preceded my err in judgment. I do want to provide context and an explanation, but do not want it to seem like I am making any excuse for my behavior.

I am shooting for a t-20 school, and have fairly good #'s and softs outside of this.

To whom it may concern,

In February of 2009, I discovered that my girlfriend of several years had been unfaithful, and made several disparaging comments about her character on university property. As these comments got back to her and were then relayed to the university, I was immediately suspended pending a hearing under _____'s anti-Harassment policy as my words created an offensive and judgmental environment for the other party. In an attempt to repair the situation as quickly as possible so I would not have to lose the semester waiting for a hearing, I submitted false evidence during the preliminary meetings to make it appear as though she was disparaging me as well. I subsequently signed an agreement with the university to bypass a hearing, which required me to withdraw from the university through the spring of 2010.

A few weeks prior to this, I had learned that my family’s home was being foreclosed on. This came as a complete shock, because my siblings and I never had any reason to believe our parents were struggling. As the oldest, it was my responsibility to be a role model for my younger siblings. As evidenced by my actions, I failed.

Although I had never before faced academic or social sanctions, it is clear that I lacked the maturity and good judgment to properly handle what was going on with either my family, personal life or pending disciplinary procedure.

While my actions cost me a great deal, I feel fortunate to have made these mistakes. Though I never had a prior issue with an academic institution, it is clear that when brought under deep emotional stress, I had a tendency to behave in a way that was both immature and dishonest. Had this tendency not been brought to light, I would not have had an opportunity to repair my character, at least not at a young age.

During my time away from the university, I worked hard to turn every negative trait I have into a positive including conducting myself with complete and utter candidness and accountability. These changes have enabled me to become not only a better person, but a more successful one as well as the role model I once failed to be.

I am currently completing my last semester at _____, and am on good standing with the university. As a result, the aforementioned infractions have been removed from my transcript.

I understand that I am preparing to enter a community that is entirely built upon ethics. I further understand that both law students and attorneys are expected to maintain a standard of professionalism at all times, and that anything remotely resembling this prior behavior will be grossly insufficient.

If you afford me the opportunity to put these infractions behind me, I will demonstrate each and every day that I am indeed a man of strong character, and with the University’s permission I would like to start a program in which law students provide counsel to public school students facing disciplinary action. It is my hope that by immediately utilizing my legal education to help such students, they will refrain from sharing my mistakes.

Warm regards.
______________



To whom it may concern,

In January of 2009, I learned that my family’s home was being foreclosed on. This came as a complete shock, because my siblings and I never had any reason to believe our parents were struggling. The stress brought on by this revelation had a profound effect on my ability to cope when, a few weeks later, I discovered that my girlfriend of several years had been unfaithful. Against my better judgment I made several disparaging comments about her character. As these comments got back to her and the university, I was immediately suspended pending a hearing under _____'s anti-Harassment policy. In an attempt to avoid losing the semester while waiting for a hearing, I submitted false evidence during the preliminary meetings to make it appear as though she was disparaging me as well. I subsequently signed an agreement with the university to bypass a hearing, which required me to withdraw from the university through the spring of 2010.

Although I had never before faced academic or social sanctions, it is clear that I lacked the maturity and good judgment to properly handle what was going on with my family, my personal life, and the disciplinary proceedings.

During my time away from the university, I worked hard to turn every negative trait I have into a positive one, including conducting myself with complete and utter candidness and accountability. These changes have enabled me to become not only a better person, but a more successful one as well as the role model I once failed to be.

I am currently completing my last semester at _____, and am on good standing with the university. As a result, the aforementioned infractions have been removed from my transcript.

If you afford me the opportunity to put these infractions behind me, I will demonstrate each and every day that I am indeed a man of strong character.



The purple is my condensed/slightly edited version of what you originally had. In my opinion, it was reading more like a personal statement because of its length, the out of order timeline (infractions explained before the financial crisis), and the conclusion (talking about programs you'd like to create. Just my thoughts. Hope this helps.

BlueDiamond
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Joined: Wed Sep 29, 2010 12:56 pm

Re: Disciplinary Action Addendum

Postby BlueDiamond » Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:48 pm

I like the rewrite so far.. I'd combine 2nd and 3rd paragraphs .. and combine 4th and 5th as well... three paragraphs and to the point

Also, you can't be on good standing, but can be in good standing. I'd also change the word revelation to something else if planning on applying to any type of religiously based school.

Also, there's a role model part that was supposed to be in there (I'm assuming) only if you had the first role model reference in there. That should be changed/taken out.

Best advice: first get this to your Pre-law Advisor at the your current undergraduate or some other faculty member who knows about law admissions... then get it to an English professor. There are a lot of unnecessary commas and filler words. Not trying to be harsh. I do the same thing as you can likely see from my responses. For this reason I go through these two steps whenever writing something to a LS.

Edit: just to fix the small things such as "I am currently completing my last semester" may sound better as "I am currently enrolled in classes at such and such school.." or something along those lines.. an English professor will be able to do that for you while a law Advisor will know the substantive things needed

BlueDiamond
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Joined: Wed Sep 29, 2010 12:56 pm

Re: Disciplinary Action Addendum

Postby BlueDiamond » Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:55 pm

"I worked hard to turn every negative trait I have into a positive one"

Questions I'd have reading this:
every single one of them? you took time to fix every vice?
Well what did you do to fix them? talk with family? get help? etc..

"complete and utter" -only need one of these not both.. or maybe one word that is better than both

I keep finding more things that catch my eye.. I hope you don't feel like I'm being an idiot.. really am trying to help

justadude55
Posts: 963
Joined: Mon Aug 23, 2010 12:23 am

Re: Disciplinary Action Addendum

Postby justadude55 » Sat Oct 09, 2010 1:34 pm

BlueDiamond wrote:"I worked hard to turn every negative trait I have into a positive one"

Questions I'd have reading this:
every single one of them? you took time to fix every vice?
Well what did you do to fix them? talk with family? get help? etc..

"complete and utter" -only need one of these not both.. or maybe one word that is better than both

I keep finding more things that catch my eye.. I hope you don't feel like I'm being an idiot.. really am trying to help


it's cool. gonna use every comment.

should i go into details about what i did to fix them or would this take up too much space and be personal statementey?




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