Addendum critique needed

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Addendum critique needed

Postby thedude221 » Wed Sep 29, 2010 6:41 pm

Any input would be great but I think this serves my purpose:

As you will no doubt notice my resume leaves a bit to be desired. I would ask you not to take the sparseness of my resume as a proper indication of my work ethic. When my mother was diagnosed with cancer I knew that I would need to make sacrifices if I was to provide the kind of care that she deserved. Extracurricular activities became an afterthought when it became clear that even under the best circumstances my mother would need almost constant care. My academic schedule was also affected, as I needed to limit the number of days that I was on campus so that I could be home as often as possible. While I would have continued in this manner for as long as I was asked my mother died last March. Since then I have decided to undertake a vigorous 45-hour per week internship at the Georgia Capitol that will begin in the Spring. I look forward to working in the same place that my mother worked for nineteen years and I hope to conduct myself in a manner that would have made her proud.

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Re: Addendum critique needed

Postby 2014 » Wed Sep 29, 2010 6:57 pm

That sounds like more of a topic for a personal statement than an addendum. You could spin it entirely into a positive then whereas as it is now the opening draws more attention to a flaw in your application than is probably necessary.

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