Addendum For Suspension

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kalvano
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Re: Addendum For Suspension

Postby kalvano » Sat Jun 12, 2010 3:40 pm

Example of a proper addendum -

"I had a girlfriend who was a dirty whore. When I found out, I internet bitch-slapped her. My university was run by insufferable pricks who objected to this. I got into a pissing contest and got suspended.

Bonus - I gave the filthy slut the clap."

dk8
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Re: Addendum For Suspension

Postby dk8 » Sat Jun 12, 2010 3:41 pm

anonymousquestion wrote:
traehekat wrote:Wait, this is the actual addendum?

I didn't read it, but I'll tell you now it is way, way too long. If you committed triple homicide you wouldn't need an addendum this long.

With any addendum one of our main concerns should always be to write concisely. They have enough stuff to read.


should i take out the part with previous cases and applicable laws? my intent was to show that what was done to me was wrong, as well as show i have at least some true interest in law. however, taking your comment into account, i guess they don't care about my legal interpretation.

you'd recommend deleting it?


this addendum isn't the place to show your interest in the law. use your ps or additional essays to do that.

anonymousquestion
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Re: Addendum For Suspension

Postby anonymousquestion » Sat Jun 12, 2010 3:41 pm

Miniver wrote:I'm going to assume this is real, because that's a lot of work to do just to troll.

aforementioned
catalyst
castigation
proliferated
In the preceding

Take all that language out of there. Lose the paragraph that tries to work up sympathy about your father, and do not say anything that would make the law school think you are going to sue another school.


ok. that came off badly, obviously. thanks. do you recommend also taking out how this inspired my interest in law?

Miniver
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Re: Addendum For Suspension

Postby Miniver » Sat Jun 12, 2010 3:42 pm

...
Last edited by Miniver on Wed Jul 07, 2010 4:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

anonymousquestion
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Re: Addendum For Suspension

Postby anonymousquestion » Sat Jun 12, 2010 3:43 pm

Miniver wrote:
anonymousquestion wrote:do you recommend also taking out how this inspired my interest in law?

Oh, dear god, yes.


my understanding was that it is best to seem triumphant in a disciplinary addendum. is this presupposition wrong or is my approach just off in achieving the former?

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richardfitzwell
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Re: Addendum For Suspension

Postby richardfitzwell » Sat Jun 12, 2010 3:44 pm

anonymousquestion wrote:
Miniver wrote:I'm going to assume this is real, because that's a lot of work to do just to troll.

aforementioned
catalyst
castigation
proliferated
In the preceding

Take all that language out of there. Lose the paragraph that tries to work up sympathy about your father, and do not say anything that would make the law school think you are going to sue another school.


ok. that came off badly, obviously. thanks. do you recommend also taking out how this inspired my interest in law?



I think you should make this addendum into a movie and submit a dvd.

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jayn3
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Re: Addendum For Suspension

Postby jayn3 » Sat Jun 12, 2010 3:45 pm

anonymousquestion wrote:
Miniver wrote:
anonymousquestion wrote:do you recommend also taking out how this inspired my interest in law?

Oh, dear god, yes.


my understanding was that it is best to seem triumphant in a disciplinary addendum. is this presupposition wrong or is my approach just off in achieving the former?


i'm guessing it would be better to act suitably humble and apologetic.

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kalvano
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Re: Addendum For Suspension

Postby kalvano » Sat Jun 12, 2010 3:46 pm

In all seriousness, if this isn't a flame, an addendum should be about a paragraph, concise, and to the point.

xyzzzzzzzz
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Re: Addendum For Suspension

Postby xyzzzzzzzz » Sat Jun 12, 2010 3:46 pm

.
Last edited by xyzzzzzzzz on Thu Jul 08, 2010 11:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Miniver
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Re: Addendum For Suspension

Postby Miniver » Sat Jun 12, 2010 3:47 pm

...
Last edited by Miniver on Wed Jul 07, 2010 4:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

anonymousquestion
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Re: Addendum For Suspension

Postby anonymousquestion » Sat Jun 12, 2010 3:48 pm

jayn3 wrote:
anonymousquestion wrote:
Miniver wrote:
anonymousquestion wrote:do you recommend also taking out how this inspired my interest in law?

Oh, dear god, yes.


my understanding was that it is best to seem triumphant in a disciplinary addendum. is this presupposition wrong or is my approach just off in achieving the former?


i'm guessing it would be better to act suitably humble and apologetic.


In February of 2009, I had discovered that my girlfriend of two years had been physically intimate with several other individuals. Upset at the discovery of this information, I confided in several friends of mine who made a slanderous facebook page that posited my girlfriend in a way that was both dishonorable and unmerited. While I was not responsible for creating either the page or any of its content, after being notified of its existence, I failed to even request that it be removed and was deservingly placed on academic probation.

A week later, I exited one of my classes and upon coming off the elevator, saw my ex-girlfriend. Angered by the aforementioned statements and sanction, I acted in awful judgment and referred to her as a “dirty slut.” The university stated that the aforementioned comment was in violation of the university’s zero tolerance anti-harassment policy, and decided to immediately suspend me and waive my right to a hearing. Several weeks later, the associate dean, ____ stated that I could either accept a year and a half suspension and have none of the preceding events disclosed to any graduate program, or that he would offer me a hearing in which he would push for my expulsion and see that regardless of my innocence, I was not issued a refund for the semester my actions had caused me to miss. I chose the former.

However, after reviewing both the full weight of my castigation as well as the events immediately preceding it, I have come to view my suspension as a blessing.

It became evident that under emotional stress I had a tendency to revert to childish tendencies that were both unkind and capable of placing insurmountable locks upon my future success. Through spending significant time working to build my character and examine what sort of man I wished to be, I am proud to say that I am much more mature and grounded that I ever would have been not had I not faced such sanctions. Suffice to say, I believe these sanctions were a direct catalyst in my becoming a more ethical, strong and determined man.

In the preceding months, I have repaired my standing and reputation at the university, and the same dean has offered to write me a letter of recommendation vouching for my character.

I completely and utterly regret my actions, but am proud to say that I learned from them. While I understand your reluctance to believe the following oath given the very notion of my suspension, my character as well as my ability to follow both your rules and regulations should be of no concern. I am far too driven in my desire to practice law, and far too grateful for any who assist me in evolving this dream into a reality to let anything handicap my ability to achieve the highest academic standing possible within your esteemed law program.

anonymousquestion
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Re: Addendum For Suspension

Postby anonymousquestion » Sat Jun 12, 2010 3:48 pm

is this significantly better?

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kalvano
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Re: Addendum For Suspension

Postby kalvano » Sat Jun 12, 2010 3:50 pm

No. Make it about one paragraph.

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romothesavior
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Re: Addendum For Suspension

Postby romothesavior » Sat Jun 12, 2010 3:51 pm

Okay, I put together a shorter draft of what you've written. Let me know what you think:

"I walked in on my girlfriend getting her meat wallet filled by a meaty summer sausage, and a few days later I saw her getting off the elevator with a guy on the football team. As she stood up and wiped off her mouth, I called her a dirty slut. She objected to this, ran to the dean of students (who she was also sleeping with), and I was suspended. (throw in something about Orthodox Judaism and homophobic Christians.)

This suspension was a violation of my constitutional right to free speech. I quote the late great Oliver Wendell Holmes, who wrote, "The question in every case is whether the words used are used in such circumstances and are of such a nature as to create a clear and present danger that they will bring about the substantive evils that the United States Congress has a right to prevent." My suspension was also a violation of the Consumer Protection Act of 2002, the Children's Internet Protection Act of 2000, and the Patriot Act. (It may be helpful to include relevent portions of these acts, including your own analysis of these acts and how they pertain to your case.)
Last edited by romothesavior on Sat Jun 12, 2010 3:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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jayn3
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Re: Addendum For Suspension

Postby jayn3 » Sat Jun 12, 2010 3:51 pm

anonymousquestion wrote:In February of 2009, I had discovered that my girlfriend of two years had been physically intimate with several other individuals. Upset at the discovery of this information, I confided in several friends of mine who made a slanderous facebook page that posited my girlfriend in a way that was both dishonorable and unmerited. While I was not responsible for creating either the page or any of its content, after being notified of its existence, I failed to even request that it be removed and was deservingly placed on academic probation.

A week later, I exited one of my classes and upon coming off the elevator, saw my ex-girlfriend. Angered by the aforementioned statements and sanction, I acted in awful judgment and referred to her as a “dirty slut.” The university stated that the aforementioned comment was in violation of the university’s zero tolerance anti-harassment policy, and decided to immediately suspend me and waive my right to a hearing. Several weeks later, the associate dean, ____ stated that I could either accept a year and a half suspension and have none of the preceding events disclosed to any graduate program, or that he would offer me a hearing in which he would push for my expulsion and see that regardless of my innocence, I was not issued a refund for the semester my actions had caused me to miss. I chose the former.

However, after reviewing both the full weight of my castigation as well as the events immediately preceding it, I have come to view my suspension as a blessing.

It became evident that under emotional stress I had a tendency to revert to childish tendencies that were both unkind and capable of placing insurmountable locks upon my future success. Through spending significant time working to build my character and examine what sort of man I wished to be, I am proud to say that I am much more mature and grounded that I ever would have been not had I not faced such sanctions. Suffice to say, I believe these sanctions were a direct catalyst in my becoming a more ethical, strong and determined man.

In the preceding months, I have repaired my standing and reputation at the university, and the same dean has offered to write me a letter of recommendation vouching for my character.

I completely and utterly regret my actions, but am proud to say that I learned from them. While I understand your reluctance to believe the following oath given the very notion of my suspension, my character as well as my ability to follow both your rules and regulations should be of no concern. I am far too driven in my desire to practice law, and far too grateful for any who assist me in evolving this dream into a reality to let anything handicap my ability to achieve the highest academic standing possible within your esteemed law program.


it's still 486 words, close to two pages double-spaced. that's far too long.

also, i would strongly recommend removing the actual words "dirty slut." just say you insulted her.

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richardfitzwell
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Re: Addendum For Suspension

Postby richardfitzwell » Sat Jun 12, 2010 3:52 pm

romothesavior wrote:Okay, I put together a shorter draft of what you've written. Let me know what you think:

"I walked in on my girlfriend getting her meat wallet filled by a meaty summer sausage, and a few days later I saw her getting off the elevator with a guy on the football team. As she stood up and wiped off her mouth, I called her a dirty slut. She objected to this, ran to the dean of students (who she was also sleeping with), and I was suspended. (throw in something about Orthodox Judaism and homophobic Christians.)

This suspension was a violation of my constitutional right to free speech. I quote the late great Oliver Wendell Holmes, who wrote, "The question in every case is whether the words used are used in such circumstances and are of such a nature as to create a clear and present danger that they will bring about the substantive evils that the United States Congress has a right to prevent." My suspension was also a violation of the Consumer Protection Act of 2002, the Children's Internet Protection Act of 2000, and the Patriot Act. (It may be helpful to include relevent portions of these acts, including your own analysis of these acts and how they pertain to your case.)



lol titcr

xyzzzzzzzz
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Re: Addendum For Suspension

Postby xyzzzzzzzz » Sat Jun 12, 2010 3:54 pm

.
Last edited by xyzzzzzzzz on Thu Jul 08, 2010 11:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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kalvano
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Re: Addendum For Suspension

Postby kalvano » Sat Jun 12, 2010 3:55 pm

I bet you could have talked her in to a threesome.

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jayn3
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Re: Addendum For Suspension

Postby jayn3 » Sat Jun 12, 2010 3:56 pm

kalvano wrote:I bet you could have talked her in to a threesome.

probably only the wrong kind of threesome tho =\

Miniver
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Re: Addendum For Suspension

Postby Miniver » Sat Jun 12, 2010 3:56 pm

...
Last edited by Miniver on Wed Jul 07, 2010 4:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

anonymousquestion
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Re: Addendum For Suspension

Postby anonymousquestion » Sat Jun 12, 2010 3:59 pm

thanks for all the info, guys, and yeah, the situation sucked. it is also the reason why i have taken it upon myself to only use women for my physical needs until the completion of my JD and have broken many a heart over the past year.

anyway, here is another edit following your combined advice:

In February of 2009, I had discovered that my girlfriend of two years had been physically intimate with several other individuals. Upset at the discovery of this information, I confided in several friends of mine who made a slanderous facebook page that posited my girlfriend in a way that was both dishonorable and unmerited. While I was not responsible for creating either the page or any of its content, after being notified of its existence, I failed to even request that it be removed and was deservingly placed on academic probation. A week later, I exited one of my classes and upon coming off the elevator, saw my ex-girlfriend. Angered by the aforementioned statements and sanction, I acted in awful judgment and referred to her by an insulting term. The university stated that the aforementioned comment was in violation of the university’s zero tolerance anti-harassment policy, and decided to immediately suspend me and waive my right to a hearing.

In the preceding months, I have repaired my standing and reputation at the university, and the very dean who suspended me has offered to write me a letter of recommendation vouching for my character. Additionally, I am a much more ethical, determined and strong man than I ever would have been not had I not faced such sanctions. I completely and utterly regret my actions, but am proud to say that I learned from them.
Last edited by anonymousquestion on Sat Jun 12, 2010 4:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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kalvano
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Re: Addendum For Suspension

Postby kalvano » Sat Jun 12, 2010 4:01 pm

Skip the last bit in the final paragraph. This should be factual. You don't need to talk about that stuff.

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jayn3
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Re: Addendum For Suspension

Postby jayn3 » Sat Jun 12, 2010 4:02 pm

that looks a million times better, although your last sentence might benefit from rewording.

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romothesavior
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Re: Addendum For Suspension

Postby romothesavior » Sat Jun 12, 2010 4:04 pm

Some of your word choice is still awkward. That first paragraph sounds especially odd. An addendum isn't a PS... it should be succint and crisp, not flowery and verbose.

Miniver
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Re: Addendum For Suspension

Postby Miniver » Sat Jun 12, 2010 4:05 pm

...
Last edited by Miniver on Wed Jul 07, 2010 4:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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